Sunday, June 17, 2007

Warning: Redhead enthusiasm overflow

This is something I was going to bitch about a while ago, but it was basically as a blog filler thing. So I didn't use it. It has now driven me pretty much insane and I have to get it out of my head else my brain is in danger of exploding and showering everybody within about 50 feet with grey goop.

I have some friends that are incredibly selfish. They have absolutely no idea about what other people are going through and cannot comprehend asking others about how they are feeling. These people aren't people that I see or speak to every day. In fact, they live interstate. So pretty much all of my conversations with them are limited to internet and messaging. Which, in this instance, works really well.

These people are fun to spend time with, they are intelligent and funny, and have varied points of view on a range of topics, and they're willing to help when it doesn't inconvenience them. Its not that they treat me as a doormat. They respect my opinions and listen to my advice. But if anything goes wrong in my life, I cannot turn to them. No matter what goes wrong in my life, they always turn it to a discussion about their boyfriend or ex girlfriend from three years ago.

This isn't just a feeling that I get. Because of our communication medium, there is documented proof. This is just about one person here. All conversations are verbatim, and all one liners have been contextualised.
  • He bitches about his job. How its so far from where he lives. How he works nights, and so has nobody to talk to because all of his friends work when he's free. He complains that my job is so much more exciting than his. He bitches that he never dates because of his hours. He wanted me to write his profile for some internet dating site.
  • Spoke to him a week or so after the whole 'SR's a fucking cunt' episode. Told him some shit had been happening. Directed him to my blog because recounting it still makes me cry (did it just yesterday). Saw him on MSN a few days after that. He checked out my blog, read a few posts (I directed him to how long ago that post was) but didn't go back that far. His words (in the context provided) were "u know me if its not right now i find it hard to connect to it." Two lines later, he's telling me all about a girl he had a crush on in high school.
  • Green Eyes told me about a fantastic job in Brisbane. Its too far for me, but I immediately thought that this person would be well suited to it. I told him the day I found out. According to my phone it was 03/June/07
Him: Hey can you look at the selection criteria of that [job title here] i need help answering it
Me: Email it to me and I'll get to it asap. When's the closing date?
Him: 12Th not much time
Me: Ok. I'll make a point to jump online at some stage with you and go through it with you

Him at 1:56am You could probably relate to the nightmare im in im out with firends watching the girl ive had a crush one for six years hook up with a guy she's know for five mins sorry to message so late but its hours til trains start and its this or kill myself
Me at 2 am: You know that sympathetic messages are harder to write at two am. Is this happening or is it a literal nightmare?
him at 2:21am No its happening we are at cabaret and she is sitting next to me on the lap of this guy kissing his hands are everywhere my mood on my first night out in months has gone from great to lowest of lows in seconds am leaving now alone and worst part is have to sleep at her place while she no doubt sleeps with him in time next room the thought alone makes me want to drive home but i can't

I begin composing text but fall asleep

Me at 4:35am At best I can tell you to broaden your horizons. The worst is pretty damn rude. I'll talk to you this afternoon
Me at 3:07pm I'm online now if you want to do that selection criteria

Ok. He's had a CRUSH on this girl for six years. Thats since HIGH SCHOOL. He's been through uni and had an extremely serious relationship since then. Which, incidentally, she ended because of his selfishness. He hasn't said anything to this girl about it, hasn't tried anything. AND he has admitted to me that the girl he had a crush on in high school (though no mention of if its the same girl) has recently become single, and he knows he has no chance with her
Him: So after I messaged you, me and martin left the club and went for a walk so he could get some food and i could get control of myself before crying (not that i told anyone that). we all went back to [girls] place and... well everyone had sex, so things turned out quite fun
Me: how did the job application go?
Him:didn't apply, never got around to talking to you about selection criteria with u
Me: and you are completely incapable of doing anything for yourself?
Him: but there are a few jobs i heard about when i made my initial enquiry.
omg, way to overreact
so i decided to apply for one of the ones coming up later
Me: you are an idiot. you bitch and moan and complain about how crap your life is, and you don't EVER take steps to do anything about it

Really twat face? You said you were all alone and had nobody there? Did Martin magically appear and was hungry?
NO apology for the 2 am wake up, which was what was pissing me off. Of course, thats not an inconvenience at all. No thankyou AT ALL for trying to help.

Him (via text): Fuck off phish i don't hate my life and i never asked you to find me a job thats not the only job out there thanks again for not caring about my good news as usual you love to crap on about yourself and only care about other when they are feeling down


And then I get textually bitch slapped for giving enough of a damn to try. AND I get insulted and made to feel selfish for only caring about people when they're down. Newsflash cunt... the only time you can give a damn about you is when you're feeling like shit. Because in the whole time I've known you, I've never known you to say something like 'I'm having a wonderful day, my life is great'.
Oh, and naturally if you don't hate your life, you don't threaten to kill yourself. The only goddamned reason I responded to that text in the first place was because of that little addendum and I honestly believed you were capable of it.

You don't have the qualification to get a job which pays more than you're on at the moment. So if you wanted to get into that field that was really your only shot.

I'm not the only person who knows you and is sick of hearing your whinging.


R2K said...

: )

Crushed by Ingsoc said...

Hmmm. It's difficult to comment because I don't know the circumstances.
It sounds like your friend is in an unrequited love situation. At this moment in time, this was taking priority over other things.
One doesn't have a crush for six years, that's something more. It sounds like he hangs around her hoping for something to happen.
This probably takes priority over EVERYTHING else, but he never quite gets the guts to do anything.

In a sense he does hate his life, in that he doesn't have her. To him, that's probably more important than how much he gets paid.
Love is a funny thing.

Princess of the Universe said...

It's probably much easier for him to get angry with you than direct it towards the appropriate target- either crush girl, or himself.

I would take a break from him for quite a while..

NAME: Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

You're going to be exhausted trying to motivate this guy.

Sakura said...

Sounds like a twat. I know what you mean though, I seem to attract people like that all the time. We all have our problems, but friends are meant to be there for each other not bang on about how bad their life is and not do a thing about it and then when you need some help they run a million miles away.

phishez_rule said...

r2k :P

Ingsoc - Its not love. Its obsession

Princess - the words 'quite a while' are well heeded.

Kenneth - I'm already exhausted. Theres nothing left to give this guy

Sakura - thanks for understanding.

Crushed by Ingsoc said...

And how do you differentiate between unrequited love and obsession?
People have died for it.

Chai said...

A tosser.
I've friends like that. They love to lament how unfair life is but wont change anything cos then they'd have nothing to complain about.
I think once you realise that, u accept them as they are, painful as it is. I can only handle these friends in small doses.

phishez_rule said...

Ingsoc - Unrequited love gives, obsession takes. For example, UL is taking her to dinner and opening the door. O is taking her to dinner then chaining the doors shut and holding the place up at gunpoint. See the difference?

Chai - I already knew that. But ANY dose at 2am is waay to big.

Ms Smack said...

Friendship is meant to be two ways. An unconditional relationship based on mutual respect, honest communication and a genuine concern for someone's well being. If the r'ship doesn't provide that for you, it's not a friendship, it's case management with lousy pay.