Lost

This is something that I picked up from a fellow blogger. I suspect it might have been Me, but I'm not 100% sure, it hasn't been done in AGES.

Anyhoo. The song is Lost by Michael Buble. Lyrics in bold.

I can't believe it's over
I watched the whole thing fall
And I never saw the writing that was on the the wall
Kinda like humpty dumpty? Bet it fell in slow motion. Seems like you've got forever to catch that damned egg, but you... just... can't... quite... make it... in time. *smash*

If I only knew
Days were slipping past
That the good things never last
That you were crying
Man, are you blind? First you miss the writing, and now you can't see that she's been crying! Of course the good things never last. I don't buy good cake or coffee, or chocolate, and let it sit there while I admire it. Hell, even a hard penis will go away. Usually the better it is, the faster it seems to go.

***

Summer turned to winter
No. Autumn turns into winter.

And the snow it turned to rain
Finally, something right! Yes, it does rain. Especially when its warmer than ice cold. It also goes the other way. Rain to snow. Normally when its colder than ice cold.

And the rain turned into tears upon your face
No, that's really rain. She doesn't cry, remember?

I hardly recognized the girl you are today
And god I hope it's not too late
It's not too late
Oh, what time is it exactly? I have biscuits in the oven.

***

'Cause you are not alone
I'm always there with you
And we'll get lost together
Till the light comes pouring through
Fuck me! You are a useless c*nt aren't you! First you are freaking blind. And now you get us lost. You should have stopped and asked for directions. Now we're both lost. Til tomorrow! What good is that. Bet you can't find the clitoris either.

'Cause when you feel like you're done
And the darkness has won
Babe, you're not lost
Oh yes, denial. Of course I'm not lost. Which means that, by default, you haven't' gotten me lost either. The reality is that you'll never find your way in the dark. Turn some damn lights on.

When your world's crashing down
And you can't bear the thought
I said, babe, you're not lost
My world will never crash down. Its very Escherician. It supports itself from the corner above it.

***

Life can show no mercy
It can tear your soul apart
You tell me this now? Bit late. But thanks for your support.

It can make you feel like you've gone crazy
But you're not
I'm reasonably sure that if you feel like you've gone crazy, you have. I worry more when you're not feeling crazy and you are.

Things have seem to changed
There's one thing that's still the same
In my heart you have remained
And we can fly, fly, fly away
Ok. So I'm IN your heart. I don't like it. Its very small and red and the walls of my cage are constantly moving. Plus its damn noisy. How the hell am I supposed to sleep in here?

***
'Cause you are not alone
And I am there with you
And we'll get lost together
Till the light comes pouring through
We've been through this already. Prove me wrong. Find the clitoris.

'Cause when you feel like you're done
And the darkness has won
Babe, you're not lost
C'mon, its not that hard to find

When the world's crashing down
And you cannot bear the thought
I said, baby, you're not lost
Mmm yeah yeah, yeah yeah
That's my belly button. Try a bit further south.

I said, baby, you're not lost
I said, baby, you're not lost
Ooh yeah yeah,
I said, baby, you're not lost
God I hate slow people. We are fucking lost already. Get used to it. Time for me to drive.

Insert title here

Today was as suckful as suckyness can suck.

• Yesterday there was a backstabbing issue at work. With me on the receiving end.
• I dreamed of talking to SR about my son last night. Which left me pretty drained before the day began.
• I had frizzed hair. I put it up, in my usual bad hair day management style, and half of it stuck straight out.
• I was tired.
• I got started at work, only to hear the backstabber from yesterday bitching to the forked tongue about me, while I was clearly in hearing distance.
• I was so shitted off with my workmates I skipped my morning break just so I didn't have to talk to anybody.
• Married Man wasn't there to talk to, and Whatawaste came down when I was flat out busy and not able to talk to him. He won't be working with me much anymore.
• And to top it all off, I just sneezed and ended up with snot all over my lips.

I have dancing tonight. Bring it on. I need this.

Things that shit me

This is my 300th post. Which is kinda a let down. I was expecting streamers and balloons and alcohol. Instead, I choose to create a post that seems to embody what I feel are the five most important aspects of my writing;

1. A healthy dose of redhead rant
2. Sexuality
3. Humour
4. Randomness
5. Honesty

So I choose to tell you about something randomly sexual that pisses me off, in a TMI funny way.

Spontaneous Orgasms.

They're an urban myth right?

WRONG.

I speak from experience.

Yes. Experience.

Since I learnt how to *properly* us my BOB's, my body does the strangest thing. I can be walking along, in my own world, and all of a sudden I'll have a twinge in my nether regions. My internal nether regions. I'll pause for maybe half a second, wait for the wave of comfort, savour the moment, and continue on with my day.

No big deal right?

Right. When I get those moments I know to go to the ladies as soon as humanly possible to make sure there is no mess. The following points are what shits me.

• Its very random. There's no arousal associated with it. Its about as subtle as being slapped in the face with a jellyphish. A very small one, that doesn't make you scream out loud and goes away rather quickly without necessitating toe curling. Trust me when I say, a climax without the climb is CRAP! There's nothing like being slowly kissed and teased, feeling his body pressed against yours, his hard cock pressing into you, your hands running slowly over his body, exploring each other, to begin that climb. The longer you are at the touching and kissing and occasionally nibbling bits, the higher you go, and that climax makes you feel like you've been spun around the world a few times and slingshotted to the stars. Its just not the same.
  

• There are times when I can't clean up (public toilets are GROSS). So I spend the whole day wandering around, thinking about the state of my underwear. I hate that. Sometimes it can be confusing, and leaves you wondering if you've miscalculated your menstrual cycle days. That really shits me. Cuz then you're not just wondering about the state of your underpants. Well, you are, but you have a much bigger concern - the state of your PANTS. And do I need to go buy myself a jumper even though its the middle of summer?
  

• Sometimes the twinge and associated happiness gets lost in a moment of physical activity. Mostly exercise. I hate that. Even though its not as satisfying as a good root, you still don't want to miss out on an orgasm! How rude of your body, to deprive you of such a basic pleasure.

All in all, I don't have embarrassing screaming orgasms that are portrayed in some TV shows. But they're just not as satisfying as a real one. I think sometimes its my vagina's way of saying 'lighten up and get laid'. Like its trying to kick start the process by giving me a hint of what its capable of.

Kinda like you dangle a toy mouse in front of a cat. Only I dangle toy...

I'm gonna stop that analogy right there.

He's alive!

OMG I was so happy to finally receive this text

"god bless my soul, for it has blogged."

Well God may turn his back on your hot faggoty arse (no offense) and I'll always love you.

Kez is back! He's been away for what feels like forever. When I asked if this was the grand return, he replied that we'll have to wait and see. I'm not really a wait and see kinda gal. He indicated that if he got LOTS of comments he might blog sooner. *hinthint everybody*

He's as funny as fuck. Definitely my most favourite gay in the world. I still love my other gay bloggers (in fact, everybody on my 'lust list' likes boys), and the Gay Biotch is utterly adorable, but nothing will ever replace Kez. He was my first. I was his hag. He put me onto a fantastic thing. I have loved gays and their exclusive club of awesomeness ever since.

Kez is the one who introduced me to blogging. So you should all go over and say thankyou for that.

***********************************************
OMG, my cat just did the oddest thing! She walked into my work bag, stood there, and walked out the other side! And walked off like nothing had happened!