What the fudge...?

Ok. The other strange dream I was referring to in yesterdays post was a sex dream, of sorts.

It was with one of the guys from uni. I love him to bits, but have never had sex with him. And he was as hot as all get out. I love to cuddle this guy. He's like a squishy rock.

Anyhoo. We hooked up. At his dorm. But we couldn't do anything because there weren't any even surfaces in his room (like that matters anyways!). So we decided to head over to my room. And we took a boat, despite the fact that it was a 3 minute walk and no water around.

So we were sailing over to my dorm. But the water was an oily black. And my mate was swimming in the water. And all of a sudden he was being chased by an albino, prehistoric, predatory fish.

Because he had stolen its soap!

My Brain is a Strange Place.

I have strange dreams.

Very strange dreams.

Creepy even.

I have two more to add to that collection. Not including the dream where I was living with a family of giants in an inflatable pool, and I ran away to join the YMCA with a job of vodka and squash.

I had a dream the other night. A dream so creepy and scary it belongs in a freaking horror movie.

My sister and I were staying in a hotel. I really classy hotel. On the 26th floor. I dunno why we were there. But we were, and we were living it up. And my sister met a guy while we were in the elevator. I met him too, but he and my sister clicked. He was tall, very broad across the shoulders. Muscly but with a layer of squish over the top. He seemed mildly retarded, but very nice.

I didn't like him. This might have something to do with the fact that he was kissing my sister as someone got out of the elevator. And he didn't notice that his head was caught in the door. All I could do was watch in horror as the elevator descended, with him still stuck. First his glasses shattered, and then the skin on the back of his meaty head was simply scraped away. And he didn't notice anything. The guy could feel no pain.

He seemed clingy and a bit slow. But we always seemed to run into him. We ended up going to the basement/car park and walking past his car, a shitty old white corolla. Which had a bloodied mallet hanging out the window. My sister was too absorbed in talking to him for her to see, but I realised he was the serial killer that had been striking girls in the area.

He'd kidnap a single girl for a few days. Then he'd give her a phone to call her parents to come pick her up. And while she was calling her parents to come pick her up, he'd bludgeon her to death, with them listening to her screams and pleas for mercy.

Pleasant, yes?

Well, when I figured it out, this guy knew. And I knew that he knew. He refused to let me out of his sight. I tried to warn my sister, but he wouldn't leave me. I put her in an elevator and told her to go up to her room and just wait there for me. I wandered over to the front desk and asked them for a key to an empty room. I needed to lock myself away while I called the police. But I didn't want him to know where I was. So I'm walking the corridors trying to get out of his sight long enough so I could hide somewhere, where he wouldn't find me, to make the call.

I couldn't. So I left the hotel and walked down the street. I managed to lose him as it got dark, and I ran out into suburbia. I knew he was still following me. By some strange sixth sense he knew where I was. I found a quiet little place, number 94. It had a few cats in the yard. Very large ones too, I might add. I hesitated with my hand on the gate. Go in, or keep running?

I heard him shouting a long way off, so I undid the latch and quietly slipped through the gate. I knocked on the door and the grey haired woman let me in. I told her I needed to hide somewhere, and she installed me in her kitchen and gave me her landline. I asked her to lock the doors and she left.

I rang the emergency number, and ducked down behind a bench while I talked to the operator. I told her I knew who the serial killer was, and that he was after me. I told her I was at number 94, but I didn't know the street or the suburb.

Then I heard the sound of wood scraping wood. I looked up at the window and saw a hand protruding through the gap. I shrank down a bit more below the bench and whispered 'he's at the window,' down the phone.

And then I woke up.

I may never sleep again.

Cats and Dogs

My cats are very strange. Very strange indeed. When I am home, I have one within arms reach at pretty much all times. The clear exception is when I'm on the toilet and they're yelling outside the door, or when I'm in the shower under the wet stuff.

Don't get me wrong. I love my cats, but its gotten to the point where they are just under my feet sometimes. For example...


Boots has taken to residing under my desk chair. If I'm there, you can guarantee that she's there. If she's not there, she's on the couch nearby sleeping or watching me, or playing fetch. In this picture, she was lying down until I moved to take the pic of her.

I threw her toy into the chair where Rai was. They had a little play fight. But Rai was in the defensible position so she won. Though she had no idea what the 'fight' was over. Boots sat there until Rai chose to leave.

Then there's Rai. Who comes when I click. Boots has begun to do the same. Boots knows how to sit on command and she even begs, when she feels like it. They follow me from room to room. If I go into the bathroom one of them will be in there within minutes.

My cats are slowly morphing in dogs. Graceful, elegant non-smelly dogs. Next thing you know, they'll be drooling when its food time.

Rai already drools sometimes, but she was raised by dogs, so what do you expect?

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I have 5 days off. I'm not working until the 2nd. Huzzah!

I went shopping today. Bought myself some interview clothes, very hot and all a size smaller than my current interview clothes. The top is a business shirt, but the pants I can dress down to smart casual, so not a complete waste of money.

I also got some new underwear, DVD's, contact lenses and tops. I like the tops. Observe.



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I also don't have any plans for new year. How sad. Everybody else has plans and I've been left out, yet again, by the biotch. Unless I get something coming up last minute, I'll be saddling up the girls, and heading out to Darling Harbour for a few hours. I suspect I'll consume lots of coffee and possibly several drinks in various bars around the place.

But it would be nice to have some company. So if anybody else is stag for the night, drop me an email!

Fuck you Santa, you fat old cunt!

Fuck you in a big way.

I might not have been the best behaved person all year. But I'm not a bad person. I have even been described on several occasions as having a heart of gold! And what do I get in return for all of this...

I have wrinkles! Fucking WRINKLES. They're just little baby wrinkles, but they're there. Hiding under my eye. I was gazing into the mirror thinking how fresh my skin looked, and BAM! Fucker jumped out at me. Now its all I can see. The tiny twin wrinkles, one for each eye. And no amount of infill or skin creams will get rid of them. Sure, I can hide them, make them look like they're not there, but in the back of my mind there they are.

Fuck you Santa. I liked it better when you didn't visit.

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Oh, and new penis!