Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Riddle me this?

I read an article in this months Cosmo and it really got me thinking. Yes. Cosmo articles and thinking do apparently go together.

The article in question is about when its ok to do things in a new relationship. Well, since I've NEVER been in a decent relationship I devoured that article. Most of it was common sense, when to have the first kiss, when to have sex for the first time, when to say the L word. There was something there that jumped out at me and beat me across the back of the skull.

Apparently its common for adults to do 'sleepovers' somewhere between date #1 and the date when you have sex (which is usually #3).

Is this for real? I have never even heard of this. Am I some kind of retard? Don't answer that. Do people honestly do this? To show that you're capable of non-sexual intimacy? Don't you want to get the awkward and fun bit over with? I have intimacy issues, and sometimes I need to be something to induce cuddling. Don't get me wrong. Once I'm comfortable I'm damn affectionate. But I'm not always that comfortable until after we've played hide the sausage. Or suck the sausage.

That whole concept seems kinda weird to me. Australia is currently in a drought. Does God tease us with fog when we need rain? No! Just give us the damn rain. We'll deal with the repercussions afterwards.

I haven't had sex in 8 months. So by the time I do get around to this again (about another 8 months), are you telling me that I have to be intimate with a guy without having sex? Can I do it myself? In the very least I want it in the morning, before I go to work. That way I'll be sure to have a smile on my face.

What say you?


Sakura said...

Who has the will power to sleep over and not shag! It is impossible surely?

The first time I stayed over my now husbands place we didn't sleep at all for all the bumping of uglies that was going on.

Maybe it is just me I dunno.

Anonymous said...

The only thing I can think of is this is due to the rise in teenage and preteen sex.

First it's the sleepovers, then the crystal meth and next thing you know they're turning tricks on the corner.

Or something like that.

The most mindboggling part of it to me is how could I sleep? Hey, since you're not going to suck my cock, mind if I pop off into your bathroom so I can cum in your sink?

If I am unattracted enough to sleep next to her without getting excited, then I don't think there would be another date.

Maybe by sleep over they mean passed out drunk?

As with most things Cosmo, it is a mystery that defies explanation.

Pie said...

I once did something very rude with a girl on our first date. It was in the pub after we left the restaurant. We are now barred from that establishment.

Seriously though, what's with these bizarre rituals like sleeping next to each other but not doing anything, having a particular number of meetings before doing anything? I laugh at animals and their funny courtship routines on TV and shout "Stop messing around and just shag FFS", perhaps I should be running into singles' clubs and shouting it.

Mel said...

Oooh, I hate to agree with anything Cosmo says but I've done this heaps of times. See I don't like giving it up to just anybody so I like to have some pillow talk and cuddling with a boy to decide whether he's good enough for me to part my legs for.

Also, it increases the sexual tension so you're just begging for it on the next date.

Crushed by Ingsoc said...

I'd say it's quite common.

If it's someone you respect and may possibly want it to be serious with, than obviously neither of you want to have sex too soon. Sleeping together in this sense provides a chance- especially for the male- to enjoy phsyical closeness, without having sex too soon.

I've done it myself, in that I've slept in the same bed as girl's I've just met, but respected too much to take it further for at least a couple of weeks more.

My best mate is doing the same now with my flatmate. They are kind of seeing eachother and are sleeping together, but not having sex yet.

Avitable said...

Cosmo is as full of shit as Maxim is. The only time the sleepover happens is if you're both out drinking and go back and pass out, or you're just hanging out watching a movie and too tired to go home.

But as a precursor to sex? That's just weird.

Anonymous said...

I do believe they call these girl cock teases...

There will be a lot of confused fellas out there now, thanks to Cosmo. (like there weren't already...)

Natalia said...

I stopped reading cosmo a long time ago. They hardly ever get it right. It's like the nonsense that they write about what women want in men's mags. They are so off the mark and so are the things on the womens' mags. But they can be fun to read to take your mind off other things.


Sharnee said...

i dont have time for sleepover crap without sex first, it sounds pretty dumb to me, maybe they just felt morally obliged to put in in there? Nah... who knows...
(also, hi!, im a relatively new reader!)

Sumiko said...

screw sleepovers, just go for sex.

if you start off with sleepovers and absolutely zero intimacy, then it's going to build up an awkward wall between two people. then when the time comes to actually have sex it will be a nerve racking and possibly horrible experience. if really disappointing sex happens the first time, how many people are willing to go back for seconds?

i think there is no set number of dates you must have before you sleep with somebody. whenever it feels right to both is the real indicator.

as nike says, "just do it". deal with the repercussions later, as they are inevitable regardless of when the first time is.

i mean, fuck. with my boyfriend right now, it was a really weird start. i'd just broken up with my ex of 3 years, and i was over at this guy's house studying for exams. we were friends, we'd hung out a few times and whatnot... then studying just got boring. afterward i was kind of like "wtf did i just dooooo??" but we talked and that only brought us closer and then we were pretty much inseparable for the next 8 months, until he went off to study in japan. but now he's back and we're closer than ever.

SO everything is awkward at first. but you need a first in order to start something.

use your best judgment on this topic. talk about it. maybe if sex so soon makes you feel a bit apprehensive, start with blowjobs and handjobs, something like that to make you two comfortable with eachother. otherwise, just jump in and have fun :)

mist1 said...

I don't do sleepovers. I prefer to sleep alone.

Spiky Zora Jones said... do what you feel comfortable doing. Sleep overs, I've had but there was no way I was not having sex before morning. I just went with what I wanted and if I wanted to f*ck the guy or girl and if they wanted...I was theirs...woohoo!

Babes, 8 month? sweetie...there's a dick or several out there waiting for you...go get em if that is your preference. There are some nice guys out there, I've met lots. They give you hope that there is more good in the world than bad.

I have a girlfriend with skills, no way was I gonna sleep over and keep my hands to myself.

Later babes.

Chuck said...

How could I possibly fall asleep before I get my "cookie"?

That's just silly!!!

Crushed by Ingsoc said...

I disagree with all the recent comments.

If you respect someone, you don't have sex straight away- that's what you do wih one night stands that you plan never to see again.

But there is nothing wrong with sharing intimacy whilst you make sure ou know whay you BOTH want.

Sex on first meeting is fine, I do it myself, but not if you want something more.

Obesio said...

I can only speak for myself (except when representing a small, landlocked, otter-exporting nation at the UN), but my bedroom is like the lion's cage at the zoo. Anyone who wanders into the "kill zone" is fair game. Grease yourself up. Poppa Bear's got work to do. Oh, and the same rules apply at your place.

Josh said...

I'll let you know how it goes when I spend my first evening with the bf.

RAFFI said...

to me sleepover means, after we've had hot sex, i roll over and fall asleep

Chucky said...

I'm with Mr. Underhill on this.

"Maybe by sleep over they mean passed out drunk?"

That's my vote!

Keshi said...

Sex is a big part of being intimate and expressing love, lust wuteva. So to sleep without shagging is like to eat without swallowing. Pun again haha!

** haven't had sex in 8 months.

Does this have something to do with the Aussie 'drought'? :)


Anonymous said...

Just calm down, possum, and take a deep breath. Cosmo doesn't have to be right, infact, I think your style is probably better. just get the shannaningans over with , I say!

You do it your way, girl, and I bet the guy won't be wishing you'd done what Cosmo says!

NAME: Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

Well, if you want to break your 8-month slump, it's real easy, just walk up to someone at random and say, "Want to play suck the sausage followed by hide the sausage with no expectation of cuddling afterwards?" A guy would have to be a FOOL to pass that up.

phishez_rule said...

The tally is this

Shag - 14
Sleep - 3

With a few obscure ones and some repeats.

I'd like to say I'm not going to do/not do anything because of what my readers have said. Not that I'm in that position or anything.

Sakura - Seems its not you

Mr Underhill - My bathroom sink is scummy enough as it is.

Pie - I want details

Mel - I'm begging for it already

Ingsoc - thats so sweet. How the hell do you last weeks?

Avi - sleep before sex doens't make that much sense does it?

Kelly - and confused girls too

Natalia - i love reading guys mags. They're so funny

Sharnee - I did see from my sitemeter that you'd dropped by

Sumiko - ooh, awkward sex. *shudder*

Mist - Does hissy join you?

SZJ - I don't think you're supposed to keep your hands to yourself when you've had sex before

Chuck - cookie keeps me awake

Ingsoc - Well if the first sleep over is a few weeks in, then what? If you're really comfortable with each other. Or if you were already friends with that person for months before hand?

Obesio - that is fantastic. I love that analogy

Josh - I'm sure it will be amazing

Raffi - wouldn't that be an 'over sleep'?

Chucky - well he'd definitely be useless after that

Keshi - Well the drought is breaking. The aussie one that is.

Betty - Thanks

Kenneth - Two letters. S.R. I'm not up for that anymore.

Crushed by Ingsoc said...

Phish- That's different.
You would sleep with someone and not have sex for example, if you met them at a party and you really clicked on an intellectual level, as well as a physical level and decided to sleep together, simply to sleep in eachothers arms and no more.

Basically it's about reaching the right level of comfort and respect first.
As you say, there are many ways you can reach that. But sharing a bed literally to sleep together is one way of acheiving a levl of mutual closeness before the step is taken which can never be gone back from.

Remember, sleep with a friend and one of two things happen.
You gain a lover or lose a friend.

Keshi said...

well Im glad :)


The Ego said...

I have often slept in the same bed with men for practical reasons( couch too small) after a great late date.
It's also a good way of weeding out the creeps- if they can't behave like a gentleman they never see my bed again.

Chai said...

I reckon there is no formula. Just do what comes naturally, not pressured or forced by any person or article. You'll know what to do when the time comes, be it date #1 or #10. Of course, this assumes you're not incoherent from the alcomahol.