So today is the first anniversary of my new job. and I took it as a sickie. How Australian!

I didn't want to get out of bed today. I didnt sleep well last night. It may be because of the bad news I received yesterday. But it might also be becasue of the bottle of coke I drank shortly before bed, or the fact that the new housemate left all of the bloody light on when he went to bed.

So when I woke up with a (very slightly) sore back, I jumped at the chance and called in sick. Since most of our work is very physical anyway we have to look after ourselves.

I did nothing all day. Picked up a parcel. Came home, browsed blogs, called SR (please chuck - don't e-kick my e-arse), washed a blanket, tried to play games, browsed my music collection, spoke to a friend on the internet...

Nothing I did today was completed. Just a half arsed day by myself. Even my crying was half arsed. A sob here, few tears there. Not much of anything. I still can't beleive it.

I added a heap of pages to my bloglist to stalk. But I haven't really read any of them. Just an article here and there. Half arsed again.

I have come to the following conclusions about blogs

• Blogs with music bug me. Its not like its good music anyway. Shitty tinny sounding stuff. If might be shaping up to be a good blog, but as soon as the music sounds I'm clicking 'next blog'
• Don't blog about political stuff that you know is contoversial and then complain that you're getting abused.
• I don't like blogs in foreign languages. Simply becuase when you get one, the next fifty you click on will be the same. And thats fifty blogs I just cannot read!
• The most mundane blogs are so damn interesting. Not 'I got up and had a piece of toast...' mundane. But its nice to see how other people live day to day. I think thats what attracted me to blogging in the first place.

I am going to see a movie tonight. But this one I'll pay to see, so I'll watch all of it. I need to get out. Go away and do something. Get out of my own head. Movies are good for me, because they make you feel... stuff. And right now stuff would be good.

Warning: not for the faint hearted

Steph is quite an ispiration

Theres nothing like the death of a friend to make you put all of your troubles behind you

Katrina was always the tall glamourous one. Thin, but not gangly. Quiet, but at the same time so NOT. And by that I mean she wasn't loud, but she sure knew how to party. Most of my memories are as a group, at the dances on college. That was where she really shone.

She seemed to have a theme song - 'when you're looking like that'. And every time I heard that song I always thought of her. And that Shakira song about humble breasts. That was the period of time where we were friends.

On Wednesday she was taken to the emergency room by her boyfriend of over 5 years. She had pains in the back and because she had a heart problem, he was worried. The doctors concluded it was a pulled muscle and sent her home. On Thursday she collapsed. She had septicemia. Two days later she died.

She was 22. And one hell of alot of fun.

Thoughts

I'm full of milestones of late aren't I?

Well it is almost a year to the hour since I moved to Sydney and got to my place of 'residence'. I can still remember that first week. Of course my memories are helped by this site.

And at the moment I can't help but kick myself. I left for all the wrong reasons. There was someone, who I saw everyday, but couldn't be near. So when I got my chance I upped and ran. Interstate, as I tend to do. I am still very close to this person. I'm closer to him now, but my chances of being with him are further away. I've changed too much. And it kills me. I liked who I was. I'm not saying I don't like who I am now, but I feel so far removed from the best I can be right now.

I have had some really good times, and I have met some amazing, special people who I think will be lifelong friends, and just tonight I have met someone new. But on the whole I find Sydney people to be rude, arrogant assholes who want to take everything you've got, and when there's nothing left they'll take a piece of your spirit.

My recent holidays have highlighted something I've known all along. If I am to have any chance of being true to myself, and getting what is best for me, I will require another interstate move. Unfortunately I cannot do this with my current financial situation. But as soon as Clancy is paid off, I will go. Back home. Back to Queensland.