Wednesday, January 31, 2007

A day with the girls.

So I was having one of those 'will I or won't I blog it' moments yesterday. And I hadn't decided.

I sat down to blog at about 5:30. Still undecided. When I got a call from a very old, very gay friend from high school. Normal conversation took a very strange turn when he asked me to dinner. Turns out he was in Sydney. So I put on some shoes and sprayed myself liberally with deoderant, because I stunk and I hadn't had a shower yet, and headed for the door.

Note to self: on hot days. Wait for the air conditioned trains. Its worth it.

The train was so hot it sounded like pop rocks were going crazy on the roof. ICK. At least it wasn't that crowded. Going into the city in peak hour means you don't get sardine trains.

So we met up outside Circualr Quay. And we went down and conversed sitting down by the water, looking at the opera house. And I was told that his ex, who he had remained good mates with, had told him "I'll keep him [new boytoy] for the sex, and you for the red carpet appearances". Hi-larious. Especially to the random guy walking past.

And then we had dinner. At pancakes on the rocks. He's diabetic. Didn't think that through too well. And then wandered back towards the train. Taking some time out to sit on the point between the bridge and the house. Buggered if I know what its called. And as I was talking about the New Year fireworks, at the entrance to Sydney Harbour a cruise ship was coming in, welcomed by fireworks. I told Kez he should bloody appreciate all the oral favours I had to perform to get them for him.

And at about 9:30 we decided to catch the train, he going north, me going west. I didnt get home til about 10:30, and didnt even look at the back of my eyelids til about 11:45.

The perfect friend date.

I'm dead tired today and am ready for bed now. I need to be refreshed for tomorrow night. Will be very big and blogworthy. When I get up to posting it.

Sunday, January 28, 2007

The ovarian triple whammy!

The OTW consists of the following things. Three things. Three because its a triple
  1. Hoarding

  2. Brokeness

  3. Impulse buying

Some of the impulse buys I've made in the last few months include

Cocktails anyone?

Just because hammocks are so friggin awesome

The most comfortable chair in the loungeroom.

Of which the cats totally agree and have turned it into their new most comfy bed!

I went out to buy Greys Anatomy (so I could actually have an excuse to stay inside by myself on such a lovely sunday arvo, and also so I had an excuse to go out and do something!). And I ended up buying THIS. And four underwear sets. But I ain't putting up photos of them.

My BIG bag. If you get caught in the rain it doubles as an umbrella. And if you get stuck out in the bush it also turns into quite a snug three man tent!

Saturday, January 27, 2007

Debt consolidation

Yep. Its something I never thought I would have to do. But my credit cards are pissing me off to the MAX! So I'm going to put my car loan, both cards, computer repayments and upcoming car insurance in one scary loan.

And then fuck off one of my credit acrds and cut the limit on the remaining one to $1000 (maybe less) for emergencies ONLY!

But it won't be all that much a jump in my current loan repayments.

And to top it off I have to get my salary packaging in next week too. Oh funness. :(

I always shit myself when it comes to figuring out finances. Don't get me wrong. I'm fucking organised (making spreadsheets etc) and love playing with numbers, but some of those numbers are pretty darn big. And I want small numbers.

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Reflections and crap.

New Year is quietly optimistic, like the faint stirrings of a sea kissed breeze on a hot, dry day. Or the magic of buds appearing on trees bemounded with snow.
The song says 'nothing changes on New Years Day' and I beleive that. Nothing changes without from us. All the changes are within. And that is why it is such a special day. It inspires rebellion in the opressed, and calm in the angry.

And it inspired the following two conversations...

But first, some backstory. Mancandy was working in my department again today. And as usual it was a quick outline of what was going on today and then personal chat started. He had recently had a birthday (seemingly random fact now but very important for later). The usual way that we work together is that I handle the animals (because its easier, faster and less stressful for all involved). But today we got to discussing him doing it by himself. He told me he enjoys my company, but eventually he would have to do it himself. I made a point of thanking him, and let our discussion slide along (Note to Self: If the perfect chance to ask the guy of my dreams out comes along and slaps me in the face, DON'T JUST THANK HIM FOR IT) I let him do the animal handling bit, and helped out (read: stood there and perved). Then just as he was about to go he saw some records in the room and commented 'hey, these animals were mated on my birthday', to which I replied 'yeah, someone had to get some'. And we laughed and that was it.

But I had to wonder how I came off. I probably came off as a eensy bit of a bitch.

Conversation #1

Phishez: Agnes, I need a pep talk
Agnes: Whats wrong?
P: I got told, by a really hot guy, that I really like, that he really enjoys my company.
A: Thats great. So..., Why do you need a pep talk?
P: I let it go! He said that and I let it go! I want to ring him and ask him out
A: So do it.
P: But I don't wanna.
A: So text him
P: I dont have his number
A: you're gonna have to call him
P: I know, but I dont wanna
A: Doitdoitdoit
P: What if he says no!
A: Why would he say no if he told you he likes you?
P: I dunno.
A: Does it matter if he says no?
P: No
A: So why dont you want to ask him?
P: I've never done this before.
A: So you've gotta learn
P: But I dont wannaaahh.
A: Doitdoitdoit

Conversation #2
Phone rings
Phishez: Please dont answer the phone. Pleasepleaseplease
Mancandy: Hello, mancandy speaking
P: How are you
M: fine fine, you?
P: Good. I was just wondering if you still had my mobile number?
M: yeah, I'm pretty sure I still have it
P: Good. If you wanted to call me and catch up sometime, that might be nice (FFS! Who in the hisotry of EVER says 'that might be nice' when asking someone out? Bridget Jones, thats who. And me. And nobody else!)
M: yeah! Ok, brilliant! (brilliant is something he always says)
P: Thanks. Ok, well I have to go back to work now, so we'll talk later ok?
M: Yeah, yeah sure.

And thats my story of today.

Monday, January 22, 2007


Not much to tell at the moment. I've had five (count em, FIVE) days off work and I feel fantastic right now.
Thursday three of us went to see the persuit of happyness in gold class. I never want to see a movie in a normal cinema again. Because I have no particular reason to wear my new awesome dress, I arbitrarily decided that we should all dress up and go classy. So we met up after everyone else had finished work. Agnes wanted to get her hair cut. So while she was getting that done I picked up some magazines*, paid off a layby**, and bought some scratchies. Then we went for coffee and talked about guys, and work, and jobhunting (me, not her).
It was the first time in Gold Class for each of us. And it was fantastic. The gold class lounge reeked of money. Even though we had gotten in on vouchers. But we felt special just sitting in there deciding on our menu and when our food should arrive. And when we got in there... fuck me, you could park a baby rhino in one of those seats and it would still have room to wriggle. We kicked off our shoes and laid back in the most squishy chair I've ever sat in. If it had been a boring movie I would have gone to sleep. And if they hadn't bought us food.

Friday was my housemates 21st bday party. It was pretty big and heaps of fun. Up until about 11:30 when I got bitten by the 'I need some time to myself RIGHT NOW' bug. it happens. Thankfully the partay was held at home so I could go hide in my room with the kitties for a bit. And when I surfaced one of the main party animals had burnt out. And vomited. Over the balcony. So we got him to a more appropriate place for him to let it all out. And we sent him home.

Yesterday I saw dreamgirls. Good movie. You can imagine how it would be on stage. And Oh My God, Jennifer Hudson has such a big mouth. But I guess she needs it to let out such a big and beautiful voice. Absolutely amazing.

And today I'm going to see the Holiday again.

*Thanks Cosmo. I might feel like a bloated ugly whale after Christmas, but you've done something about it and given me two measly weeks membership at the gym.
** Another dress. Its fantastic. I saw it on Sunday and was going to wait to get it, but the last time I did that the item sold out. Lucky me, when I picked it up four days later all the dresses had GONE.

Thursday, January 18, 2007

I'm a hoarder

Its official. I'm a fucking hoarder.

Out of interest I opened my top bedside drawer today. Its where I store my crap. The stuff that... I never want to see again. Its stuff that I forget about. Deliberately.

In this drawer I found
  • My first ever glasses case, complete with my first ever glasses lenses. Which were shattered. Bin fodder.
  • About three bottles of perfume that I had since high school, that make me sneeze and smell like spicy cat piss. Bin fodder.
  • A thingamabob that looks like a sex toy, it sounds like a sex toy, and it moves like a sex toy. But tis not a sex toy, its a facial thingy. I can think of better things to stick batteries in. But I'll keep it cuz it feels nice. On my face.
  • Three bars of soap. I don't use soap. But they can go in the bathroom.
  • About three packets of makeup remover pads. They have a use. Along with the anti bacterial wipes.
  • A container of push pins. WTF! When have I EVER used push pins?!?
  • My favourite wallet from high school. That broke when I was in high school.
  • A freaking huge purse. Pretty, unused, so not me.
  • And apparently all of the spare buttons that have ever come with any item of clothing I've ever bought.

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Ramblings - Other Stuff


River river, on the wall
How beautiful thou dost fall
Thine smile and thine grace
Fit nicely into anyplace.


Last night I dreamed
A dream twisted and odd
Smiles and laughter
Fear and hate
All in one
Not there at all
Me, by myself
Alone and drowning
I can’t be saved


Little puppy
Innocent and free
Happy and playful
Loving and cute
Grown dog
Tired and caged
Dangerous and mean
Biting and killing
Soon to be dead
Sweet little puppy
What has happened to you?

Clear As Death

My death lies in a clear liquid
You can’t see it
But its there
You can’t taste it
But I can
My life
Is no comparison to this liquid.
It hurts all
Taste and see
I hope it’s not you death too
It’s so ugly

This dark amber liquid
Has a hold on my heart
Entwined with my soul
One with my mind
It is me
I am it
I love it
And hate it
All at once

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Old Faithful

This is 'old faithful'. Everybody has one of these. Unfortunately of late she has been more 'old' than 'faithful'.

Yes peoples, you read right. My bras are girls. Mostly because they're comfortable and supportive, and they're always there for you. Its why they exist. Old faithful was the first ever non-white bra I owned. She (and her long deceased identical twin) were so comfortable, and I was wearing one of them the night I lost my virginity.

She's been in retirement lately. Enjoying the quiet life at the bottom of my bra drawer. Occasionally coming out for some quality time together while I did my washing. But her time is growing short. Bras are supposed to be supportive and pretty, and not let random bits of nipple poke through whenever they feel like it. Old Faithful has done none of that of late. Not since she broke one of her wires and had it removed. And I have outgrown her. In reverse.

Weight loss is a bitch when it comes to parting with clothes.

In rememberance of 'Old Faithful' I choose to go bra shopping. I think she'd understand. Its a girl thing.

Monday, January 15, 2007

Well rounded redhead seeks...

I'd like to place a do not disturb sign on my soul. I'd put it on my heart but I seem to have misplaced it.

If anybody has a spare heart to lend me please let me know via the comments section. Its has to be compatible with my soul and my smile. It has to be able to take large doses of betrayal, abuse, death and deception. It has to be able to deal with doubt and uncertainty on a daily basis. And it must be able to deal with all of the above without the support of an accompanying heart.

Broken hearts accepted. It would feel too damn strange to have an unbroken one. Though I'm pretty sure it wouldn't take long to get to the accepted state.

No wonder my heart has gone AWOL. I hope its happy and appreciated wherever it is.

And I hope it has an easier time of it.

Saturday, January 13, 2007

You you

Its the anti meme. Dirk came up with this one. And I had to steal it. You know, just to applaud his true genius.

Everybody who reads here (i.e. you) comments and supplies their age, sex, location and a fun fact. I have enabled anon comments. So if you do that, drop in a name for yourself too.

"Lynchburg, Ohio" and "Ottowa, Ontario" I'm talking to you TOO!

I'll go first

Age: 23
Sex: Female
Location: Parramatta (Syndey), NSW, OZ
Fun Fact: I always put my left shoe on first.

Friday, January 12, 2007

Ramblings - Love


Your smile is beautiful
Wholesome and warm
Your eyes are beautiful
Clear and trustworthy
You are beautiful
Much loved and popular
You are poison
Killing my soul
Fuck of and leave me alone

Eyes glazed
Blank but staring
He knows
Doesn’t register
He’s stoned again
God it hurts ­

He could be so much
He is my everything
My all
My nothing
There’s nothing


Such a long time
Almost as long
As a second
Without you

Useless Wishes

Useless wishes
I sometimes think
That’s all I am
Hoping and waiting
For love, like, care
Always waiting
Useless and wishing


You kept me awake last night
Running through my mind
You and your shadow
And I watched
For it was all I could do


Have you ever wanted that which you cannot have?
Its so close, I could reach out and touch it
But to do so could so easily make it move away
So near but so far

Sunday, January 07, 2007

'Ramblings of a broken mind'

I write. Its what I do. I've always done it. Mostly when I'm feeling really down. Sometimes when I'm bored. Most of my stuff gets kept. I went through my writing (a file aptly named 'Ramblings of a broken mind'). Here is a selection of the not-quite-so-depressing stuff. Enjoy.


Find some peace
Walk through a war zone
Smile at the sun
So shiny and bright
Feel the wind
Tugging at your hair
And be free


And here I am
Deprived of human contact
Surrounded by a crowd
Totally alone


If wishes were horses
I’d ride to the sky
Leave them there
Grazing on the clouds
Happy and free

Wishes II

If wishes were horses
I’d walk everywhere
See the sunrise from your smile
Feel my heartbreak
From you words


Ramblings of A Broken Mind

Do you have the time
To listen to my heart
Its tired and old
You’ll need all of your patience
And a little caring
Don’t be daunted
I just need some help
I need to talk
Need you to listen
To the rambling
Of my broken mind
And the sorrow
Of my broken heart

I can feel the blood
Pumping through my veins
So alive,
Yet so close to death.
We all die in the end.

I like my freedom,
I like my space.
When I’m with me,
I am just that.
No expectations,
No disappointments,
Just me.

Saturday, January 06, 2007

My Broken Gina

Its time for me to admit it. I’ve got a broken gina. I don’t know how or when I did it. But I somehow have come into possession of the only gina in the world no guy wants to touch. Not even that. I own the only gina that no guy could be persuaded to touch. Evah.

It was never widely used. Which is how I think a gina should be. And when in use it wasn’t used all that much. It was always well maintained and kept clean.

But recently certain things have come to light. Mostly by an unnamed player who everyone who reads knows. There were certain things that I never got while I was doing our casual thing. Mostly about when he’d stand me up. For no strings attached sex. A player not wanting sex. Gotta be something wrong. And I’ve come to the conclusion that its me. Or, well, my gina. Maybe his complete disinterst in maintaining even a friendship is because he doesn't want to be reminded that he touched it.

My fat, ugly, figuratively rusty gina.

I’ve had plenty of guys who want more from me. But when it comes to attaining it they always back out. No matter how I play it. So there must be something about me that screams "DONT TOUCH THE GINA".

Then again maybe it is me. Maybe I'm so fucked up and maladjusted that as soon as anybody gets to know me they back the fuck off. I'm like the person you see mumbling to themselves, wandering down the street, waving their arms around and only wearing one shoe. On the outside I'm normal, flirty fun but slightly odd enough to be interesting me. So they only see it when they get to know me.

The hottest dress in the history of the fat person.

I hate dresses. Especially on larger people. I'm sorry to say it, but they dont break up your figure or accentuate any one part of your body without over accentuating another part. And I hate stripes. Repetetive patterns on ANYBODY don't look that good.

Until this dress.

Its so good for the following reasons

  • It shows your cleavage (if I wasn't sans bra) and actually makes whats covered look bigger by the stripes going outwards.
  • It decentuates the stomach by the stripes going in
  • It decentuates the hips but at the same time makes them look curvier (even though the dress actually goes straight down) by the two degrees of inward slopping stripes.
  • The middle panel goes straight down, so you're not focusing on where the inward stripes go.
  • And the way the dress actually moves when its on, the stripes blur any lumpy, bumpy bits. Its actually a bit small for me. Its clinging to the excess curves, but you can't see it becuase of that.

But quite apart from that its HAWT!

Friday, January 05, 2007

"There are bugs in my room!"

Picture this. I'm asleep, as happens at night. Its the Thursday after New Years and I still haven't really caught up on my sleep. So I'm freaking well out of it. Almost (but not quite) to the drool stage.

All of a sudden I wake up. And I can see all of these things moving about above my bed. Completely oblivious to the fact that I can only see them moving in the light. The light shing in from the laundry. Which was off when I went to bed.

Fucking! My room is FULL of fucking mozzies. The nex thing I know (cuz I literally don't remember getting out of bed) I'm standing in front of the laundry door and my housemate is staring at me. I was just standing there looking at her. With the most blank 'the lights aren't on and there's nobody home' look on my face.

She asks me whats going on.

I mumble 'myrmfllbgs'.

Confused look.

'There are bugs in my room. My room is full of bugs'




'I'm goin back to bed.'

Turns out there were no bugs in my room. I have floaters in my eyes, and in the shaft of light that was coming through the cap in my door, it was all I could see.

My housemate thinks she lives with a crazy person.

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Vanilla Sex

I got to thinking today. I know. Its a bad thing for me to do. Especially when I've had a day like I did today.

If sex was a flavour, what would you be and why? I'm going with icecream flavours for ease.

I don't think I'd be vanilla sex. I never had the propensity for vanilla sex. Even when I was a virgin. Although vanilla sex can be mixed with almost any other kind of sex with great results.

I don't think I'd be strawberry sex either. Strawberry sex is everyday, mundane. Thats not me.

Chocolate sex, possibly. Aside from the obvious anal connotations. Chocolate sex is slightly risque. But not really experimentationally inclined. Not routine, but close to it.

Rum and Raisin sex. Definitely not. For me this invokes very adult and very dark, nasty NAASTY fucking. Full leather face masks and fisting type stuff. The kind of thing you see in german pornos. More for show than for pleasure.

Peppermint (maybe with chocolate chips). Hmm. Close. Its refreshing and slightly surprising whenever you have it. But its not something you would have everyday, because it would get boring. And chocolate chips can feel kinda funky in your mouth.

Mango. Very exotic. I wish it were true, but its not me. To me this one means beaches, and tans. Very smooth and sweet.

Boysenbery. Very much my favourite icecream flavour. But as far as sex goes. Way to innocent. We're talking calico pinafores and twin pigtails innocent.

Lemon Sorbet. (drool). Similar to peppermint, but a bit crisper, more easygoing. and a bit more open minded. And just as much not quite me.

Rocky Road. Bingo. We have a winner. This one is full of surpirises. You don't know if your going to get soft marshmallow, crunchy nuts, or sweet sweet cherries in your next mouthful. Or just end up with none of these and have just chocolate... for now. But you know that whatever you get, it will be fun.

Sexual frustration anybody?

Monday, January 01, 2007

NYE 2007

I could blog so much about last night. But I choose not to. Suffice to say it was the best New Years I have ever had. It was perfect. Sydney really knows how to put on a show. The atmosphere was absolutely amazing. I have never been prouder to be an Aussie in my entire life. The drunkest of the drunks were happy. I didn't see anybody who was agressive or unhappy. It was peaceful. It was a real celebration. And everybody took the crowds and the sardine trains really well. Trying to cram about 6000 onto the train back into the city after the fireworks, it would have taken just one person to turn it into pandemonium. But it all went really smoothly. Full congratulations to the guys behind the show. It must have been so stressful to get it to run so well. But it was fantastic. My legs still ache. I'd do it all again. And not change a thing.

I, myself, had very little to drink. And we staggered home at 5:30 am. As people were leaving to go to work.

I'd like to thank 2007 in advance. You've gotta be better than your predecessor. 2006 can KISS MY BIG FAT ARSE! I'll even grow a nice big zit for it to suck on when its down there.

"This is to all the beautiful ladies for 2007! For the men who are fortunate enough to have us, the losers who have had us and lost us, and the lucky bastards who we've still to meet!"

And Sydney still loves its bridge.