"So what sort of guy ARE you looking for in real life?"
And it got me thinking. Quite a bit. I want it all in a guy. The whole shebang. I've said before that I want a few basic characteristics. Straight, single, intelligent, nice, reasonably attractive. The big five.
But its more than that. My stereotype is tall (over 6'2"), sandy haired, blue eyed, and lean. Maybe with some subtle definition of abs. I used to like guys younger than me, but that has changed.
Green Eyes, whom nothing happened with, but I still love, is none of that.
I like smart guys. I'm talking razor sharp minded. With a fantastic sense of humour. He has to be quirky and love animals. He has to be open minded and go off in the sack like a frog in a sock. Thats not to say he has to thrash about wildly, he just has to be all there, in that moment, wrapped up and all in. He has to know the difference between needing to get off, and needing a connection. He has to know how I like to be touched and kissed during these times. Because its completely different and one false move in the slow/sensual mode will kill it.
He has to know freedom. And he has to love it. He has to appreciate that I'm fiercely independent.
We have to be able to fight. My bestie and I fight all the time. But its good fighting. Its not angry. We keep each other on our toes and by doing this, we can bring up stuff without letting it simmer into resentment. But our fighting is all above board. There's certain topics we don't touch, too personal. We don't dredge up the past. What we're having a go at each other about is what we're fighting about.
He has to be honest.
I don't care if he doesn't notice my hair. Or if he doesn't notice new clothes. Unless I look slammin hot. He doesn't have to give a shit about my shoes or what my tan is doing. He doesn't have to be the best dresser. His accessories are his smile and his eyes.
I do have to know he can handle my past. He has to understand that it has shaped the way I am. He has to know how it will affect him and us.
He doesn't have to like that I blog, or watch my TV shows. It would be nice if he did, but if he doesn't he has to accept that its my thing. He has to know that dancing is my thing. And I want him to try it. Even for a beginners course. If he chooses not to come after that, then thats fine. I'm still going to dance.
He has to have good manners. Not perfect, but decent. He has to swear. But not all the time. I swear, probably too much. So he can't be offended or upset by it.
He has to be motivated. He has to work hard, play hard, and relax. He has to help with housework and domestic duties. He has to be able, or willing to learn how, to cook. He can't expect me to do anything that he wouldn't do himself.
He has to accept that I don't want to be touched, except when I do, I want to touch for the hell of it. I want to cuddle and curl into his chest. I want to kiss for the sake of kissing. I want him to be my safe place.
I want to be his everything. I want him to want to give up everything for me. Because only then can I feel safe giving up everything and going to him.
But most importantly, he has to care about me. He has to be my friend as well as my lover.
"If there is one thing I know, it's that the real you is the only you that someone can truly fall in love with, anything else is a recipe for resentment and unfullfilled wants and desires. It's fun to be someone else. It is fun to let the inhibitions fall away online, but in the real world where hearts are both broken and mended, being who you truly are is the only path to a true romance that lasts the test of time."
And it got me thinking. Quite a bit. I want it all in a guy. The whole shebang. I've said before that I want a few basic characteristics. Straight, single, intelligent, nice, reasonably attractive. The big five.
But its more than that. My stereotype is tall (over 6'2"), sandy haired, blue eyed, and lean. Maybe with some subtle definition of abs. I used to like guys younger than me, but that has changed.
Green Eyes, whom nothing happened with, but I still love, is none of that.
I like smart guys. I'm talking razor sharp minded. With a fantastic sense of humour. He has to be quirky and love animals. He has to be open minded and go off in the sack like a frog in a sock. Thats not to say he has to thrash about wildly, he just has to be all there, in that moment, wrapped up and all in. He has to know the difference between needing to get off, and needing a connection. He has to know how I like to be touched and kissed during these times. Because its completely different and one false move in the slow/sensual mode will kill it.
He has to know freedom. And he has to love it. He has to appreciate that I'm fiercely independent.
We have to be able to fight. My bestie and I fight all the time. But its good fighting. Its not angry. We keep each other on our toes and by doing this, we can bring up stuff without letting it simmer into resentment. But our fighting is all above board. There's certain topics we don't touch, too personal. We don't dredge up the past. What we're having a go at each other about is what we're fighting about.
He has to be honest.
I don't care if he doesn't notice my hair. Or if he doesn't notice new clothes. Unless I look slammin hot. He doesn't have to give a shit about my shoes or what my tan is doing. He doesn't have to be the best dresser. His accessories are his smile and his eyes.
I do have to know he can handle my past. He has to understand that it has shaped the way I am. He has to know how it will affect him and us.
He doesn't have to like that I blog, or watch my TV shows. It would be nice if he did, but if he doesn't he has to accept that its my thing. He has to know that dancing is my thing. And I want him to try it. Even for a beginners course. If he chooses not to come after that, then thats fine. I'm still going to dance.
He has to have good manners. Not perfect, but decent. He has to swear. But not all the time. I swear, probably too much. So he can't be offended or upset by it.
He has to be motivated. He has to work hard, play hard, and relax. He has to help with housework and domestic duties. He has to be able, or willing to learn how, to cook. He can't expect me to do anything that he wouldn't do himself.
He has to accept that I don't want to be touched, except when I do, I want to touch for the hell of it. I want to cuddle and curl into his chest. I want to kiss for the sake of kissing. I want him to be my safe place.
I want to be his everything. I want him to want to give up everything for me. Because only then can I feel safe giving up everything and going to him.
But most importantly, he has to care about me. He has to be my friend as well as my lover.
And just because its so sweet, I have to highlight this comment from the T-dude
"If there is one thing I know, it's that the real you is the only you that someone can truly fall in love with, anything else is a recipe for resentment and unfullfilled wants and desires. It's fun to be someone else. It is fun to let the inhibitions fall away online, but in the real world where hearts are both broken and mended, being who you truly are is the only path to a true romance that lasts the test of time."
Yeah, I definitely want that.
17 comments:
So what happens if all of that is in a 5'9" package? Bugger....
Actually it is a very good list. I think I need to do that exercise and ask the hard questions because I am fucked if I know what I want right now or what I am prepared to give up or risk.
I love that comment. And I just opened my blog to questions again. I think there is a lot to gain by being honest to the masses.
-N
Ummm, good luck.
There are men like that, don't worry.
I'm sure you'll find him :)
I think the last line was the most important.
You have to complement eachother, not work against eachother.
There's nothing wrong with wanting it all! and you deserve it!
As long as your prepared to negotiate on some points and it sounds like you are. I'm guessing your a long way off trying the Lower Expectations Dating Agency as shown in The Simpsons!
I think that was a pretty real and fair assessment Phish. I don't know if you'll get it ALL but you should get most.
There are some wonderful blokes out there, I'm not too cynical to see that.
I hope you find him girl, and toot sweet!
I'm with you on a lot of that...maybe not the swearing though. I'm a bit too Pollyanna for that :P
I tagged you for a meme!
Sorry, I'm already married (and and inch too short)
You've only got 500 words at most on those dating sites to describe your idea partner.
Start editing, Shakespeare...
Wow, I don't fight with anyone I want to keep as a friend. How long have you two known each other?
What an interesting insight into the Wonderful World of Phishez.
I'm considered tall at 6'2" and you're slightly taller than me ! Do you wear high heels too ??? I suppose you have the elegance to carry it off.
I just dropped by to say that I love your cool sense of humour and comments about the blogs. Your inset picture gives off good karma. Do keep it up, it's very much appreciated.
What do you mean, he doesn't have to like that you blog?
That's the most important thing!
Well, that and how you look naked.
Good luck finding this dude you describe, SO. You deserve him and I hope when you find him he makes you ecstatically happy!
shit! my husband doesn't come CLOSE to this...
fark. i married the wrong one!
AGAAAAAAAIN.
Josh - Green Eyes is my height, and we all know how I feel about him. The looks are just a guideline.
Natalia - It was just a passing comment that required some serious thought.
OHM - I'll need it.
Ingsoc - Yeah, one man in like, 20 billion. No worries!
Prof - all girls deserve the best for them.
Lad - ha! I'm on an adult dating site. I think I have sunk that low.
Betty - I have based it loosely around someone else.
Princess - I want them arrogant as well. That's hot.
Stephen - damn. Someone beat me to it!
Fingers - can I hyphenate them to reduce word count?
Desi - He's been my bestie for three years now.
EK - I'm not 6'2". I'm 5'5". I just like em tall.
Bug - I hope so too.
Kitty - Hey, I haven't found him yet. But since you're married, if you do find him, send him up my way won't you?
Good advice from T-dude. I find it pointless to try to build a false persona, only to have it (and any relationships that form around it) eventually erode. Honesty is a rare virtue, but if you can find it, hold on to it. You obviously value it, I hope the guy you find does too.
Phishez, stop looking. That's what I did. He just appeared one day about two months after I had decided that my future was "just me", and we got married last month. I know it sounds cliched, but you have to stop looking.
Post a Comment