Random Hilarity Ensues

We're having a party. Finally. Its a housewarming. I've only lived here since June. We decided to make it a halloween theme. We are going to decorate, and dress up, drink and play games. One of the games we're playing is called "Trick and Treat". Basically we're going to buy some damn expensive, individually wrapped chocolates. And put an instruction inside the wrapper, to make people act in odd and random ways. Should be fun. Some of the rules for our little game are as follows.

1. Accepting a chocolate means you accept the challenge
2. The trick is hidden in the treat wrapper
3. if you do not complete the challenge an appropriate punishment will be meted out by the hostesses
4. Do not let anybody know your challenge
5. Challenges must not be completed within one metre of the snack table, OR within 10 minutes of accepting the challenge
6. Maximum two challenges at a time.
7. All treats are handled with gloves. Some may have been licked. Don’t ask.
8. if there is no suggestion as to how many times/how long the trick must go for, it is over within an hour
9. When the challenge is completed you can stick the piece of paper here* (just so people don’t think your normally weird). You must wait at least 10 minutes from the completion of the task to stick it up.

Some of the tricks we have are:

• Kiss at least 4 people on the hand/wrist. At least one of these people must be of the same sex as you. You must have met one of these people tonight.
• Leave a conversation abruptly with a statement that ‘I just farted”
• Sing and dance a nursery rhyme (eg itsy bitsy spider, or I’m a little teapot).
• Find out someone’s middle name and refer to them using it for the entire night
• Make as many people as possible growl (grr…)
• Convince somebody that you are gay (or, if you are gay, that you are straight)
• High five everybody
• Announce each time you go to the bathroom. (this will be funnier if you pick one random person and tell them every time) for the whole night. You may accept two challenges if you want.
• Compliment somebody on their toes
• Follow somebody around until they ask you what you are doing
• Laugh at everything somebody says for five minutes
• Take a drink from somebody, take a sip, and give it back. Do this three times.
• Use the word mushroom as many times as possible during the night
• Tell someone that they have ‘shiiny’ skin
• Enter 3 conversations with ‘have you ever… killed a man before’
• Tell someone that you’ve been staring at their butt, while they are talking to other people
• Initiate a game of chinese whispers
• Pinch 5 people on the cheek and claim they are beautiful
• Dance when no one else is
• Tell someone ‘I have arms’
• Enter a conversation and only talk about yourself until the other person/somebody leaves
• Do the exaggerated drunk ‘[insert name here], I luv u’
• Point to the nearest person NOT in costume and start a chant of ‘strip, strip, strip’
• Strip (to underwear) and/or kiss someone on the mouth
• Take a bite from a chocolate, wrap it up again, and put it back in the bowl
• Smell people
• Start a game of chubby bunny
• Select a random person. Every time they talk, interrupt them
• Quote as many movies as possible
• Enter a conversation and ask if anybody wants to give you 6 condoms. If asked why say you’re doing a survey
• Tell people ‘I am well maintained’/’I maintain myself well’
• Start a conversation about pubic hair
• Tell a group of people the hokey pokey is what its all about, and do the motions

We want more ideas along these lines. So pitch in everybody! Lets make normal people weird!

*On the instruction poster.

Did you see the flying pink square too?

Yesterday was shitful. It was one of the most tense, frustrating and exhausting days I think I've ever had. By the end of it I just wanted to go home and cry, and have sex, and drink myself stupid. I did all three, by myself. Three cheers for mental health!!!

Unfortunately the 1am bed time coupled with being at the tail end (but not close enough to the real end) of working 28 out of 32 days meant that I hit exhaustion. I hallucinate when I'm exhausted.

Today was interesting.

Will I get free steak knives with this?

My God! I feel like such a hypocrite right now. Not three weeks ago I was blogging that I'd never find love. Well notes everyone! If you try to defy the gods, they will smack your arse down. Or up. But there will be LOTS of spanking involved! I swear its the god(dess) of love trying to prove I haven't been forgotten.

First came the 'I'll never find love' blog. Then came the 'first date that wasn't' blog, followed immediately by the 'new hotness at work' angsty blog. And now its the 'return of the SR' blog.

I got a call from the SR today. Obviously we haven't been seeing each other for a while. But have remained friends. He's quit his job. That was not unexpected. And now that he has more time on his hands he wanted to know if we could catch up like old times. Only he used different words. I kinda had to paraphrase or get my blog rating changed to R18+. And I told him very firmly, in a 'no' tone of voice, not to count on it. Which he was ok with. We then arranged to meet for coffee later in the week.

My advice is this - if you don't think something is going to happen, don't say it. Climb on top of the tallest building/bridge and scream it at the world. Or blog it. Whatever. Just make sure as many people as possible know. You could try taking out a freaking TV ad during the grand final. That way, when fate or the Gods or the fairy dust on your keyboard decided to take you out, its easier for them to make you to suffer a very public, very humiliating smack in the face. And sometimes thats not necessarily a bad thing.

Dear Abby

Dear Abby

I am in a bit of a pickle. I am kind-of but-not-quite seeing someone. We have arranged to meet quite often but it always kept getting pushed back and put off due to my work and his study commitments. I really like this guy, but I dont expect this 'relationship' to go anywhere, if even it is a relationship.

The thing is, I have also, very recently met someone else. And sparks have flown. I've seen him twice in a week in a work environment. My uniform is blue overalls that were a snug fit 20 kilos ago, and boots. Its not at all flattering. And this guy can't keep his eyes off me. He's the kind of guy you would expect to have a trillion girls after him. He's absolutely gorgeous, with soulful brown eyes, he funny, and sweet, and very intelligent. He has beautiful manners, with perfect diction, with a hint of an english accent, like he's maybe from there and came to Australia when he was a child, or one of his parents has said accent. He does not at all strike me as the player type, in fact he seems a little reserved, maybe even shy.

I have caught him in various stages of checking me out - the "full on look", and "quick look away" where you turn around to see the last of his head movement, and then he has the most carefully neutral, slightly absorbed expression on his face, but he had no idea what was going on in front of him. And then there was the "you can't seee me look". I was talking to someone else, he was across the room, almost straight off to my right, and there was someone standing between us. All of a sudden, out of the corner of my eye, I see this little face appear over the right shoulder of the person standing between us. It stared in my direction for a little bit, then, as I was about to leave the room, it slowly went back to its original position.

There is definite interest there for both parties. And as we will be working closely together over the coming months, this may cause a problem with the CBD situation. I'd like some advice. I do really like CDB, and I don't want to hurt him. We would have fun if we got together, which I think I want. I dont want to 'lead him on' even though I was doing it with honest intentions. I have been a bit irritated by the way it kept getting put off.

But at the same time, it takes me AGES to work up the nerve to even try to get close to a guy. So it may not be necessary to ask: What do you think?

Confused
via email