Monday, October 27, 2008

Freaks on the train! FREAKS ON THE TRAIN!!!

What is it about public transport that brings out the inner freaks of the already freakish?

I was happily sitting on my air conditioned train, reading my free newspaper when someone comes down the aisle. The train lurches and dude leans over me. He stays there (trying to regain his balance I assumed) until long after the train has steadied again, before taking the seat opposite me.

Dude was wearing cut off denim shorts, a wide open white shirt, with copious amounts of chest hair, and more wrinkles than a shar-pei.

About halfway into my trip he interrupts my reverie to ask where the train was headed. I supplied the intended destination. He began to ask me about the train route. I told him I didn't know, it was an express and I got off at the first stop.

He leaned back and I put my headphones in again.

Then a tug at my paper. I pulled down the corner and looked at him. The old gent was asking about my heritage. Guessing my heritage is no easy task, let me tell you. He was Italian and thought I was Greek. Smile and nod, headphones in ears.

A tug at my paper. I figured the old guy just wanted a chat, so I tolerated it. The questions about what I do, where do my family live, where I work, where I live. After each question I'd put my headphones back in and return to my paper, clearly just wanting to be left the fuck alone. Only to have him tug at it a few minutes later. I told him what suburb I was in and a very loud voice in my head screamed at me to NOT give out personal details. Finally he tells me that he goes out in Parra alot. He's single and looking for a partner.

As if that didn't cause a recoil in my belly, then he had a good, long stare at my boobs.

I began counting the stops. 'Old Gent' had officially become 'Crusty Fucker'. Those four stations have never, never had such a long distance between them.


Kitty said...

fucking eewwww. i loathe old men like that.

it's just fucking eeeeeeeewwwwwwww.

you should have said 'so go cruisy shady palms assisted living - you crusty old fucker!'

Anonymous said...

Sounds like a goer phish! you get all the good ones........

Fusion said...

kitty got it right, eeewwwwww.

sharnee said...

oh man. gross x 10000000000
you're a hell of a lot more polite than I would have been.

Anonymous said...

"He goes to para alot"

That would explain a lot.

Crushed said...

Congrats :)

You've pulled!

Kezza said...

Sydney trains have air conditioning... working air conditioning? Get out of town. I don't ever want to hear anyone complaining about Sydney public transport again!

You know Phish, if you ever want to get rid of someone like that, offer to give them your number but give them mine instead... I'll soon fix em. Which would you like me to play. The jealous boyfriend with anger issues or the affection starved teenage fag?

Epskee said...

He goes to Parra alot? Did you point him to PJ Gallaghers? Sounds like he would fit right in.

I'm all up for a new man, but I don't think I'll go looking for them on your train thanks Phishez!


unique_stephen said...

Geeze girl, ya could'a had yourself a date at Parra Leagues.

Ben said...

He's sounds classy as. Oh wait. I'm drunk and anything's classy when I'm drunk.

Anonymous said...

Ewwwwww. That is when you get up and move. He sounds like my evil taxi driver's long lost twin (train) brother.

kimba said...

and you wonder why you are still single.. fussy fussy bitch.
*shakes head*

Clyde said...

Ok, the man liked your tits. We all do
Be kind to old guys

fingers said...

Those Cityrail transit cops have some neat disguises...

phishez said...

Kitty - I didn't want to talk to him. I was thoroughly creeped out and wishing I had waited to catch the train with my mate.

Kate - if I had've known you'd like a guy like that, I would have given him your number.

Fusion - it was more like 'GAAAHHHHH' at the time.

Sharnee - I was in shock.

RVB - I kinda live in parra, and even I wouldn't have gone there.

Crushed - yep. I just need to refine my technique a little.

Kez - only some have air con. It was a mountains train. They always have it.
Oh, could you do attention starved ex boy?

Epskee - I hate to say it, but he really did seem like the kind of sleazy old fucker who'd be lurking the edge of the dance floor, bringing random girls drinks, and dirty dancing them for his thrills.

Stephen - nah, I'd've had to pay for membership. Sleazy guys don't spring for that!

Ben - He could have only been classier if he was 'poking' out of his shorts.'

MissD - nah, mine's more low rent. He has to take the train cuz his license was revoked.

Kimba - I'll stick with my vibrator thanks.

Clyde - I don't care if someone looks, but staring is rude.

Fingers - maybe I should write and complain.

Professor said...

Oh crimmy! yuck-o! just keeping saying "blog fodder" over and over again...

Josh said...

I would have maced him. Or perhaps simply kicked him in the balls.