News.

Here is a direct copy/paste of the post on my weight loss blog. Copy/pasted cuz I know you fuckers don't click links :P

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Much excitement to be had today. I weighed myself. I've been feeling pretty good all week, after taking a few days to adjust to the new diet. And the scales told me I've lost 1.5 kg since Saturday.

WOW!!!

Yay fucking me!

So, a quick rundown on the diet.

I'm doing celebrity slim. I didn't like the meal plan. So I tweaked it. Mostly because people lose weight on that diet without exercising, and I wasn't giving up my exercise. Did I say 'tweak'? I means to say 'I ripped it apart and made a new one'.

So the recommended diet is

• one shake for breakfast
• a low carb, low fat snack
• one shake for lunch
• a low carb, low fat snack
• a 'balanced' dinner (read: chicken/other lean meat and vege)
• a low carb, low fat snack.

But no fruit (small apples, small oranges, half a mango, half a cup of berries, pears and peaches, max 3 servings of each per week), no carbs (cereal bread, rice, pasta), max 6 eggs a week.

Now, I can do snacks. I love snacks. That type of eating plan is what I live for. But I can't do the no fruit and no cereal thing. Especially since I went out and bought a stack of fruit that was on the 'naughty list', and 2 boxes of breakfast cereal. Plus I figured that since I was exercising I needed the extras, I could have them, so long as I was careful.

So what I tend to do is

• bowl of cereal for breakfast, with carb blocker and vitamins
• museli and yoghurt, or strawberries and yoghurt
• salad, chicken and veg, or sammich.
• apple on the walk from work to the train station
• fruit when I get home (a WHOLE mango or some melon). I need the boost for...
  
• GYM
• shake for dinner
• maybe some crackers with low fat tzatziki, or reduced fat avo dip for a snack.

I keep a meal and exercise diary too. It has an easy column to measure how much exercise you've had, how much water you've drunk, and you're fruit/vege intake per day. I drink about 2 litres of water a day. Very easy considering how much I sweat at the gym. And if I go to the gym late I skip the fruit when I get home, and have 'dinner' beforehand.

I should also point out that I have cut back on what I eat too. I used to have a snack as museli/yoghurt and fruit, and a big bowl of fruit salad when I got home from work. But I've dropped that.

The first few days on this diet gave me the most awful headache. And it absolutely fails if you're prone to boredom eating, so this weekend will be quite the test for me. But so far, I'd have to say this one is working quite well. I feel great. I really do.

I laughed so hard I cried.

Freaks on the train! FREAKS ON THE TRAIN!!!

What is it about public transport that brings out the inner freaks of the already freakish?

I was happily sitting on my air conditioned train, reading my free newspaper when someone comes down the aisle. The train lurches and dude leans over me. He stays there (trying to regain his balance I assumed) until long after the train has steadied again, before taking the seat opposite me.

Dude was wearing cut off denim shorts, a wide open white shirt, with copious amounts of chest hair, and more wrinkles than a shar-pei.

About halfway into my trip he interrupts my reverie to ask where the train was headed. I supplied the intended destination. He began to ask me about the train route. I told him I didn't know, it was an express and I got off at the first stop.

He leaned back and I put my headphones in again.

Then a tug at my paper. I pulled down the corner and looked at him. The old gent was asking about my heritage. Guessing my heritage is no easy task, let me tell you. He was Italian and thought I was Greek. Smile and nod, headphones in ears.

A tug at my paper. I figured the old guy just wanted a chat, so I tolerated it. The questions about what I do, where do my family live, where I work, where I live. After each question I'd put my headphones back in and return to my paper, clearly just wanting to be left the fuck alone. Only to have him tug at it a few minutes later. I told him what suburb I was in and a very loud voice in my head screamed at me to NOT give out personal details. Finally he tells me that he goes out in Parra alot. He's single and looking for a partner.

As if that didn't cause a recoil in my belly, then he had a good, long stare at my boobs.

I began counting the stops. 'Old Gent' had officially become 'Crusty Fucker'. Those four stations have never, never had such a long distance between them.

Mundane Experiences

Sometimes I forget how special my life is. Living in Australia you get a bit 'blah' about our amazing country. We are too laconic.

My mate Kez has recently been posting naked pics of himself. Go on, have a look. Just because I feel weird looking at his willy doesn't mean you shouldn't!

For those still reading, there is a pic there of il papa with a kangaroo. And it reminded me that we have some pretty amazing wildlife. I've worked with kangaroos,

Refused to touch Koala's (diseased little fuckers)
hand fed pelicans (a bit nerve racking considering their beaks)

Am so over Budgies, my Dad used to breed themplayed with Wombats,
Laughed at Cassowaries. From up above. Dangerous, vicious creatures that they are.

hand fed Tawny Frogmouths,
And cockatoos
Spent hours watching a platypus swim

And had echidna spines on my door.Played with Crows
And water dragons.
Had a friend own and breed blue tongues

Seen the sky turn grey from the galah's.

Studied Emu farming systems
Seen countless people swooped by magpies
Marvelled at just how tiny Thorny Devils are


Pulled skin worms out of a green tree snake
Lived opposite a guy who had a couple of 4m scrub pythons in his room.
Nearly trod on a tiger snake
Spent endless nights at uni catching frogs
Been unmoved by huntsmans. Unless they're in a small space with me (i.e the toilet) or expect me to sleep in the same room. In which case they FREAK ME OUT!Had my blood run cold at the sight of a small spider - the red back

And have had close mates work with saltwater crocodiles.
Our wild life is just that - wild. Its strange and fascinating. And BORING! We're so used to them, that these creatures that others consider exotic and dangerous. Where they would freak people out, we just know to avoid them. We play with dangerous snakes, spiders and scorpions as easily as we would harmless ones.

This was a really fun post to do. Its not often I truly appreciate what we've got here.

And right now I'm highly distracted. Observe.

Cocktober

I found the funniest Facebook group. And it prompted me to ask...

What is your penis name? (guys)

OR

What's the best penis name you've come across? (girls)

My fave would have to be Wrecker.

Momentary lapse.

I dunno what I was thinking this morning.

Three months in a new job. I change trains at Town Hall, go two stops to Kings Cross, and walk to work. I've done this every morning for 3 damn months.

This morning I don't know what happened. I climbed up the stairs of the train at the second stop. And stepped out onto the platform of the station past King Cross.

Damn.

Damn Moments

Don't you hate damn moments? I know I do. That moment where you're out there, deliberately or accidentally, and you get utterly no response.

Case in point - The Accidental Damn Moment.

I have been eating healthy over the past few months. And not doing too bad either. I've shed 5kg so far. But that's not the point. I had soup for lunch one fine day. Quite a large bowl of soup. And two slices of (wholemeal) bread. But I decided to head out to get a salad to accompany my soup, since it was mostly water and I'd be famished 2 hours after eating it. So I purchased quite a large salad, figuring I'd eat half and put half in the fridge for the next day.

So I'm sitting there with my sizable salad, my big bowl of soup, a cup of water, and two slices of bread. Ready to chow down. Spoon in hand, I spot someone walk into the tea room and recognise the hot guy. I steadfastly stare down at my food and my blood runs cold, and my stomach sinks to somewhere near my ankles.

I'm staring at the quantity of food in front of me. My sizable salad, my big bowl of soup, my drink AND bread as well.

Damn.

Case in point - The Deliberate Damn Moment.

So we had some visitors to work today, about four in total. We were showing them around and my boss asked me to introduce a room to them. I felt all inspired to crack a fantastic joke. Now, the point here is that I thought (and still do think) that this joke was a brilliant off the cuff moment.

With a grand gesture towards the doors I proclaimed, 'Well, this is Room 138, and this is Room 139.'

*Insert cricket noise here*

'They're happy to meet you.'

*Quiet nervous giggle from one of them.*

Damn.

Ready?

Well. I learned something about myself on the weekend. I had a lovely ME date. Took myself out to dinner. At a sushi train. Surprisingly, I don't think anyone would have noticed I was there by myself. Looking around I realised everyone was too preoccupied watching what was coming around the train to be concerned about the white single fattie. Its a good place to go if you're eating by yourself.

Then I went and saw the late screening of My Best Friends Girl. I liked that movie. It was a comedy, but more like a chick flick for guys. I loved the scene where they hooked up.

She grabs his hand and sticks it on her arse, 'You think this is too big?' He grabs her hand and sticks it on his crotch, 'You think this is too small?' They kiss and disappear into the house. Yep. Totally something I'd do.

I did enjoy it, and think it was worth spending the night out seeing. But walking home afterwards I felt... kind of empty. I wasn't ready for the night to end. It would have been nice to be walking home with somebody, laughing and joking about the movie. Quoting crappy lines to each other.

As much as I enjoyed the night, and as much as I love my independance, I'm ready to start dating. It saddens me to type that, and I don't really know why.

But acknowledging the fact is kind of scary. I have resisted that idea for so long. For too long. I've been the fat chick most of my life. Its easier when you're fat. You assume guys are repulsed, you have no expectations. The last few years I've played. Never really interested in settling. Hell, never really caring if I never saw the guy again. In some cases that was a good thing.

Inside me I'm still the fat girl. Guys like what they see, and I know it, but I don't have the confidence to approach, or to let them approach. Where do I start? Outside of work I have the gym. That's it. No dancing. And I'm not into the pub/club crowd. I can fuck a guy. No sweat. Well, lots of sweat, but no worries. But to let them go further... I don't even know really how to date.

Right now the main guy in my life is my personal trainer. And although he's hot, and has a great personality, I have zero interest in him that way. He reminds me very much of my cousin.

I've been watching the hot guy at work since my second day there, but I've disgraced myself pretty much beyond redemption there. Hell, the first time I ever heard him speak was last week, and it wasn't to me. I still don't know his name.

I'm a bit nervy about going back to internet dating too. I never blogged about the last 'date' I had, but it was pretty devastating. Plus if I did resort to internet dating again, it would be for different reasons. I couldn't trust the guys on a new site. At least on the old site they were forward about what they wanted.

I'm at a loss. I have this desire to do something that most girls my age do with little concern. And I don't really know where to begin. I feel like I'm in the middle of a raging river, standing on a rock. I need to get to the bank. Its to close I can see and smell it. People are there, waving to me and calling me to join them, but I don't know how to get there.

This shit was easier when I didn't care.

Date Night

So its Saturday. Which equals date night. I've just cleaned. Boy, did I clean (about 4 hours worth)! Now its time to prepare to go out.

I've just started a facial. I'm waiting for my mask to dry, then its a long, hot shower, shaving my legs, and 'kini line (being careful not to aggrivate the ingrown). Then moisturizing all over. I might use self tanning moisturiser on my legs to make them look gorgeous honey brown. Then on with a gorgeous outfit. Maybe a dress? Maybe my 'skinny' jeans with a sexy top, killer heels and a biker jacket. Who knows? The look will be completed with perfume and makeup. And I'm ready for the date.

A movie maybe? Definitely dinner. I'm thinking sushi. Good conversation with a girls true, hot equal. I don't think we'll linger. Maybe we'll move on to the movie. Alone in the dark, so comfortable.

Then home, maybe for a hot passionate session. Why waste freshly shaved goodness? But no pressure if I'm not in the mood.

Yep. I love the ME date!

Crotch update

How nice is it when you have an ingrown hair, and it just sits there for sooo long*, that you're beginning to freak** that you've got herpes*** and you finally free that little fucker.

I don't have herpes. Phew!

*just a little red lump, no infection, no hair visibly hiding. For three weeks dammit!
**there is no minor worry stage. You skip that and go for full out freaking.
*** cuz I'm such a fucking innocent angel.

Oh My!

Gawd damn, am I bored now? I'm at work. Its a public holiday. There's me and my boss. We're waiting for some cleaners to finish doing what they do, and its all hands on deck for about 20 minutes. Then home time.

Waiting sucks.

I got my first mobile phone when I was 18. It was my dad's second hand crapmobile. I hated it. I had to tape the battery in place, and if you held it the wrong way whilst writing a text, it died. If you pressed to answer a phone call, it died. If you ignored it for too long, it died.

Plus it was hideous. I hated that phone. It didn't even have predicative text!

My second phone was a 3315. I loved that phone. It was everything my old phone wasn't. It was sleek, it was stylish, and it never died. Not even when I dropped it off the second story balcony. It bounced, the cover exploded, but it still loved me. I swear, nokia's are indestructible. I loved that I could personalise it too. It had a Garfield cover, with him sitting in a flowerbed saying something about eating daisies. The ringtone was the muppets. And it did the chicken dance when I got a message. It had all the games you could ever want. There's really nothing better than a game of snake to keep you occupied. I had that phone for 3 years. But I wanted more. I wanted a camera.

So I upgraded. I had a cute little sagem for about 3 months. It was really cute. Mum got (and still has) the cute sagem. I ended up switching to another carrier, and getting a 'cool' new phone.

Biggest.Mistake.Ever!

I went for the LG 8330. Sure, it had a flip. And a camera. And it took reasonable qualilty photos (for that time), but I couldn't transfer the photo's to my computer. The buttons stuck, the battery died, it didn't play music, let alone radio. Yeah, I hated that phone. The only cool thing was the camera, it spun around and you could take pictures from in front or behind the phone. That was pretty cool, but in the end that ended up fucking up too. It got stuck. Poo.

Now I have the n95. Yeah, nothing beats that. Its like sex in a phone. I was sold with the camera. 5mp. That was the thing I refused to budge on. My new phone had to have a 5mp camera. The other features (the mp3 player, GPS, bluetooth, radio, dual slide, web browsing, TV output) are just gravy. Very thick, juicy gravy.

But I do miss features of the 3315. It was simple. Very easy to use. No trying to upgrade software and having my memory deleted. None of that. And it was indestructible. Yeah. I'd have to say that I did love that phone.

Shame it didn't have a camera.

So. Tell me. What was your first mobile? Or what was you most/least favourite and why?

I love this ad!