There is a hottie at work. I see him quite frequently and today he actually spoke to me. I know I shall never do anything with this hot hot foreign doctor guy. But I shall lust, because that is something I do all too well.
I dub him PD. Because he is panty droppingly hot.
Monday, June 30, 2008
Saturday, June 28, 2008
Recovery
The thing about mental illness is that, even when you know you're bad, you never realise how bad you are, until normalness returns. I have bipolar.
I've known for the last three or four weeks that I've been getting pretty bad. The dead giveaway - I didn't get any hormonal surge when I ovulated. Normally I'm viciously horny. But this month - nothing. My body chemistry is so out of whack. I ended up screaming at a co worker on Thursday. He's a passive agressive, childish bastard, who's ten years older than me. Frustration much?. And then there was the post a week ago.
Last night I cleaned. And today I cleaned. This place is spotless. Obsessively so. But it was good. I scrubbed the kitchen and did all the dishes (including my housemates), made my bed, scrubbed the toilet, even though it was done a few days ago, did 3 loads of washing, vacuumed, mopped, disinfected the litter tray, washed the rack that hold all of my toiletries in the shower (it was red with mould, ewww), tidied my desk, then dragged everything off it, dusted it and rearranged all cords that were just hanging around, straightened the couch, ... you get the drift. I CLEANED. Last time I was this bad I alphabetised my dvd's, took everything out of the cutlery drawer and washed it, got the cobwebs, windexed every mirror in the place, washed the fridge out, swept the balcony etc. Last time took 7 hours, this time only took about 4.
I had to force myself to stop. I went out to get lunch. To westfield. On a Saturday lunch, where there were a lot of people. I wondered how I'd go. Walking through a very busy section near some escalators and some prick dodges around slow cunt, right into my path. I sidestep him, as you kind of have to, and wait for the anxiety to hit and...
nothing.
It was quite a strange feeling. Elation, relief. I spent a good hour walking around the shopping centre just because I could. Yay me!
I know I'm still not all good, I won't be til I finish my current job. I have two weeks only left. The end is in sight.
I've known for the last three or four weeks that I've been getting pretty bad. The dead giveaway - I didn't get any hormonal surge when I ovulated. Normally I'm viciously horny. But this month - nothing. My body chemistry is so out of whack. I ended up screaming at a co worker on Thursday. He's a passive agressive, childish bastard, who's ten years older than me. Frustration much?. And then there was the post a week ago.
Last night I cleaned. And today I cleaned. This place is spotless. Obsessively so. But it was good. I scrubbed the kitchen and did all the dishes (including my housemates), made my bed, scrubbed the toilet, even though it was done a few days ago, did 3 loads of washing, vacuumed, mopped, disinfected the litter tray, washed the rack that hold all of my toiletries in the shower (it was red with mould, ewww), tidied my desk, then dragged everything off it, dusted it and rearranged all cords that were just hanging around, straightened the couch, ... you get the drift. I CLEANED. Last time I was this bad I alphabetised my dvd's, took everything out of the cutlery drawer and washed it, got the cobwebs, windexed every mirror in the place, washed the fridge out, swept the balcony etc. Last time took 7 hours, this time only took about 4.
I had to force myself to stop. I went out to get lunch. To westfield. On a Saturday lunch, where there were a lot of people. I wondered how I'd go. Walking through a very busy section near some escalators and some prick dodges around slow cunt, right into my path. I sidestep him, as you kind of have to, and wait for the anxiety to hit and...
nothing.
It was quite a strange feeling. Elation, relief. I spent a good hour walking around the shopping centre just because I could. Yay me!
I know I'm still not all good, I won't be til I finish my current job. I have two weeks only left. The end is in sight.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
I'd like to thank everybody who commented on the last post. After much (MUCH) soul searching the decision has been made.
I will not be going to HR with the bullying issue. Believe me, I was all prepared. I even have the HR number saved to my phone. I got it today. I knew exactly what I was going to say. I was that close.
But then I got talking to the boss. The director of the department. Someone I like and respect on both a personal and professional level. He said something that indicated he is not having an easy time in his position. And as much as I want to stop the bullying of my friend, the stress and harassment that it would place on my boss would be too much. I know he will cop some of the blame, even though it would be very ill deserved.
I cannot take a problem from one person, multiply it, and dump it on someone undeserving of it. I absolutely cannot do it. So I won't. I will hold my tongue and provide support for my friend as she needs it. I will fight the asshole supervisor as is necessary. And I know that when I go, my current supervisor will do the same for her.
I am still job hunting for her though.
I will not be going to HR with the bullying issue. Believe me, I was all prepared. I even have the HR number saved to my phone. I got it today. I knew exactly what I was going to say. I was that close.
But then I got talking to the boss. The director of the department. Someone I like and respect on both a personal and professional level. He said something that indicated he is not having an easy time in his position. And as much as I want to stop the bullying of my friend, the stress and harassment that it would place on my boss would be too much. I know he will cop some of the blame, even though it would be very ill deserved.
I cannot take a problem from one person, multiply it, and dump it on someone undeserving of it. I absolutely cannot do it. So I won't. I will hold my tongue and provide support for my friend as she needs it. I will fight the asshole supervisor as is necessary. And I know that when I go, my current supervisor will do the same for her.
I am still job hunting for her though.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
I need to stop thinking and just get this all out of my head. A huge coffee sits on my desk. Well, an empty coffee cup. I should go to bed. I'm tired but I don't want to. Blue pills bring you up, red pills bring you down. Maybe a sleeping pill, if I had any. I stop all the time to pick pimples. I'm obsessive over it at the moment. I'm mutilating my skin. Several raw wounds flare up on my cheeks and chin. I cannot stop. I don't know how. I must empty my brain.
I'm so angry right now. I think it, I type it and it sounds flat in my head. It doesn't capture the wetness in my eyes, the way my fingers tremble every time I pause. The way my breath catches in my throat when I try to compose myself. I feel like there is no letting go of it. It eats me alive. Consumes me and there is nothing left.
I worry. Its all work stuff but its causing this. Its ruining my life right now. I feel like I'm going to be sick. Though my stomach is empty of all but the coffee. I worry about my friend at work. She's going through utter hell. The work bully has overstepped his boundaries. He's pushing her and another out. The other has been there for 12 or 13 years. My friend is the hardest working individual there. She works all of her breaks, begins before starting time and is often there after knock off. And still he gives her more work, still he berates her and then holds her up from doing her work when she has no time to spare, and will tell her off for not getting her work done! I'm pushing for my friend to go to her HR manager. I worry that she will not go if there is no one there to support her. I have told her I will support her. I will give her all of my evidence that I have documented. But still she doesn't go. Today I offered to physically go with her to offer moral support. I worry that I'm going to snap and stab him in the throat. I don't talk to him. I cannot do it. And it confuses him. I hate him so much it burns. I jobsearch for her harder than I ever did for myself.
I worry that I'll never be able to work in a real environment again. One where you don't need to be constantly looking over your shoulder, pulling knives out of your back, or jumping at shadows. A job where I won't think of slashing my wrists just so that I never have to go back. Work has warped me beyond recognition.
I cannot stay home. I have nothing to do at nights, but I cannot stay home. I am weary within myself. I do not enjoy my own company at the moment and I find the cats too clingy at times. So I go. Anywhere. I went shopping tonight but could not tolerate the crowd. I wanted to hit people, spit on them and scream. I wanted to shock them out of their sane reverie. I couldn't breathe. It has been about 4 years since I've been this way and it scares me. I cannot be comfortable at home or out. I went to see a movie. I was comfortable sitting in the dark, by myself. And that's about the only place I can do it. I hate this place
I'm so angry right now. I think it, I type it and it sounds flat in my head. It doesn't capture the wetness in my eyes, the way my fingers tremble every time I pause. The way my breath catches in my throat when I try to compose myself. I feel like there is no letting go of it. It eats me alive. Consumes me and there is nothing left.
I worry. Its all work stuff but its causing this. Its ruining my life right now. I feel like I'm going to be sick. Though my stomach is empty of all but the coffee. I worry about my friend at work. She's going through utter hell. The work bully has overstepped his boundaries. He's pushing her and another out. The other has been there for 12 or 13 years. My friend is the hardest working individual there. She works all of her breaks, begins before starting time and is often there after knock off. And still he gives her more work, still he berates her and then holds her up from doing her work when she has no time to spare, and will tell her off for not getting her work done! I'm pushing for my friend to go to her HR manager. I worry that she will not go if there is no one there to support her. I have told her I will support her. I will give her all of my evidence that I have documented. But still she doesn't go. Today I offered to physically go with her to offer moral support. I worry that I'm going to snap and stab him in the throat. I don't talk to him. I cannot do it. And it confuses him. I hate him so much it burns. I jobsearch for her harder than I ever did for myself.
I worry that I'll never be able to work in a real environment again. One where you don't need to be constantly looking over your shoulder, pulling knives out of your back, or jumping at shadows. A job where I won't think of slashing my wrists just so that I never have to go back. Work has warped me beyond recognition.
I cannot stay home. I have nothing to do at nights, but I cannot stay home. I am weary within myself. I do not enjoy my own company at the moment and I find the cats too clingy at times. So I go. Anywhere. I went shopping tonight but could not tolerate the crowd. I wanted to hit people, spit on them and scream. I wanted to shock them out of their sane reverie. I couldn't breathe. It has been about 4 years since I've been this way and it scares me. I cannot be comfortable at home or out. I went to see a movie. I was comfortable sitting in the dark, by myself. And that's about the only place I can do it. I hate this place
Monday, June 16, 2008
Classic!
The other night I went to see a movie with a guy. This was the first time we'd met. We decided to go see the Indiana Jones movie. I like it, but it was kind of pointless and there were a few aspects that shitted me. But that is not what this post is about.
We had been chatting through findafuck for a while. I had no plans Saturday night, but was considering going and seeing a movie, so I asked him if he wanted to come along. He agreed and we met up just prior to the movie starting for a coffee and a chat. And the chemistry was intense. We talked through the previews. And as the movie started he leaned over to whisper something in my ear and his hand landed on my thigh. My upper, slightly inner thigh.
I jumped at one stage and it was ON! His hand went straight to my crotch. Normally I'd be the girl to slap him across the face and storm out, but I have certain... fantasies involving cinemas. So I let him go. I even returned the favour. In the middle of a packed cinema with people sitting either side of us.
So far we have intense chemistry + dark, crowded cinema + groping + 2 1/2 hours.
As the lights came on I whispered in his ear 'I can't wait to taste you'. We made out in the car. Making out turned to petting, which developed into heavy petting. And then a blow job. I laughed when he drive his car around the corner with his todger hanging out. And I laughed as a car drove past us as I was fucking him.
A good night in all. I wouldn't mind keeping this one for a bit.
We had been chatting through findafuck for a while. I had no plans Saturday night, but was considering going and seeing a movie, so I asked him if he wanted to come along. He agreed and we met up just prior to the movie starting for a coffee and a chat. And the chemistry was intense. We talked through the previews. And as the movie started he leaned over to whisper something in my ear and his hand landed on my thigh. My upper, slightly inner thigh.
I jumped at one stage and it was ON! His hand went straight to my crotch. Normally I'd be the girl to slap him across the face and storm out, but I have certain... fantasies involving cinemas. So I let him go. I even returned the favour. In the middle of a packed cinema with people sitting either side of us.
So far we have intense chemistry + dark, crowded cinema + groping + 2 1/2 hours.
As the lights came on I whispered in his ear 'I can't wait to taste you'. We made out in the car. Making out turned to petting, which developed into heavy petting. And then a blow job. I laughed when he drive his car around the corner with his todger hanging out. And I laughed as a car drove past us as I was fucking him.
A good night in all. I wouldn't mind keeping this one for a bit.
Saturday, June 14, 2008
An Ode!
To the tune of 'My Favourite Things' from The Sound of Music
Feeling his hard-on and kissing his nipples,
slow moving flickers of soft squishy tongues,
down going phishie girl sucking his cock,
these are a few of my favorite things.
Thigh slapping weiners and small cutie doodles,
dildo's and cock rings and big strap on doodles.
A good lick that ends with a suck of his nob,
these are a few of my favorite things.
Eyes on a face, brimming with lusties
staring straight up, filled with desire
Kissing and rubbing gently all over
these are a few of my favorite things.
When the buy grunts, and the cum flings,
you hope it don't get in your eye,
I simply remember my favorite things,
and then I don't feel so bad.
Feeling his hard-on and kissing his nipples,
slow moving flickers of soft squishy tongues,
down going phishie girl sucking his cock,
these are a few of my favorite things.
Thigh slapping weiners and small cutie doodles,
dildo's and cock rings and big strap on doodles.
A good lick that ends with a suck of his nob,
these are a few of my favorite things.
Eyes on a face, brimming with lusties
staring straight up, filled with desire
Kissing and rubbing gently all over
these are a few of my favorite things.
When the buy grunts, and the cum flings,
hope it don't get in your eyes,
I simply remember my favorite things,
and then I don't feel so bad.
Feeling his hard-on and kissing his nipples,
slow moving flickers of soft squishy tongues,
down going phishie girl sucking his cock,
these are a few of my favorite things.
Thigh slapping weiners and small cutie doodles,
dildo's and cock rings and big strap on doodles.
A good lick that ends with a suck of his nob,
these are a few of my favorite things.
Eyes on a face, brimming with lusties
staring straight up, filled with desire
Kissing and rubbing gently all over
these are a few of my favorite things.
When the buy grunts, and the cum flings,
you hope it don't get in your eye,
I simply remember my favorite things,
and then I don't feel so bad.
Feeling his hard-on and kissing his nipples,
slow moving flickers of soft squishy tongues,
down going phishie girl sucking his cock,
these are a few of my favorite things.
Thigh slapping weiners and small cutie doodles,
dildo's and cock rings and big strap on doodles.
A good lick that ends with a suck of his nob,
these are a few of my favorite things.
Eyes on a face, brimming with lusties
staring straight up, filled with desire
Kissing and rubbing gently all over
these are a few of my favorite things.
When the buy grunts, and the cum flings,
hope it don't get in your eyes,
I simply remember my favorite things,
and then I don't feel so bad.
Friday, June 13, 2008
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Monday, June 09, 2008
SATC
Its funny, but at the other place of blogging, I posted rarely. Not even once a week. I've been back here for just over a week and three posts churned out already!
I just saw Sex and the City. Now, I must confess, I am not a fan of the series. Indeed, I've only seen literally half an episode. But this movie I had to see. If for the fashion alone. And I LOVED it.
I laughed. I cried. Sometimes at the same time. That scene with Charlotte - priceless!
A few weeks ago a uni mate was visiting from Darwin. And she made several comments about me being similar to Sam. Mostly because of the toy obsession (I took her shopping, burnt and even gave her some of my DVD collection). And the penchant for lots of hot sex. And the Krispy Kreme thing. Seriously, those donuts are like comparing rabbit vibes to a slimline. Just not the same league.
And I've come to the realisation (I'm sure I've blogged that line a million times before) that I AM like Sam. Just half her age. And twice as stupid. But yes, I can see that in 25 years I'll be more established in my career. Networking? I do that like I breathe. You want something? Just ask good ole' phishy and she can sort in in one phone call. I can be a ball buster at times, and at the life stage I'm in, I can just see that just becoming worse. It sucks but right now its break or be broken at work. And I'm just not a breakee. I even liked her fashion better too. Like, I really liked her fashion.
And one thing I want to ask - how did such damn hot, sucessful high flying women get with such average guys? Like, Seriously! I guess it wouldn't be real otherwise.
Must get the box set.
I just saw Sex and the City. Now, I must confess, I am not a fan of the series. Indeed, I've only seen literally half an episode. But this movie I had to see. If for the fashion alone. And I LOVED it.
I laughed. I cried. Sometimes at the same time. That scene with Charlotte - priceless!
A few weeks ago a uni mate was visiting from Darwin. And she made several comments about me being similar to Sam. Mostly because of the toy obsession (I took her shopping, burnt and even gave her some of my DVD collection). And the penchant for lots of hot sex. And the Krispy Kreme thing. Seriously, those donuts are like comparing rabbit vibes to a slimline. Just not the same league.
And I've come to the realisation (I'm sure I've blogged that line a million times before) that I AM like Sam. Just half her age. And twice as stupid. But yes, I can see that in 25 years I'll be more established in my career. Networking? I do that like I breathe. You want something? Just ask good ole' phishy and she can sort in in one phone call. I can be a ball buster at times, and at the life stage I'm in, I can just see that just becoming worse. It sucks but right now its break or be broken at work. And I'm just not a breakee. I even liked her fashion better too. Like, I really liked her fashion.
Your Score: Samantha
So...you are most like
You are most like Samantha - the sexpot. You like your men young and hot. Hopefully you can find one as hot as Smith was. And you are a good friend - especially when your friends need advice about sex!
| Link: The Which SATC character are you Test |
And one thing I want to ask - how did such damn hot, sucessful high flying women get with such average guys? Like, Seriously! I guess it wouldn't be real otherwise.
Must get the box set.
Sunday, June 08, 2008
TV.
Fuck I hate TV. Seriously. There is sweet fuck all on. I really only watch three TV programs - Scrubs, Greys and House. And I hate, repeat, HATE reality TV. I'd rather wipe my arse with a cactus than watch BB or Survivor. And don't even get me started on game shows? Do they search for these people out of Centrelink offices? I do, however have a dirty little secret.
I don't mind gladiators. I started watching it because one of the guys I went to uni with was on it. It does give me the shits like all other TV programs, but it has a perk.
Outlaw.
Is that not the kind of face (and body) that a girl just craves to see lying prone on her bed, covered in sweat, struggling to breathe and maybe twitching a little bit in his post orgasmic bliss? PHWOAR!
I don't mind gladiators. I started watching it because one of the guys I went to uni with was on it. It does give me the shits like all other TV programs, but it has a perk.
Outlaw.
Is that not the kind of face (and body) that a girl just craves to see lying prone on her bed, covered in sweat, struggling to breathe and maybe twitching a little bit in his post orgasmic bliss? PHWOAR!
Saturday, June 07, 2008
Welcome back/So much work!
I have to get this blog up and running again. I'm bringing across all of the posts from bitchtasm to here, date stamped to their original publish date.
I have to get my links up again.
I have to reinstall all of my widgets.
I have to put a sidebar in so that I have somewhere to put links and widgets.
I have to find a new template. I love this one, but for the life of me I cannot stand that the page for each individual post doesn't show the comments. I do like this theme, so if anyone finds something similar, please let me know! I can always reinstall the pic at the top.
Ok. The last few months in a nutshell
- Still living in the same place
- Having serious dental issues
- Was seeing Overflow for a total of three months. When it ended he didn't even want to know my name. Asshat!
- I'm still playing but am kind of over it.
- Still dancing, but have dropped one night a week. Was going to start belly dancing (flab wobbling, lol) but can't afford it. Can't wait for the next dance term to start so I can get another night in.
- Got demoted at work. Then the next day I got a new job. Better pay, fantastic location, chance for promotion. In short have gone from a paycheck to a possible career.
- Have 24 working days left at the current hell hole. Will blog about this soon. Some serious shit still going on and will need advice from bloggers.
Monday, June 02, 2008
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