Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Be Back Soon

I hate being on hold. Its such a waste of time. I hate hold music. ALL hold music.

Crappy jingles that companies put on to advertise their stuff drive me up the wall. Like, HELLO!!! I'm WANTING to talk to you. There is no need to push MORE of your product at me with these CRAPPY jingles. Its worse when they have about one minute of jingle and about 10 minutes of hold. If its not bad enough the first time, they'll make you listen to the bloody thing again... and again... and again... until it is so firmly etched into your brain that 5 years down the track, in one pure moment of complete peace, it will raise its ugly, irritating head. And the worst bit of all, is that the momery is only lodged in the 'I'm bored' part of your brain. So when you actually NEED to remember said company, or one of their products, you'll just have that crappy 'its on the edge of my brain' feeling when you can't quite remember something. And its not life-and-death enough to go google it.

Classical music takes my insanity, drives it out to the country, and leaves it there. Never to be seen again. I think I'm the only person to get pissed off by classical hold music. They play it to appease us. And for that reason alone I hate it. Stop messing with my head and answer the damn phone.

No hold music is the worst. It gives me nothing on which to focus my rage at being on hold. So I think. And that's never a good thing to do. My brain comes up with some really odd things at times.

And if the hold music isn't bad enough, there are the little interruptions where they tell you that your call is important, your time is important, we want your business, just wait 15 fucking minutes more. Pigs arse I'm important to you. I'm only calling because its direly important and I can't get to the appropriate section on your webpage. Or you backwards fuckers don't have a goddamned webpage!!! Each time the hold music comes off, there's a little pause, and possibly a dial tone, and your heart races. You think you're actually going to talk to a real person. You straighten up, you actually smile, thinking your phone ordeal is almost over. And then you hear it... "[Said company] appreaciates...." bullshit. You slump back down and stare blankly at the wall, desk, space etc. That bit is the worst. I count those bits. It doesn't make me feel any better. Its the effect that hold music has on me. It scrambles my brain.

But I'm always nice to the operator. I know its not their fault. Unless its centrelink and they're telling me I owe them $400 (which took 5 months to prove I didn't, but thats another story)!!!

At the end of the call I gently place the phone back in its cradle. Slowly get up or turn away from the phone. The hold music has defeated me. Then I spin back towards the phone and do my best impression of the 'Spiderweb, with no spider but leaves-which-scare-the-crap-out-of-me, and-then-make-me-angry-for-being-scared-at-leaves' dance towards said offensive object.

Hire some more operators dammit!

1 comment:

Chuck said...

I will be able to comment in approximately 5 minutes. Please hold..........................................Your comment is important to us. Please continue to hold..............

YO!!! I agree. That shit is whack!!!