Thursday, December 27, 2007

Fuck you Santa, you fat old cunt!


Fuck you in a big way.

I might not have been the best behaved person all year. But I'm not a bad person. I have even been described on several occasions as having a heart of gold! And what do I get in return for all of this...

I have wrinkles! Fucking WRINKLES. They're just little baby wrinkles, but they're there. Hiding under my eye. I was gazing into the mirror thinking how fresh my skin looked, and BAM! Fucker jumped out at me. Now its all I can see. The tiny twin wrinkles, one for each eye. And no amount of infill or skin creams will get rid of them. Sure, I can hide them, make them look like they're not there, but in the back of my mind there they are.

Fuck you Santa. I liked it better when you didn't visit.

************
Oh, and new penis!

17 comments:

Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

Oh damn! i so want to clikc on that new penis link...but I'm at work.

But you just wait until lunctime and I get on my laptop! ;)

And those aren't wrinkles....we call those "laugh lines" and the only reason they're there is because we smile so much and are always having such a good time (at least, that's what I keep teeling myself when my wrinkles...er...laugh lines jump out at me like that!!! ;)

oestrebunny said...

I have a huge wrinkle on my forehead. I frown to much.

Effortlessly Average said...

What wrinkles? My eyes never left your lips.

Crushed by Ingsoc said...

Wait till you get to my age...

I use a fair bit of moisturiser, sometimes the odd bit of fiundation (OK, I'm vain, I admit it), but fact is, I'm getting old.

You're still sweet, Phish. Chill.

OneHungMan said...

Getting old sucks, doesn't it?

Spiky Zora Jones said...

Yeah Phis, fuck him...the little bitch. Where was he when I was 13 years old waiting at a bus stop in some dark hell hole of a place.

He was up in the north pole giving Mrs Clause his north pole and maybe a few little elf chicas too.

What? It's Santa bitch day, isn't it? Oh, it's half nekkit Thursday. Hey I took off my panties earlier...that makes me half naked, doesn't it? Fine...I'll take my bra off too...there.

Ha...hey, where did I put those panties...I forgot.

Phish, no, I'm not drunk...just in a fab mood.

Spiky Zora Jones said...

Phish...is that finger for me? Oh, you shouldn't have. But I'm glad you did..Yum. (bats eyes) Can I have another...please.

Babes, you really know how to treat a girl. :P

Ciao babes.

Oh and hey babes...you look marvelous. You look wonderful...you look fabulous.

So don't sweat it babes...you rock.

Kezza said...

Oh honey, lets not have any of this "Woe is me" crap about getting old, we can't both get away with it. You look just fine sweetie. In fact you still have the hotness like you did back in high school, Come and whinge to me when your body decides to install a sky-light in the middle of your once fabulous head of hair. Le sigh.

But I do tend to agree, Santa can go fuck himself, Spiky I think your right, the fat fucker was too bust giving Mrs. Claus a good old fashioned North Poling. That dirty Ho Ho Ho.

fingers said...

Simple fix, Phish.
Throw the fucking mirror away...

poody said...

Honey those are your laugh lines that's all!

Ms Smack said...

Yup what Poody says. They're laughin' lines!

electro-kevin said...

I like laughter lines. I think they're sexy.

Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

Hey! Wrinkles are signs of maturity—and wisdom!

Spiky Zora Jones said...

kezza...you better belive it babe. I don't think sucking the big one is a bad thing. Yummy.

But really, Santa sucks the big one.

Josh said...

I was reminded of a favorite expletive of a friend of mine while reading this post: "Penis Wrinkle!" He yells it whenever something doesn't go his way. (And he's not gay, either, which makes it all the more weird.)

Penes, wrinkles... you have to take the good with the bad.

Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

I JUST NOW got to click the penis link.

SO worth it! ;)

Professor said...

Minus the flying bird, you're hot! Wrinkles and all... totally hot.