Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Pink bits

I don't know what it is, but every female blogger who has a vibrator will mention it in at least one post. Or feature it, as I'm about to do (and have done, lots of times).

I have a theory. And I've worked long and hard researching this theory. See I theorise that pink 'adult novelties' are better than other colours. Pink and pink type shades (verging on purple and red). I don't know what it is, but they always seem to hit the right spot, rub the right way, and generally make you scream and wriggle harder than you would do otherwise.

The blue ones - they don't quite hit the spot. They have good texture and shape, but they don't apply pressure where and when you need it.

The green ones are impressive looking, but thats all they have going for them.

The flesh coloured ones don't really move the right ways. They're generally 'life like' but its kinda difficult to get the leverage or 'thrust' going that will imitate a good hard fuck.

The yellow ones are just plain uncomfortable. Even if they do light up.

Black ones are ugly.

Brown ones are just plain wrong.

Glass ones are cold.

But the pink ones - they're perfect. I guess, as a girl, there's something that tells me that only pink things should go in there. They move the right way, rub the right bits, stimulate here, vibrate there. And before you know it I've got my knees up around my ears, struggling to breathe.

My favourite 'novelty*' at the moment is pink. Its simple and sleek and elegant. And makes me scream like a two dollar whore. Its been such a good friend. But lately its beginning to show the strain.

See, when I first got it, it was quiet. Oh so quiet. But really powerful. Its still got the same effect. But its getting kinda noisy. See, the bullet in the middle has a crack in it. And I may have overused it to the point where I've worn a notch for my thumb and forefinger. It still works just as well, but instead of being able to use it whenever I want, I now can only use it under the blanket and doona, with cover music on. And let me tell you, it gets damn hot (temperature wise) under there pretty darn quick.

So I have to replace faithful pink. Its heartbreaking. Its like losing your best friend.

*Stupid term. Its not a novelty. I take it very seriously.

25 comments:

phishez_rule said...

I think I should start dating.

Pie said...

Pink and purple ones are better. Black ones always seem to be made out of disused car tyres.

Betty Boob Hug said...

phishez: please give me some tips! what brand do the pink ones have to come in? I have tried a few but have thrown them all out after just a few months...and now I am vibratorless. None hit the spot for me. But the pink ones can make you scream like a two dollar whore? I need names, honey, I need names.

Kelly said...

LOL! Yes... dating might help this...

They make GLASS ones??

Crushed by Ingsoc said...

Jesus, you have some collection there!
Is that healthy?

poody said...

I saw a glass one at the store the other day and it looked well... cold and uncomfortable!

phishez_rule said...

Pie - you've really gotta watch out for the old wires in them too.

Betty - Check your email

Kelly - yep. If they don't vibrate, they're a waste of money.

Ingsoc - I've had to dispose of a full collection because they were 'interfered' with. Long story. To cut it short, men are cunts.

Poody - They have their uses but I'm not really into them.

The Ego said...

I don'tlike fake dicks.What I prefer is the Keigelmaster. That's weight resistant training for ya!Use one of these babies and you could choke someone to death with a squeeze.
I would worry that vibratots would have the opposite efect in stretching one.

fingers said...

It's just incredible the way you chicks can boast about your toy collections without batting an eyelid.
There seems to be millions of you, all out there cramming shiny objects into your respective nests like deranged bowerbirds...

Crushed by Ingsoc said...

I hope I'm not included in that generic statement!

Keshi said...

Date a monkey...rem men arent any different LOL!

**They move the right way, rub the right bits, stimulate here, vibrate there.

ok now I need a cold shower!


Keshi.

Legaleagle said...

Come to think of it, the pink DO work better! I think you should do some serious research on this. I'm willing to participate in that study. Would there be free pink vibrators?

Betty Boob Hug said...

I like fingers comments, hahah! good one!

phishez_rule said...

Ego - they look more like art than dicks. Which is a good thing cuz I don't want a drawer full of those. That would be plain creepy.

Fingers - Its not my nest I'm cramming them into. Unless you're using 'nest' as code for 'snatch' and 'deranged bowerbird' for 'sexually frustrated hornbag'

Ingsoc - Are you telling me that you have NEVER lied, cheated or stolen (or in general fucked over) a chickie to get laid?

Keshi - no, you need batteries.

LE - if you find someone who does that I'll sign up. Even if I don't get to keep the samples. And so long as they're not recycled.

fingers said...

I can't believe you cracked my ingenious code.
Imagine a guy blogging about wearing out the bearings, burning out the gears or cracking the kevlar housing on his electric 'Tossle-Fondler 5000' ??
You'd all be screaming 'WANKER' at the top of your lungs if you weren't so knackered from diddling yourselves to a standstill...

phishez_rule said...

Hey all guys masturbate. Thats a fact of life. If you blogged about it we'd be very 'whatever' about it.

You don't need to blog about it for us to know that you are one.

Crushed by Ingsoc said...

Hmm.
OK, I'll shut up.

Kelly said...

I've had to dispose of a full collection because they were 'interfered' with. Long story. To cut it short, men are cunts.

oh! Blog on THAT!! :-D

fingers said...

'...a full collection...'
The mind boggles.
Did you keep them in a golf bag or something...

phishez_rule said...

Kelly - thats way too a depressing and violent story.

Fingers - no, they were kept in a box :P

fingers said...

Must be a big box...

phishez_rule said...

It fits all kinds of things.

Josh said...

They say the biggest sex organ of all is the mind, so maybe there's something about the color pink that just seems somehow appropriate for just such a job.

Fanny F said...

God I love big pink ones. Big pink ones, with a lovely big knob.

My pink vibrator is really good too.

Fanny F said...

Me again. Actually I have a glass dildo and they're pretty good actually. You just warm them up under the hot tap first.