I haven't been out to a nightclub in 6 weeks...
I haven't had sex in 7 days...
I havent had a drink since last night...
SAVE ME!!!
Monday, April 10, 2006
Sunday, April 09, 2006
Think about it
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets aren't going as ghosts but as mattresses?
If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him...is he still wrong?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
Is there another word for synonym?
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice?"
Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"
What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
Why do they put Braille on the drive-through ugly bank machines?
How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated, but not be able to say it.
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
The older you get, the better you realize you were.
Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
Women like silent men, they think they're listening.
Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
Do paediatricians play miniature golf on Wednesdays?
Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
If God dropped acid, would he see people?
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
If you ate pasta and anti-pasta, would you still be hungry?
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets aren't going as ghosts but as mattresses?
If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him...is he still wrong?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
Is there another word for synonym?
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice?"
Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"
What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
Why do they put Braille on the drive-through ugly bank machines?
How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated, but not be able to say it.
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
The older you get, the better you realize you were.
Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
Women like silent men, they think they're listening.
Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
Do paediatricians play miniature golf on Wednesdays?
Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
If God dropped acid, would he see people?
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
If you ate pasta and anti-pasta, would you still be hungry?
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
Ho Hum
Favorite Dessert: Sara Lee Chocolate Bavarian
Favorite Item of Clothing: Jeans. Always with the jeans. My current favs were too tight about 2 weeks ago but are now classed as snug! YAY for me!
I get frustrated when: one example from work; doing something right, then being told by a senior coworker to do it a different way, and being arse raped by about 6 people for it. And its not like they just tell me off and get on with it. They harp on about it too!
The person/s that know you best: Probably my mate Stu. We discuss EVERYthing
How many best friends do you have: lots. Some from when I lived in vic, some from first year,uni, second year uni, lots from third year uni, a couple from when I graduated but still hung around uni, and a couple from NSW
Lake or the ocean: Where there are less people and a nice blue horizon
Indoor or Outdoor person: I'm the kind of girl who will take an indoor pastime and do it outside, like i'll read a book up a tree
Touch is: This is not my statement but I think its a classic “Okay from people you know and creepy from strangers”
Favorite Number: 3
Dogs or Cats: Both have their merits. I like (almost) all animals
Favorite Meal: Lasagne
Beauty is: nice to look at now, saggy when you're older.
Favorite Flower/s: Candystripe roses. I'm buying my first rose bush soon and its a candystripe. I can't wait. Or african violets.
Favorite Perfume/Aftershave: None. I like the natural smell guys have
Kiss/French kiss: Depends who its from
My life is: one hell of a lot of fun right now!
I miss: having money to spend. And having just been a student that's really saying im broke now!
Describe your Hands: I wear gloves all day, so they're always chafed and dry. But the shape of my hands... kinda wide, but with long fingers for a chick, that are thin but not boney
How are you feeling today: I have a sore back and I'm sick of the shit at work.
Any piercings / tattoos: Yep - one nose ring (purple flower), three sleepers in each ear, one unicorn (Altor) tattoo'd on left shoulder, one pegasus (Indi) on the left.
Do you like your smile: Yes, and so does everyone else
Whats your best feature: My personality. Duh! but pysically, my face. And I've got huge boobs too!
Favorite Item of Clothing: Jeans. Always with the jeans. My current favs were too tight about 2 weeks ago but are now classed as snug! YAY for me!
I get frustrated when: one example from work; doing something right, then being told by a senior coworker to do it a different way, and being arse raped by about 6 people for it. And its not like they just tell me off and get on with it. They harp on about it too!
The person/s that know you best: Probably my mate Stu. We discuss EVERYthing
How many best friends do you have: lots. Some from when I lived in vic, some from first year,uni, second year uni, lots from third year uni, a couple from when I graduated but still hung around uni, and a couple from NSW
Lake or the ocean: Where there are less people and a nice blue horizon
Indoor or Outdoor person: I'm the kind of girl who will take an indoor pastime and do it outside, like i'll read a book up a tree
Touch is: This is not my statement but I think its a classic “Okay from people you know and creepy from strangers”
Favorite Number: 3
Dogs or Cats: Both have their merits. I like (almost) all animals
Favorite Meal: Lasagne
Beauty is: nice to look at now, saggy when you're older.
Favorite Flower/s: Candystripe roses. I'm buying my first rose bush soon and its a candystripe. I can't wait. Or african violets.
Favorite Perfume/Aftershave: None. I like the natural smell guys have
Kiss/French kiss: Depends who its from
My life is: one hell of a lot of fun right now!
I miss: having money to spend. And having just been a student that's really saying im broke now!
Describe your Hands: I wear gloves all day, so they're always chafed and dry. But the shape of my hands... kinda wide, but with long fingers for a chick, that are thin but not boney
How are you feeling today: I have a sore back and I'm sick of the shit at work.
Any piercings / tattoos: Yep - one nose ring (purple flower), three sleepers in each ear, one unicorn (Altor) tattoo'd on left shoulder, one pegasus (Indi) on the left.
Do you like your smile: Yes, and so does everyone else
Whats your best feature: My personality. Duh! but pysically, my face. And I've got huge boobs too!
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
The world is full of weird, weird creepy people
So I have this biiig house all to myself, and this biiig rent too. So I decided to share house again. Just like before. You get your 'normal' garden variety weirdo's, but I think this guy takes the cake...
I'm about to go out on Saturday night. And my phone rings. Mmm. Ok. I'll answer it. Its Creepy man (who I didn't know and named later). He wants to talk to me about the house. But within about three questions he's asking about me. Questions bordering on personal. He starts off asking how old I am. When I ask him how old he is he doesnt answer. I have to ask three times to find out hes 38. Then he wants to know what I look like. Moving on to telling me that he used to have sex with a larger woman... ok. Getting creeped out now. Somewhere in this I tell him about the stress relief. Then he tells me about a chick he used to live with who occasionally walked in the kitchen in the morning and saw him naked with a boner, and used to brush up against it. And he asked if he could walk around in the nud, in the morning, with a boner. Umm... NO!
Change of subject. What do you do for a living type shit. He is in natual remedies. Then he's a masseuse. And he think I'd be a great masseuse too because I have a great personality. Hmmm. He asks twice if I'd think about occasionally massaging his clients. No. I already have a job. But its great money. Too great if you ask me... He's starting to be just a bit sus (yes, I am inclined to give people the benefit of the doubt). Then he asks if he could bring clients home and massage them in his bedroom. Ladies only. I have to ask. And yes. He does the whole body massage. OH. MY.GOD!!! Well hes not bringing work back here.
Then he asks... I feel dirty just repeating it really, and I'm gagging as I write this...
Then he asks if he could have the same relationship with me as I've got with the stress relief. OHGODNOFUCKINGWAY. This whole conversation lasted about 10 minutes.
Needless to say, the creepy man will not be moving in.
I'm about to go out on Saturday night. And my phone rings. Mmm. Ok. I'll answer it. Its Creepy man (who I didn't know and named later). He wants to talk to me about the house. But within about three questions he's asking about me. Questions bordering on personal. He starts off asking how old I am. When I ask him how old he is he doesnt answer. I have to ask three times to find out hes 38. Then he wants to know what I look like. Moving on to telling me that he used to have sex with a larger woman... ok. Getting creeped out now. Somewhere in this I tell him about the stress relief. Then he tells me about a chick he used to live with who occasionally walked in the kitchen in the morning and saw him naked with a boner, and used to brush up against it. And he asked if he could walk around in the nud, in the morning, with a boner. Umm... NO!
Change of subject. What do you do for a living type shit. He is in natual remedies. Then he's a masseuse. And he think I'd be a great masseuse too because I have a great personality. Hmmm. He asks twice if I'd think about occasionally massaging his clients. No. I already have a job. But its great money. Too great if you ask me... He's starting to be just a bit sus (yes, I am inclined to give people the benefit of the doubt). Then he asks if he could bring clients home and massage them in his bedroom. Ladies only. I have to ask. And yes. He does the whole body massage. OH. MY.GOD!!! Well hes not bringing work back here.
Then he asks... I feel dirty just repeating it really, and I'm gagging as I write this...
Then he asks if he could have the same relationship with me as I've got with the stress relief. OHGODNOFUCKINGWAY. This whole conversation lasted about 10 minutes.
Needless to say, the creepy man will not be moving in.
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