Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Adventure Walks!

I've taken up a new sport. You know, because I'm trying to lose weight and all. I call it adventure walking. And its very... adventurous. I'm thinking of marketing this to tourists to the area. And I'd like your ideas on it.

On our patented adventure walk, you can see
  • A vast array of wild birds. Crows, galahs, pigeons, corella's to name a few. And I'm sure as the weather warms up you'll also be able to see quite a few of our famed Aussie Snakes. Though be careful. Most of them are highly venomous. Remember how Steve Irwin used to handle these creatures? Well, he's dead isn't he. So don't touch them.
  • The occasional possum. Most likely dead from being hit by a train passing outside the reserve. Avoid at all costs, the smell is enough to make a maggot gag.
  • Some serious hotties playing ball. Yum!
  • Bike shorts. And those in bike shorts. A 15 minute walk at appropriate times will have you seeing literally hundreds of lycra encased buttocks. Of all shapes and sizes. And when I say all, I mean ALL. Its a visual feast of sub standard food that even the starving in Africa would reject.
  • The occasional Aussie Bloke, just to mix things up. The Aussie Bloke rarely wears his shirt, and is either lobster red or omo bright white. I have seen some classic examples on this walk. One prime example was so rotund he looked pregnant, boobs and all! You can't help but have your stare attracted to this man. Even though there is a very loud voice in your brain screaming 'Abort! Abort! ABORT!'
  • You don't have to worry about being accosted by the natives. Indeed, the natives vehemently ignore you. Even if you make eye contact, rip your shirt off and jump up and down screaming your lungs out. Some of the native males will attempt to approach you. Though they are quite often very focused on the area below the female's neck, and above her waist.
  • Some of the natives run. Running girls = bouncing boobs.
  • Just outside this reserve, is a nice, quiet residential area. And one morning a week it transforms into the vilest of slums. This happens on bin day. Yes. Everybody takes a weeks worth of smelly garbage and leaves it on the street. Along with mattresses, prams, old TV's. It is best to avoid the area all day if possible. Cripes, I thought our garbage area smelt bad on bin day, but to walk past these bins even 12 hours after they've been emptied, and they still smell worse than ours!
  • And of course, flies. It is Australia after all.

So where can you find this magical place? Why, its not that far from here. I walk it twice a day, every day, weather permitting. To and from work.

Who knew getting to work would be so entertaining.


Sakura said...

Brilliant ! I love the Aussie Bloke section they truely are a feast for the eyes, in not so good a way - ahhh man boobs there is something very wrong with that.

Spiky Zora Jones said...

Phish...how long does it take to get to work? I think you might have walked half way across Australia. That was lots to see.

It sounds like a lovely walk. Have you considered biking to work. While in college my girlfriend got me into that. Honey it's fun.

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

You make it sound like heaven.

Anonymous said...

I love bin day as well. What a treat for the eyes.

I haven't been over to your penis factory site for donkey's yonks and I've just had a most enjoyable few minutes, laughing at all the comments.
What a fantastic public service!

:) Go Phish!

Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

Good lord! It sounds like the yuppie residential area in which I live—even down to the possum (technically an “opossum” here in North America). Perhaps I should do more walking.

MsPuddin said...

Sounds adventurous…that’s how I feel when I take the stairs everyday…

phishez_rule said...

Sakura - yeah. I just couldn't tear my eyes off them. ick.

SZJ - Its not worth buying a bike for it. It would only take me about 8 minutes to ride it.

Bug - Australia is heaven. What are you talking about?

Betty - glad you enjoyed.

Nick - lol! I only walk it cuz I need to lose weight.

Ms Puddin - ahh, yes. The Stairs. Home to the Missing Co-worker (emplyeii bludgicus)

Anonymous said...

I think it sounds like a lot of fun and I would love to join you on this walk. What is a Galah bird? It sounds nice!!

Crushed by Ingsoc said...

We get pidgeons in Brum, thats it.

The road where our offices are, is a two lane carriageway, surrounded by high rise offices all around.

Sounds like you work somewhere quite suburban? And near you home. Is that common in Australia?

phishez_rule said...

Mutts -I will make a point to take you when you get down here?

Ingsoc - I live in Sydney. Though I haven't seen it all. I guess its common to have a park of some description around. I haven't really lived anywhere where there wasn't one.

Josh said...

Some people in these parts actually eat possum. I don't think I could. In Tennessee it's legal to take roadkill home for dinner, pretty much regardless of what it is.

But God forbid I ever want to get married...