Sunday, June 24, 2007


After a big night out there are two things I do as soon as my brain begins to function.
  1. See who I rang last night, call them back to apologize
  2. See who I texted last night, text them an apology
It seems I have to now add a third
  1. (<== imagine that says '3' right there instead of '1') See who I emailed last night. Cringe.
I had rather a big night. I met the Gay Biotch's boyfriend (for the first time) and we went karaoke-ing. I shall name him the Singer. And I got slightly intoxicated. I started on vodka, lime and sodas. I figured I'd hit 95kg so I'd stick to the not-quite-making-my-hips-hate-me type drinks. After about six of those, I somehow managed to switch to beer. The damn lime-sodas were going down so fast. The kicker is this - each type of alcohol affects me differently.

Vodka perks me up and makes me party. Bourbon cools me down. Tequila makes me take unexpected naps. Rum makes me hug toilets. Cocktails make me flirty and generally gives you a 100% chance of copping an eyeful of cleavage. Beer makes me talk. The more beer, the more inner dark secrets get spilled. If you want to know my life story, buy me two beers and just wait. Its embarrassing. And not something I want to expose people to at first meeting.

Yes, I did sing. I'm a terrible singer. For some reason God chose to endow me with fantastic breasts but no singing voice. I know I can't sing, so I chose 'party songs' like Loveshack, sung as a duet with the Biotch. That was fun. Apparently we were very entertaining. And he dragged me up to crash someone else's song. I thought he was dragging me up for a groove, but he went onto the stage and I just followed.

Anyhoo, as the night progressed, and after I had gone through that 'I love you' stage of intoxication, I started going through my phone. Texting people. Stupid move. Then when I got home I decided it would be a fantastic idea to email all of the bloggers in my email contacts to draw their attention to yesterdays post. *Cringe* For this guys, I'm so sorry. But I did get a kick out of how well written the email was, considering my level of inebriation, and I got a huge kick out of the last line.

"Now if you'll all excuse me, I've been drinking and need to vomit."

I didn't vomit. I ended up eating chips and going to bed.

Oh yeah, before I forget. I was a slammin' hottie last night too.

You can't even see my bingo wings. Huzzah!

But now I look like a vampire. Last nights mascara has smudged. I'm covered in glitter, bloodshot eyes and VERY pale.

I've just discovered that my Tourettes Pool post was put on the Australian index (search page 1, number 5) as an 'interesting post'. How awesome is that!


Lord Chimmy said...

Alcohol and all forms of modern communication are always a bad combination.

Too bad we don't communicate in Morse code. The degree of difficulty would perhaps curb our desire to send messages to people we ought not send messages to. And, even if we did get a message probably wouldn't make ANY sense.

phishez_rule said...

Just like when we try to talk when we're drunk.

All Head, No Shaft said...

Maybe there should be a breathalizer attached to all communication forms.....

I, personally, need a 10 minute delay between when I hit send on a reply and when it comes back and askes me if I am sure....

Cazzie!!! said...

Whats going on girl, in my absence you change your blog look, well, I reckon whatever you choose is just great...will backread posts sooon :)

Crushed by Ingsoc said...

Another new avatar...
And I've STILL not uploaded mine yet.

I forgive you, thousands wouldn't...

Ms Smack said...

I'm tempted to email you my mobile number just to get a txt like that ! HAHAA

Great picture! You are smokin' !

Natalia said...

You do look smashing :)


Anonymous said...

You should post the after picture, as well.

Pie said...

I like that picture ^_^

LOL, the beer effect. It's especially exaggerated if you're quiet the rest of the time.

Spiky Zora Jones said...

That is so funny...ever notice how everyone sings the B52's Love Shack? It's a fun song to sing.

Yep give me 2-3 glasses of wine or what ever and I am flirty. babes rule, plus (not wanting to sound like Paris) but you are hot. Those eyes! Babes you kinda make me all warm. I think I'll stop here. Um, give the girl a cocktail. Hehehe.

Chucky said...

Yeah. At least I'm not the only person that has to do that after drinkin'.

Only I ended up dropping my cell in some water yesterday. It's not lookin' to good for my cell right now.

Anonymous said...

this is too funny. I needed that. Rum makes me hug toilets too!

Anonymous said...

ah yes, the drink and dial routine. I know it well. I usually ring international, or at the very least, interstate. It just makes it all more exciting, and expensive.

Lowry said...

Note to self: get phish cocktails lol

Webmiztris said...

that's why I don't blog drunk. blog high, yes, but drunk? no. lol! And that's always why I stick with beer and cherry bomb shots only when I'm least I know what 'outcome' to expect!!

phishez_rule said...

AHNS - I wish they did that. Would be a hell of a lot more convenient than a damn camera phone

Cazzie - Its been busy here

Ingsoc - Always with new avatars. I like to keep people guessing

Ms Smack - thanks for the email. I'll respond to it soon. I'm quite slack.

Natalia - smashed and smashing

Mr U - there is no after pictures Vampires don't show up in mirrors or cameras.

Pie - I'm not quiet, but I AM very private

SZJ - Its quite strange. I can ALWAYS get guys to buy me cocktails.

Chucky - I hope it gets well soon

Echo - I'm glad I could cheer you up.

Betty - anybody in particular or do you just ring random people and hope they don't hang up on the drunk aussie

Lowry - When you come down under

Miztris - I don't like being surprised by my responses to mind altering substances. Its not that big a deal until I come down. Then its shameful

Dan said...

I'm sure you're always a slammin' hottie!

Lowry said...

Do you intend the pun? lol

Josh said...

Between you and Gay Biotch, I'm sure it was a very faithful rendition of Loveshack. :)

phishez_rule said...

Dan - Only when I try

Lowry - no. But thanks for pointing it out!

Josh - Err, it was more of a drunken rendition.