Oh Dear

This post is concering the most long term, least serious relationship I have EVER had. Yes, that's right. This is about the Stress Releif. It is extremely rare for anybody to get a full story. This post is not written for anybody in particular. I need to get all of this out of my head, so that I can make the best possible judgement.

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Originally, when I met SR he was just one very charismatic good looking older guy. And I knew instantly that if I did not sleep with him, my head would explode. I quickly developed a crush on him. Raving about how cute he was in his suit and tie to my friends. But, in time, that wore off, and I just wanted to shag him again.

One night, shortly before Christmas, he was to go out with my housemate and one of his friends, but showed up while the original was out picking up his mate. So I sat and chatted to him for about half an hour. In this time we read magazines, and just made small talk. He confessed to me that he cheated on his last girlfriend, but he stated that he "kissed" someone else (which I knew at the time to be untrue) whilst he was sober, but didn't know why. He also admitted that he 'used to be a man-slut' but when I jokingly/sarcastically said 'and that's changed?' he denied that he was like that anymore. Which I also knew to be untrue.

And every time I spoke to him, for a period of about 5 months, I felt that if I didn't shag him, my head would explode.

It all came to a head one night. He rang me to talk to my housemate, and invited me out to the club with them. They buggered off and left me with his (hotHOT) brother and his (hotHOT) mates, and the girl he was going to shag that night. So I spent most of the night talking and joking with the hotHOT ones, and dancing with the girls. The girl he was aiming at asks me (constantly) what he's like. 'Is he going to take this seriously' kind of thing. I know he's not. I try to avoid the conversation and delfect the questions, but after two hours she gets to ask her question. I can't lie. I don't care who it is. I hate lying. So I told her. She confronts him when he gets back, and he leaves. I start texting him. I'm a tad uninhibited by now, and a tad toey. So after a few texts he calls me. I want to go with him, and he knows it, but I also wanted to stay a bit and dance more. He doesn't come back, but tells me to call him 'if I want'. End of night.

I talk to him a few days later. He deleted my number from his phone. Pissy at the fact I ruined his chance at a root. I ask if it was because of the conversation that followed. And he obviouslt realised I was sober enough to make an unaffected judgement, and to remember it too. He saves my number back into his phone.

My Grandfather died just days after that. On the train ride home, the day after, we start texting. He wants to catch up and have some fun. Obviously we can't. But there was definite intent to shag. The day that I get home he calls me. He knew I was coming home, but I did not inform him. My housemates phone is playing up, so he'd just call my phone instead. We'd flirt and chat each other up. He asked if he could come over, bit I was feeling kinda emotionally raw, and told him no.

The next night however, was a totally different story. The first day back at work. Being quizzed by about 3 different people, all day, about how the funeral was. I mean, FFS!!!, its a FUNERAL! What do you expect? Dancing and chocolate crackles?!? I sent him a text 'You got any plans tonight?'. And the rest is history...

Or so I thought.

When I moved it all started again. Because we could now do what we liked, and not get busted. And it was during these times, that he always managed to drop into the scene the fact that he thought he was going to get hurt out of this. And each of our meeting has become steadily more passionate, with LOADS of kissing. And the last time he left we did our normal biiiig passionate kiss, he walked out the door, then nips back in to kiss me squarely on the lips, no tongue. And he's gone.

We had arranged to 'meet up' tonight. I got all ready, and waited for him to let me know when he'd be coming over. Half an hour before he's due to finish work I call him. He tells me he can't really make it tonight. But he'd come over 'just to say hello'. So he drops over. We kiss at the door and in the kitchen. He says hello to the new housemate, then tells me he's been busy, and will call me tomorrow or friday. We kiss in the kitchen, in the hallway, in the front room, and at the door. Then he's gone.

WTF!!!