Monday, October 29, 2007

Dating tips from Phish.

I had a hell of a weekend. It was very long. And alcohol fuelled. I haven't had the lovely combo of a weekend off, and an excess pay week in a loooong time.

So I went out an let my hair down. Long story short, I hooked up with someone, and gave them my number, expecting to meet up with him sometime during the week and finish what we started.

Good plan huh? One teensy, tiny problem. I bumped into his randomly in Westfield last night. And we went for coffee. Then we went and sat in the park for a bit and watched the cats, and talked. About his ex. Alot. Then he told me about every girl he's been with since then.
  • Guys, take note. Talking about your ex is not good first date conversation. Going into detail about the whole relationship, not a good idea.
I changed the subject. We began discussing nice areas in Sydney. I asked if he'd ever been to the mountains. He said no, we'd have to go up there some time.
  • Guys, take note. First dates are for assessing chemistry, not planning futures.
Then he proceeds to tell me that you cannot trust Asians. In a very, very derogatory way. My roomie is Chinese, her boyfriend is Vietnamese. Several of my close friends at work are Asian. Fufuxake! My best friend is a gay black Asian.

I don't do prejudice. Full stop. Exclamation mark, exclamation mark, exclamation mark.
  • Guys, take note. If you want to have sex with a girl, be flexible with your statements. She may not be flexible with hers, and you want to keep her happy.
He walked me halfway home, then we said goodbye. As I walked off he called me his love, several times.
  • Guys, take note. DO NOT DO THIS!!!!
Have you ever heard the saying 'running screaming for the hills'? Well, I'm in the hills, and I'm still screaming.

Seriously, I'd prefer SR, in all of his indifferent c*ntishness, to this clingy, racist bugger.

41 comments:

oestrebunny said...

Well he sounds an utter delight. At least he doesn't know where you live...does he?

phishez_rule said...

He knows the vicinity but not the actual location.

Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

Well damn...what a let down. *sigh*

oestrebunny said...

Probably just as well. Can anyone say potential stalker?

The T-Dude said...

While I never actually advocate violence, don't you just with you carried a taser for moments like this. If the rest wasn't bad enough, a racist to boot! I'd have wanted to taser the bastard and after he stopped convulsing and asked why I'd done it, I'd just look him in the eyes and say,

"Because tatooing 'Fucking Moron' on your forehead would take too long."

Man... do I hate racists.

sharnee said...

Wow, what a tool!

Sorry it went so awry!

yrautca said...

Looks like you should have used some pepper spray when he went racist on you.

Kelly said...

OMG! I have a post coming about the guy that tried to pick me up in the bar over the weekend. Everything that you shouldn't say in the first five minutes of meeting someone... he said... and then some.

We LITERALLY RAN from the bar! Not kidding!! RAN! Motherfucking RAN!

:-)

Effortlessly Average said...

Damn. I'm prince charming compared to that guy.

Kezza said...

You see the thing is, I don't particularly find this all that unusual - plenty of men from my past have started off like that and needless to say they didn't get much of a look in over the long term.

The whole point is you met the guy very recently, so naturally the two of you were getting to know more about each other. You now know that he isn't particularly your cup of tea and you found out quickly which is fantastic, no drawn out painful emotional battles. Wipe your hands of the arse clown and move yourself on to greener pastures!

Trundling Grunt said...

with great lines like that we probably don't have to worry about him breeding. I hope.

raffi said...

well, glad you got the hoooking up out of the way... now you can kick him to the curb

fingers said...

Oooh, dating tips from Phish !!!
How exciting.
Next I'll be taking driving lessons from a Chinese woman...
(PS...I totally trust Asians but they are crappy drivers...come on...)...

Winter said...

Jeez, talking about your exes on a first date? Classy.

Betty Boob Hug said...

oh I just love me a racist! what a wonderful man.

Jeepers creepers, where are all the normal folk?

phishez_rule said...

Stacy - it was a drunken hook up. Not a big loss.

Oestre - I especially like the bit where he pulled a pendant he bought for his ex out of his wallet. He carries the fucking thing around!!!

T - You're absolutely right. I don't tolerate them.

Sharnee - meh, he was a drunken hookup.

Y - I didn't know what to say. I actually told him I have alot of asian friends and he repeated what he said.

Kelly - I can't wait to hear about it. Must have been a real loser to make a lady run away like that.

EA - You're prince charming compared to anybody.

Kez - Guess it has to do with where we meet them.

Grunt - I dunno. He could get her really, really drunk.

Raffi - Which will be another post in itself.

Fingers - Hey, if you suck at something, tips from anybody are good. Wether they're from me about dating, or an old chinese woman in her lawn bowling outfit (complete with hat) about driving.

Winter - see the comment to Oestre.

phishez_rule said...

Betty - there are normal folk?

Lad Litter said...

At least you know what he's on about early on. Imagine if this didn't come out till your fourth date? You did well not to back away slowly, avoiding eye contact.

phishez_rule said...

Lad - I'd feel contaminated if I found out that late.

Natalia said...

Jaysus...sounds like a fecking nightmare.

Run, phishy, run.

-N

Helen said...

I'm thinking CBS should lauch a show called "Desperate Bachelors" since there is no dearth of the species around. No doubt he's one of the guys who whines to his married friends wives: "I'm such a nice guy, I have no idea why I'm single!"

Professor said...

Can we say weird-o? When he calls, your roomie should give him the she can't come to the phone because 'she moved to China' speech.

londongirl said...

He sounds like a bit of a prat, frankly. And I love the professor's advice.

The Man at the Pub said...

Whoa! What a loser.

FYI, I still can't talk about my ex(s) with my fiance after 5 years. She gets really pissed off at the thought of me even having an ex. Wierd.

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Desirea Madison said...

I'm glad I've never met anyone that bad.

Keshi said...

sounds like a tool.

**Talking about your ex is not good first date conversation

omg I so agree! this happened with
'Mr.Darcy'...if u read my Jan posts. Its so distasteful.


btw girl, what kind of Indian program is it? Im not going to one this wknd...but I hope u hv a great time sweetz! ENJOY :)

keshi.

it's the little things... said...

I had a date Saturday night who was engaged to a woman with four kids (he has none). He called off the wedding three days beforehand when she informed him that one of her children had come to live with her instead of living with his father.
He told her she needed to deal with her 'issue' before the marriage would take place.
They never spoke again.

Um...needless to say, I will not have a second date with this guy. I don't care how fast his car is. :)

electro-kevin said...

God ! Funny post which all young men should read.

You mean you don't like hearing about our exes ? Dang ! Chaps do this to prove to you that they are worth having because someone else wanted them once. Stoopid I know.

It took me a while to realise that all the films we were brought up on were lies. That women don't actually want chaps doting on them - not too early anyway.

I think men fall in love with women much easier than the other way round. It's a visual thing - that's how we're motivated at first. So it doesn't seem strange to us to want to blurt it all out and to have to hold back on this emotion is a very difficult and hard learned condition.

So go easy on us, girls. You have awesome power over us and we get hurt as much as you do too.

;-)

PS, sorry I haven't written here in a while and didn't put you on my list until recently, this is because I've been playing hard to get, ha ha !

Effortlessly Average said...

Phishez - I am? Who started that nasty rumor. Most people think I'm a total prick, which sure cuts down on the number of Christmas cards I need to send. heh.

Crushed by Ingsoc said...

Sounds like he needs some rebound sex, real bad.

You are worth more than that.
But you know that anyway.

Price yourself high, you get the best bidders that way.

Chucky said...

Awwww he seemed like a real winner in my book. Just kiddin' ;)

But I will be sure to take note of his down falls. If I ever end up in Sydney... ;)

Here's to a good rest of the week =)

Jana_no1 said...

After a recent episode with meeting a guy, i got a text message with wonderful adviced. I'd like to share it with you....

Men are bastards. NEXT!


lol.

~Miss Smack said...

Excellent advice! I once had a guy bring out his wedding photos to show me a picture of her (he was grieving cos she'd left him for his best friend) on our first date. Yeh, nice. It was painful but when he asked for 2nd date, i told him honestly 'dude, you gotta get over your wife first' and he appreciated it.

BottleBlonde said...

Good Lawd, even MY chinchilla ran into hiding after reading about this guy.

Lowry said...

gotcha! I'll remember that.

phishez_rule said...

Natalia - he was a tad creepy.

Helen - He was a nice guy. Just a ouch obsessive, stalkerish, materialistic and racist. I'm sure his mother loves him.

Prof - I should just get my roomie to answer my phone speaking chinese.

Londongirl - me too.

TMAP - because you just didn't live until you met her.

Desi - just wait.

Keshi - nothing makes you want to run away screaming like him discussing the ex.

LT - Um. Run. Run fast.

EK - men shouldn't need to read the post. Its common sense!

EA - damn. i'll have to start spreading the opposite.

Ingsoc - I won't get many bidders that way, but the ones I get will be able to pay.

Chucky - If you ever end up in Sydney we're so going to dinner.

Jana - excellent advice! lol.

Smack - that must have been seriously awkward. I don't like people who are constantly dating. They avoid dealing with themselves.

BB - Well, my chinchilla definitely ain't coming out to play with him.

Lowry - So when you have successful dates, you can thank me. I take payment in chocolates and oral sex.

Chucky said...

WooHoo!

Josh said...

Yes, he does sound rather much like a nasty person. Next!

UBERMOUTH said...

Would you like to see an email about what Crushed really thinks about you behind YOUR back? Best mates? I think not!

UBERMOUTH said...

You were arrogant to think you knew him better than me who spoke to him every night for 5 mths.