Gifts, gifts, gifts

Christmas is tricky. Very tricky. There's the whole 'what do I get...?' and 'what if they don't get me anything?' Well, I managed to get my workmates something they always enjoy... FOOD! I made a cookies and cream cheesecake for them. It was absolutely delicious and shit easy to make. If you want the recipe email me and I'll send it. And I supplied a massive bowl of cherries for them too. Mostly because I buy a box of cherries each year at this time, but partially because I'm too stingy to buy them each something individually. Recession etc etc.

Well this cheesecake was so massive we each had a double helping, then we fed it to two other departments and then I took it upstairs and left it in the fridge with a 'help yourself' note attached. Seriously. Nommy.

So I'm left with one more group of people to give a gift to. And that's you guys. My very special and much loved readers. For you guys I have the perfect gift. Something that you always love. So stay tuned. I'm working hard on this one for you.

Old Favourites

A lifetime ago, I used to listen to country music. Not a lifetime. Another person, another place away, in my not to distant past. I was so sure. Of everything. I knew who I was, what I wanted to do with my life. I knew that I could get the world if I worked hard enough. I knew that some day I'd be somebody. I'd count. I'd make a difference. Now I live in Sydney. I do make a difference. I do some serious help to the world. But if I didn't, someone else would take my place. I don't know if anyone notices I'm gone from my old job, even though I put my soul into it.

I knew what I wanted out of my love life. I wanted to be the world to someone. I wanted someone who would give up everything for me. Even though I'd never let them do it, I still wanted someone who would do it. I just didn't know how to attain the ideal. Now I don't have that ideal, and I still can't attain it. I want to love somebody, but I've been shattered by guys in the past, and pieces are missing. I don't know if I'm capable of it. I've never been in love, and I'm too jaded to believe that I can do it.

I didn't give a damn about what anyone thought of me. Ponder how much that has changed.

I used to make friends so easily. I'd just be there and they'd be drawn to me. I had all the time for all the people. I was out socialising every night. Now I'm home, stuck to facebook or one of my blogs. I miss that. Life was slower but more energetic. Now its hecticly fast, but kind of empty.

Now I'm not that girl anymore. I am someone different. More focused, more competetive, more retarded. I'm not as insecure as I was. I have grown. But tonight I wish I was still her. The girl from my past. When life was simple. Though that might have been because I didn't understand the rules.

For tonight. Just one night, I'm going back to that time. A storm is rolling in and I will log off the internet, and sit and watch it. For one night I shall be that girl.

On retards

I am so uncoordinated. Its amazing. Truly. I have a propensity to fall down at random moments. Usually in public and most of the time in the presence of hot guys. My klutziness in this past week has outweighed Steph.

Monday, cold as fuck, wore shorts to work. It was wet and rainy. I wore white.

Tuesday, walking to the train station, I slipped. I wobbled for half a moment, then gracefully (as gracefully as someone falling over can be) managed to slide down onto my knee. Cue bruise on my knee and sore toes.

Wednesday I wore thongs to the station. Running up the escalator the tip of my thong clipped the step, and I stacked it. If I hadn't been hanging onto the rail, I would have fallen onto my arse. As it was, I managed to grab the rail and swing there for a second. Cue one wrenched wrist and a lovely set of bruises on my ankles.


Thursday I didn't fall over. I did walk straight past a co worker in the street without even seeing her, but no physical injuries. I was busy congratulating myself as I was preparing for bed that I walked straight into the end of my bed. Cue epic bruise on my thigh.

Yesterday took the cake. I got to the train station and was fossicking through my bag for my wallet when I realised... I left it at home. Cue a 20 minute round trip home, in the rain, to collect said wallet.

But this retardedness is nothing compared to what I have seen on the sphere this week. Some botched abortion, right wing 'christian' is haunting some of my fave gay bloggers. I will not link this useless fuckstain. Nobody wants to read his regurgitated religious propaganda and underlying hate for gays and alcoholics. Hell, if you manage to track this useless arseclown down, and you read his profile, you'll see a litany of books, music and movies listed that have a big chunk of gay influence, sex and violence. As another blogger who comments on my mates blog pointed out, 'Nothing wrong with that, provided you are not preaching to others about right and wrong'. I'm going to begin a rant here. If you don't want to read it, skip down and comment on how retarded I am.

He has four or so biblical quotes that he drivels out, no matter how irrelevant they are. Clearly he's never actually read the bible himself. If he did he would have noticed that there are TWO stories of creation. In the first chapter of the whole, gigantic motherload of bullshit, you find an epic contrast of the same story. Yeah, right. The bible is a great story. Its fiction, not fact, and is not meant to be treated as such. The most important part of the book is the underlying message. One of love, forgiveness and tolerance. He seems to have missed that. Jesus healed lepers and hung out with prostitutes. He was friends with the worst of the worst in that society. What he could not change, he embraced. He still loved those who were sinners. What is wrong with this buttmonkey that he cannot do the same? Does he think he's better than Jesus? Has he forgotten the humility that he lived his life with?

I pointed out these to him on his blog. But funnily enough he has comment moderation on. I'm not surprised, anyone who spews as much hate as this guy around the place is due for some return fire. He leaves comment around various blogs gloating that people are going to hell for 'choosing' to be gay. Don't even get me started on the 'choice' thing. Its bad enough that he's doing the very un-Christian thing in rejoicing that someone is going to hell. The true Christians I know would be saddened by it. Though I had to laugh at the comment he left here. You know, two seconds before I deleted it.

NEWSFLASH wanker -
I'M NOT GAY!!! I HAVE A VERY HEALTHY LOVE OF PENIS!!!

Tool. It just really bugs me that he feels free to go spew whatever vitriol he pleases, where he will. Without regard for people's feelings. And without giving them the same freedom to express themselves in return. He choses to only air the self righteous comments and those supporting his views on his blog. To me, this guy is the sort of person who turns me away from religion.

The Aftermath.

So the reaction to the haircut has been pretty much what's been seen here. Generally 'Wow,' *2 second pause* 'I like it!'

In the spirit of the new look, I decided it was high time I bought some new clothes. My old ones were hanging off me, except for my jeans, which didn't fit when I started the diet.

I dunno what it is, but I can see the fuggest clothes and make them look good. There have been several times when I've tried on clothes for the freak value, only to find out that they look fucking hot. My fave example of this was a pair of poo brown corduroy pants that looked like they'd been made out of carpet. Seriously, they were FUG! But when I tried them on, they were HAWT!

I've digressed.

So I shopped my size 16 arse off. New dress that's fug on the rack, but absolutely stunning on my rack. A few new shirts, new underwear, new socks, new gym clothes. I bought everything except pants. I even picked up a pair of shoes that go with absolutely everything.

I was stoked to be buying size 14 tops and dresses. Its a huge change for me. I've gone from a 16-18 to a 14-16. I didn't want to buy a whole lot cuz I'm broke, and

So when I got my few purchases home I looked at my overflowing cupboards and decided to clean them out.

Eight bags of clothes to throw out...

My cupboards are now looking a little desolate. Ahh well. Post Christmas sales are coming up...