Monday, October 13, 2008

Damn Moments

Don't you hate damn moments? I know I do. That moment where you're out there, deliberately or accidentally, and you get utterly no response.

Case in point - The Accidental Damn Moment.

I have been eating healthy over the past few months. And not doing too bad either. I've shed 5kg so far. But that's not the point. I had soup for lunch one fine day. Quite a large bowl of soup. And two slices of (wholemeal) bread. But I decided to head out to get a salad to accompany my soup, since it was mostly water and I'd be famished 2 hours after eating it. So I purchased quite a large salad, figuring I'd eat half and put half in the fridge for the next day.

So I'm sitting there with my sizable salad, my big bowl of soup, a cup of water, and two slices of bread. Ready to chow down. Spoon in hand, I spot someone walk into the tea room and recognise the hot guy. I steadfastly stare down at my food and my blood runs cold, and my stomach sinks to somewhere near my ankles.

I'm staring at the quantity of food in front of me. My sizable salad, my big bowl of soup, my drink AND bread as well.

Damn.

Case in point - The Deliberate Damn Moment.

So we had some visitors to work today, about four in total. We were showing them around and my boss asked me to introduce a room to them. I felt all inspired to crack a fantastic joke. Now, the point here is that I thought (and still do think) that this joke was a brilliant off the cuff moment.

With a grand gesture towards the doors I proclaimed, 'Well, this is Room 138, and this is Room 139.'

*Insert cricket noise here*

'They're happy to meet you.'

*Quiet nervous giggle from one of them.*

Damn.

16 comments:

MissE said...

Well he did ask you to introduce the room, didn't he?

I laughed.

And I hate those 'damn' moments too.

sparsely kate said...

HAHAH. And oh I know all about getting sprung with large portions.

My Dad and I went to Subway restaurant. I ordered my foot long chicken roll with salads, praising myself for being so health conscious.
My Dad orders his six inch and says, "You're not really going to eat all that are you? How could you even fit it in?"

Oh. Um...no, I always wrap half and put it in the fridge till later?....shame shame shame.

Ben said...

Some people just have no appreciation for an awkward office based joke. I would have laughed out loud and slapped my thigh just to make you feel better.

And women that eat small portions must be treated with contempt at all times.

EAT AND BE FREE

Ms Smack said...

Ben is either gay, handicapped or engaged - bets on. Who's with me?

Ms Smack said...

Checked profile! KNEW IT!

He's off the market girls!

All the good ones are..

Way to go, Ben :)

Fusion said...

Laughing at Cath's comments.

I thought that was funny Phishez, and would have chuckled and come up with some reply. I haven't had too many "Damn" moments in my life though, or maybe I just try really hard to forget them!

Spiky Zora Jones said...

I think you made an error in introducing the rooms...You have to also say. "Room 38 and 39 this is Mister So and So and Miss So and So. Then the introduction would be complete. hehehehe.

*crickets*

I think I just got the same reaction as you did. hehehe.

I thought it was funny what you said. I giggled when I read it.

Ciao babe. :D

Ben said...

My only handicap is my giant... umm... er... sense of humour.

**Crickets**

Ms Smack said...

I remain available if you ever decide to swap from Tarzan's vine to Janes vine, Ben, and um, bring your big.. handicap!

sparsely kate said...

Ms Smack you are a cack. It's always worth a red hot go however, and Ben is rather cute.

Anonymous said...

Going back to the whole "Bad Bathroom habits" thing.....You should be paranoid.
You see the sad thing is that I have been to the toilet after you, and I hate to say it....but your vadge absolutly stinks to high hell!!!!! Everybody dry wretches after you have been to the toilet
:0(

Ms Smack said...

Anonymous, perhaps you've got your head too far up your own smelly ass-crack?

phishez said...

MissE -well, you just get my sense of humour then!

Kate - Subway is kind of like penis. Six inches is great, but sometimes there's room for more. A footlong is too much and can be a painful fit. They should make eight inch subs.

Ben - I'm with Smackers here. Why are there no straight guys like you?

Smack - Not sure why he'd be handicapped. But he's as gay as they come. He doesn't even like boobs!

Fusion - My life is a succession of damn moments.

Spiky - ok. From now on, you tell my jokes! I did think of doing it that way, but it was halfway through, and too late to turn back for a retell.

Smack - You've seen penis right? Its gotta be hard to give up.

Kate - He is. Well, since I can't shag him, can I take him shoe shopping instead?

Anon - HAHAHA. Funniest comment evah! I laughed so hard at your appalling language skills, I have to pee!

Smack - You are so hogging this thread! Smelly arse cracks are the worst. Second only to the ones with paper twisted into arse hair.

Clyde said...

So there's that moment when you're alone in the lift and you fart--of course you had chinese and the lift stops at the next floor---why is it a cute girl that gets in

Suze said...

My damn moments always include when I run out of the house in my raggiest clothes and hair a mess and run into every single person I know. DAMN~~

Professor said...

I thought the office humor was funny and giggled as well!

And i hate eating- it never fails, eh?