The things you say...

Carolyn: Hey Steph do you like turkish delight?
Me: Hell yes
Carolyn: Here. You can have these. Nobody else eats them, unless Eric wants one
Eric: huh
Carolyn: Theres a turkish delight there of you want it
Eric: Mmm. I might have both (jokingly)
Me: Fuck off!

Eric is my supervisor. Oh Dear!

ABC's

Yep. Another meme. This one is taken from The Professor. Hope you don't mind sweets.

A - Available: yes/no. I am in a casual relationship, nothing serious, but am not looking for anything more.
Age: 22.11mths
Annoyance: crying babies
B - Best Friends: I love em all
Beer: XXXX Bitter
Birthday: July 28
C- Crush: Not at the moment
Car: I have clancy, a 2004 Holden Astra
Candy: chocolate
D - Day or night: Night.
Dream Car: F series truck
Dog or cat: I am an animal person, so both, but at the same time I lean towards cats
Easiest person to talk to: the original, future husband
E - Eggs: unfertilised
Email: I have a few
Favorite Month: September/October, for the weather
Favorite color: Red
Favorite Memories: Three years of them at uni
G - Gummy bears or worms: Bears
Giver or taker: Giver
Gum: don't normally chew but when I do its wrigleys extra peppermint
H - Hair Color: Red
Height: 166cm
Happy: its in the eye of the beholder
I- Ice Cream: Lemon, or berry
Instrument: me
Idol: i hope this isnt meant to be australian idol style
J - Jewelry: nosering, five sleepers and a dangly, cuz I lost the other sleeper a while ago.
Job: I work with animals
Juice: orange
K- Kids: I am auntie to the originals kids, and thats enough for me right now
Best kisser: SR
Kindergarten: was a long time ago
L - Longest Car Ride: sydney to Brisbane in one day
Longest relationship: sadly, I dont have anything to brag about. I like my independance too much
Last Kiss: SR
M - Milk flavour: Lactose intolerant, so NO
Most missed person(s): Right now... Future husband, Stu, Rach, Alex basically my uni mates.
Movie Last Watched: Narnia. But I fell asleep about 30mins in. Does that count?
N - Number of Siblings: 2
Number of Tattoos: 2
Name: Steph aka Phishez
O - One Wish: success in whatever form suits
One Phobia: spiders
One regret: life's too short for regrets
P - Pet Peeves: people who talk too much. Sometimes it is ok to be quiet.
Part of your appearance you like best: face
Part of your personality you like best: all of it
Q - Quick or Slow: both have their merits
R - Reason to smile: Kitties, freinds, relaxation
Reality TV Show: Is crap
Reasons to cry: too many
S - Song Last Heard: Weight of Love by Leann Rimes
Season: Spring
Shoe: 10
T - Time you woke: about 7.30, but didnt surface until about 8.30
Time Now: 724pm
Time for bed: 10.30 to 11ish normally.
U love someone: I love lots of people. not in love with any one of them though
Unpredictable: I'd like to think so
V - Vegetable you hate: Cabbage, Brussel Sprouts
Vegetable you love: carrots
Vacation spot: Queensland
W - Worst Habits: too independant. I like it, but its hard to be vulnerable with people someimes
Where are you going to travel next?: Victoria, got a friend getting married in September
Weather right now: been a bit cold and foggy in the am
X-Rays: broke my right wrist when I was 7
X-Rated Porn: yep. I have some (lots)
Y - Year you were born: 1983
Year it is now: 2006
Yellow: works for bananas. But not me
Z - Zoo Animal: FFS! They're all awesome. Except tapirs. They's just dirty
Zodiac: Leo and loving it

An explanation

I have no idea what to say here.
The last two weeks has been hairy hell on two wheels. I don't really want to go into detail, lord knows I've recounted this story enough in the gap between blogs. Turns out my ex housemate (the one I was complaining about in previous post) is nothing but a bully, who is not accustomed to strong women.

Here are a list of numbers and the significance over the past fortnight....
1 - AVO, assault charges (against him), court appearances, threats against my life etc etc. Directly related to the number of times I moved.
2 - the most nights I spent in any place. Sofas and floors were very popular. Also the number of nights I expected to sleep in the car.
3 - police escorts to pick up clean clothes and feed the cats. Also the number of days where I did not eat, because eating would have been a waste of time (all the stress vomiters raise your hands). Presumably the number of weeks it will take me to catch up on the blogosphere.
4 - the number of people I stayed with during this time
8 - nights where I did not return home
12 - the number of hours I waited at police stations
150 - the amount of money stolen from my wallet
650 - the amount of money I borrowed off family to raise bond to get into my new place.
700 - the amount of kilometers I drove to various places of residence.
all - the toys i know and/or suspect he 'investigated' while I was unwilling to return to the house. No irony, but the same number that I threw out when I packed up.

The police were amazing, in particular the officer who took my statement the first night. She swung it so she could escort me to the house when the officer at the front desk told me to try a different station. My only gripe is that he wasn't charged with assault straight away. He'd had a week to iron out his story and deny anything he couldn't explain.

I could never have gotten through this without my friends, especially the original, because we had been in a share situation before, and he could tell me everything the guy alleged was absolutely not true, and I could believe him where I'd doubt myself.

Mum caught a train up here as soon as she could, to help me move. She hired the ute, and drove it, the day after she'd had a sleepless night on a train. My workmates were great too. They had no objections when I took two sick days to move. They gave some really good suggestions on keeping the cats safe, and the eyecandy even escorted me to the house on Monday to pick up some stuff.

The real estate were cunts.

Baaack to bed

It was one of those days. Before I even woke up, it was destined to be one of those days.

I was having THE MOST AWESOME sex dream. And my alarm went off. I hate working weekends. Slam off the alarm and try to recapture the moment. Just getting back into it, and the bloody alarm goes off again. Turns out I'd set it to snooze. I reset it for later. Figuring I'd go to Maccas for brekky. And try as I might, I cannot get back into the dream. The dream door has closed and he's finishing without me. *SIGH*

Get up to go to work. And fart arse around for 10 minutes, then slam my butt into high gear, because its alomost time to leave and I havent even gotten past getting out of my jammies. My eye hurts. I have to take out my contacts. But I haven't seen my glasses since I was on holidays. Did I leave them in the car? I'm sure I would have noticed them in there. Got to go check anyway. Its time to go. I find the glasses, in the car.

Go Maccas drive thru. Get to work with 5 minutes to get changed and sign in. Grab my shoes out of the boot. And the bag my shoes are in breaks. Trying to carry in my uniform, work bag, shoes and breakfast. Hmm. I decide to make two trips. I get inside, turn off the alarm, dump my stuff in the tea room, and walk out to pick up my shoes. As soon as the door slams I realise I have left my access pass inside. So I stand on the step to wait for someone else to get to work.

Its not even 7:30 and my day was crap. We had bugger all to do at work. So I played with the puppies. And got bitten. On the twat. They're teething. These lovely, white, pointy teeth that any doggy dentist would orgasm over. Unfortunately I did not.

And to top it all off, I had to fight with the new housemate to get him to pay his rent, so that I could buy food! And then I get a snarpy comment about 'Gee, that was a big shop'. WTF! I'm cooking this weekend!

My definition of 'long term'

I have previousy blogged about some of my life experiences. I don't particularly want to relate the story again. So thise who want to read or reread can find it here.

The long term consequences of this will last my whole life. Yes, it has shaped who I am. I am a strong, independant woman. But maybe a little too much so. And it really shows at times like this.

I had a chance to talk with someone. Really talk. With no flirtaciousness, no sexual tension. Just straight up talking with someone who knows me well enough to know that, no matter what I say, nothing just goes away by itself. With someone who I regard as a good friend. With someone that I know I should be able to trust. But I couldn't. I had the chance to discuss stuff that has been eating at me for months and months. And I didn't take it.

Which brings me to ask myself. Why is it that I absolutely cannot tell the people who matter, the ones who do need to know. "Hey, theres something you need to know about me. Something that you can rationally explain all of my angry, disturbing and just plain wierd behaviour. So when I do lash out, you know to just let it go."

I have extreme difficulty letting people know these things. And from this arises my definition of 'long term'. Forget that this affects me. Its a part of who I am. We've all accepted that. This also affects those closest to me too. It poisons potential relationships of mine. And as a result, it scars other people too.

To anybody who has tendancies towards abuse of any kind, I say this. THINK. You are hurting more than you know, more than you will ever know.

Its all about the BANALITY

I really do love that word. Is it real? Can I use it? Nobody knows. Well, not exactly nobody...

*************************************************
I just saw a movie. Not just any movie. A Hollywood movie. Nothing so special about it. Except the hero DOESN'T get the girl. and funnily enoguh that makes me feel good. Its about time hollywood made movies that don't inspire people to want something that doesnt exist. The perfect, easy relationship.

**********************************************
This weeks blog stalk is The Professor, some random blog I stumbled across last week in one of my depressed blogwanderings. I find her to be extremely interesting. And I can relate to alot of her ideas. She is the first of my blog stalks to be officially moved into my blogroll.
"A highly recommended read"

********************************************
For WEEKS I have been looking for boots. Not just any, because you can bloody see them anywhere. But affordable, ankle boots. Brown, if you have them. With just a little heel. I don't like pointy toes, or the rooouunndd toes, or the ones that are so square they look like they've been bloody cut off.

Ok, so I'm a bit fussy. But I FINALLY found the boots I want. Toes slightly square, brown pleather, square heel, about 1.5 inch high. Perfect hight on my ankle. ON SALE!!! It was love at first sight. Unfortuantely I have feet to rival a sasquatch. So I didn't hold high hopes of them being in my size. Search through the boots shown. Twice. Notice a pair tucked away at the back of the second shelf. Size 10! And we have a winner.

Oh yes, they are quite comfy too. For the three seconds I wore them.

*******************************************
Some people say you can't judge a book by its cover. I say thats bullshit. Have you ever heard of a BLURB???

Warning: dead angsty post ahead

I have just gotten back from my latin dancing class. I'm feeling really good. My dance instructor has said a teacher training course is opening soon. I'd love to do it. Further study, doing something I LOVE, plus if/when I ge the piece of paper I can be PAID to do a hobby. How cool would that be? Plus the extra qualification can come in handy if I ever have a career change.

But at the same time, I'm feeling angsty (hence the warning). Tonight I looked damn good, makeup, boots, gorgeous outfit, thong (hey, it matched the bra!). I had the looks, I had the attitude, and I had the moves. I was going to make a move on the cute one there. I caught him eyeing me off a few times. Change of partner comes around. We make eye contact. I flash my most winning smile (and believe me, its a heart stopper). We begin to walk towards each other. And some IDIOT walks between us. And during the half second that eye contact was broken, someone else has grabbed him. Story of my life.

Reasons i'm an idiot #1,462

Walking through the underwear department with my mate Stu while on holidays recently, and he remarks
Stu: 'Its funny the amount of people who wear G-string but don't know what the G stands for.
Me: What dies the G stand for?
Stu: Groin. Its a groin string
Me: Then what does a v-string stand for?
*Half a second of silence*
Me: BAH HA HA

Word Verification

I am up for renewing the rego on my beloved Clancy. Which also means that my CTP (complusory third party insurance for those overseas players) is due.

So I go a-quoting.

And on one of the little quote pop up windows theres word verifiaction where you confirm your detials.

The first two trys at this particular company didn't work.

I was about to quit when I saw the thrid word verifiaction.

It was SEANCES

And it bloody worked

I'm going with AAMI

This weeks WTF moment

My new housemate had his kids over yesterday and we had this conversation

Me: thats a pretty scarf. Is purple your favourite colour?
S: yes. Someone knitted this for me
Me: oh really, that was nice of them. Who was it?
S: Mums friend. K.
Me: that was very nice of her
S: Mums girlfriend
Me: ...
*WTF am I supposed to say to that???*

Totally left field. I knew she left him for someone else, but I wasn't informed of the gender of the someone else.

Rules of Engagement

For all those who think that casual relationships are simple, they aren't. Uncomplicated? Yes. Simple? No.
Here are a few 'guidelines' for those contemplating a new arrangement in their lives

1. DONT GET EMOTIONALLY INVOLVED. The first and most important rule. If you do, you need to be upfront with the person involved and let them know that now is the time to take the arrangement that one step further, if that is what they want too. Alternatively this is a good time to end it.
2. RESPECT THE OTHER PERSON. If only as a friend. Don't tell them lies that you wouldn't tell your other mates. You can use them, because they're using you too, but don't abuse them.
3. RESPECT YOURSELF. Don't let the other person abuse you, don't let them make you do anything you don't feel comfortable with, and don't get hurt. Never sell yourself short for a peice of ass. Don't be a fall back either. If they go out, and get rejected, thats their problem. If they get rejected, and you let them use you as a fallback, thats your problem.
4. PROTECT YOURSELF. No matter how well you know them, you never know if they have STI's or supersperm. Use contraceptives and condoms.
5. REMEMBER this is a friendship, not a relationship. You have no priority over his/her mates. If you want priority, move it up a level.
6. MAKE ALL ARRANGED MEETINGS. For God's Sake, if you make an arrangement, and for some reason you can't go, let them know.
7. MEMBERSHIP LAPSES if no encounters occur within a month. Thats the point where it goes from casual to occasional.
8. OTHER PEOPLE can be invited into casual encounters, if both of you are comfortable with that.
9. EXCLUSIVITY. If you want it to be an exclusive arrangement, make sure the other person knows it. If you haven't made damn sure they're exclusive, just go ahead and assume they're sticking it to anything else they can.
10. NEW RELATIONSHIPS. If you meet someone new, tell the other person immediately.
11. KNOW WHEN TO END IT.

• Emotional involvement is a good place to quit.
• When one of you begins a new relationship.
• Any time you get hurt.
• When you get bored (its not going to get better once its boring).
• Meeting the parents officially means that it is no longer casual.

Make sure you keep it all above belt (i.e. no shots about weight, size, performance or how long they last), because you never know if you might want to have one more fling somewhere down the track.

Friday at work was horrible. My supervisor actually cut me some slack, and nobody asked me to do anything extra. Which was good. For him to cut anyone slack is extremely odd. Especially since we were two staff members down, and he doesn't know what happened.

At the end of the day I looked like crap. I hadn't eaten in over 28 hours by that stage. And had very little to drink. So I was very pale, except for having very red cheeks and big black rings under my eyes (as a result of thursday nights idiocracy). I kept getting asked if I was coming down with something. And I kept telling them I'll be fine.

I went and saw the original last night. Still feeling like shite, but it was good to catch up with him. I told him about thursday night adventures. Its not something I want to blog about. Seeing as it was extremely stupid, and more than a bit dangerous, and I don't really want to worry anyone. Suffice to say my support network has failed me completely and I reacted accordingly.

But it was good to just go and talk to him. He is one of those people that you can just talk to and feel relaxed afterwards. No matter whats going on. You don't even need to tell him whats going on. There are not enough people like that in the world.

New mancandy

The hotness now works in my department. Must.Get.Pictures.