Things that shit me

This is my 300th post. Which is kinda a let down. I was expecting streamers and balloons and alcohol. Instead, I choose to create a post that seems to embody what I feel are the five most important aspects of my writing;

1. A healthy dose of redhead rant
2. Sexuality
3. Humour
4. Randomness
5. Honesty

So I choose to tell you about something randomly sexual that pisses me off, in a TMI funny way.

Spontaneous Orgasms.

They're an urban myth right?

WRONG.

I speak from experience.

Yes. Experience.

Since I learnt how to *properly* us my BOB's, my body does the strangest thing. I can be walking along, in my own world, and all of a sudden I'll have a twinge in my nether regions. My internal nether regions. I'll pause for maybe half a second, wait for the wave of comfort, savour the moment, and continue on with my day.

No big deal right?

Right. When I get those moments I know to go to the ladies as soon as humanly possible to make sure there is no mess. The following points are what shits me.

• Its very random. There's no arousal associated with it. Its about as subtle as being slapped in the face with a jellyphish. A very small one, that doesn't make you scream out loud and goes away rather quickly without necessitating toe curling. Trust me when I say, a climax without the climb is CRAP! There's nothing like being slowly kissed and teased, feeling his body pressed against yours, his hard cock pressing into you, your hands running slowly over his body, exploring each other, to begin that climb. The longer you are at the touching and kissing and occasionally nibbling bits, the higher you go, and that climax makes you feel like you've been spun around the world a few times and slingshotted to the stars. Its just not the same.
  

• There are times when I can't clean up (public toilets are GROSS). So I spend the whole day wandering around, thinking about the state of my underwear. I hate that. Sometimes it can be confusing, and leaves you wondering if you've miscalculated your menstrual cycle days. That really shits me. Cuz then you're not just wondering about the state of your underpants. Well, you are, but you have a much bigger concern - the state of your PANTS. And do I need to go buy myself a jumper even though its the middle of summer?
  

• Sometimes the twinge and associated happiness gets lost in a moment of physical activity. Mostly exercise. I hate that. Even though its not as satisfying as a good root, you still don't want to miss out on an orgasm! How rude of your body, to deprive you of such a basic pleasure.

All in all, I don't have embarrassing screaming orgasms that are portrayed in some TV shows. But they're just not as satisfying as a real one. I think sometimes its my vagina's way of saying 'lighten up and get laid'. Like its trying to kick start the process by giving me a hint of what its capable of.

Kinda like you dangle a toy mouse in front of a cat. Only I dangle toy...

I'm gonna stop that analogy right there.