Sunday, December 10, 2006

Sick Sheets

We had a party last night. It was fucking awesome. I still have to clean up :(. There is crap everywhere. And soo much food. Seems we pulled a jebus here. We started with three bags of chips, 2 packs of share chocolate, 7 bottles of mixer drinks, two packets of lollies, dip, cheese and cabanossi. Now we have 15 bags and three bowls of chips, 6 bags of lollies, about 5 packs worth of share chocolates, and 16 bottles of drink, 9 assorted premixed drinks, 2 packets of timtams, 18 bread rolls, and a roast chook. And two bowls of cheese. One of which is still sitting outside on the balcony.

We wont need to cater the next party. Except for the chocolates. I’ll make sure nobody gets food poisoning and take them out of the equation. Purely selfless I swear.

It was a good night all up. Except for one very awkward moment where some random guy my housemate invited went to help himself to my alcohol. I thought I handled it very well. I told him politely but firmly that we hadn’t provided alcohol for everybody, but if he wanted something to drink there was plenty of non alcoholic beverages in the back fridge. He just looked at me, still holding the bottle. He made NO attempt to even put it down. Fucker even questioned me about it. I repeated previous statement. If it had been a beer or something I probably wouldn’t have bothered. But FFS, we had catered this party, with dip. THERE WAS DIP PEOPLES. Letting some random I’d never met help himself to my southern comfort was just a bit much.

One of the highlights was sitting out on my hammock chatting with my new gay best friend (Don’t worry Kez, there’s room for at least two of you in my heart). He’s a bit shy about anal. So, being the drunken pervert that I am, I gave him tips, and even offered to buy him a vibrator online to make it easier for him. Share the depravity. I should get that tattooed on my butt.

Are any of my readers familiar with the concept of ‘sick sheets’? I know Jana is. We get this from my mother. When I’ve been sick, and I’m starting to recover, my sheets feel wrong and dirty to me. It doesn’t matter if I’ve washed them that day, and gotten really sick that night. I HAVE to have clean sheets on my bed when I’m starting to get better. If I’m sick for three days, I’ll wait til recovery to wash them. Last night I was really bad. I had had a lot to drink, but I’ve had more in the past, and not been that bad. I’m starting to wonder if someone put something in my drink. I crashed about 2 or 3. And spent an hour in bed shivering. I had two blankets on, and I was hot, but I was still shivering enough for it to be painful. And I got up at 4 to make an unexpected stagger to the toilet. I grabbed me a bucket on the way back to bed. I have never felt so old in my life. I ached all over. Every inch of skin, my bones and muscles. It hurt to breathe. It hurt to blink. I’m not exaggerating. If it feels like this when I get old, I don’t want to get old. I think Peter Pan was onto something. I was quite with it in my brain, but my body felt so battered. Of course since it was a house party, I had left my drink unattended all night.

The only reason I’m moving now is because I took two codeine at 8 or 9 this morning.

So now, on top of cleaning the house, I have to wash my sheets. As a bonus though – is there anything a sexy as doing your shaving/waxing just before you get into a bed with clean sheets, and sleeping nekkid? Its just a shame that my pyjamas need to be washed this arvo too ;P

Coming up – a firsthand case of identity theft, and my impulse buys.


mist1 said...

I'm glad I read the whole post. Something about sick sheets and cleaning up after a party had me going in a different direction.

phishez_rule said...

Mist - it can be a new concept for sopme people...

It's Me, Maven... said...

Color me American... what's a chook or a cabanossi?

phishez_rule said...

Maven - a chook is a chicken, and cabanossi is also known as kabana. Its a type of sausage that we have with crackers and cheese. And HI!!!