Wednesday, January 28, 2009


I've changed the name of my blog. Its no longer what it was. I fall over too much. And I did it again today. But it must have been hilarious. I mean, to watch, not to experience.

I was bored. I had nothing to do for a total of about 3 minutes. So I decided to run up and down the halls. Now, I should point out that I thought this was a great core workout. Especially since my shoes are wrapped in two layers of plastic at the time. No traction means that I have to work extra hard to stay upright.

Um. I didn't think that one through. I have enough trouble staying upright. Sober. In flats. In hindsight, I was destined to stack it.

So I'm running up the hallway. Flat out. And I approach the end, and decide to stop. I slam on the metaphorical brakes. Slowing, slowing. Stopped.

I transferred my weight onto my leading foot, ready to step into a walk. Turns out I wasn't really stopped, I was merely halted by the plastic wrapped around my foot. And as I transferred the weight forward, the plastic broke.

My foot slid straight through the overshoe, and straight under the trolley I had 'stopped' in front of. I went down on one knee, with my leading shin smacking into the trolley, sending it careering into the wall. A god almighty crash echoed down the hallway.

I leapt up. There were people working in each room at that end of the hallway. How could they have not heard it? I replaced my broken overshoe, and nonchelantly left the scene.

Am I retarded if no one saw it?

Monday, January 26, 2009

Strange, much?

I have weird dreams. I've blogged them before. But I have recently made a discovery.

I'm not sure how I missed blogging this, since it was funny as, but a few months ago, just after I started my new job, I had a dream that I was looking for something in bag, on the train. I kept pulling out these items, examining them, deciding they weren't what I wanted, and throwing them away.

Well, I pulled out this item that felt like my boot. I remember how it felt, but not how it looked. I threw it away, thinking 'that's not right'. And I must have gone back to sleep.

In the morning when I woke up, there were shoes all over my floor! I have a habit of keeping oft worn footwear under my bed, and during my dream, I must have been rummaging around under my bed, dragging them out and throwing them around the room. It must have looked funny as.

Anyway, the other night, I had this very strange experience. After going to bed I realised I had something that I needed to talk to my roomie out. Urgently. I vaguely remember standing in her doorway, trying to ask her a question. She looked at me, seeming very confused. I trailed off. I tried to reword the question so she'd understand. I couldn't get the words out. I told her I was confused, and that I was going back to bed.

I spoke to her yesterday, and asked what happened. Turns out I sleep walk.

I have to wear pyjamas for the rest of my life!

Saturday, January 24, 2009

How to irritate maximum people.

Peak hour. Almost 40 degrees C. Packed train. I'm sitting with one of my workmates and his girlfriend. They're discussing which house they want to buy and I tune out and begin to play lemmings on my phone. A few minutes pass, I'm just beginning to get into that level, when a stench hit my nose.

Its eye watering and nose burning. It closes my throat and shreds at my lungs. It not the standard train smell of recycled BO. Its the smell of an electrical fire. It started small. Just a hint. I snap my phone shut and ask my mate if he smells that. He pauses and admits that he does. I thought it was outside, but its getting worse. Its inside the carriage. My train smells like an electrical fire. People begin to leave the carriage and move to the next one. Some people loiter in the end bit, where we were sitting, and complain.

I get up and press the emergency call button next to the door. I wait. Press it again. 30 seconds pass. I fumble for my phone to call 000 (the Aus emergency number), when the guard answers the speaker. I tell him our carriage smells like smoke. Its pretty bad. He tells me they'll investigate at the next stop, about 10 minutes away. I return to my seat, the smell is beginning to clear, but it still lingers in the air. Everyone is standing around, looking at me. I relay the message to them.

The train stops instead at the next station. We sit there a while. They open the doors (Fresh air, yay) and the guard comes down. He evacuates the carriage and seals it off, so that no one will try to get on at the next station. We all moved to the next carriage along. IT was strange. Most of the time people do not talk to each other on trains, but once shit happened, we were interacting with each other, and introducing ourselves, asking about work etc.

We go to the next big station, where peak hour trains stop regularly, and the train stops again. We figure they need to seal off the doors on the other side of the train. This time one of the guards on the platform is insisting the driver open the doors. The doors open, more fresh air. This time the driver insists we evacuate the train. Everybody to platform 4.

Going up the stairs with what felt like a few thousand other people, and my mate comments that this is all my fault. I get the giggles. I love making an impact. His girlfriend makes a comment about the 'I never' game. "I've never emptied a whole peak hour train." We file up the stairs, over the tracks, and back down the stairs to the platform. We're standing six deep, my back is to the stairs and people are lined as far forward as they can go. The platforms is chockers. Almost overflowing. The first train along isn't going anywhere near where we want to go. As it pulls in, the looks on the faces of its occupants was incredible.

Shock, horror. Seriously, stop reading for half a second and imagine it. Hilarity. I cracked up laughing again at them. The train was packed. Epically full. Have you seen the pictures of the guys in Japan who are employed to push people onto the trains to make them fit? It was like that. I skipped that train. About half of my peak hour train squeezed onto that peak hour train, electing to switch trains further down the line. Everybody else waited.

Immediately after it left, we were told there was a train going out our way. Departing in 2 minutes from the platform we had just left. Again, everybody trudges up the stairs and back down. Some poor guard was copping it from some woman about the whole kerfuffle.

So we crammed onto the train. It seemed most people wanted to get directly onto the carriage at the bottom of the stairs. It was jam packed full of people.

And that's how I evacuated a whole train. What an exciting start to the weekend!

Monday, January 19, 2009


It has been confirmed. Someone from work is reading me. I don't know who. It is quite the mystery. But they're trawling my archives. Seriously, don't you have work to do? Um. Yeah. If you could just let me know who you are, that would be nice.

Ayway. Apart from that its business as usual. The post I pulled was about a friend of mine at work. No biggie. I'm still going to post as per usual. I just may remove some posts about public vomiting. BRB. Actually, it was quite a funny post. I'll leave it up.

Part of the last post was about me needing another round of root canal.

So I had to leave work early today. I had to get root canal. Again. I was in agony. I was literally hanging out for that giant needle. It was a relief when I got it. It proceeded normally, I guess. It was much less painful than last time, but my dentist (who is an angel, and worked her lunch break to help me out) said there was a fair bit of blood, so it might take a while to settle. Tonight will tell. But nothing could be as bad as last night. I was literally writhing and screaming in agony. Poor cat. She kept trying to comfort me and kept getting slapped off the bed. Must give her cuddles tonight to make up for it.

Anyhoo, as I was trying to make a claim from my health fund something very strange happened. My 'no limit' preventative dental, got declined... because I had gone over my limit. Humm. Ok. I spent just under an hour on the phone trying to get them to tell me where exactly it was written that I had a limit. They were not able to produce this evidence. Then half an hour on the phone to the ombudsman. And then half an hour writing a letter of complaint. Which they will fax off to the health fund.


Saturday, January 17, 2009

I've just pulled a post. It may go up in a few days. I need to find out my work ISP first. I suspect someone's found me...


I'm confused.

About a week ago I got asked to a music festival by the guy who inspired this. Oh hell yes! Excitement much? Well, I checked out the site for the festival. And saw the ticket price. Outside of my price range. I email boy to tell him, and suggest movies as a cheaper alternative.

The next day I get a response. He ignored the request for a movie, and reiterated the music festival. I investigated further and thought a little bit. Yeah, I guessed I could do it. I checked out the site, no tickets available. I tell boy and he laments. Heaps of people going, going to be stacks of fun, he wants me to go etc, etc. More tickets have gone on sale, but I really can't go. Can someone offer an explanation? Why would he be so keen to hang out, but not want to go to a movie?

I need root canal. Again. And I'm confused about that too. I thought it was the tooth that had previously been done. And I'd lose it. Should I be excited about getting to keep my tooth, or disappointed that I will be forking out a buttload of money to keep another?

*sigh* The painkillers are addling my brain.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009


Well. Its crazy. Life has it in for me, I swear to gawd!

I'm broke. Broke, broke, broke. Not quite destitute, but I won't be clothes shopping for a few weeks. And I got a letter in the mail today. A few months ago my health insurance company merged with another, and I got a pay out. Yay for free money. Well, it wasn't really free. I had to give it to them first...

Anyhoo. I got a letter in the mail today. It seems I wasn't paid quite enough last time. Woot! More free money. I flip to the statement to read just how much I get and I see...


Anti climatic much?

Sunday, January 11, 2009


Well, as much as I think men are fucked, I still cannot get over the glory of the cock. *sigh*

I don't truly beleive the rant that was last post. I know of one or two truly decent guys. Very, very few, considering how many I know. Everyone has issues. Mine are many. Trust is a big one of them. I don't know if I'll ever really be able to trust a guy. And that makes me angry. Hence - the rant.

Moving on.

I went to a hens night last night. The 'hen' was my best mates sister. She'd originally planned a big, wild hens night, but changed it, piece by piece, to suit her friends, until it disintegrated. She canceled the night, but her sister decided to throw her a party anyway, and invite all of her own friends.

I was drafted to help set up the party. I had an hour at home after work, had a light lunch, and headed out the door.

When I arrived there were three others there - my friend, the hen, and my friends roomie (a guy). We cleaned and set up for the party - prepped nibblies, arranged drinks and iced the 'triple dick delight'. Each of us girls got to decorate a cock cake. Guess which one was mine? (Kez, no cheating)

We had it all set up, when my friends other friends arrived. I had only met them once. Her roomie had met some of them once, the hen had never met them. They breezed in, went straight outside and started smoking and chatting amongst themselves. They'd come in occasionally to mix more cocktails. A few of them disappeared into my friends room, and when they left it had a lovely, herbal scent to it.

The hen disappeared to get ready to go out. The roomie and myself prepped food, mixed drinks, and wandered around aimlessly in between. I'd go outside to talk to the group, but several times ended up with people standing in front of me to talk to someone at the other end of the circle. I gave up and headed back inside to pick at the food.

The food was distinctly not diet. Party pies, yum cha, cheese board, ships and cocktail frankfurts. And a bowl of chocolate. I had been picking the chocolate whilst filling the giant penis pinata. But I felt sick by this stage and did nothing but push the chocolate around in the bowl. I'd go find the hen and chat to her, or wonder if I could go watch telly with the roomie. I didn't think I was going to the pub afterwards. Partly because I felt sick, partly because I didn't like their chosen venue (the guys there make my skin crawl), but mostly because I felt so out of place with her other friends. They were all 10 or more years older than me, drunk, stoned and really clicky with each other.

I had offered to drive them to the pub, and I was hanging out until they decided to go. About 8 I was out there talking to them, when I ended up in a corner. Well, I say talking to them, but the reality is that I was standing there, while they talked. Several of them were smoking and waving said cigarettes around. I tried to tolerate it, but it was becoming more than uncomfortable to me. I ended up waving the cigarette smoke away. The guy got really defensive and I began to walk inside again. As I stepped through the threshold he yelled after me, 'Fucking non smokers. Really ruin a party.'

I muttered to myself 'May as well go home'. As soon as those words had left my mouth I knew that was the best option for me. I put my glass down, said good bye to the roomie and the hen. Walked to the door, put my shoes on, yelled goodbye to my friend, and walked.

I was feeling quite green around the gills by the time I got home. My stomach was rejecting the quality of food that I'd been eating. It wasn't until I got rid of the last cocktail frank (all four of them!) that my stomach began to settle.

And then I watched an episode of NCIS and went to bed. What a riveting night.

Monday, January 05, 2009

Men are FUCKED!

Jeez, what a happy new year I'm having. I am so over men. I have long been disgusted with men, seeing their seedy side quite regularly. But

On Saturday I met a tranny. She was lovely. But she made me sick to my stomach. Not because of what she was, but because she gets more straight guys than I do. She'd take them home, have a little play, get them hard, and off the skirt would come... to reveal Mr Bajinko. And most of the time, simply because they're hard, and she's a warm, willing, lubricated hole, they'll go for it.

Men are seriously fucked. I have enough trust issues as it is. How the hell am I supposed to get past this? I don't want to waste my time with a sleazy fucker. But how is that possible when they're all sleazy fuckers? Is there any point to even wanting one? Can I turn into a lesbian now?

I'm so over this shit.

Sunday, January 04, 2009

Happy Belated New Year

So the new year is upon us. Typically a time for reflection and aspirations. And I'm not going to be one to miss out on that.

The year started on a low. An utter low. I hated my job and my depression was spiralling out of control because of it. My supervisor was a complete cunt. I cut myself off from my freinds and family. Sat at home and hated on myself. Yeah, I'd call it a low point.

And then I got a new job! A light at the end of the tunnel. Only the new job didn't start for 2 months. It was a very long tunnel. I got demoted the day before I got the offer. I was ready to go to HR when I got the call. I sort of wish I had. He's still being a cunt to the GalPal, only the sweetest, nicest girl in the world. But two months of hell, and I was free! Leaving that place was the best thing I'd ever done for myself.

The new job was great. It didn't have an auspicious start, what with throwing up repeatedly on the first day. Took a while to settle in and for my moods to regulate themselves. But I'm ok now.

Weight loss was a big thing for me. I gave up dancing and sex for it. I managed to shed 10kg. Some days that's good, some days its not good enough. I wanted to lose 15 kg. Today, 10 kg is good.

I met two bloggers. Both of whom I adore to peices. I aimed to meet a few others, but that never ended up happening.

I went to two concerts. Michael Buble and Matchbox 20. Loved them both, but not as cool as the Snow Patrol one.

Had dinner with my dad and siblings in September. It was damn expensive. The whole weekend cost me $500. I don't think I would have done that since maybe Christmas of 2001.

The year ended ok. I wanted to go to the city to watch the fireworks. But I pulled up injured and grumpy as fuck, so that idea went out the window. I vowed to stay home and be grumpy. Went out to watch the local fireworks. Then ended up at the pub with some of the girls from findafuck.

I had some rediculous allergic reaction, and HALF of my bottom lip swelled. It looked like I had the whole of Angelina's pout in half of my bottom lip. I'd spent half the night biting on my lip to keep it from spilling out and looking hideous. As I left the hothot bouncer started trying to tlak to me, but I was so self concious of my epically swollen lip, that I pretty much just ran past him. Damn.

The next day it was still swollen, and majorly bruised. Note to self: No chewing on numb lips. I can't feel if I'm damaging it.

Clearly, I want to lose more weight. That's number one priority.

I want to have more sex.

I want to manage to fit in gym time, sex, dancing, friends and me time.

I want to be the best I can be at my job.

Did I mention I want more sex? That includes a threesome.