Thursday, December 24, 2009

Best wishes to all

So I guess its that time of year again. Time to look back, reflect, take stock, and move on. Kind of like the end of a bad break up.

Looking back
So I had 4 resolutions this year
1) Lose wiehgt - WIN!
2) Be the best I can at my job - win.
3) more sex - fail.
4) have a threesome - fail.
Not really that bad.

2009 was a tough year for me. Aside from the fact that Dad almost died... yeah, that's about all that fucked it up for me. That was a particularly tough time. I count my blessings though. Dad came out of the coma after 2 weeks, made a speedy recovery and is quite well these days. He does have some aspect of brain damage, but it does not show. At all. He is back to work. The only thing is that he has a limp. Probably because he went in for knee reconstruction surgery. Aside from that he has slowed down a bit. He has difficulty getting through a 40 hour work week. And he has moved to a smaller place, because his big place, with big garden, was too much for him.

For me, this really changed my perspective on life. I never wanted kids before that. But when Dad was dying, all I could think was 'he's never had grandkids'. Its taught me that life is short. And you have to make the most of the moment that you have. You can hear it all you want, but until you actually live it, it might not sink in.

The other big aspect of 2009 was the 12 week challenge. Which I absolutely nailed!!! Met some awesome people, had fun, and really pushed my boundaries. And then it ended, and I ate, and put about half of it back on. *sigh* But, oddly enough, I'm not worried. I have a higher respect for my body nowdays. I am in no rush to lose it all either. I am back on track with eating right, and I still love to exercise, so I will lose it in time. I just want to fit back into my post-challenge jeans.

Taking stock
This year has changed me. It was rough, and tough. But I feel like I am a better person because of it. Not only was there a psychological change, but a physical one to match it.

Moving on
Next year I have different resolutions.
1) Maintain healthy lifestyle. This includes losing the last few kilo's, but its more about being fit and healthy, making smart choices, eating right and learning to love my body, just the way it is.
2) Manage finances a bit better. Ideally I'd like to pay off a reasonable sum off the credit card, and cut the limit as I do so. I'm not aiming to pay it off. I don't think that is a reachable goal, but I'd like to get into a smarter way of thinking about money.
3) Dating. Never really gotten into this one, so its a new challenge for me.

My New Years will be quiet. I am going to a dance thing nearby with the guys from my dance class. It finishes early, which is kinda ok with me. I have to work the next day. Boo to that. But I am off tomorrow afternoon, tripping out to the mountains, by myself, for some well deserved peace and quiet. I'll be going to the Jenolan caves on Saturday, and spending the full day out there. I can't afford to go away, but I can't afford not to at the moment either. I am finding myself frustrated and need some space. Need fresh air, need to see the stars. And I need noone around to talk to me endlessly.

See you all in the New Year.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

I never claimed to be sane

Today, whilst cleaning at work, I randomly popped out with 'Hunka Hunka burning love.'

I was alone, not even talking to myself, and that came out.

I know I'm weird, but its not often I make myself go WTF?!?

Friday, December 18, 2009

True Phishy Style

So a few months ago I won an oxygen facial in a raffle. $10 in tickets. I win a $180 facial. Pretty good investment.

We had our work Christmas Party with a cocktail theme. I say its a theme, because they only serve beer, wine, champagne, juice and sparkling water. But at least, unlike another blogger, our work did pay for the goodies. And in between finishing work, and starting the party, I decided it would be best to utilise that voucher. I mean, it expires in 13 days, and I really don't want to waste my $10.

So I had it all planned out. I'd walk down to the bus station, catch the 324,325,326 or 327 down the road to a certain intersection, walk round the corner, and hesto presto, be there. Right on time. I even had maps printed out so that I wouldn't go astray!

Well, party day was shitful. Utterly, utterly shitful. I was sleep deprived, hungry, feeling fat (work out how those 2 go together would ya!), tense (taking the last 1 1/2 weekdays off work, so had to squeeze in a hell of a lot of work) , and broke, even though it was payday. I was pushed for time because the party started earlier than I'd expected, and I was hoping to head out to dinner beforehand, so I'd be less tempted to snack on shit.

And during the day, I hit the lollies at work, which did not help with the stressed out feeling from being fat.

In short, I just wanted Wednesday and Thursday to be over. I gave a blood sample to a research group, and got a tim tam back as a reward. I normally really do not like Tim Tams. I would even go so far as to say that I dislike them, on most occasions, but on Wednesday, that Tim Tam really made my afternoon.

So you've got the picture. I are a cranky fucker.

So I had arranged to leave 15 minutes early from work. No drama. I got out the door no drama. Missed the bus. By, like, 1 minute. Literally. Fuck. The next bus that came along took the long way. Well, it was either that one, or wait 10 minutes for the next one. I took the long way. I did enjoy the scenic route. And, surprisingly, I didn't get lost getting to where I had to go. It was amazingly simple to find. And I was only 8 minutes late. Which, for me, is some kind of record.

When I got there the door was locked. Hum. Maybe she was out getting coffee. I rang her. The phone rang. And rang. And rang.

And rang.

I rang her for a good 3 minutes. I knocked on the door, I rang the door bell. I rang again. For 3 solid minutes. I texted Kez. I was getting seriously pissed off. Sure, i wasted the first 10 minutes of the appointment, but where the fuck was she?

I pulled out the voucher to see if there was an alternate phone number to call, and she rang me back. I told her I was there, and she said, 'ok, I'll see you soon,' and hung up. I waited at the door for 5 more minutes. I knocked on the door again. I rang the buzzer again.

So far, 20 minutes has elapsed from the start of the appointment time. I rang her. Again, no answer. As I dialed the alternate number on the voucher, the neighbour rocks up. She was kind enough to inform me that they hadn't moved into the building yet, and gave me clear, concise directions to the other address.

I headed off, mightily annoyed. I rang the alternate number as I walked, and told her that the address I had was from the website, and it was different to the current address. She gave me directions that were slightly less concise than her future neighbour's.

And I got lost. I headed back to the road she was loacted on, started searching on the wrong side of the road. Moved to the correct side, and, judging by the numbers, ascertained that I had to go left. I went left. Turns out I had to go right.

So I finally got there. Half an hour late.

The facial itself was quite nice. She got me to stip til I was mostly naked, and got between the sheets. There was relaxing music in the background. She wiped pleasant smelling stuff on my face, gave me cold and hot compresses (I preferred the hot ones), dropped ice cold liquids across my forehead, chin, cheeks and chest. Applied varying pressures, and different massage techniques across my face, neck, scalp and chest. There was one point where she was tapping all over my face, and it felt like tarantuals were tap dancing acorss my cheeks. I'm arachnaphobic, but I almost cracked up laughing.

The facial went for an hour. And by the end of it I felt pretty liquid. All clean and fresh. Ready for my sweaty walk uphill back to work for the party...

Monday, December 14, 2009

Stupid, Stupid Girl

So, right off the back of a post about how men are stupid comes my own installment.

So, for those not playing at home, I used to be a fatty. Still am a bit podgy in the middle, but I can lose it in a short period of time. Anyways, I went on this killer 12 week challenge at the gym, lost a stack of weight and felt fantastic.

Challenge over. Weight begins to creep on. This morning I told a workmate/bestie that she is to pull me up if I do anything dietarily questionable.

Ok, so the scene is set. I've lost a stack of weight and am having difficulty maintaining it.

Anyways. A few days ago, me and the workbestie got together and put an order in for some lollies. I wanted some to decorate my gingerbread house, but was never going to eat the amount that I'd have to get, in order to have enough variety. So we went halves in an order.

This is what we got
Mates, 380g,
Raspberry bullets, 400g
White chocolate raspberry bullets, 400g,
Coffee Eclairs, 400g
Chocolate eclairs, 400g
Gummy party mix, 750g
Seconds lollies, 1kg

That was to SHARE. Between TWO of us.

I also got 2 bags of sugar free lollies, a pack of choc coated jelly raspberries, several assorted individual packs of fruit and nut, and 550g mixed buds.

Total = over 3.5kg.*

Of lollies.

I just came off a killer diet.


I am scared. Terrified even, of these lollies. They are currently living in my locker at work. The good news is, I'm not game to open the bag to sneak even one. I'm going to have to give them away.

So, who wants lollies for Christmas?

*Though it was a total bargain. 3.5kg lollies for $35, including postage. And the very small amount I've sampled were fucking divine.

Tuesday, December 08, 2009

Why men are stupid.

What's this? A post? On my sad, neglected blog? Why yes, yes it is. Will anyone even notice?

Ok, so its been a while since I posted. A quick wrap up - I dieted. And that's about it. It was hard, I sweated, I shrank, I won the 12 week challenge. And I've spent the last 3 weeks gaining weight again. *sigh*

But that's not what I wanted to blog about. I wanted to tell you all about a friend of mine. Lets call him Friend. See what I did there, put a capital on it and added some fontage. Tricky stuff.

I have known Friend for about 18 months now. I see this guy as a purely platonic friend. How many of you already know where this is going? Twice over the course of the last 18 months he's asked for more. And twice I've told him, quite firmly, that I see him as just a friend, and nothing was going to happen.

A few weeks ago, he calls me up. Bitching that I don't answer his calls or respond to his messages. I got a little snarky when I told him that, as it explains in my voice mail message, I do not get reception at work, so if he's calling during work hours, its not so much that I ignore his calls, as I don't get them. I told him I was in the 12 week challenge and was full on, crazy busy, no time to catch up.

He continues to call and text. Sometimes at 7am, when I'm asleep on the train, sometimes at 10pm, when I'm about to head to bed.

On facebook he began bagging out gym junkies. Now, if you're not aware of this, I am one. I love the gym so hard it hurts. Literally. I have quite a lot of friends at the gym, both trainers and guys from the challenge. Guys and girls. And I love them to bits. I have never known a bunch of more committed, hard working individuals. And any slur on these guys was a reflection on me.

It happened again on Sunday night. I posted a status update about chocolate being better than men. I mean, hell, I've gone long periods without either, and it wasn't men I was looking forward to most.

I could see it happening a mile off. Frantically I tried to divert the conversation. But he was set. It started with him insulting the gym and junkies, then he asked me out. Publicly. But it wasn't even an appealing proposition. He wanted me to meet up with him so that I could buy him lunch/dinner. On a thread that had been already commented on by one of the trainers. This trainer was privvy to the whole conversation. So I can pretty much guess that all of the guys at the gym know about what happened.

I ended up texting a friend and she intervened to tell him that I couldn't share chocolate with him. I was highly embarrassed. If you're on facebook, don't bother looking for the chat. Its been deleted.

I took the conversation private. And this is the ensuing conversation.


Just letting you know that I'm deleting you as a facebook friend. I really didn't like the way you asked me out on my status last night. I see you as a friend, nothing more, and I've told you this several times. I don't want to hurt you, or lead you on.

If you can handle being friends with me, just friends, then add me again. If you can't, then I won't hurt you, and I think its best that we leave it alone.

Its up to you.


His response was something along the lines of

'there was nothing to not like about what I asked. Unless you don't want to be asked out. Anyway, you deleted me, so its up to you to add me again.'

Seems he thought I'd been playing hard to get.

I'm, not 100% sure, I ended up deleting the thread.


My response:
I did not like being asked out by someone that I have repeatedly told I am not interested in. I feel awkward telling you this again. It makes me feel uncomfortable about catching up with you as a friend.

I am giving you the option of adding me again. If you can't handle being PLATONIC friends, then this is very sadly going to have to be the end of our acquaintance.

*block said tool*

The End. Men are stupid.

Monday, June 15, 2009

Not. Happy. Jan.

So I had a corker of a weekend. Something worth blogging about! Yay me.

Two groups within our building had been planning a 'friendly' soccer match. It got cancelled because of the weather, rescheduled, cancelled... you get the picture. Finally, after about a month and a half, it was game on. Most of my close friends were on the team, so of course I headed down to watch.

It was not friendly. But it was hell fun to watch. Then we headed back to work for the real fun... free beer.


How anti diet. I started on light. That lasted all of about, oh, one beer. Then I started on the heavies. Slowly people began to filter off as the night wore on. The food was eaten, and before long it was me and a friend of mine, playing pool, finishing the last of the bevvies.

We headed to the pub. More drinking ensued. He was flirty, as was I, I imagine. A few beers and I'm anyones. I have some vague recollections of meeting new people (who's names I figured out this morning), having them buy me rounds. I bitched about my (endlessly messy) roomie. I tried to convince people to go to a strip club in the cross. Which resulted in a very manly conversation about how awesome boobs were - with a girl, who was also straight. That in turn became questions about whether I was straight or not. I remember watching my mate play pool. It was cold. He disappeared, as did I about 20 minutes later. I figure I had about 12 beers under my belt.

Ew. Anti diet.

So I headed off. Trundled myself from the pub near work and headed home. I boarded my train. Only to feel instantly queasy. I tried to stay awake. In vain. I fell asleep.

I woke up wondering where the hell I was. It didn't look like any station I knew. It wasn't. I'd slept past my stop. And the eight ones after that too. Landing myself in the middle of a really, really bad part of Sydney. Fuuuccckkk.

I stumbled off the train hoping to catch one heading back in the other direction. Nobody around. I walk outside the station. There is an old guy closing up his newsagency. I ask him what platform to catch the city bound trains at. He just looks at me... no more trains this late, catch a bus.

I swear, I have never sobered up so fast in my life. There I was, bad neighborhood, drunk, cold, alone... vulnerable. Rape had gone beyond a possibility and into a liklihood.

I rang a guy friend of mine. We are (now were) really close, and he lived a suburb over. His phone rang out. I didn't know if he was asleep or screening calls. I rang back immediately. Still no response.

Shiiit. I rang another mate of mine. She'd been on the piss but I was desperate. I told her where I was, and that trains weren't running any more. She told me to wait where I was, and she was heading out the door immediately.

I sat myself at the base of the stairs, drunk, cold, alone... vulnerable.

Every 5 minutes a car would go past. Some slowed down and stared. A few yelled shit out the window. One car pulled up to wait for someone. A taxi pulled up across the road and the driver sat and stared at me. I was grateful for the waiting car. The taxi driver stared at me for what felt like a lifetime. Finally he pulled out. I texted Dee to see how long she'd be. She told me 10 minutes. She was there in 4.

I scrambled into the car, freezing and coughing my lungs up, but safe. I managed to get home at 2.30am. Dee didn't let me give her a goodbye hug. I was sick.

I spoke to the first person I'd called today. Turns out the stupid arsehole was screening my calls. Screening multiple calls from a platonic friend who never ever rang him, in the early hours of the morning. Surely that would send alarm bells ringing?

Tuesday, May 19, 2009


So its been 2 weeks since the last post. Things are looking reasonably good. But I'll give the run down as things happened.

I was down here for 4 days before I headed back to Sydney. I wasn't really ready to go, but my uncle had to head back, and I'd gotten a ride with him, so I kind of had to. Plus Dad was reasonably stable, but still constantly sedated. And I needed to get back to some sort of routine to keep me as sane as possible.

Now, sane as possible really means functional. I stopped eating, and when I did eat it was a continual thing. Then I'd get nauseous and throw it all up again. I'd get panic attacks, want to sleep all the time if I wasn't working, and my libido has disappeared. My first day back at work was really rough. I was there for a week and for the remainder of the time, I was fixing simple mistakes I'd made on that first day back.

Dad had an MRI on Monday or Tuesday. It showed some damage to the area that controls motor control, cognition, speech, emotions, and learning.

On Wednesday the doctors asked permission to do a tracheostomy. This was done on Thursday, and he was left under sedation for the remainder of the day.

On Friday they let him come out from sedation. And he's been up ever since. I found out mid-morning and immediately arranged to head down for the whole of the next (which is really this) week. I was a bit scared because he seemed unresponsive. And we didn't know if it was because of the coma or the brain damage.

I got in Saturday night and went straight to the hospital. I felt bad because I was shocked and relieved at the improvement, and I started crying, and Dad seemed upset. He seemed to have difficulty focusing, and I didn't know how long that would last for, or if it would ever go away.

Since then he's been coming ahead in leaps and bounds. He still has the trach tube in, so can't really talk. But he did laugh at the fact that I have to wait til payday to be able to afford the trip back. He spoke to me today through the trach tube. I asked him how he was and he said 'yeah, good'. Lying bugger. I don't know how he'll go with recovery. He seems very weak, and he is in pain, serious pain. But he is moving around and lifting his ams. The nurse was amazed at how he's doing. The speech patholigist was there today, doing tests on his swallowing reflex. He may be able to have solid food this afternoon. Well, as solid as squishy processed fruit gets.

Its a relief to know that even though he's going to do it tough, he's still the same person inside. Pretty good to see it, considering the news I got 2 weeks ago.

****FURTHER UPDATAGE**** Dad got moved into rehab today. He's out of hospital wards altogether. woot!

Wednesday, May 06, 2009

Living Horror

The past few days have been hell on an epic scale. Dad's in ICU. He went in for a routine surgery. A knee reconstruction. He's had one before, with no complications. This time he had epic complications. At 5am yesterday, he was found not breathing, with a blood pressure so low it could barely register. Doctors took 45 minutes to resuscitate him. During that time he vomited and inhaled quite a lot of it. When they managed to stabilise him they called his partner and told her to bring all of the family in.

I got a call on my way to work. Not knowing how bad it was, I waited to hear an assessment from my sister. She rang at 9.20 and told me to come straight away. They didn't know if he'd survive the day. I literally dropped what I was doing and left. I said goodbye to my direct superior, got changed and literally ran out the door. I rang the head of my department as I headed towards the train station.

11 hours of solid, gut wrenching travel ensued. With short breaks to pack, pee and eat a sandwich. I lost it packing my black dress. Absolutely chucked a foot stamping crying tanty. My Dad's only 60. He had his birthday last September. He didn't have grandkids. I'm 25. Too young to bury my dad.

I lost it driving to Canberra to meet my uncle. Remembering how I'd thought to call him on Sunday after the gym, but decided to do it later. Then remembering how I'd received a text from him on Monday telling me he was having surgery, and deciding to call him that night. Now it was Tuesday and I didn't know if I'd ever get to talk to him again. I was crying so hard that I could barely keep my eyes open, but I kept driving. I could not stop. I was well over the speed limit, but I didn't care. If I got a fine, but got home quicker, it would have been worth it. But even if I got pulled over I was reasonably sure I could cry my way out of it.

I lost it when I met my uncle. First family hug since hearing the news. My first words were 'I can't believe this is happening. It was all so fast. We drove down together.

He was still with us when we got to the hospital. I lost it when the doc explained what had happened. It seemed the immediate threat to his life had passed. But they didn't know how long he'd been without oxygen. And because it took so long to stabilise him, there was a 'possibility, more likely a probability' that he'd have brain impairment. They had no idea as to the extent. And his lungs weren't working properly, so his blood oxygen levels weren't high enough to support repair of any areas that had been affected.

This morning he was pretty much the same. But they did lighten his sedation enough to do some quick neuro checks. He can nod 'yes' and shake head 'no'. He can twitch his toes and squeeze hands when asked. We don't know if he can speak. He is still intubated. He remains on maximum life support, heavily sedated. They won't know about his brain function until they can take him to do brain scans, and right now he's too unstable to attempt to put him on a portable ventilator to take him to the scan.

We've been at the hospital all day. The past 2 days feel like a lifetime. Mum's tiny 3 bedroom house is housing 5 people. I'm sharing a bed with Mum and she's a snoring bed/blanket hog. Tonight I'm going to sleep on the floor. I'm tired. Emotionally drained and in need of a good cry and a very long sleep. I don't know if I can update here, but Kez can update in comments.

Do me a favour guys. If your parents are still around, give them a big hug for me. If they're too far away, please call them. They won't be here forever.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

I'm baaack.

So I'm a dirty, dirty liar. I really was going to give up blogging, but this lettle juicy nugget was waaay to gold to leave alone.

I met someone. On findafuck. We'd spent about 3 weeks talking, emailing, texting, chatting. It was full on, all the time. We clicked. I liked him, he liked me. We had had cybersex. The tension was rife.

It took about 2 weeks to arrange a meet. Finally one night I was home, we wasn't busy. He came over.

And there is a whole world of problems that have arisen. All was going well, having heaps of fun, getting hot and heavy. Clothes come off. And nothing.

He couldn't get it up!

He was embarrassed. I took it in my stride. I mean, it happens. He put his clothes on and fled. I thought it could have been me. I mean, he was into me until the clothes came off.

I gave it a few days and sent him a message telling him I still enjoyed hanging out, and asking if he'd be interested in trying again. His response: yeah it was fun, but we didn't really 'click' after the movie.


We didn't click? We didn't click sexually?!? How does he know we didn't click sexually? We didn't have sex!!!

So, if you don't have a comment on the above situation, I have to ask...

What's your biggest sex disaster?

Saturday, April 18, 2009


10 comments? I post 2 pics of my naked boobs and I only get 10 fucking comments? Jeezus. If I'm that bad a blogger I may as well quit.


Tuesday, April 14, 2009

In the abscence of a real post...


Tell me how much you love me.

Saturday, March 28, 2009

The week that was...

OMG. I had the biggest week. And no way to communicate with anyone. Boo to that.

It all began on Monday. Funny how the week starts on a Monday. Well, I'd gotten up the nerve to finally ask that guy if he'd be interested in a little fun. Casual only. He declined. Oh noes! The thing is, we've still been hanging out and having loads of fun as is. Strange much?

So on Monday on the way home, I place a 'call' to SR. Hey, gotta scratch that itch!
And conversation ensues. By the time the conversation ended I'd managed to sign myself up for some fun time with him. And one of his mates. And a girl that they know. Woot!

I get home on Monday, and head out to the gym. I get home, tired as all hell, and turn on my computer. To discover it doesn't turn on. SHIIIITT.

And I have no tv reception.



Consulting with IT at work, we discovered that the hard drive was most likely fried. I will be up for a new computer, oh, about a week ago. The work IT dude was really helpful, offering to fix it for me if I bought the thing in to him. But they're swamped, and I don't want to create extra work for them. Plus I had some videos of a *hem* adult nature on there that I really didn't want him to find. Especially since one of them is obviously a home vid. SHIIIIITTT.



Rocking up at work on Wednesday I discover one of my best mates has broken up with his fiance. Poor bastard. He's flat out cuz his work buddy is away for 2 weeks and its a big week for him this week. Another mate of mine has lost his license and is in extreme financial difficulty, and was paid $150 less in this weeks pay, because of a stuff upo a month earlier, and withour consultation. Myself - I had the direct debit taken out of my account 2 days prior to being paid, and got absolutely slammed with a dishonour fee of $45.

Yeah, Wednesday was pretty shit.

I fixed my problem on Thursday. And Friday was pretty quiet. But its been a big few days, and you can probably expect me to not really be 'here' until I get my new computer. I'm working on a friends laptop, and I don't think I'l really be able to make it 'mine'.

On the plus side, I can now watch porn, on the net, in my bedroom! Huzzah!

Monday, March 23, 2009


something happened that i don't want to blog, but probably should, to clear my head.

And something happened that i want to blog, but can't. Not yet anyways.

Not that it matters. My computer has shat itself, so no internet until i get it back. Or a new one. I'm still available (in limited capacity) on facebook.

Monday, March 16, 2009

Never TMI!

I'd like to rant, but I'm sure you guys will find this one to be highly entertaining. As Kez said. Its right up my 'alley'.

1. Is there anyone of your friends that you would ever consider having sex with?

Yes. There are several. Mostly the guy at work but he's giving me the shits.

2. Sex in the morning, afternoon or night?
If I'm awake I'm up for it. Mmm. I love a nice, rough, goodnight shag to send me off to sleep. But then again, a nice slow fuck to wake you up does put a smile on your face...

3. What side of the bed do you sleep on?
Whichever side the cats haven't claimed yet.

4. Have you ever taken your clothes off for money?
I've actually been offered. Several times. I rejected.

5. Have you ever had sex in the shower or the bath?
Um. I usually use the shower to beign heating things up, or to clean up afterwards. Not really for teh sexin in the shower. I'm worried that I'd fall over an injure myself. Which is actually pretty likely, knowing me.

6. Do you watch/read pornography?
Yes. I also make my own too. Of both types...

7.Do you want someone aggressive or passive in bed?
AGGRESSIVE! Hair pulling, biting, gruntingly agressive. Yep. WANT!

8. Do you love someone on your blogroll?
Its not them its me. I like them, but I just want to read other people too.

9. Would you choose love or money?
How sex. I'd chose hot, hotsex.

10. Your top three favorite kinks in bed?
Um. Roughness. Porn. Toys.

11. Has anyone ever gone beyond your personal line of respect sexually?
No. My personal line has not been discovered yet.

12. Where is the most romantic place you have had sex?
Romantic? I don't really do romance. I've done the carpark after a movie across the road from my place. We couldn't wait.

13. Where is the weirdest place you have had sex?
In the ass on my roomies couch.

14. Have you ever been caught having sex?
Yep. In the carpark after a movie. Someone drove by. I laughed and kept going.

15. Ever been to a bar just to get sex?
Yes, but I couldn't go through with it. I walked in there and remembered mum's wise words 'Don't pick that up, you don't know where its been.'

16. Ever been picked up in a bar?
Yes. I regretted it. I was blind. The guy was ugly and creepy, and I got pash rash.

17. Have you ever kissed or had sex with someone of the same sex?
Yes, actually I have. Us girls used to kiss each other at uni to tease the guys.

18. Had sex in a movie theater?
No penetration.

20. Had sex in a bathroom?
Yep. My own of course, in front of the mirror. HOT!

21. Have you ever had sex at work?
No. And I never would. Unless it was some out-of-the-way cleaning closet that no one would ever go into.

22. Bought something from an adult store?
Um. Do I have to answer that one? I have a whole bedside that is dedicated to toys and p

23. Do you own any sex toys?
Um. Again, yes.

24. Does anyone have naughty pics of you or are you on film?
Unfortunately yes. I hate it.

25. Have you ever had sex with someone and called them the wrong name?
Only 'God'.

26. Do you think oral sex constitutes as a form of intercourse?
Sort of. In the same way that teal could be considered green. It can really go either way.

27. What's your favorite sexual position?
The one where I have penis in me. Ummm. My all time fave is when I'm lying on my stomach and he enters me from behind, with my legs together. Instant.Orgasm.

28. What's your favorite sex act?

29. Have you ever had sex with more than one person at a time?
Not yet. But I still have 9 months to take that New Years resolution to bed with me.

Saturday, March 14, 2009

Monday, March 09, 2009


Sometimes, just sometimes, you know something, but are unwilling to acknowledge it. Sometimes, just sometimes, someone else has to tell you the most bloody obvious thing to make you realise it.

Kez, you're right. I'm being played.

And I really don't fucking like it.


So Ben tagged me. Apparently I don't post enough.

1. Would you do crystal meth if it was legalized?
Nope. Not into drugs

2. Abortion: for or against? I only support abortion when its in the interests of the spawn. (i.e if child cannot be raised properly).

3. Would the country fall if there was a woman president? Question = irrelevant. We don't have presidents.

4. Do you believe in the death penalty?
I'm pretty sure it exists.

5. Do you wish marijuana would be legalized already?
Doesn't matter to me. Don't smoke it.

6. Do you believe in God?

7. Do you think same sex marriage should be legalized?
And why should it not be?

8. Do you think its wrong that so many Hispanics are moving to the USA?
I think there aren't enough here.

9. A 12 year old girl has a baby... should she keep it?
If she's had the child then obviously its too late for an abortion

10. Should the alcohol drinking age be lowered to 18?
That's the legal age. Here most people start when they are about 12.

11. Should the war in Iraq be called off?
At some stage everything ends

12. Assisted suicide is illegal... do you agree?
I call it euthanasia

13. Do you believe in spanking your children?
I'd spank my partner.

14. Would you burn an American flag for a million dollars?
Yep. Everyone has their price and that's mine.

15. Your mother is declared innocent after murdering her 5 children in a temporary insanity case... what do you think?
Well, clearly I'm dead in this scenario, so no thinking for me.

Friday, March 06, 2009

Still alive.

God I am so over blogging right now. Can you tell? My lack of enthusiasm is... apathetic. Work is full on. I do still love it, but I've had the most hectic week. I'm actually glad that I'm rostered to work tomorrow. I have so many little jobs to catch up on.

I'm still at the gym 4 times a week. I still try to go 5, but it never really happens. PT is happening once a week. And I adore it. My trainer is so awesome.

And I'm trying to squeeze in dancing and a social life. Its a tad crazy. I'm going to Mardi Gras tomorrow. I'm not expecting it to be a big one, but it should be pretty cool. And then I'm going to the Jenolan Caves the next week. So I should have some pretty amazing photo's coming up in the next few weeks. And that's all I can promise right now...

Friday, February 27, 2009

No Bounds

My retardedness knows no bounds. At the most inopportune times, it will rear its highly amusing head, and leave me lying on the ground.

1) Tip for the ladies out there... When you're wearing mascara, DO NOT RUB YOUR EYES no matter how itchy they are. Observe. This one didn't happen in front of anyone.

2) I did a high ropes course last weekend. But in the Aussie bush. Heaps of fun. But I was a sore mofo the next day.

3) I just won 2 gift cards for a photography session. Yay me!!!

4) How cute are these 2?

5) I fell over again today. In front of a car. Its ok, apart from a bruised ego I sustained no injuries. Are you guys getting sick of hearing the falling over stories, or do you still find them amusing?

6) I have New Penis...

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Bits and pieces

I saw He's Just Not That Into You last night. It was quite a good movie, with one moment in particular where I laughed so hard I stopped breathing.

But at the same time its a bit of a mind fuck. The movie is based on a book that the premise is - when a guy wants you, there will be no question about it. He'll want you. You are not the exception, you are the rule. But the movie is all about the exceptions. I dunno. I walked out of it going 'great movie. Boys are STOOPID!'.

Exhibit A: As we walked out of the cinema, we were behind this:

Popeye would be a great name for a penis. Think about it for half a second. Not only is he small, one eyed and ugly as fuck, but he's always willing to aid a screaming woman.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Aussie Pride

I am so proud to be an Aussie right now. With the disaster in Victoria, a country in recession manges to find personal donation of $77 million dollars. The Aussie Battler never does it alone.

And that Koala? Jeez, we've all seen the video, but it still moves me to tears. And I don't even like koalas.

In other news - not much. Check back in a few days.

Monday, February 09, 2009


Is not exactly a significant number. 131 dollars. 131 meters. 131 calories.

Its not really that big a number. Until today. 131 lives lost. The devastation I cannot put into words.

I first found out that there were fatalities through a friends facebook page. She's a firefighter out near Marysville. 26 was the number then. That was awful enough. But every time I checked, that figure changed.

Another friend - my best friends brother - updated his facebook - his family live in the middle of that area. My family friends, who I loved. I contacted my bestie, but no response.

36, then 46.

He updated a few hours later to say that they were safe in Melbourne. I breathed a sigh of relief

Someone rang and told me 66, I couldn't believe that. Later that night the toll rose to 76, then a few minutes later the news read 84. I began to clean, even though it was 11.30 at night.

How could it get worse? Easily.

This morning it was 108.

My friend rang me back today. Her family is safe and well. Their property was safe. The only thing that happened to them was the loss of her sister and brother in law's business in Marysville. I'm not really surprised, the whole town was wiped out.

I began to breathe, to hope, when the number stayed steady. But it has gone up again. Now its 131.

Some of the stories I've heard in the past two days
Horse saves farmer from blaze
Teen saves family on a tractor
When Hell came to Kinglake

They expect the toll to rise above 200.

I have no words.

Friday, February 06, 2009

My life is full of moments...

I haven't been to the gym all week. A full week without the gym, and I get a whole lot of excess energy. Throw in the fact that I ovulated, and that normally makes me a bit stir crazy, and you get this scenario...

After work, Friday afternoon. Its hot. We've done most of our work, and are doing catch ups and paperwork. We're relaxed and in a good mood. I grab my clothes to head into the facility. Feeling silly, I drop my shirt on the top of my head and drape the pants around my neck, so that I have a leg dangling down each side of my chest.

I start dancing around the corridor. Saying 'I'm ready to go in now, I'm wearing my uniform'. I turn around and there is the guy I want to fuck, standing right behind me.


Wednesday, February 04, 2009

Things that run through a girls head pre-date...

  • What will I wear tomorrow? Dress or skirt/top combo? The dress looks quite flattering, but I hate the print. Better ask gay bestie. Gay bestie says dress. Is the dress trying too hard?
  • The date's after work. Must take another bag. And makeup. And facewash. And moisturiser. And clean underwear.
  • Gotta shave legs.
  • Do I have condoms? Yep. Three different types. That should keep him happy.
  • Where are we meeting again?
  • Will he pay or do I have to take money? Do I have enough? It is just drinks and a movie. Shit I owe a work mate $20. Must go to the ATM.
  • What shoes will I wear?
  • Should I bling up? Or go au natural?
  • Have I plucked my eyebrows? Should I get the rest of the face fuzz while I'm at it?
  • Is the dress too much? I mean, it makes my shoulders look weird, though my boobs look hot.
So, I had a date last night. My first actual, proper date. I met him on findafuck. He messaged me on his second day there. I messaged back. He asked me some intriguing questions. We moved to emails. Then to texts and finally phone calls. We arranged to meet for drinks and a movie.

He was a complete gentleman. He held open doors, made way for me, took me to dinner and paid for absolutely everything. It was nice. Converstaion flowed, bu no real clickyness. No sex was going to happen, that was clear (from a geographical and morning start point of view). After about 3 hours he suddenly decided to call it a night. I was grilling him on his work (I was interested) and he was 'beginning to dwell on how much he had to do the next day'. He walked me to the train station where I got a kiss on the cheek and a one armed hug.


Wednesday, January 28, 2009


I've changed the name of my blog. Its no longer what it was. I fall over too much. And I did it again today. But it must have been hilarious. I mean, to watch, not to experience.

I was bored. I had nothing to do for a total of about 3 minutes. So I decided to run up and down the halls. Now, I should point out that I thought this was a great core workout. Especially since my shoes are wrapped in two layers of plastic at the time. No traction means that I have to work extra hard to stay upright.

Um. I didn't think that one through. I have enough trouble staying upright. Sober. In flats. In hindsight, I was destined to stack it.

So I'm running up the hallway. Flat out. And I approach the end, and decide to stop. I slam on the metaphorical brakes. Slowing, slowing. Stopped.

I transferred my weight onto my leading foot, ready to step into a walk. Turns out I wasn't really stopped, I was merely halted by the plastic wrapped around my foot. And as I transferred the weight forward, the plastic broke.

My foot slid straight through the overshoe, and straight under the trolley I had 'stopped' in front of. I went down on one knee, with my leading shin smacking into the trolley, sending it careering into the wall. A god almighty crash echoed down the hallway.

I leapt up. There were people working in each room at that end of the hallway. How could they have not heard it? I replaced my broken overshoe, and nonchelantly left the scene.

Am I retarded if no one saw it?

Monday, January 26, 2009

Strange, much?

I have weird dreams. I've blogged them before. But I have recently made a discovery.

I'm not sure how I missed blogging this, since it was funny as, but a few months ago, just after I started my new job, I had a dream that I was looking for something in bag, on the train. I kept pulling out these items, examining them, deciding they weren't what I wanted, and throwing them away.

Well, I pulled out this item that felt like my boot. I remember how it felt, but not how it looked. I threw it away, thinking 'that's not right'. And I must have gone back to sleep.

In the morning when I woke up, there were shoes all over my floor! I have a habit of keeping oft worn footwear under my bed, and during my dream, I must have been rummaging around under my bed, dragging them out and throwing them around the room. It must have looked funny as.

Anyway, the other night, I had this very strange experience. After going to bed I realised I had something that I needed to talk to my roomie out. Urgently. I vaguely remember standing in her doorway, trying to ask her a question. She looked at me, seeming very confused. I trailed off. I tried to reword the question so she'd understand. I couldn't get the words out. I told her I was confused, and that I was going back to bed.

I spoke to her yesterday, and asked what happened. Turns out I sleep walk.

I have to wear pyjamas for the rest of my life!

Saturday, January 24, 2009

How to irritate maximum people.

Peak hour. Almost 40 degrees C. Packed train. I'm sitting with one of my workmates and his girlfriend. They're discussing which house they want to buy and I tune out and begin to play lemmings on my phone. A few minutes pass, I'm just beginning to get into that level, when a stench hit my nose.

Its eye watering and nose burning. It closes my throat and shreds at my lungs. It not the standard train smell of recycled BO. Its the smell of an electrical fire. It started small. Just a hint. I snap my phone shut and ask my mate if he smells that. He pauses and admits that he does. I thought it was outside, but its getting worse. Its inside the carriage. My train smells like an electrical fire. People begin to leave the carriage and move to the next one. Some people loiter in the end bit, where we were sitting, and complain.

I get up and press the emergency call button next to the door. I wait. Press it again. 30 seconds pass. I fumble for my phone to call 000 (the Aus emergency number), when the guard answers the speaker. I tell him our carriage smells like smoke. Its pretty bad. He tells me they'll investigate at the next stop, about 10 minutes away. I return to my seat, the smell is beginning to clear, but it still lingers in the air. Everyone is standing around, looking at me. I relay the message to them.

The train stops instead at the next station. We sit there a while. They open the doors (Fresh air, yay) and the guard comes down. He evacuates the carriage and seals it off, so that no one will try to get on at the next station. We all moved to the next carriage along. IT was strange. Most of the time people do not talk to each other on trains, but once shit happened, we were interacting with each other, and introducing ourselves, asking about work etc.

We go to the next big station, where peak hour trains stop regularly, and the train stops again. We figure they need to seal off the doors on the other side of the train. This time one of the guards on the platform is insisting the driver open the doors. The doors open, more fresh air. This time the driver insists we evacuate the train. Everybody to platform 4.

Going up the stairs with what felt like a few thousand other people, and my mate comments that this is all my fault. I get the giggles. I love making an impact. His girlfriend makes a comment about the 'I never' game. "I've never emptied a whole peak hour train." We file up the stairs, over the tracks, and back down the stairs to the platform. We're standing six deep, my back is to the stairs and people are lined as far forward as they can go. The platforms is chockers. Almost overflowing. The first train along isn't going anywhere near where we want to go. As it pulls in, the looks on the faces of its occupants was incredible.

Shock, horror. Seriously, stop reading for half a second and imagine it. Hilarity. I cracked up laughing again at them. The train was packed. Epically full. Have you seen the pictures of the guys in Japan who are employed to push people onto the trains to make them fit? It was like that. I skipped that train. About half of my peak hour train squeezed onto that peak hour train, electing to switch trains further down the line. Everybody else waited.

Immediately after it left, we were told there was a train going out our way. Departing in 2 minutes from the platform we had just left. Again, everybody trudges up the stairs and back down. Some poor guard was copping it from some woman about the whole kerfuffle.

So we crammed onto the train. It seemed most people wanted to get directly onto the carriage at the bottom of the stairs. It was jam packed full of people.

And that's how I evacuated a whole train. What an exciting start to the weekend!

Monday, January 19, 2009


It has been confirmed. Someone from work is reading me. I don't know who. It is quite the mystery. But they're trawling my archives. Seriously, don't you have work to do? Um. Yeah. If you could just let me know who you are, that would be nice.

Ayway. Apart from that its business as usual. The post I pulled was about a friend of mine at work. No biggie. I'm still going to post as per usual. I just may remove some posts about public vomiting. BRB. Actually, it was quite a funny post. I'll leave it up.

Part of the last post was about me needing another round of root canal.

So I had to leave work early today. I had to get root canal. Again. I was in agony. I was literally hanging out for that giant needle. It was a relief when I got it. It proceeded normally, I guess. It was much less painful than last time, but my dentist (who is an angel, and worked her lunch break to help me out) said there was a fair bit of blood, so it might take a while to settle. Tonight will tell. But nothing could be as bad as last night. I was literally writhing and screaming in agony. Poor cat. She kept trying to comfort me and kept getting slapped off the bed. Must give her cuddles tonight to make up for it.

Anyhoo, as I was trying to make a claim from my health fund something very strange happened. My 'no limit' preventative dental, got declined... because I had gone over my limit. Humm. Ok. I spent just under an hour on the phone trying to get them to tell me where exactly it was written that I had a limit. They were not able to produce this evidence. Then half an hour on the phone to the ombudsman. And then half an hour writing a letter of complaint. Which they will fax off to the health fund.


Saturday, January 17, 2009

I've just pulled a post. It may go up in a few days. I need to find out my work ISP first. I suspect someone's found me...


I'm confused.

About a week ago I got asked to a music festival by the guy who inspired this. Oh hell yes! Excitement much? Well, I checked out the site for the festival. And saw the ticket price. Outside of my price range. I email boy to tell him, and suggest movies as a cheaper alternative.

The next day I get a response. He ignored the request for a movie, and reiterated the music festival. I investigated further and thought a little bit. Yeah, I guessed I could do it. I checked out the site, no tickets available. I tell boy and he laments. Heaps of people going, going to be stacks of fun, he wants me to go etc, etc. More tickets have gone on sale, but I really can't go. Can someone offer an explanation? Why would he be so keen to hang out, but not want to go to a movie?

I need root canal. Again. And I'm confused about that too. I thought it was the tooth that had previously been done. And I'd lose it. Should I be excited about getting to keep my tooth, or disappointed that I will be forking out a buttload of money to keep another?

*sigh* The painkillers are addling my brain.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009


Well. Its crazy. Life has it in for me, I swear to gawd!

I'm broke. Broke, broke, broke. Not quite destitute, but I won't be clothes shopping for a few weeks. And I got a letter in the mail today. A few months ago my health insurance company merged with another, and I got a pay out. Yay for free money. Well, it wasn't really free. I had to give it to them first...

Anyhoo. I got a letter in the mail today. It seems I wasn't paid quite enough last time. Woot! More free money. I flip to the statement to read just how much I get and I see...


Anti climatic much?

Sunday, January 11, 2009


Well, as much as I think men are fucked, I still cannot get over the glory of the cock. *sigh*

I don't truly beleive the rant that was last post. I know of one or two truly decent guys. Very, very few, considering how many I know. Everyone has issues. Mine are many. Trust is a big one of them. I don't know if I'll ever really be able to trust a guy. And that makes me angry. Hence - the rant.

Moving on.

I went to a hens night last night. The 'hen' was my best mates sister. She'd originally planned a big, wild hens night, but changed it, piece by piece, to suit her friends, until it disintegrated. She canceled the night, but her sister decided to throw her a party anyway, and invite all of her own friends.

I was drafted to help set up the party. I had an hour at home after work, had a light lunch, and headed out the door.

When I arrived there were three others there - my friend, the hen, and my friends roomie (a guy). We cleaned and set up for the party - prepped nibblies, arranged drinks and iced the 'triple dick delight'. Each of us girls got to decorate a cock cake. Guess which one was mine? (Kez, no cheating)

We had it all set up, when my friends other friends arrived. I had only met them once. Her roomie had met some of them once, the hen had never met them. They breezed in, went straight outside and started smoking and chatting amongst themselves. They'd come in occasionally to mix more cocktails. A few of them disappeared into my friends room, and when they left it had a lovely, herbal scent to it.

The hen disappeared to get ready to go out. The roomie and myself prepped food, mixed drinks, and wandered around aimlessly in between. I'd go outside to talk to the group, but several times ended up with people standing in front of me to talk to someone at the other end of the circle. I gave up and headed back inside to pick at the food.

The food was distinctly not diet. Party pies, yum cha, cheese board, ships and cocktail frankfurts. And a bowl of chocolate. I had been picking the chocolate whilst filling the giant penis pinata. But I felt sick by this stage and did nothing but push the chocolate around in the bowl. I'd go find the hen and chat to her, or wonder if I could go watch telly with the roomie. I didn't think I was going to the pub afterwards. Partly because I felt sick, partly because I didn't like their chosen venue (the guys there make my skin crawl), but mostly because I felt so out of place with her other friends. They were all 10 or more years older than me, drunk, stoned and really clicky with each other.

I had offered to drive them to the pub, and I was hanging out until they decided to go. About 8 I was out there talking to them, when I ended up in a corner. Well, I say talking to them, but the reality is that I was standing there, while they talked. Several of them were smoking and waving said cigarettes around. I tried to tolerate it, but it was becoming more than uncomfortable to me. I ended up waving the cigarette smoke away. The guy got really defensive and I began to walk inside again. As I stepped through the threshold he yelled after me, 'Fucking non smokers. Really ruin a party.'

I muttered to myself 'May as well go home'. As soon as those words had left my mouth I knew that was the best option for me. I put my glass down, said good bye to the roomie and the hen. Walked to the door, put my shoes on, yelled goodbye to my friend, and walked.

I was feeling quite green around the gills by the time I got home. My stomach was rejecting the quality of food that I'd been eating. It wasn't until I got rid of the last cocktail frank (all four of them!) that my stomach began to settle.

And then I watched an episode of NCIS and went to bed. What a riveting night.

Monday, January 05, 2009

Men are FUCKED!

Jeez, what a happy new year I'm having. I am so over men. I have long been disgusted with men, seeing their seedy side quite regularly. But

On Saturday I met a tranny. She was lovely. But she made me sick to my stomach. Not because of what she was, but because she gets more straight guys than I do. She'd take them home, have a little play, get them hard, and off the skirt would come... to reveal Mr Bajinko. And most of the time, simply because they're hard, and she's a warm, willing, lubricated hole, they'll go for it.

Men are seriously fucked. I have enough trust issues as it is. How the hell am I supposed to get past this? I don't want to waste my time with a sleazy fucker. But how is that possible when they're all sleazy fuckers? Is there any point to even wanting one? Can I turn into a lesbian now?

I'm so over this shit.

Sunday, January 04, 2009

Happy Belated New Year

So the new year is upon us. Typically a time for reflection and aspirations. And I'm not going to be one to miss out on that.

The year started on a low. An utter low. I hated my job and my depression was spiralling out of control because of it. My supervisor was a complete cunt. I cut myself off from my freinds and family. Sat at home and hated on myself. Yeah, I'd call it a low point.

And then I got a new job! A light at the end of the tunnel. Only the new job didn't start for 2 months. It was a very long tunnel. I got demoted the day before I got the offer. I was ready to go to HR when I got the call. I sort of wish I had. He's still being a cunt to the GalPal, only the sweetest, nicest girl in the world. But two months of hell, and I was free! Leaving that place was the best thing I'd ever done for myself.

The new job was great. It didn't have an auspicious start, what with throwing up repeatedly on the first day. Took a while to settle in and for my moods to regulate themselves. But I'm ok now.

Weight loss was a big thing for me. I gave up dancing and sex for it. I managed to shed 10kg. Some days that's good, some days its not good enough. I wanted to lose 15 kg. Today, 10 kg is good.

I met two bloggers. Both of whom I adore to peices. I aimed to meet a few others, but that never ended up happening.

I went to two concerts. Michael Buble and Matchbox 20. Loved them both, but not as cool as the Snow Patrol one.

Had dinner with my dad and siblings in September. It was damn expensive. The whole weekend cost me $500. I don't think I would have done that since maybe Christmas of 2001.

The year ended ok. I wanted to go to the city to watch the fireworks. But I pulled up injured and grumpy as fuck, so that idea went out the window. I vowed to stay home and be grumpy. Went out to watch the local fireworks. Then ended up at the pub with some of the girls from findafuck.

I had some rediculous allergic reaction, and HALF of my bottom lip swelled. It looked like I had the whole of Angelina's pout in half of my bottom lip. I'd spent half the night biting on my lip to keep it from spilling out and looking hideous. As I left the hothot bouncer started trying to tlak to me, but I was so self concious of my epically swollen lip, that I pretty much just ran past him. Damn.

The next day it was still swollen, and majorly bruised. Note to self: No chewing on numb lips. I can't feel if I'm damaging it.

Clearly, I want to lose more weight. That's number one priority.

I want to have more sex.

I want to manage to fit in gym time, sex, dancing, friends and me time.

I want to be the best I can be at my job.

Did I mention I want more sex? That includes a threesome.