Saturday, April 29, 2006

Its a picture!

Gav recently posted about an old crusty dude dressing up as a doc and going door-to-door 'examining' womens breasts. This story made me think of this pic...

Friday, April 28, 2006

The longest MeMe in THE UNIVERSE!!! #1

The number before 1. What is your full name? Phishez J Rule. Not really but im not putting my freaking name on the blogosphere

1. Nicknames? Phish, Steph, Stephocles, Stephanality, Stephski, Insane One

2. B-day: 28/07/1983

3. Age: 22

4. Sex: I wish

5. Social Security: Insert credit card # here

6. Where do you live: In a house in Sydney

7. What school do you attend?: I remember the days of studying... no, wait... no I don't

8. Siblings and their ages? Brad 27 (I think), Jana 24

9. Pets: Are life. Currently with 2 kitties, and 3 crabs. And looking at getting a dog from work

10. Zodiac Sign: Leo

11. Righty or Lefty: Righty

*********YOUR LOOKS*********
12. Hair color: "real fake" red

13. Eye color: currently appears moss green, but actually hazel

14. Height: 165cm

15. Do u wear contacts or glasses? : Its more fun to poke myself in the eye when its beneficial

16. Do you have any piercings?: Nose, and three in each ear

17. You want more?: yes. but not where they can be seen

18. Do you have a tattoo?: A tattoo, no. I have two

19. If so what and where, if not where would you get it?: Unicorn (Altor) on left soulderblade, pegasus, (Indi) on right

20. Do you wear any rings?: when I'm not working. Kinda pointless wearing rings under gloves, and its an OHS wearing jewellery around animals

21. Do you have a certain fashion you follow?: I like red.

22. How are you today?: Kinda bloaty.

23. What pants are you wearing right now?: Jeans

25. What shirt are you wearing right now?: My hall Jersey from College

26. What underwear are you wearing right now?: You're supposed to wear underwear?

27. What does your hair look like at the moment? Frizzy

28. What song are u listening to right now?: Garth Brooks - Shes every woman

29. What was the last thing u ate ?: nachos = bloaty

30. How is the weather right now?: Dark. Nighttime

31. Last person you talked to on the phone: Kylie

2. Last Dream you can remember : I don't think I've had any dreams of interest of late. I can vaguely remember one about SR not that long ago.

33. Who are you talking to right now?: The voices

34. What time is it?: 8:12:PM

************More about YOU!*****************
Holy shit! What else do you want to bloody know!

35. What are the last four digits of your phone number?:2283

36. If u were a crayon, what color would u want to be? I don’t want to be a crayon. I want to be paint

37. Do u like the person who sent this to you? Nope. I love him to BITS

39. How do you eat an Oreo? I like to lick

40. What makes you happy? Chocolate, animals, sex. though not all at once. that would be kinda disturbing

41. What the next c.d you plan to buy? Matchbox20 or Ron Thomas. I don't usually buy CDS

42. What religion/denomination are you? Catholic - If I'm going to hell I'm taking you with me!

43. What's the best advice ever given to you? Abstain from beans

44. Have u ever won any special awards? Some academic stuff. I mean, not to toot my own horn, but i'm pretty smart. Oh, and I did win the 'hairstyle award' at my year 12 formal. Cuz I kinda shaved my head for charity and dyed it all pretty colours as it regrew

45. What are your future goals? Live life to the fullest each day

46. Do u like to dance? Yes. I do latin dancing and also the publically sponsored epileptic fit at PJs on a Friday night

48. What's the stupidest thing u ever done? Clinton

49. What's your favorite memory: WTF!?! who can honestly answer that!

50. If u could change 1 thing bout yourself what would it be? The pimples on my butt. Hey you asked!

51. Where do you shop the most?

52. How many kids do you want to have? ZERO

55. Do you do drugs? Alcomohol

56. Do you drink? Alcomohol

57. What kind of shampoo and conditioner do you use?: The kind that goes in hair

58. What sport do you hate the most?: checkers

59. What are you most scared of? spiders and ebola

61. Do you have your own phone? Yes

62. Phone lines? Only for broadband and phone calls

63. Do you ever sleep with stuffed animals?: yep. they dont complain that i snore and have cold feet

64. Have you ever broken/sprained/fractured a bone? broke a toe and a wrist

65. Who do you dream about? I seem to feature a fair bit in my dreams

66. Who do you tell your dreams to? My imaginary hiery lion friend

67. Who are the loudest friends you have? I'm everybody elses loud friend

68. Who's the quietest friend? my imaginary hiery lion friend

69. Is cheerleading a sport? guys would say yes. i say who cares

70. How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? If you suck hard enough licking is not necessary

. *********YOU and LOVE*********

72. Do you believe in Love? Yes. but im not sure about the whole 'in love' thing

73. Do you have a girlfriend or boyfriend? Its complicated, but my imaginary heiry lion friend is always good company

74. Do you have a crush?: Not at the moment

76. Did you send this to your crush?: no. BTW where did 75 go?

77. Do you believe in Love at first sight? I beleive in lust at first sight

78. Where would you like to go on your honeymoon? Location is unimportant

79. What song do you want played at your wedding? Not getting married so who cares

80. What's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex? General attitude

81. Longest crush: 5 years - best mates

82. Who do u want to spend the rest of your life with? my personalities and my heiry lion firned. he'll never leave me. I own his ass

83. Do you find yourself attractive? heiry lion freind does. so nobody else matters

84. Do you find yourself ugly? No

85. Do others find you attractive? I think so but I'm not actually sure why

86. Are you a virgin?: can I say yes here?

*****ON GUYS FOR GIRLS TO FILL OUT (for girls only)*****

89. Boxers or briefs: none

91. Curly or straight hair?: waxed, or shaved. im not that fussy. i hate hair in my mouth

92. Tall or short: tall

93. Six pack or muscular arms: arms

94. Good or bad guys: neither. good guys are boring, bad guys break your heart. i want a naughty boy

95. Hat or no hat: who cares

96. Ears pierced or not: depends on the guy

97. Tan or no tan: omo bright-white hurts my eyes

98. Totally shy, or octopus arms: somewhere in between

99. Stubble or neatly shaven: both

100. Rugged or sporty: rugged

101. Studly or cutie: cutie, but not baby faced

102. Accent or not: who cares about all this shit if he's good with his tongue!!!

103. Glasses?: prob not. i dont like to wear my glassies when im gonna get laid. i always put my contacts in ("hang on honey, I've got to poke myself in the eye!")

104. Smart or dumb: smart. absolutely smart

105. What sport should he play?: not checkers

106. Dependent (whipped) or independent. independant

*****ON GIRLS FOR GUYS FOR GUYS TO FILL OUT(for guys only)*****

108. Painted nails or not:

109. Regular or sports bra:

111. Cute n' mysterious or wild n' sexy:

113. Dark or blonde hair:

114. Long or short hair:

115. Curly or straight hair:

116. Dark, light, or crazy cool eyes:

117. Long or short nails:

118. Hat or no hat:

119. Good or bad girl:

120. Hair up or down:

121. Jewelry or none:

122. Tall or short:

124. Accent or no accent?

125. Pants or dress:

126. Tan or fair:

127. Glasses:

128. Pretty indoor chick or crazy party chick:

129. Freckles or none:

130. Shy or outgoing:

131. Funny or always cool:

132. Talkative or shy:


****Pick One: THIS OR THAT***********
33. Lights on/off: ei like to see

134. sun or rain?: i like to jump in puddles

135. Mickey D's (McDonalds) or BK (Burger King)?: Salads

136. Do u like scary or happy movies better?: this thing is toooooo long

137. Backstreet Boys or NSYNC: hmm. how many bullets can I have?

138. On the phone or in person?: via text

139. Paper or plastic?: paper

140. Sausage or pepperoni?: pepperoni

141. Summer or winter? Spring and Autumn

142. Hugs or kisses?: they're both good when you can't breathe after

143. Milk, Dark or White Chocolate? Dark

144. Root Beer or Dr. Pepper: Sex

145. Glass half full or half empty?: there is clearly an excess of glass there

146. CD or Tape? MP3!!!!

147. Dogs or Cats? Close call.

149. Mud or Jell-O wrestling: mud. so much more fun

150. Vanilla or Chocolate: chocolate

151. Skiing or Boarding: skiing. i have shit weak ankles.

152. Day or night: anytime but morning

153. Cake or pie: cake

155. Diamond or pearl: diamonds, they cause bigger bruises

156. Sunset or sunrise: sunset = time to PARTAY. sunrise = time to go to bed.

***************YOUR >FAVS*******************

157. Color? Red, or purple

158. Food: lasagne, chocolate, carrots

159. Fast Food: Subway

160. Candy: Chicko's

161. Beverage: pina colada

162. Ice Cream Flavor: mango, or lemon

163. Sport: anything but checkers

163. Animal: To tough to call

164. Fave type of music? Depends on my mood. I'm quite eclectic

165. Radio Station?: Nova or 2Day (FYI - the new announcer on 2Day in Sydney used to do my breakfast radio station when I was in High School)

166. Song? I could never pick that

167. Group: Matchbox 20

168. Number: 3

169. Fav. Actor or Actress? Orlando Bloom and Sandra Bullock

170. Fav. day of the year? Today. And tomorrow, the answer will be the same

171. Fav. month? August/September, for the weather

172. TV show? Scrubs, House

173. Store? Pet shops

174. Scent: Puppies. And failing that, the smell a guy leaves on your pillows after he's sppent the night

175. Board Game? Monopoly

176. Will this thing EVER end? It doesnt feel like it. Heiry Lion Friend says yes

177. Saying? (to be written on your mirror) “eagles may soar, bit weasels don't get sucked into jet engines”

178. Loved someone so much it made you cry? Yes. Love sucks

179. Drank? no. I'm sweet and innocent.
181. Ever gotten dumped?: Nope. I tend to move interstate to facilitate a break up

182. Broke the law? *Oh whats that god? I'm going to hell?!? Make it a fast one*

183. Ran from the cops?: who the fuck thinks up these questions?

185. Stole something? these are getting seriously lame bu now

186. Tried to kill yourself? yes.

187. Made yourself throw up? I'm a stress vomiter

189. Made yourself cry to get out of trouble? Flirting works so much better

************* A FiNaL NoTe*******************

190. Do you like filling these out: normally yes, but this one is quite lame, and not at all interesting

191. How many people are u sending this to? The entire world

192. Do u want your friends to write back? Yes and no. Yes if they're bored and/or looking for an excuse to kill themselves, no if they're bored and/or looking for an excuse to kill themselves

193. Who is least likely to respond?: hopefully everybody

194. Who is most likely to respond?: I was put here by a mate of mine and calssed as a 'loyal email spammer'

195. what song you listenin to now: Without you, dixie chicks

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Oh Dear

This post is concering the most long term, least serious relationship I have EVER had. Yes, that's right. This is about the Stress Releif. It is extremely rare for anybody to get a full story. This post is not written for anybody in particular. I need to get all of this out of my head, so that I can make the best possible judgement.

Originally, when I met SR he was just one very charismatic good looking older guy. And I knew instantly that if I did not sleep with him, my head would explode. I quickly developed a crush on him. Raving about how cute he was in his suit and tie to my friends. But, in time, that wore off, and I just wanted to shag him again.

One night, shortly before Christmas, he was to go out with my housemate and one of his friends, but showed up while the original was out picking up his mate. So I sat and chatted to him for about half an hour. In this time we read magazines, and just made small talk. He confessed to me that he cheated on his last girlfriend, but he stated that he "kissed" someone else (which I knew at the time to be untrue) whilst he was sober, but didn't know why. He also admitted that he 'used to be a man-slut' but when I jokingly/sarcastically said 'and that's changed?' he denied that he was like that anymore. Which I also knew to be untrue.

And every time I spoke to him, for a period of about 5 months, I felt that if I didn't shag him, my head would explode.

It all came to a head one night. He rang me to talk to my housemate, and invited me out to the club with them. They buggered off and left me with his (hotHOT) brother and his (hotHOT) mates, and the girl he was going to shag that night. So I spent most of the night talking and joking with the hotHOT ones, and dancing with the girls. The girl he was aiming at asks me (constantly) what he's like. 'Is he going to take this seriously' kind of thing. I know he's not. I try to avoid the conversation and delfect the questions, but after two hours she gets to ask her question. I can't lie. I don't care who it is. I hate lying. So I told her. She confronts him when he gets back, and he leaves. I start texting him. I'm a tad uninhibited by now, and a tad toey. So after a few texts he calls me. I want to go with him, and he knows it, but I also wanted to stay a bit and dance more. He doesn't come back, but tells me to call him 'if I want'. End of night.

I talk to him a few days later. He deleted my number from his phone. Pissy at the fact I ruined his chance at a root. I ask if it was because of the conversation that followed. And he obviouslt realised I was sober enough to make an unaffected judgement, and to remember it too. He saves my number back into his phone.

My Grandfather died just days after that. On the train ride home, the day after, we start texting. He wants to catch up and have some fun. Obviously we can't. But there was definite intent to shag. The day that I get home he calls me. He knew I was coming home, but I did not inform him. My housemates phone is playing up, so he'd just call my phone instead. We'd flirt and chat each other up. He asked if he could come over, bit I was feeling kinda emotionally raw, and told him no.

The next night however, was a totally different story. The first day back at work. Being quizzed by about 3 different people, all day, about how the funeral was. I mean, FFS!!!, its a FUNERAL! What do you expect? Dancing and chocolate crackles?!? I sent him a text 'You got any plans tonight?'. And the rest is history...

Or so I thought.

When I moved it all started again. Because we could now do what we liked, and not get busted. And it was during these times, that he always managed to drop into the scene the fact that he thought he was going to get hurt out of this. And each of our meeting has become steadily more passionate, with LOADS of kissing. And the last time he left we did our normal biiiig passionate kiss, he walked out the door, then nips back in to kiss me squarely on the lips, no tongue. And he's gone.

We had arranged to 'meet up' tonight. I got all ready, and waited for him to let me know when he'd be coming over. Half an hour before he's due to finish work I call him. He tells me he can't really make it tonight. But he'd come over 'just to say hello'. So he drops over. We kiss at the door and in the kitchen. He says hello to the new housemate, then tells me he's been busy, and will call me tomorrow or friday. We kiss in the kitchen, in the hallway, in the front room, and at the door. Then he's gone.


Friday, April 21, 2006

Theres alot to be said for...

Teamwork, organisational skills and co-ordination.

Our sister department has recently ordered in more rats than they know what to do with. They literally do not have the required number of boxes to house these animals. They have known about this for about three months. And they order the boxes to come in THE DAY BEFORE the animals arrive.

Tuesday comes around. No boxes. Uh-oh. They need to be washed before they can be used, and then autoclaved FOR 16 HOURS before use. And there is WAAAY more than one autoclave load of boxes ordered.

Wednesday arrives. So do the rats. But still no boxes. Frantic calls to the sister departmental manager. The useless one doesnt want to know. An hour passes while we frantically try to find many years previously discarded boxes for housing the little fuzzy ones. (One of the joys of working in an institution... nothing ever gets thrown out.) Then we get a call. The boxes have arrived... at the dock a kilometer away, and they want our department to arrange transport to get them to us. We call the useless one. The boxes arrive late that afternoon.

Here is a list of the things that are wring with the boxes

1) They were not what was highly recommended to buy, and not what the order codes were supplied for, from our own staff.

2) They are not autoclavable. And, by looking at them, I'd think that if the rats ever got a tooth-hold in them, they'd be chewed through in a few days.

3) They had no lids. If you've ever known a pet rat you'll know they are extremely smart, inquisitvie animals, who are rather adept at escaping. NO LIDS DAMMIT!!!

4) The water bottles that arrived with the boxes are tooo small.

5) The water bottle sippers are no longer used in our department because removing them causes people to get RSI. And they also ordered the same metal sippers that we normally use! (WTFness?!?)

6) The water bottle racks are too small to fit the water bottles.

I had to laugh when I heard all of this. There were others who were extremely pissed (not that I blame them, but out of laughing and being pissed, everybody is safer with me being insane). This could have been easily avoided, excet the useless one does not listen to the most senior member of her staff. He supplied the info from the last order, of the boxes that have been used for the past couple of years, that work quite well. And she went off and found all new info, and ordered, without checking to see, from the grass-roots level staff, if they would be applicable to our facility.

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Turning over a new leaf

I feel like I've moved up in the world.

Joined the elite of the elite.

I bought shoes

Expensive shoes

I used to balk at paying $40 for Kmart shoes (*visualises Steph shuddering at this*)

But I just handed over $120 for a single pair of shoes

And didn't bat an eyelid

God they're gorgeous.

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

This is some good advice

Simply because I'm an animal person...

If a dog was the teacher you would learn stuff like:
When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.
Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.
Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.
When it's in your best interest, practice obedience.
Let others know when they've invaded your territory.
Take naps.
Stretch before rising.
Run, romp, and play daily.
Thrive on attention and let people touch you.
Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.
On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass.
On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.
When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body.
No matter how often you're scolded, don't buy into the guilt thing and pout..! run right back and make friends.
Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.
Eat with gusto and enthusiasm. Stop when you have had enough.
Be loyal. Never pretend to be something you're not.
If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.
When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently .

And simply because I did this on the weekend - If there is any stress that lying on the grass with a few good dogs, with the wind in your hair and the sun on your back, and grass between your toes cannot cure... go kill yourself. Life is not worth living.

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Don't you just love life

I had the shittest day today. I had arranged with three friends to go out tonight. Last night two of them piked, I was a little disappointed but at least they let me know.

Wake up with a headache and debate going to work. Decide that I can't really take the day off, what with us being two staff members down, and me having to clean and disinfect a room to myself.

Get to work this morning and the other one piked. We'd been talking about this for four days, and I'd seen her every day during that time, but she decides to tell me at 7:30 this morning. Thats before coffee peoples! No reason given. She just wasn't going.

Start messaging a friend. She stayed at my house Friday night. We were supposed to go together but after the show I wasn't up for it. I lent her my favourite necklace for her to wear for the night, and which she wore to work the next day. I find out this morning that she can return it tomorrow, but I'm not going to be home. Being in the foul mood I was in by that stage I knew I'd ruined her day but I didn't really give a shit.

Snappy and snarling at EVERYONE within auditory distance. Whether they deserved it or not. But most of the day I'm in that room working by myself, and so the only person I have to take my anger out on is me. I'm thinking about the same things circuitously. Mostly its the $$$ that I'm owed by this ex housemate, and that ex housemate, and how/when I'm going to get it back, and am I going to have to fork out court costs or sherriffs fees etc? And WHEN am I going to get a housemate in to help with the rent etc. And then its the bills, and then ex housemates again, and so on... I don't even have any music to distract me from this.

Being anti-social in the tea room, nose buried in book, occasionally surfacing to add a fact to a conversation. The person sitting beside me has a loud voice. And she never NEVER shuts up. It does me credit that I didn't tell her to shut the fuck up. But that was only because it was her birthday.

Lunchtime - someone brings up what we're doing for easter. Big mistake. Snapped 'Sweet Fuck All' and went back to book. Not quite sure what she expected me to say but it wasn't that. Seriously. I'm in this big house, by myself, and the nearest family is a 2 hour drive away. And I'm working. I suspect it will involve copious amounts of alcohol.

Message the stress relief. No response. Thats the third time in a week. 4 o'clock comes around. Delete his number. He's supposed to be helping relieve stress. Not add to it.

About 2.30 I get a phone call from another friend, who the four of us were supposed to be meeting out tonight. I'm absolutely flat by this stage. So when she shows the minutest bit of compassion it was all I could do not to sit in the hallway and bawl.

I decide that this headache (which has hung around determinedly today, despite all my best drugs efforts), is getting worse. And go home at 3pm on sick leave.

I have slept since I got home. Not much, but I feel a little better. This headache is still hanging around, and I'm hoping that not acknowledging its a migraine will make it go away by tomorrow. But I have at least left an opening to take tomorrow as a sickie.

Monday, April 10, 2006

I have no life

I haven't been out to a nightclub in 6 weeks...

I haven't had sex in 7 days...

I havent had a drink since last night...


Sunday, April 09, 2006

Think about it

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets aren't going as ghosts but as mattresses?

If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear he still wrong?

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

Is there another word for synonym?

Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice?"

Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?"

What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

Why do they put Braille on the drive-through ugly bank machines?

How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.

To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated, but not be able to say it.

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

The older you get, the better you realize you were.

Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.

Women like silent men, they think they're listening.

Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

Do paediatricians play miniature golf on Wednesdays?

Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?

If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

If God dropped acid, would he see people?

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?

If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?

If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?

If you ate pasta and anti-pasta, would you still be hungry?

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Ho Hum

Favorite Dessert: Sara Lee Chocolate Bavarian

Favorite Item of Clothing: Jeans. Always with the jeans. My current favs were too tight about 2 weeks ago but are now classed as snug! YAY for me!

I get frustrated when: one example from work; doing something right, then being told by a senior coworker to do it a different way, and being arse raped by about 6 people for it. And its not like they just tell me off and get on with it. They harp on about it too!

The person/s that know you best: Probably my mate Stu. We discuss EVERYthing

How many best friends do you have: lots. Some from when I lived in vic, some from first year,uni, second year uni, lots from third year uni, a couple from when I graduated but still hung around uni, and a couple from NSW

Lake or the ocean: Where there are less people and a nice blue horizon

Indoor or Outdoor person: I'm the kind of girl who will take an indoor pastime and do it outside, like i'll read a book up a tree

Touch is: This is not my statement but I think its a classic “Okay from people you know and creepy from strangers”

Favorite Number: 3

Dogs or Cats: Both have their merits. I like (almost) all animals

Favorite Meal: Lasagne

Beauty is: nice to look at now, saggy when you're older.

Favorite Flower/s: Candystripe roses. I'm buying my first rose bush soon and its a candystripe. I can't wait. Or african violets.

Favorite Perfume/Aftershave: None. I like the natural smell guys have

Kiss/French kiss: Depends who its from

My life is: one hell of a lot of fun right now!

I miss: having money to spend. And having just been a student that's really saying im broke now!

Describe your Hands: I wear gloves all day, so they're always chafed and dry. But the shape of my hands... kinda wide, but with long fingers for a chick, that are thin but not boney

How are you feeling today: I have a sore back and I'm sick of the shit at work.

Any piercings / tattoos: Yep - one nose ring (purple flower), three sleepers in each ear, one unicorn (Altor) tattoo'd on left shoulder, one pegasus (Indi) on the left.

Do you like your smile: Yes, and so does everyone else

Whats your best feature: My personality. Duh! but pysically, my face. And I've got huge boobs too!

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

The world is full of weird, weird creepy people

So I have this biiig house all to myself, and this biiig rent too. So I decided to share house again. Just like before. You get your 'normal' garden variety weirdo's, but I think this guy takes the cake...

I'm about to go out on Saturday night. And my phone rings. Mmm. Ok. I'll answer it. Its Creepy man (who I didn't know and named later). He wants to talk to me about the house. But within about three questions he's asking about me. Questions bordering on personal. He starts off asking how old I am. When I ask him how old he is he doesnt answer. I have to ask three times to find out hes 38. Then he wants to know what I look like. Moving on to telling me that he used to have sex with a larger woman... ok. Getting creeped out now. Somewhere in this I tell him about the stress relief. Then he tells me about a chick he used to live with who occasionally walked in the kitchen in the morning and saw him naked with a boner, and used to brush up against it. And he asked if he could walk around in the nud, in the morning, with a boner. Umm... NO!

Change of subject. What do you do for a living type shit. He is in natual remedies. Then he's a masseuse. And he think I'd be a great masseuse too because I have a great personality. Hmmm. He asks twice if I'd think about occasionally massaging his clients. No. I already have a job. But its great money. Too great if you ask me... He's starting to be just a bit sus (yes, I am inclined to give people the benefit of the doubt). Then he asks if he could bring clients home and massage them in his bedroom. Ladies only. I have to ask. And yes. He does the whole body massage. OH. MY.GOD!!! Well hes not bringing work back here.

Then he asks... I feel dirty just repeating it really, and I'm gagging as I write this...

Then he asks if he could have the same relationship with me as I've got with the stress relief. OHGODNOFUCKINGWAY. This whole conversation lasted about 10 minutes.

Needless to say, the creepy man will not be moving in.