Sunday, July 01, 2007

Phish and the Video Nazi

I am completely incapable of watching a movie all the way through. Its ridiculous. I have about 6 half watched movies sitting on top of my DVD player. I'll put a movie on, watch a bit, then wander off to cook dinner, or email, or compose a blog.

The thing is, I am a compulsive DVD buyer. Last month I bought about 8 or 9 DVDs. Guess how many I watched all the way through in one sitting. Thats right. None. Nil, zip, zilch, nada. A big, fat zero. I'll end up putting one on for a bit, getting distracted and turning it off. When I go to watch the next DVD I'll choose a different one and put that on instead. It can take me up to about 3 weeks to watch one damn movie. Thats why I like TV series. On DVD. I don't have the patience to watch TV.

Its not that I don't have the attention span. But a movie for me is filler. So unless I'm doing something, like sewing (yes, I sew), or exercising, I get distracted. I watched a movie all the way through last night. Equilibrium. Such an awesome movie that one. I must have seen it in excess of 10 times. It makes you think, and is filled with ass kicking and serious hotness. Christian Bale and Taye Diggs. Enough to make any sane person go all gooey.

***

A few years ago, when I was on break from uni, I was staying with my sister. We hired some movies. The wench who runs the video store was quite possessive of her stock. Why she chose to run a product rental business when she was that way inclined is absolutely beyond me. My sisters roomie (and best mate) refused to even walk past the store because she returned a video two days late and hadn't yet paid the late fee.


We had some movies that were due back. And by the time we had located them and made to go, it was at the cut off time for returning them. No-one else was game to return the movie, even though it was literally 10 minutes late. So they decided to send naive young me in to do it, like a lamb to the slaughter.

I walked in and deposited the case in the slot. Immediately the old crone appeared, waving her wrinkled jowls in an imaginary breeze. I gave her a polite greeting and turned to go. As I nearly hit the door she shreiked across the store, 'This is llLLAAATTTE!!!'

I just turned to her, shrugged and said 'I know,' and walked out the door. Seriously what the fuck else did she expect? I knew before I dropped off the video that she'd hit us with a late fee, what else could she do?

I'm not allowed in that store anymore. By my sisters order.

17 comments:

Me said...

So what eight or nine DVDs did you buy last month?

Mister Underhill said...

I am the same way with movies. For a while I was burning about 50 a month from netflix and now I have hundreds and hundreds of movies...and have not watched one in weeks.

Mister Underhill said...

I used to actually buy them, but then I realized I usually watch them all of one time and then after that they just clutter up the house just like my (insert any other stupid thing I buy and don't use).

Betty Boob Hug said...

Gosh, we are so alike, I also do have the attention span of a gnat when it comes to watching a movie to the end - unless I am at the cinema. Because I have to sit and watch that through the end cause I have no where to go and do the dishes or ring somebody or check my emails. But I squirm in my seat and I do get a bit testy. What is that? ADD for grown adult women with too much on their mind?

Oh Christian Bale, bless that man. He is just a gem. Why is he not hailed as a genius?!! Have you seen him in Batman Begins....I nearly choked on my malteaser ball when he gets all dark n dirty. God he is one sexy man. Damm!

Ah video shop rentals....in my old house I had a radius of about 15km that I couldnt'go to hire out movies such was my debts in all the dozen stores. I had to get my friends to borrow them for me. ANd then I didn't even watch half of the endings on them.

Chucky said...

woah! that's a crazy ol' lady!

phishez_rule said...

Me - The holiday, bend it like beckham, call of the wild, white fang, the break up, just like heaven. I don't remember the others

Mt Underhill - they're so cheap its not worth the time to download or rent

Betty - I think cinemas only work for me because its a new movie, I'm paying for it, and its basically a sensory deprivation environment.

Chucky - we had a good old chuckle at her.

Oestre-Bunny said...

Crazy old bat!

I love movies, I'd quite happily sit and watch them all day. And have been known to do so. I don't really have the attention span to watch a tv series and be able to know what they are all talking about from one week to another.

Equilibrium is an excellent movie. I love Sean Bean...and Christian Bale.

Crushed by Ingsoc said...

We used to take out about ten videos a week from the store at Uni.
We'd return them when we could be bothered, as in ones we liked, w'd watch several times and keep for a bit.
because we were good customers- as in borrowed loads, the store used to let us off the fines half the time.

Tug said...

I'm with you...cannot sit & watch a movie. I usually watch it 5 or 6 times before I've seen it through, & then I've missed parts.

I think you should be THE ONE to take them back from now on - good answer!!

Natalia said...

My mum fast-forwards through a lot of the movie. She can' sit through one without doing that.

-N

Keshi said...

she's a bitchy videosterness!

Keshi.

phishez_rule said...

Oestra - Sean Bean plays such a good bad guy. He's like Tim Curry that way. It took me ages to figure out what movie I knew him from. About three watches to figure out he's from Braveheart.

Ingsoc - sounds like she could give the old bat lessons.

Tug - I always miss bits. Drives me nuts

natalia - I fast forward through the credits. Does that count?

Keshi - yes, yes she is.

Desirea Madison said...

Sounds like a small town.

phishez_rule said...

Desi - yeah. A very small town. What gave that away?

poody said...

I love that scene inEquilibrium where he goes into the dark room and starts shooting away! I love that guy! Did you see him in American Psycho? He was great and scary as hell!

Webmiztris said...

i can't imagine taking 3 weeks to watch a movie....lol that would totally ruin it for me. I don't think I ever saw Equilibrium...I added it to my Queue though. :)

phishez_rule said...

Poody - I love the scene in the nether with the puppy, and I love the end scene

Webmiztris - I can only watch when all the lights are off in the apartment.