Compare and contrast

Before.
After.

When I told the hairdresser I wanted a really short pixie cut, she was really dubious. I've had short hair before and I knew I could pull it off. Damn, she got really enthusiastic when most of it was gone. I think she was more excited than me!

Introspection

This time of year is quite funny. More ironic and strange than humourous. I usually spend Christmases alone. Which is no drama. I've done it for 5 years. I usually make a little deal of it, but it is just another day. Have a nice roast turkey lunch with veges, or, for the past few years, I've had turkey, ham and salad. Spend the morning opening presents, have a yummy lunch, and have pudding for dessert.

For the first time in 3 years I get a Christmas off. Which is quite strange.

Today is my Grandmothers birthday. Its 20 days to Christmas. Today is traditionally the day I put up the Christmas tree. If it doesn't go up by Nan's birthday, it doesn't go up at all. This year I got a little psyched about doing Christmas. But now I'm broke, I told my family I wouldn't be doing Christmas this year. I'd have to post everything to each individual, which is expensive and a pain int he arse. I got something for my mum. I had to post her a birthday present already. Silly old bag has already unwrapped it. Sometimes I wonder who's supposed to be the kid here. I also got something for my dad. I bought it off the net and they automatically post it.

I bought a gift for a mate too. She hasn't opened it, but its the kind of thing that is best opened prior to Christmas.

This Christmas I'm going to have turkey, ham and salad. Gotta stick to the diet. The only concessions I'm making is to have 2 mince pies, 2 little puddings, 2 little cakes and a pack of choc chip gingerbread in the week around. I still have to lose a heap of weight before New Year.

Its funny sometimes. Since I've been in Sydney, each New Year has been the direct opposite of how the previous year was. My first year here, I went out with my roomies. The following year, I was out of touch with pretty much all of them. That year I went out with my current roomie and some of her mates. Now I don't hang out with my roomie as much as I used to, and the last time I spoke to some of the guys before was prior to last New Year.

Last year I got ditched without notice. I refused to let that get to me, so I went to the city by myself, hung out, watched the crowds and fireworks. No real biggie. This year should have been better. This year by all rights I should be going out with a huge crowd, being the life of the party. This year I'll be doing the same as last year. I'll be out at Darling Harbour. One face amongst a million. Watching. Not interacting. In the middle of the crowd, but not a part of the crowd. I'll watch the fireworks, wander around a little, have a coffee, watch the next fireworks and the dissipating crowd. Then I'll catch a crowded train full of revellers and go home by myself.

Its kind of sad.

***UPDATE*** I do have offers of something to do Christmas Day. The truth is I prefer to spend it alone. I am working Christmas eve and boxing day, so travelling somewhere is out. Likewise, I'm working New Years Eve, so I've gotta be in Sydney for it. It just sucks spending New Years alone.

What does the early worm get?

My life is a series of moments. Some of which are easily classified. Some of which are not. This is an easily classified one...

There was a grasshopper in my kitchen this morning. What he was doing there was an absolute mystery to me. I live 5 floors up. I spotted the bug before my kitties. Which is a good thing, because if the cats had seen it before me I can guarantee it would have shown up half masticated in my bed before I even had my coffee.

I decided to remove said hopper to a safer place. Namely, anywhere outside. So after my coffee (cuz I attempt nothing without it) I chased the critter around the dishes, through the sink, over the stove and finally into my left hand. I cupped my right hand over it to keep it concealed from the cats. And promptly realised that I had a choice of doors to let it out of. I could go through two locked doors and throw it off the balcony, or I could go through one door that required two hands to open, and take it down the elevator with me on the way to work and drop in the the front garden.

Humm.

I opted to throw it off the balcony, managed to free one hand and open both sliding doors. I threw the little bug off the balcony and watched him fly off to a safe haven, a tree about 30 metres away. I really had to go to work, but I decided to watch the bug for a few moments and enjoy the warm glow of having saved a creatures life.

Only to have it utterly shattered as a Currawong lazily flew up and had little bug for breakfast.

Damn.

Dear Sir...

Andrew,

You were my first crush. We used to spit at each other at recess and I cut my hair one day flirting with you. I always thought you were hot. Still do, though I haven't seen you in years. I have a soft spot for you. Your best mate is a cunt.

Warm smiles forever,

Phish

Leigh,

You were my best mate and I liked you just as much as you liked me. I chickened out and set you up with your first girlfriend instead. You were still a great mate, and I'd do anything for you. But I haven't spoken to you in ages and I do miss you.

Call me sometime

Phish

Clint.

You were a mistake, but an important one at that. I wanted you, you wanted my best mate. I was drunk and horny, by your device. It was cold and you had a small penis. You could barely get it in. Just how every girl dreams of losing her virginity. NOT!

I set my standards by you these days. And every time I think of dropping them, I remember that night, and my resolve is strengthened to keep them so damned high.

BTW, you have a perpetual look on your face like you've just been hit across the back of the head with a frypan. Do something about it please.

Matt.

You were my counsellor during my parents divorce. I opened up, but was too screwed up to let you in. Thankyou forever.

Phish

J-Man

You are my best mate. I love you. I should have stayed and married you instead. I went to Sydney, you went to the Territory to muster cattle. We are world apart.

I'm sorry that you were the only person I could turn to when I was betrayed by my best mate. I'm sorry that someone else got me pregnant. Its not right. You can't have kids and I can. You want them and I don't. Why did it happen? I would have kept him. You would have loved him even though he wasn't yours. I'm sorry that you got hurt out of it. Before you knew of that, you were planning to move to NSW. Instead you went the other way, as far as you could, and I'll never have you.

You hold a piece of my heart and I don't really want it back. Look after it.

Part of me will always love you. I still dream of going back to Brisbane to be with you some day, but you're not there anymore. If you came to Sydney I'd be yours in a heartbeat.

Phish

SR,

Cunt. You hurt me more than I thought possible. I'll never trust you again.

Green Eyes

I was infatuated. I'm comfortable with you. We are so different. But you don't care about what anyone thinks of you, you are who you are. How can I not be comfortable around that?

I still think of you as a friend. I'd love to catch up sometime, see you in person rather than emails etc.

Movie sometime?

Overflow,

I did like you. I did want more. But it ended before it got there. I thought of you as a friend. After it was over you didn't even want to know my name. I thought you were a nice guy. Thanks for proving to me that even nice guys are assholes. It was a hard lesson to learn. Cruel to be kind and all.

You had the nicest penis I've ever known.

Phish