Old Favourites

A lifetime ago, I used to listen to country music. Not a lifetime. Another person, another place away, in my not to distant past. I was so sure. Of everything. I knew who I was, what I wanted to do with my life. I knew that I could get the world if I worked hard enough. I knew that some day I'd be somebody. I'd count. I'd make a difference. Now I live in Sydney. I do make a difference. I do some serious help to the world. But if I didn't, someone else would take my place. I don't know if anyone notices I'm gone from my old job, even though I put my soul into it.

I knew what I wanted out of my love life. I wanted to be the world to someone. I wanted someone who would give up everything for me. Even though I'd never let them do it, I still wanted someone who would do it. I just didn't know how to attain the ideal. Now I don't have that ideal, and I still can't attain it. I want to love somebody, but I've been shattered by guys in the past, and pieces are missing. I don't know if I'm capable of it. I've never been in love, and I'm too jaded to believe that I can do it.

I didn't give a damn about what anyone thought of me. Ponder how much that has changed.

I used to make friends so easily. I'd just be there and they'd be drawn to me. I had all the time for all the people. I was out socialising every night. Now I'm home, stuck to facebook or one of my blogs. I miss that. Life was slower but more energetic. Now its hecticly fast, but kind of empty.

Now I'm not that girl anymore. I am someone different. More focused, more competetive, more retarded. I'm not as insecure as I was. I have grown. But tonight I wish I was still her. The girl from my past. When life was simple. Though that might have been because I didn't understand the rules.

For tonight. Just one night, I'm going back to that time. A storm is rolling in and I will log off the internet, and sit and watch it. For one night I shall be that girl.