Friday, December 05, 2008

Introspection

This time of year is quite funny. More ironic and strange than humourous. I usually spend Christmases alone. Which is no drama. I've done it for 5 years. I usually make a little deal of it, but it is just another day. Have a nice roast turkey lunch with veges, or, for the past few years, I've had turkey, ham and salad. Spend the morning opening presents, have a yummy lunch, and have pudding for dessert.

For the first time in 3 years I get a Christmas off. Which is quite strange.

Today is my Grandmothers birthday. Its 20 days to Christmas. Today is traditionally the day I put up the Christmas tree. If it doesn't go up by Nan's birthday, it doesn't go up at all. This year I got a little psyched about doing Christmas. But now I'm broke, I told my family I wouldn't be doing Christmas this year. I'd have to post everything to each individual, which is expensive and a pain int he arse. I got something for my mum. I had to post her a birthday present already. Silly old bag has already unwrapped it. Sometimes I wonder who's supposed to be the kid here. I also got something for my dad. I bought it off the net and they automatically post it.

I bought a gift for a mate too. She hasn't opened it, but its the kind of thing that is best opened prior to Christmas.

This Christmas I'm going to have turkey, ham and salad. Gotta stick to the diet. The only concessions I'm making is to have 2 mince pies, 2 little puddings, 2 little cakes and a pack of choc chip gingerbread in the week around. I still have to lose a heap of weight before New Year.

Its funny sometimes. Since I've been in Sydney, each New Year has been the direct opposite of how the previous year was. My first year here, I went out with my roomies. The following year, I was out of touch with pretty much all of them. That year I went out with my current roomie and some of her mates. Now I don't hang out with my roomie as much as I used to, and the last time I spoke to some of the guys before was prior to last New Year.

Last year I got ditched without notice. I refused to let that get to me, so I went to the city by myself, hung out, watched the crowds and fireworks. No real biggie. This year should have been better. This year by all rights I should be going out with a huge crowd, being the life of the party. This year I'll be doing the same as last year. I'll be out at Darling Harbour. One face amongst a million. Watching. Not interacting. In the middle of the crowd, but not a part of the crowd. I'll watch the fireworks, wander around a little, have a coffee, watch the next fireworks and the dissipating crowd. Then I'll catch a crowded train full of revellers and go home by myself.

Its kind of sad.

***UPDATE*** I do have offers of something to do Christmas Day. The truth is I prefer to spend it alone. I am working Christmas eve and boxing day, so travelling somewhere is out. Likewise, I'm working New Years Eve, so I've gotta be in Sydney for it. It just sucks spending New Years alone.

5 comments:

xl said...

Phishy, try to not spend Christmas and New Year alone. I have and it sucks. Plan a meal, meet up, something with friends, co-workers, gym rats, others. :)

Princess of the Universe said...

I agree - make some plans- spending it alone, even if you tell yourself, it's just another day, is still a bit sad
xoxo

Professor said...

Wistful and introspective for sure this time of year. I hate to hear you'll be spending the holiday alone- wish I could come visit for drag you to my small family shindig.

Take care and take heart- the holiday will be over soon and we can all go back to being our normal lonesome selves.

Kezza said...

I wish I could get some time alone, I'd kill to sit in on NYE and chuckle at the idiots screaming past my window however I'll be pressured into going to some bar that I hate by someone. I can just see it. You enjoy yourself now!

sparsely kate said...

It is kinda sad babe.. would you like to catch the bus or train down and have Christmas day with me and the kids!? Because you could do that you know..just give me a call. We could eat and drink all day and watch silly movies on tv.