The hottest dress in the history of the fat person.

I hate dresses. Especially on larger people. I'm sorry to say it, but they dont break up your figure or accentuate any one part of your body without over accentuating another part. And I hate stripes. Repetetive patterns on ANYBODY don't look that good.

Until this dress.




















Its so good for the following reasons

• It shows your cleavage (if I wasn't sans bra) and actually makes whats covered look bigger by the stripes going outwards.
• It decentuates the stomach by the stripes going in
• It decentuates the hips but at the same time makes them look curvier (even though the dress actually goes straight down) by the two degrees of inward slopping stripes.
• The middle panel goes straight down, so you're not focusing on where the inward stripes go.
• And the way the dress actually moves when its on, the stripes blur any lumpy, bumpy bits. Its actually a bit small for me. Its clinging to the excess curves, but you can't see it becuase of that.

But quite apart from that its HAWT!

"There are bugs in my room!"

Picture this. I'm asleep, as happens at night. Its the Thursday after New Years and I still haven't really caught up on my sleep. So I'm freaking well out of it. Almost (but not quite) to the drool stage.

All of a sudden I wake up. And I can see all of these things moving about above my bed. Completely oblivious to the fact that I can only see them moving in the light. The light shing in from the laundry. Which was off when I went to bed.

Fucking! My room is FULL of fucking mozzies. The nex thing I know (cuz I literally don't remember getting out of bed) I'm standing in front of the laundry door and my housemate is staring at me. I was just standing there looking at her. With the most blank 'the lights aren't on and there's nobody home' look on my face.

She asks me whats going on.

I mumble 'myrmfllbgs'.

Confused look.

'There are bugs in my room. My room is full of bugs'

'Really'

'Yeah'

*Pause*

'I'm goin back to bed.'

Turns out there were no bugs in my room. I have floaters in my eyes, and in the shaft of light that was coming through the cap in my door, it was all I could see.

My housemate thinks she lives with a crazy person.

Vanilla Sex

I got to thinking today. I know. Its a bad thing for me to do. Especially when I've had a day like I did today.

If sex was a flavour, what would you be and why? I'm going with icecream flavours for ease.

I don't think I'd be vanilla sex. I never had the propensity for vanilla sex. Even when I was a virgin. Although vanilla sex can be mixed with almost any other kind of sex with great results.

I don't think I'd be strawberry sex either. Strawberry sex is everyday, mundane. Thats not me.

Chocolate sex, possibly. Aside from the obvious anal connotations. Chocolate sex is slightly risque. But not really experimentationally inclined. Not routine, but close to it.

Rum and Raisin sex. Definitely not. For me this invokes very adult and very dark, nasty NAASTY fucking. Full leather face masks and fisting type stuff. The kind of thing you see in german pornos. More for show than for pleasure.

Peppermint (maybe with chocolate chips). Hmm. Close. Its refreshing and slightly surprising whenever you have it. But its not something you would have everyday, because it would get boring. And chocolate chips can feel kinda funky in your mouth.

Mango. Very exotic. I wish it were true, but its not me. To me this one means beaches, and tans. Very smooth and sweet.

Boysenbery. Very much my favourite icecream flavour. But as far as sex goes. Way to innocent. We're talking calico pinafores and twin pigtails innocent.

Lemon Sorbet. (drool). Similar to peppermint, but a bit crisper, more easygoing. and a bit more open minded. And just as much not quite me.

Rocky Road. Bingo. We have a winner. This one is full of surpirises. You don't know if your going to get soft marshmallow, crunchy nuts, or sweet sweet cherries in your next mouthful. Or just end up with none of these and have just chocolate... for now. But you know that whatever you get, it will be fun.

Sexual frustration anybody?

NYE 2007

I could blog so much about last night. But I choose not to. Suffice to say it was the best New Years I have ever had. It was perfect. Sydney really knows how to put on a show. The atmosphere was absolutely amazing. I have never been prouder to be an Aussie in my entire life. The drunkest of the drunks were happy. I didn't see anybody who was agressive or unhappy. It was peaceful. It was a real celebration. And everybody took the crowds and the sardine trains really well. Trying to cram about 6000 onto the train back into the city after the fireworks, it would have taken just one person to turn it into pandemonium. But it all went really smoothly. Full congratulations to the guys behind the show. It must have been so stressful to get it to run so well. But it was fantastic. My legs still ache. I'd do it all again. And not change a thing.

I, myself, had very little to drink. And we staggered home at 5:30 am. As people were leaving to go to work.

I'd like to thank 2007 in advance. You've gotta be better than your predecessor. 2006 can KISS MY BIG FAT ARSE! I'll even grow a nice big zit for it to suck on when its down there.

"This is to all the beautiful ladies for 2007! For the men who are fortunate enough to have us, the losers who have had us and lost us, and the lucky bastards who we've still to meet!"






And Sydney still loves its bridge.