Flop 'em out bitches!

Penis secret is on. It is so on. Here are the 'guidelines'

#1 - Write secret on penis
#2 - Take picture
#3 - Email to phishez_rule@hotmail.com
#4 - Check back

Simple!

This is supposed to be a fun site, not a porn site. So NO CUMSHOTS. They will not be posted. I will name and shame anyone who sends me a cumshot.

All entries will be posted anonymously.

I love holidays. Purely because the calories don't count.

But that first apple when you're back is a bitch.

It was chilly. The wind whistled outside, rattling the screen on the window. She could hear branches clinking together further out. She had no idea where she was. The darkness was complete. She blinked to clear her vision. There was something in her eyes. She moved her hand to her head. She hurt all over. Touching her fingertips lightly to her temple she felt blood, sticky and fresh, but not flowing. She didn't think it was hers. She reached out a hand and felt something. Soft and smooth like skin, but too cold to be another person. They were sticky too.

Somewhere in the distance a scream was let out. It was thin but bloodcurdling. Someone was in immense pain or terror. Maybe both. Suddenly she understood the other that she felt. It was a body. Someone long dead and sticky with blood. Blood that was fresher than the body itself, but wasn't hers.

The scream ended abruptly. Her own breathing quickened. She breathed in shallowly. Trying to be calm but verging on terror. She desperately looked around, vainly trying to see anything. She was too terrified to move, to think, to act. A small part of her brain told her that if she was to survive, she must move. The other knew where she was. She needed to find a way to defend herself. But the voice of terror was much greater, and drowned out the logic the way that a forest will drown the grass.

Slowly the door creaked open. She could feel rather than see it was moving. Maybe it was the breeze caressing the hair on the back of her neck. She held her breath. A rancid smell emenated into the room. A smell that threatened to unleash the terror inside. She couldn't hear anything.

Suddenly she felt a gentle shove in the small of her back. Silently she fell, eyes closed, mind screaming

I opened my eyes and stared wildly around, heart beating wildly. It was just a dream. The cat wasn't happy to be moved on. She had just settled herself down to sleep.

Phish and the Video Nazi

I am completely incapable of watching a movie all the way through. Its ridiculous. I have about 6 half watched movies sitting on top of my DVD player. I'll put a movie on, watch a bit, then wander off to cook dinner, or email, or compose a blog.

The thing is, I am a compulsive DVD buyer. Last month I bought about 8 or 9 DVDs. Guess how many I watched all the way through in one sitting. Thats right. None. Nil, zip, zilch, nada. A big, fat zero. I'll end up putting one on for a bit, getting distracted and turning it off. When I go to watch the next DVD I'll choose a different one and put that on instead. It can take me up to about 3 weeks to watch one damn movie. Thats why I like TV series. On DVD. I don't have the patience to watch TV.

Its not that I don't have the attention span. But a movie for me is filler. So unless I'm doing something, like sewing (yes, I sew), or exercising, I get distracted. I watched a movie all the way through last night. Equilibrium. Such an awesome movie that one. I must have seen it in excess of 10 times. It makes you think, and is filled with ass kicking and serious hotness. Christian Bale and Taye Diggs. Enough to make any sane person go all gooey.

***

A few years ago, when I was on break from uni, I was staying with my sister. We hired some movies. The wench who runs the video store was quite possessive of her stock. Why she chose to run a product rental business when she was that way inclined is absolutely beyond me. My sisters roomie (and best mate) refused to even walk past the store because she returned a video two days late and hadn't yet paid the late fee.


We had some movies that were due back. And by the time we had located them and made to go, it was at the cut off time for returning them. No-one else was game to return the movie, even though it was literally 10 minutes late. So they decided to send naive young me in to do it, like a lamb to the slaughter.

I walked in and deposited the case in the slot. Immediately the old crone appeared, waving her wrinkled jowls in an imaginary breeze. I gave her a polite greeting and turned to go. As I nearly hit the door she shreiked across the store, 'This is llLLAAATTTE!!!'

I just turned to her, shrugged and said 'I know,' and walked out the door. Seriously what the fuck else did she expect? I knew before I dropped off the video that she'd hit us with a late fee, what else could she do?

I'm not allowed in that store anymore. By my sisters order.