What a day...

Mondays are SHITE. The last few days have been absolutely hell, but today has been the most up-and-down day I've had in YEARS!

Over the past few days I've been depressed, rejected, frustrated lonely and lost. I was doubting everything that I've done in the last few months. Rethought the whole move to Sydney. I am going back to square one. I accept that. But it is a better sqaure one than the one I was on when I got down here. I was so full of ideals, and in the last few weeks I've seriously had difficulty getting out of bed in the morning.

The last weekend was the lowest I've been in quite a while. People explaining petty shit to me, people ignoring me, being left alone in a house full of people. I was ditched by a good friend on Friday night, so I was all set to go out, but no-one to go with, and had this awesome photo shoot on Saturday, but got lost, couldn't find parking, couldn't call anyone who could help me. I almost pulled out of it. But I perservered, learnt a new suburb, and had stacks of fun. Once I got there.

Once it was over I was all dolled up with nowhere to go. I felt like nothing out there would ever see me the way I thought I was. Like everything I've ever been, am now, and will be in the future is absolutely inconsequential. I am a rather intelligent person. Not being egotistical or anything, thats just the way it is. But I even felt like I was too stupid to walk around the shopping centre by myself, like I was one of those people you see walking around and you know that somewhere nearby is their carer.

Normally I'm the person who laughs off all of this shit. HAHA, its all funny. Have a couple of drinks to unwind. But for some reason I couldn't. Maybe its the possible homelessness in less than a week hanging over my head, or the $450 I'm owed by the previous housemate thats making me a bit more edgy.

But its amazing how quickly stuff can turn around. Within the space of about 10 minutes I got a call from the stress relief. He wants to catch up tonight. Immediately the self esteem is boosted back to normal. Then I find out that there has been lots of interest in the rental applications I faxed off this morning. So there is an immediate reduction in stress levels. I will have a place to go. I even think I may get lucky and have a choice in places.