Attraction is a very strange thing. Can someone be attractive without being attractive? Strange question, I know. But think about it a second. Can a physically perfect specimen be attractive if they are flawed, needy or just generally ugly on the inside.
What if looks did not matter, if height, weight, hair colous, skin, teeth, hygiene... if none of that mattered, if we didn't notice it. What if we were physically nothing, if our personalities were all that we were. If we were just our spirits, would we be attractive then?
What I want to know is, do the uggo's have a chance at being attractive?
At the gym I am surrounded by superficial people. They all care very much about the way that they look. I am one of them. I wonder about them. What they are like? I feel like they snigger at me because you can see my fat rolls when I use the rowing machine. My butt jiggles when I use the treadmill and it all bounces on the cross trainer. I always look hot and bothered. My face is very red across the cheekbones and my hair is slicked with sweat. By the end of the session I am exhausted and worn in, like an old couch with its stuffing falling out. There is nothing glamourous about me.
If people there are so concerned with looks, and I look the way I do, is the gym a good place to meet people?
24 comments:
Clean your teeth, make some sort of an attempt to be half tidy, smile, and dont be a loud mouth bogan, and I'm looking
But your ego is bigger than your arse, then I'm out of here
You are at the gym for the right reasons, to achieve your fitness goals.
If the others are just there to see and be seen, fuck 'em.
:)
My ex used to say that when he saw a guy/girl at the gym who was obviously overweight/obese, he always felt very good things towards them. No judging. He used to be a big boy and started going to the gym, and is now in fantastic shape. He is impressed with the people that aren't in the best shape and go to the gym to fix that. So, even though you may be feeling judged and less than sexy, your attitude and drive are! You could just let it be the way it is forever, instead you are making things happen!
The people that are only there for looks and to be seen, are obvious... and they only attract those that are like minded. Who wants to date that?! ugh
I like Kelly's argument, Phish. I vote we go with that brain-set when we are sweating and heaving our way around our respective gyms.
As far as external versus internal beauty - well, I have found that the saying "Beauty is only skin deep but ugly goes all the way to the bone" actually works the other way. By that I mean that a person who may be visually appealing becomes less so as you discover that their personality is an ugly one, while a person who perhaps is just ordinary and plain (even not so attractive) becomes more and more attractive when you discover that their personality is a "good" one.
Does that make sense?
Nothing sexier than a motivated person.
Working your arse of at the gym shows that and people will appreciate it.
Personally I have always enjoyed porn set in the gym so I say go for it and see if you can get a proper work out on the bench press table.
I'm with XL and Kelly here, you're there to lose weight and feel better about yourself, and if you meet someone there, well all the better. But I always laugh at all the mirrors they put in those places.
I've belonged to two gyms, the first was huge and full of the muscle building types that just went to look in those mirrors as they prepared for their weight lifting contests. They intimidated me without even trying. The second one I join was smaller and geared toward everyday people working on making themselves look and feel better. I lost 27kg (60lb) there.
Good luck on your weight loss Phishez.
I'm not sure exactly what you are asking. There are several different questions here.
(1) Can an objectively attractive person be unappealing as a long-term partner due to negative personality traits? (Do good looking assholes get screwed in their search for mates?) It probably hurts, but not as much as we would like to think. Good looking people get the benefit of the doubt.
(2) Can an objectively attractive person be sexually unappealing due to negative personality traits? (Do good looking assholes get screwed in their search for sexual partners?) Probably not much, but a little from time to time.
(3) Can an objectively unattractive person be appealing as a long-term mate due to positive personality traits? (Can Uggos find love?) Sure, but it will probably be with another Uggo.
(4) Can an objectively unattractive person be appealing as a sexual partner? (Can Uggos get laid?) Uggo women can get laid. Uggo men not so much. (Hence the need for prostitution.)
(5) If I am fat, are people looking down their noses at me at the gym? Some people at the gym will admire a fat person for trying to change their lives. Other people at the gym will be less charitable in their views, but almost everyone will find copious rolls of flab and lots of jiggling to be fascinating. They don't mean anything negative--it just is compelling.
(5) If I am fat, should I go to the gym if people are looking down their noses at me? Of course! It is wonderful to get in shape and such behavior is to be praised.
(6) Is the gym a good place to pick up people? I can't say--I am a blob who has not been in a gym in many, many years.
I go to a small womens only gym, and I feel a sort of kinship with the women that go there. It's full of everyday people just trying to get in better shape and I admire them for that. In fact, I don't really see anybody that seems judgemental there, it's quite the opposite. Personally, I feel motivated by the people I see there and admire their efforts.
I second what XL says!
Besides honey, you know you've got the hotness in spades! I love that you're taking an initiative to achieve your goals, but to me you are a knockout anyway. You have the most gorgeous face, a terrific smile, killer rack and quite the stunning body.
Self perception at the end of the day is the killer though and I guess you're doing this to improve that aspect. Kudos to you.
To top off all that, how the hell could anyone not fall in love with you and your personality. You amaze me constantly!
I'll give you the perfect insight here phishez - come take a walk inside their brains with me (please watch your step, it may be slippery)
Attractive Man Wit Muscles: "Humpf, what a lard arse. God I look hot when I flex in this way"
Chunky Chick sweating it our on Treadmill: "Christ, what a tosser checking himself out over there. Wanker. Gawd I hope I dont break this thing with my elephantine jogging, how embarrasing!"
See Phish, it'd never work even if you did meet someone. Sure their pretty, but youd be mid screw only to look over and see their only watching themselves in the mirror. (and dont get excited over the sex, their cock would be tiny due to all the steroids, and if they dont do the drugs, their at the gym to build muscle tone to compensate for their NATURALLY tiny cocks - thank god THOSE fellas dont do the drugs, imagine shrinking whats already too small?)
I should hope that they wouldn't judge people who are on the way to fitness. It would be like judging unformed clay while it was still in the midst of being sculpted into a pot.
Kiera's teeth for example
If you look very closely at this photo you will see what I mean
Bugger it, you are just gorgeous, I swear it, every image I have ever seen of you you are just YOU, lovely and natural.
Anyway, the question about not-so-gorgeous people being attractive, of course they are! And..I bet they would go off like a rocket in the sack too!!! Honest!!
Thanks guys, but this isn't for any reason in particular, its just some random thing I was thinking about at the gym.
Clyde - I have a very real concern that if I become even a medium sized person, I'll be an egomaniac.
XL - Its not about fitness goals. Its about my huge fat ass!
Kelly - Apparently those that are likeminded will date them! And they have BO anyways :P
MissE - yeah, I get that. Its also been found that when a woman points out a man she finds attractive to her mates, they begin to see all of his positive points and he becomes attractive too.
Josh - That's out of the naughty america series isn't it? I love that series.
Fusion - the second gym I checked out sounds like your first. It was too big and too flashy. The cardio room was dimly lit - like they didn't want anyone to be seen. I do really like my gym. It is very comfortable, but still big enough to give the variety of what I'd want.
Obesio - you always manage to make me laugh! I was doing weights the other day and was mesmorised by a jobbly butt on a treadmill in front of me.
Col - It was a close toss up between the womens gym and the one I picked. But yeah, I felt the womens gym just wouldn't care if I worked out in an old wife beater with egg stains on it.
Kez - Hotness, no. Pretty, maybe. How could nobody fall in love with me? I'm flawed. Haven't you picked that up yet?
Epskee - I farted on the treadmill today. It was quiet but I still got an embarrassed chuckle out of it.
Josh - what a lovely analogy. I have nothing to add to that!
Steve - teeth?
Cazzie - Its true. Ugly people get/give better sex because they really have to work for it.
You can't undo 5 million years of evolution: looks matter.
Don't make the mistake of thinking thin is the only way to be sexy.
I don't know if gym's are a good place to pick up people but I'm pretty sure bars are shitty places to lose weight...
No concern here Phish----doubt that you will ever be egotistical.
You are too down to earth
i got something different out of this post: the question you originally posted - can someone be attractive without being attractive?
i'm finding myself being sucked in to being attracted to someone at the moment, who i didn't originaly find attractive. objectively i still don't. yet he drives me wild.
sexual energy/attraction is a strange beast, and can not be explained. nor should it be questioned, i think!
If someone is ugly on the inside then it soon reveals itself. How many times have we met someone and our hearts have missed a bit, but you get to know them and seen them for what they really are - selfish, rude, egotistical etc etc.?
"If we were just spirits would we be attractive then?"
One day we'll all find out the answer to that question, but it's easy to fall head over heels in love with someone despite their looks, and then you find them physically attractive anyway because of the way you feel about them.
And as regards the gym, the people who were there to pose made me laugh all the time. It's easy to tell the difference between someone who is there for genuine reasons, who is trying make a good difference to their life and show themselves and their body some respect, and those who simply treat the gym as a poseurs club and pick-up joint. Nothing impresses an Instructor more than someone that is there for the right reasons and is prepared to show self-discipline and work hard.
I gave up using gyms and instructing people because I was sick of the poseurs. Now I train at home instead, but that takes a lot of self-discipline and dedication and isn't something I'd recommend. You keep on working out at the gym and ignore everyone else. In a few months you'll be the one laughing.
NO!!
Gym a abd place all round.
You come to good China style restaurant and meet men who like fat ladies like us!
I don't think the gym is a good place to meet people, to steal a Bukowski line but use it in a different context, "They have the wrong kind of bars there". xo Rups
LBB- ahh, but can someone have a sexy personality?
Fingers - If you spend more time dancing than drinking it is!
Clyde - I dunno, I can be pretty bad sometimes.
Deece - So that's a yes then.
Ginro - I used to exercise at home, but my trusty rowing machine gave up the ghost. I still have it. I'm a hoarder. But I do like the gym.
Mu Tai - I don't get why asians would like fat women. They're all so skinny!
Rups - I hear swingers clubs are a great place to meet people.
after the weekend i just had... definitely a yes
as trite as it sounds, i really do think beauty is in the eye of the beholder. in my life i've had men rave about how beautiful I am- when i am most certainly not in the conventional sense of the word, but these are men who have seen me teaching or working and find my presentation of myself appealing.
Also, I will say the love of my life, my romantic soul mate is not a guy most women think of as handsome but to my heart he carries the key. He's short, very fat and bald- but i love this man who how is mind works, he laugh, his heart, his soul and so much more and all that makes him beautiful to me.
we all find beauty in strange and simple places.
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