Dreamless bliss

I want to wake up to someone
who chases away my dreams.
On the nights where I don't sleep,
where I see things,
that should never be seen,
when I feel things,
that are not be done.

Where I wake feeling violated,
angry, defenceless, sickened,
Abandoned.
And hot tears soak soak my lashes
Its not me,
Its not even real
But it's in my head.
Its there and it won't go away.

When tears and screams
can't get the feeling,
the image,
out of my heart.
I can only seek solace
I numbness,
So that I see nothing.
I want to wake to someone
who can chase away my dreams

The night that was

Saturday night was awesome!! So it was more of a 'gathering' than 'party'. Not enough people to play trick and treat. But I still had fun. So much fun that we're going to have a do-over this weekend.

Highlights include

• Decorating, including bringing out the inaugral 'party flamingo'
• Playing 'pin the nose on the pumpkin'
• Asking everybody to get a towel out of the laundry. Unbeknownst to them that we had filled it with balloons! And by the end of the night telling everybody that it was our balloon storage area. Turns out that every balloon contained a bad spirit and by confining them to one area we limited all of the bad that they could do.
• The half hour I was a 'devilatrix', until I decided breathing was way more important than looking hot. The fact that every time I laughed I split a seam on my corset was also a deciding factor.
• Setting the popcorn on fire
• Watching my housemate try to crush an egg with one hand.
• Picking up all of the ballons and putting them in the shower as a surprise for my housemate when she goes to have her shower in the morning.

Decorations, and the personal bar of me and Robyn

Percy the Party Flamingo

"Devilatrix"

It was popcorn

The morning after...

Drop it like its hot

I'd like to start of by thanking Steph for breaking the blog barrier on this topic.

You know how hard it is to concentrate when you've gotta take a dump? Its like a fair chunk of your mind is concentrating so hard on deliberately trying to ignore it. I had that feeling this morning. But I thought I could hang on to it to let it go until I got home. It had other ideas. About three o'clock it started demanding my attention. But at that stage of the day its too far away from finishing to have them sitting in the tea room, but close enough knock off to have everyone looking to start slacking, and wandering in and out of the locker room at will.

For me taking a dump is a private experience, that is best savoured as much as possible. And having other people intrude, or making it a quickie doesn't really do it for me. So I decided to wait. Unfortunately by the time I remembered I had to go shopping after work it was WAY too late to let it go. Plus I was sooo busy.

About 5.30 it raised its voice. Tramping round my colon and knocking on the walls. 'Let me out of here'. It wanted freedom. I was too restricting for it. But I was reluctant to let it go. Public toilets do not make for the ideal escape setting. Plus they smell. It tried to creep out a few times while I was shopping. But my sphincter agreed with me, and subsequently escapes where prevented. Such was my desperation that I considered letting it go out in the car park. Just squatting out there and dropping him off. That thought lasted all of about 0.3 seconds before it was dismissed.

I managed to quell his escape attempts. And upon reaching home release was almost (but not quite) intantaneous. And it felt... words cannot describe.

Suffice to say its the kind of satisfaction that usually results in a nap afterwards.

Random Hilarity Ensues

We're having a party. Finally. Its a housewarming. I've only lived here since June. We decided to make it a halloween theme. We are going to decorate, and dress up, drink and play games. One of the games we're playing is called "Trick and Treat". Basically we're going to buy some damn expensive, individually wrapped chocolates. And put an instruction inside the wrapper, to make people act in odd and random ways. Should be fun. Some of the rules for our little game are as follows.

1. Accepting a chocolate means you accept the challenge
2. The trick is hidden in the treat wrapper
3. if you do not complete the challenge an appropriate punishment will be meted out by the hostesses
4. Do not let anybody know your challenge
5. Challenges must not be completed within one metre of the snack table, OR within 10 minutes of accepting the challenge
6. Maximum two challenges at a time.
7. All treats are handled with gloves. Some may have been licked. Don’t ask.
8. if there is no suggestion as to how many times/how long the trick must go for, it is over within an hour
9. When the challenge is completed you can stick the piece of paper here* (just so people don’t think your normally weird). You must wait at least 10 minutes from the completion of the task to stick it up.

Some of the tricks we have are:

• Kiss at least 4 people on the hand/wrist. At least one of these people must be of the same sex as you. You must have met one of these people tonight.
• Leave a conversation abruptly with a statement that ‘I just farted”
• Sing and dance a nursery rhyme (eg itsy bitsy spider, or I’m a little teapot).
• Find out someone’s middle name and refer to them using it for the entire night
• Make as many people as possible growl (grr…)
• Convince somebody that you are gay (or, if you are gay, that you are straight)
• High five everybody
• Announce each time you go to the bathroom. (this will be funnier if you pick one random person and tell them every time) for the whole night. You may accept two challenges if you want.
• Compliment somebody on their toes
• Follow somebody around until they ask you what you are doing
• Laugh at everything somebody says for five minutes
• Take a drink from somebody, take a sip, and give it back. Do this three times.
• Use the word mushroom as many times as possible during the night
• Tell someone that they have ‘shiiny’ skin
• Enter 3 conversations with ‘have you ever… killed a man before’
• Tell someone that you’ve been staring at their butt, while they are talking to other people
• Initiate a game of chinese whispers
• Pinch 5 people on the cheek and claim they are beautiful
• Dance when no one else is
• Tell someone ‘I have arms’
• Enter a conversation and only talk about yourself until the other person/somebody leaves
• Do the exaggerated drunk ‘[insert name here], I luv u’
• Point to the nearest person NOT in costume and start a chant of ‘strip, strip, strip’
• Strip (to underwear) and/or kiss someone on the mouth
• Take a bite from a chocolate, wrap it up again, and put it back in the bowl
• Smell people
• Start a game of chubby bunny
• Select a random person. Every time they talk, interrupt them
• Quote as many movies as possible
• Enter a conversation and ask if anybody wants to give you 6 condoms. If asked why say you’re doing a survey
• Tell people ‘I am well maintained’/’I maintain myself well’
• Start a conversation about pubic hair
• Tell a group of people the hokey pokey is what its all about, and do the motions

We want more ideas along these lines. So pitch in everybody! Lets make normal people weird!

*On the instruction poster.

Did you see the flying pink square too?

Yesterday was shitful. It was one of the most tense, frustrating and exhausting days I think I've ever had. By the end of it I just wanted to go home and cry, and have sex, and drink myself stupid. I did all three, by myself. Three cheers for mental health!!!

Unfortunately the 1am bed time coupled with being at the tail end (but not close enough to the real end) of working 28 out of 32 days meant that I hit exhaustion. I hallucinate when I'm exhausted.

Today was interesting.

Will I get free steak knives with this?

My God! I feel like such a hypocrite right now. Not three weeks ago I was blogging that I'd never find love. Well notes everyone! If you try to defy the gods, they will smack your arse down. Or up. But there will be LOTS of spanking involved! I swear its the god(dess) of love trying to prove I haven't been forgotten.

First came the 'I'll never find love' blog. Then came the 'first date that wasn't' blog, followed immediately by the 'new hotness at work' angsty blog. And now its the 'return of the SR' blog.

I got a call from the SR today. Obviously we haven't been seeing each other for a while. But have remained friends. He's quit his job. That was not unexpected. And now that he has more time on his hands he wanted to know if we could catch up like old times. Only he used different words. I kinda had to paraphrase or get my blog rating changed to R18+. And I told him very firmly, in a 'no' tone of voice, not to count on it. Which he was ok with. We then arranged to meet for coffee later in the week.

My advice is this - if you don't think something is going to happen, don't say it. Climb on top of the tallest building/bridge and scream it at the world. Or blog it. Whatever. Just make sure as many people as possible know. You could try taking out a freaking TV ad during the grand final. That way, when fate or the Gods or the fairy dust on your keyboard decided to take you out, its easier for them to make you to suffer a very public, very humiliating smack in the face. And sometimes thats not necessarily a bad thing.

Dear Abby

Dear Abby

I am in a bit of a pickle. I am kind-of but-not-quite seeing someone. We have arranged to meet quite often but it always kept getting pushed back and put off due to my work and his study commitments. I really like this guy, but I dont expect this 'relationship' to go anywhere, if even it is a relationship.

The thing is, I have also, very recently met someone else. And sparks have flown. I've seen him twice in a week in a work environment. My uniform is blue overalls that were a snug fit 20 kilos ago, and boots. Its not at all flattering. And this guy can't keep his eyes off me. He's the kind of guy you would expect to have a trillion girls after him. He's absolutely gorgeous, with soulful brown eyes, he funny, and sweet, and very intelligent. He has beautiful manners, with perfect diction, with a hint of an english accent, like he's maybe from there and came to Australia when he was a child, or one of his parents has said accent. He does not at all strike me as the player type, in fact he seems a little reserved, maybe even shy.

I have caught him in various stages of checking me out - the "full on look", and "quick look away" where you turn around to see the last of his head movement, and then he has the most carefully neutral, slightly absorbed expression on his face, but he had no idea what was going on in front of him. And then there was the "you can't seee me look". I was talking to someone else, he was across the room, almost straight off to my right, and there was someone standing between us. All of a sudden, out of the corner of my eye, I see this little face appear over the right shoulder of the person standing between us. It stared in my direction for a little bit, then, as I was about to leave the room, it slowly went back to its original position.

There is definite interest there for both parties. And as we will be working closely together over the coming months, this may cause a problem with the CBD situation. I'd like some advice. I do really like CDB, and I don't want to hurt him. We would have fun if we got together, which I think I want. I dont want to 'lead him on' even though I was doing it with honest intentions. I have been a bit irritated by the way it kept getting put off.

But at the same time, it takes me AGES to work up the nerve to even try to get close to a guy. So it may not be necessary to ask: What do you think?

Confused
via email

Its Date Night!

aka "Introducing Cute Dancer Boy"

And its bout bloody time. I've kept this guy under my hat for a while. When I began dancing I met this guy. And we hit it off from the start. In between trying not to stand on each others feet we just clicked. And after the beginning term, he never returned. I was crushed. But, since I was getting laid at the time, I got over it. However, by chance of fate, he was still doing dancing, but on a different night. Last term he returned. And we hit it off again. Always chatting each other up at the start and end of the night, and sticking together through 'partner change' time to make absolutely sure we had the right steps. Or so we said. Then I asked him to be my dance partner for the coming term. Cue a number swap. Huzzah!

He missed the second last night of term, and I missed the last one. So we haven't seen each other in ages. But we did arrange to 'catch up for coffee' during the break. This slowly got changed to 'coffee and a move' then 'a movie', then 'dinner' and tonight (insert drumroll here) its dinner AND a movie.

I'm not sure if this is a date. That word was never said. I think he feels the same way that I do. But I'm so excited. I'm even going to shave my legs for it! The end result will either be 'wOOt' or 'somebody pass me the chocolate bavarian'. Regardless, it will be fun.

A random moment with phish

Shoe shopping with Kez recently, and the sight of kids shoes had my hormones in overdrive. For some very very strange reason I had the irresistable urge to pick up the smallest and cutest shoes and rub their cute little soles on my cheek.

So I did!

Men!

I so don't understand guys. Especially where alcohol is involved. Its seriously not even funny. But rest assured, I'll try to make it as humorous as possible.

I've had a rather shitful week. PMS + biatch at work does not equal happy. Had quite a clash on Wednesday. Came home, and promptly went out again. No time to blog and complain. And frankly, who wants to hear it? I didnt want to be stuck in my own brain that night. So I went, and paid my money, and sat in the dark and got pummelled with somebody elses ideas. Yes, thats right. I went to the movies. Saw The Devil Wears Prada. Which I LOVED! This whole being out of the house was such a new and novel idea for me, that I decided it should be followed up with more outings, as soon a possible. Of four nights I was out for three! Huzzah!

Last night was a cack. Me, my housemate, and her bestie from school went out. Dressed up, cleavage and party earring OUT. Two of our party had boyfriends, and I have never been interested in picking up radoms. So every guy who appraoched us was quickly sent on his way. Most of them rather abruptly. And heres ONE of the things I dont get. We were happily dancing by ourselves. And these guys would come up and dance with us. I'm fine with that. Just dont try to touch me. Occasionally we'd get these guys who would try to dance on us. They'd quickly get sent on their way with the phishez rejection special. The kicker lies here ==> they'd be offended. Like we asked them to apporach us and attempt to rub their genitals on us.

So we decided to head home. There were just us three girls in the car. I was driving. We obvioulsy hadn't picked up that night. And at two consecutive sets of light I had guys trying to chat me up from the car next to me. The first was while I was paying out a taxi driver who had entered an intersection on the red arrow, and then sat in said intersection, refusing to actually take the turn. And as I took off from the lights he bellowed out the wondow 'How ya goin?'. The most original and enticing pick up line of all. It was all I could do to not stop the car and throw my underwear at him.

When the second guy started I thought there might have been something wrong with my car. Why else would I have two guys in a row attempting to talk to me, through a window, when I was obviously talking to the passengers in my car? So I wound down the window. And got asked where we were heading to. Replied 'home', and wound the window up, resuming conversation
with my passengers. Apparently that was not obvious enough. Because he kept asking me to wind down the window, so he could chat me up.

It must have been obvious that despite all of our best efforts, we had failed to pick up, and were heading home to be by ourselves. Of course we were so grateful that these guys were considerate enough to try to alleivate our lonliness at such a late hour, when they were heading home themselves.

Entertainment is always appreciated.

Sleep now please

I haven't slept well over the last few days. I've been so uber excited. BEYOND uber excited.

After my next birthday I'm moving overseas (at the moment thinking europe, though not ruling out USA/Canada) to work and travel, for a year or two.

The following are reactions I've had from other people

• "What?"
• "ah..."
• 'WOW'
• "Oh God"
• "When?"
• (and my personal favourite) *stops suddenly and swallows* apparently she wanted to get a head start on digesting that news

The following are reactions I've had within myself

• teeth chattering from excitement
• beeing scared poopless
• laughing
• crying (not sure if from excitement or fear)
• jumping up and down, with arms tucked in to my sides, slightly bent over, and grinning like a mainiac on crack, slowly turning in circles
• dancing like an uber retard
• telling everybody I know
• shivering