Friday, November 23, 2007

I'm so proud of myself. Its so shameless. But I've got a sex injury. In the strangest of places. It makes no sense. I've strained my armpit.

Yes. My armpit. It makes no sense. I mean, the pulled thighs are understandable, the sore back can be explained. But my armpit??? WTF!!!


They're completely different!

While we're on topic, how weird is the word vagina? Seriously. You can be talking to someone and use the word penis, and nobody will blink. It just rolls of the tongue smoothly. But you use the word vagina and everybody's eyes pop open a little, and they mentally take a step back and stare at you, just thinking 'did she just say what I think she said?'

They don't even want to think the word to themselves. It feels different rolling off your tongue. Even the sound of the word 'vaGIna' makes you do a double take and go 'whoa!'

Strange, no?

So, tell me your favourite or most unusual sex injury.

35 comments:

Rups said...

Well it isn't really a sex injury as such but I ruined my cock once mastrubating on acid, I was with a friend and we were taking turns in the computer room to expel our mutual sexual mindsets, and I believe we must have been at it two hours at a time - I was on anti-biotics and several sets of ointments for a couple of months.

Rups xox

Rups said...

Mastrubating is the LSD equivalent of masturbating, it is just spelt differently to seperate the condition of onanism or I made a typo.

:) Rups

Betty said...

Well my worst sex injury was carpet burn on my knees and a bump on my forehead from being slammed into a bed head during excitable sex.

I'm so glad I choose a quieter life these days :)


Please explain how you got yourself an underarm strain hmmm?
You werent' putting his penis in an arm lock and giving it a knookie were you? heheheh.

mutleythedog said...

I am worried about your armpit thing as well... how is that done? I only wonder.. I got knees and legs covered in bramble scratches.. does that count?

The T-Dude said...

Sprained tongue...but I earned it in a noble cause.

Spiky Zora Jones said...

Phish...funny you should bring up the word vagina...I've been a "vagiterian" since my early high school years. I can remeber my first Vag...I say YUM to that. hehehe.

Um ...I had a charlie horse on my leg once while giving it up to my boyfriend. I was jerking and screaming with pain and he fucken loved it.

Yeah he got his get on...where was mine? tee hee. He was a vagiterian too...lucky me, ha.

Phish...true story, it hurt like real bad too.

Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

I don’t believe I’ve ever had a sex injury. Does that make me unique?

itelli said...

There's a joke in greek that if u're a woman rookie and aiming to give good head, "Honolulu"is what u should have in mind rather than "Tanganika".

Maybe saying the word "vagina" subconsciously evokes images of cunnilingus?

Maybe...?

jali said...

Mi-nah
Mi-nah
Mi-nah
My vagina is so fine-a.
Hopes he comes to stop and dine-a
On vagina.

I'm in a silly mood. I was actually singing this as I was typing.

Steph said...

My clit went numb one time when I was having a masturbation frenzy. It was quite scary for a while there.

Mizanthrop said...

hehehe. thought that was your promised boobie picture for a sec there.

Tyler Durden said...

Jaw pain! I went down on a girl for so long that the next day I had to take Tylenol. My jaw was killing me. Also rug burn on my knees from doggy style, but thats kinda common. OH! One day I was having marathon sex and it came out and I almost freaking broke the thing against her taint. That shit HURT. I also shot in this girl's eye once and here eye got red and swollen.

Professor said...

How did you get the armpit sex injury? did I miss that?

raffi said...

all i have to say is beware of the infamous tooth-scraping blowjob giver... she tore my penis apart with them teeth

Desirea Madison said...

What position causes armpit strain?

Pie said...

Wait, the vagina is down there?!

Scorpy said...

I hate it when someone says "HE has acute angina" it is a quick double take, a sly snicker and then a respectable cough to cover the Faux Pas ;)

Scorpy said...

PS: Uou should eat more, you look very skinny in the photo and I think your underarms hurt because your boobs are stuck underneath them :)

Princess said...

i was going to tell you about the time my girlfriend was fingering me and her nails were quite long and she cut me inside, it hurt like a mofo and there was blood and I went to the hospital cause my va-jay-jay is that important and the doctor laughed at me while trying to hide his massive boner over the fact that a girl did it.

I was going to tell you that but then I read about Steph having a clit rubbing frenzy and I got my squish on and had to sort it out and now I'm back.

The end.

P.S. Yes this is Shrinking Kitty...but I'm updating my smutty filth blog at the moment so I'm Princess today. It's all tiara's and tantrums here at my McPalace in Bogan Land my byatches.

Kitty said...

Sorry....that was my evil twin Princess causing problems again...

~Miss Smack said...

I think the worst for me is kidney pain, or rib pain from a mother-fucker of a penis........ and of course pash rash that resulted in him nicknaming me Rudolph cos my nose for some reason was red raw, skin-free.

He was THAT good of a kisser, I couldn't stop.

Memphis Steve said...

I had a sex injury involving her sitting on the end of my penis with her taint and bending it. God, that hurt!

fingers said...

I got two broken legs when Kitty's husband came home from work unexpectedly, saw us fucking on the granite kitchen benchtop, then drove his 4WD through the sliding glass door and pinned me to the wall...

Then again, my cat bit Kitty a few months ago, so we're even...

phishez_rule said...

Rups - um, you win.

Betty - the quiet life sounds boring.

Mutley - it counts of you were having sex at the time.

T - I salute you!

SZJ - haha. Vagitarian. Love it!

Nick - that makes you pure. What are you doing on a blog like this?

Itelli - um. That joke went over my head.

Jali - wish someone would dine on my vagina.

Steph - jeez, you'd keep touching it just to see if you could feel anything.

Tyler - I've never had come in my eye. I've heard its bloody painful.

Prof - I didn't tell.

Raffi - did you think to stop her?

Desi - I've answered it in today's post.

Pie - yep. I give good anatomy lessons don't I?

Scorpy - yeah, the arms are always hanging out.

Princess - lol. I got my squish on. Thats almost as good as Spiky's vagitarian.

Smack - they sound like fun injuries.

Steve - Ouch. OUCH OUCH!!!

Fingers - you gotta watch those cat bites.

Effortlessly Average said...

My worst sex injury... hmmm... that would be when, in haste and in the dark, I mistakened the toothpaste for a tube of lubricant. Never do this people. Although, in retrospect, both my penis and her, uh, back door, were minty fresh!

MsPuddin said...

crackin' up...thanks for the diagram. Hope your vag- I mean armpit? feels better...

Sumiko said...

jaw pain... from giving "OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OHHHHHHHH" blow jobs to my boyfriend

electro-kevin said...

Chipped tooth.

From demonstrating to my girlfriend how I wanted a blow job done.

I was using her dildo to do it - should've switched it off first.

Anonymous said...

Hi Phish. It's city_guyy (Eric). Can't remember my damn password.

I have to say Phish, I have been fortunate enough to avoid the dreaded armpit sex injury. How is it healing? Nicely I hope.

As for me, I think there's probably two I've experienced in my time. The first is the occasional cramp in my foot or calf which comes from straining those parts of my body during orgasm. The second, and perhaps more unique, was the sprained ankle I got while having sex. I was holding the girl up by the butt while leaning against a wall, and amid the bouncing one of my feet slipped from underneath me, and when I tried to regain my balance we both came down on my twisted ankle. Swollen, bruised and limping, I told the doctor I sprained it playing soccer...ah, yeah, that's it.

~Miss Smack said...

OH god, EKs injury is hilarious................... absolutely fucking hilarious.

honkeie2 said...

I think penis sounds funnier than vagina. vagina sounds like the name of a food or something.
'Yes I would like to have a vagina sandwich please, and can I have the cheese on the side?'
My worste sex injury was cock burn. It was just one of those days it just did not want to go down...and no I have never used viagra. And after 3 sessions back to back I looked down to see what looked like a rug burn on the throttle shaft of fun. I was out of commision for a week lol.

phishez_rule said...

EA - how do you make that mistake? It feels and smells completely different!

Ms Puddin - yes, its fine now, thankyou.

Sumi - but its so worth it!

EK - how did you explain that to the dentist?

Eric - oooh. After an injury like that, I have to ask - did you finish?

Smack - yep

Honk - oooh. Ouch.

mutleythedog said...

I once stood in a tin of paint during sex... but it didnt hurt, it was just silly and messy...

Effortlessly Average said...

Well, it was dark; we were drunk; and I was still new at the whole thing.

CityGuy said...

Hi Phish. I certainly did finish, both of us did. She just climbed on top and bounced up and down until we got what we wanted. Not going to let a little pain keep me from finishing the job, for both of us ;) Wouldn't want to disappoint, you know...