Monday, July 14, 2008


In the last two days I have bought everything a girl could possibly want.
  • A waxed snatch.
  • Pampering in the form of a mani/pedi
  • Sex and the City box set
  • Clothes, specifically nice jeans and a sexy top.
  • Chocolate
  • Bags
  • Cat toys. The entertain me too, and my cats just love me soo much right now.
  • Sex toys.
Yep. I wasn't intending to buy the sex toys but last night I was bored and toey. So I did what any long term single girl would do and pulled out the batteries. I was happy... quite happy. Until the vibe suddenly stopped... vibing.

Oh noes! I'm almost at climax and it cuts out! I frantically swapped the batteries out. Because my pre orgasmic brain just doesn't realise that the sudden lack of buzzing isn't because my fresh batteries suddenly and completely died.

Fresh batteries do nothing. The indicator light flashes but no goodies. Shit. I frantically fossic through my draw to try to find something to finish me off*. And I realise I have too many toys! Some broken ones I've kept because the tickler still works. Some I never use. I need to clean out my drawers. Luckily I have my old work bag to throw out, so I may secrete them all out in that.

I love toy shopping, but I hate the waiting bit! So now I just wait for my new toys to show up, to refill my empty drawers.

*no, manual handling doesn't do anything at this stage. Once I start with a vibe, I have to finish with a vibe.


Josh said...

You never called me! - I can be there faster than express post, don;t break down, always have fresh batteries and can sneak myself out when you have finished with me.

fingers said...

Out of interest, besides yourself, what other sort of demographic finds itself down at the sex-shop on a Monday morning buying diddle-twiddlers...

Clyde said...

Hey, where did you buy that waxed snatch ?---I wouldnt mind one of those.
And then you find out that the Energizer Bunny lied---Bugga.

Maybe you should have a garage sale

xl said...

Maybe it would be worthwhile to invest in an industrial-grade toy?

Ms Smack said...

I threw my three vibes out when I bought the ...dum dum dum dum, Geeeeeee-VIBE! This little piece of menage-a-mois turns UP towards the G-spot and it's not an in,out kinda vibrator, It's an Up-Up and AWAY kinda wiggle.

I just popped my old ones into the wheelie bin and wondered if the garbo's would see them....AND i wondered if people sift through the rubbish and would my red gel schlong and penis-like rubber love in there.

Cracked me up for about a month.

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

I never realized self-pleasuring could get so complicated.

Spiky Zora Jones said...

Um...Oh yeah...the erotica channel has lots of vibes. I wanted to join the show and demonstrate each and every one of them...ahem. hehehe.

ciao babes.

Josh said...

If you know of any good deals or specials available online, let me know!

unique_stephen said...

I expect photo of said waxed snatch in my in-box with our without the new top but preferably with the new toy.

I mean, how else are you going to get a second opinion on how good it looks.

phishez_rule said...

Josh - damn! I didn't even think about that!

Fingers - I don't know. I buy mine over the internet.

Clyde - You should be able to get one in King Cross. No guarantees about clenliness.

XL - but then it would never break and i'd have no excuse to buy new ones!

Smack - I know just the one your talking about. How can you live with only three vibrators? I threw out three toys and I still have eight left!

LBB - well you only need your hand.

Spiky - you know you can get paid really well to do that?

Josh - find the toy you want. Then google it and search every link til you find the cheapest one. On the most reputable website of course.

Stephen - Just make sure your spam filter isn't on.

Kezza said...

Oh god - how disasterous that must have been for you!

But hey - at least you managed to fit in plenty of retail therapy, that should almost be orgasmic enough on it's own!

I'm still debating about getting my own snatch waxed - you make it sound so damn good, I have to see what all the fuss is about!

Sumiko said...

lucky you with all those goodies

Anonymous said...

You should stick with old fashioned steam powered apparatus like I do.. finely crafted in oak.

unique_stephen said...


unique_stephen said...

I wasn't expecting the photo af the balled bag snatcher, ewwwwww