I had the shittest day today. I had arranged with three friends to go out tonight. Last night two of them piked, I was a little disappointed but at least they let me know.
Wake up with a headache and debate going to work. Decide that I can't really take the day off, what with us being two staff members down, and me having to clean and disinfect a room to myself.
Get to work this morning and the other one piked. We'd been talking about this for four days, and I'd seen her every day during that time, but she decides to tell me at 7:30 this morning. Thats before coffee peoples! No reason given. She just wasn't going.
Start messaging a friend. She stayed at my house Friday night. We were supposed to go together but after the show I wasn't up for it. I lent her my favourite necklace for her to wear for the night, and which she wore to work the next day. I find out this morning that she can return it tomorrow, but I'm not going to be home. Being in the foul mood I was in by that stage I knew I'd ruined her day but I didn't really give a shit.
Snappy and snarling at EVERYONE within auditory distance. Whether they deserved it or not. But most of the day I'm in that room working by myself, and so the only person I have to take my anger out on is me. I'm thinking about the same things circuitously. Mostly its the $$$ that I'm owed by this ex housemate, and that ex housemate, and how/when I'm going to get it back, and am I going to have to fork out court costs or sherriffs fees etc? And WHEN am I going to get a housemate in to help with the rent etc. And then its the bills, and then ex housemates again, and so on... I don't even have any music to distract me from this.
Being anti-social in the tea room, nose buried in book, occasionally surfacing to add a fact to a conversation. The person sitting beside me has a loud voice. And she never NEVER shuts up. It does me credit that I didn't tell her to shut the fuck up. But that was only because it was her birthday.
Lunchtime - someone brings up what we're doing for easter. Big mistake. Snapped 'Sweet Fuck All' and went back to book. Not quite sure what she expected me to say but it wasn't that. Seriously. I'm in this big house, by myself, and the nearest family is a 2 hour drive away. And I'm working. I suspect it will involve copious amounts of alcohol.
Message the stress relief. No response. Thats the third time in a week. 4 o'clock comes around. Delete his number. He's supposed to be helping relieve stress. Not add to it.
About 2.30 I get a phone call from another friend, who the four of us were supposed to be meeting out tonight. I'm absolutely flat by this stage. So when she shows the minutest bit of compassion it was all I could do not to sit in the hallway and bawl.
I decide that this headache (which has hung around determinedly today, despite all my best drugs efforts), is getting worse. And go home at 3pm on sick leave.
I have slept since I got home. Not much, but I feel a little better. This headache is still hanging around, and I'm hoping that not acknowledging its a migraine will make it go away by tomorrow. But I have at least left an opening to take tomorrow as a sickie.
2 comments:
Jebus has chosen to smite you. He does this to me quite often. You just have to ride it out, till he picks on someone else for his own amusement. At least you didn't trip over. That's a bonus. :)
Steph - yeah, but I gave myself a stress migraine instead. Much badness :(
Post a Comment