And the answer is...

Doggy style on a bed with slippery sheets and a soft mattress. Hey, you asked!

I'm sorry I've been so slack lately. I've gone through and responded to all the comments from the last few posts. And this includes the compliment post. So the people who complimented me... its your turn now.

Cazzie - You are one of the most switched on but approachable people I know. I'd love to meet you in the flesh one day.

Pie - You have one of the quirkiest senses of humour around. You prove that funny guys can also be sweet. Though not in todays post. In todays post you prove funny people can be assholes when they are pissed off. Good on you for it though.

T - You are such a sweet guy. Some of the comments that you've left here are absolutely adorable and your other half is so lucky.

Moi - I love reading about you and Mister. I hope that it all works out, because awesome chicks really do need a happy ending too.

MissE - I love that you're you.

SZJ - I could just imagine looking up at you too.

Ingsoc - I love that you make me think. You have such a wide variety of topics that you're willing to discuss. And you're open to all sides of the discussion.

And last but not least, the long awaited booby pics. Enjoy. No, that's not nipple. Its a scar.

I'm so proud of myself. Its so shameless. But I've got a sex injury. In the strangest of places. It makes no sense. I've strained my armpit.

Yes. My armpit. It makes no sense. I mean, the pulled thighs are understandable, the sore back can be explained. But my armpit??? WTF!!!


They're completely different!

While we're on topic, how weird is the word vagina? Seriously. You can be talking to someone and use the word penis, and nobody will blink. It just rolls of the tongue smoothly. But you use the word vagina and everybody's eyes pop open a little, and they mentally take a step back and stare at you, just thinking 'did she just say what I think she said?'

They don't even want to think the word to themselves. It feels different rolling off your tongue. Even the sound of the word 'vaGIna' makes you do a double take and go 'whoa!'

Strange, no?

So, tell me your favourite or most unusual sex injury.

I am a sad, sad person.

I got a compliment last night. It was a genuine compliment. But its so sad that its had such an impact.

"You have the sexiest eyes when you're giving head."

What can I say. Its true. And it is something that I'm so proud of. Why the fuck does such a dirty compliment give me such a glow? And no, it has nothing to do with the orgasms I had just experienced.

I should get lots of compliments. So today is officially 'compliment phish' day. You can even go buy a nemo badge to show your support. Or you can just leave me a compliment in the comments section. All compliments reciprocated.

P.S. yes, the boobs are coming.

My words are tasty.

Ok, so my last post was a crock of shit. I was feeling like shit. And that's because I got turned down by a 23 year old who was previously gagging for it.

Long story short, I met one of the guys today. I chatted to him last week for a bit. We swapped numbers. We emailed. Wet met. We fucked. It was good.

Here's the long version. I chatted to him last week for a bit. We swapped numbers. We emailed. We arranged to meet. I had today off, so today seemed like a good idea. He drove to my area. And he got lost. Then he got lost again... and again. Finally he found a park and we met. We had lunch, chatted a bit. He got a call. Some deadline at work wasn't met. We left to go to my place. Almost there and he gets another call. He has to go now, like RIGHT NOW. I convince him to come over for a little bit. He relents. We get in the door and I dash off to pee. I go back into my bedroom to find him mostly naked, stretched out on my bed...

And that's where the long version ends. I'm hungry and off to get some lunch.

Shit, slang. 'something inferior or worthless'

Yep. Thats me. I can't even get laid when I advertise on an all sex website.

I had something lined up for tomorrow. He's getting back with his ex.

I just texted a guy from the site. No response.

Just chatted to a guy who I've been 'talking to' since I joined. Asked him if he was busy this weekend. He said he wasn't. I ask him if he wanted to catch up and suddenly he's busy. Then he tells me he's not really horny. He's 23 and not horny.

It must be true then.

I'm going to eat my height in icecream and go back to bed.

I have big knockers.

Huge. Gigantuan even. And they can cause some problems. For instance, it can be difficult to wear halter necks and low cut singlets. Granted, I wear them anyway, but it can be difficult sometimes. Take today for instance. I bought a new dress last night. And its fugly but its hot. Go figure. The print on it is fugly, but the cut is hot and it works with the cut.

Anyhoo, its a halter neck. The lowest cut I've ever had at the back. Its so low that there is a strap that ties above where the back of your bra would be. And its low cut at the front. There's a steel ring between my boobs, and all you can see is flesh underneath. Observe.


So as you can see, its not really accommodating for me to wear a bra. So I don't. In return, I have to hitch up the halter high, and tie it pretty tight at the back. And this lift the girls up, making them look fab.

Anyhoo. Today we all went out to lunch. And we were walking down some stairs, the girls bouncing a little as we went, and suddenly the halter came a little loose on the back of my neck. I reach up to tighten it, only to find the knot is still secure. WTF?!?

I pull on the string and it is definitely loose.

Glancing down and I see that the strap has pulled out the top. Yep. I almost had a Tara Reid moment. My knockers were so heavy that they broke the damn dress on the first day I wore it!

And nobody has a pin.

Oh noes! What am I going to do?

The good news is, I was in the scouts. I fixed it with two paperclips. Good as new. Fuck, it was so good, I could be MacGyver's lovechild.

Anyhoo. Dress all fixed now. Knockers still big. All good.

Now, just because I'm such a comment whore. If this post gets 50 comments, I'll post a pic of them for you. That should bring my lurkers out of the woodwork.

And no spamming. *looking at Fingers, Kitty, OHM, Josh and Spiky*

*and Crushed and Steve and T, and Y, and Bug... Ahh fukkit*

*Looks at everything with a penis, Kitty and Spiky*

NO SPAMMING! Spammed comments will not be counted!

What A Girl Wants

In the last post, Ingsoc asked me

"So what sort of guy ARE you looking for in real life?"

And it got me thinking. Quite a bit. I want it all in a guy. The whole shebang. I've said before that I want a few basic characteristics. Straight, single, intelligent, nice, reasonably attractive. The big five.

But its more than that. My stereotype is tall (over 6'2"), sandy haired, blue eyed, and lean. Maybe with some subtle definition of abs. I used to like guys younger than me, but that has changed.

Green Eyes, whom nothing happened with, but I still love, is none of that.

I like smart guys. I'm talking razor sharp minded. With a fantastic sense of humour. He has to be quirky and love animals. He has to be open minded and go off in the sack like a frog in a sock. Thats not to say he has to thrash about wildly, he just has to be all there, in that moment, wrapped up and all in. He has to know the difference between needing to get off, and needing a connection. He has to know how I like to be touched and kissed during these times. Because its completely different and one false move in the slow/sensual mode will kill it.

He has to know freedom. And he has to love it. He has to appreciate that I'm fiercely independent.

We have to be able to fight. My bestie and I fight all the time. But its good fighting. Its not angry. We keep each other on our toes and by doing this, we can bring up stuff without letting it simmer into resentment. But our fighting is all above board. There's certain topics we don't touch, too personal. We don't dredge up the past. What we're having a go at each other about is what we're fighting about.

He has to be honest.

I don't care if he doesn't notice my hair. Or if he doesn't notice new clothes. Unless I look slammin hot. He doesn't have to give a shit about my shoes or what my tan is doing. He doesn't have to be the best dresser. His accessories are his smile and his eyes.

I do have to know he can handle my past. He has to understand that it has shaped the way I am. He has to know how it will affect him and us.

He doesn't have to like that I blog, or watch my TV shows. It would be nice if he did, but if he doesn't he has to accept that its my thing. He has to know that dancing is my thing. And I want him to try it. Even for a beginners course. If he chooses not to come after that, then thats fine. I'm still going to dance.

He has to have good manners. Not perfect, but decent. He has to swear. But not all the time. I swear, probably too much. So he can't be offended or upset by it.

He has to be motivated. He has to work hard, play hard, and relax. He has to help with housework and domestic duties. He has to be able, or willing to learn how, to cook. He can't expect me to do anything that he wouldn't do himself.

He has to accept that I don't want to be touched, except when I do, I want to touch for the hell of it. I want to cuddle and curl into his chest. I want to kiss for the sake of kissing. I want him to be my safe place.

I want to be his everything. I want him to want to give up everything for me. Because only then can I feel safe giving up everything and going to him.

But most importantly, he has to care about me. He has to be my friend as well as my lover.

And just because its so sweet, I have to highlight this comment from the T-dude

"If there is one thing I know, it's that the real you is the only you that someone can truly fall in love with, anything else is a recipe for resentment and unfullfilled wants and desires. It's fun to be someone else. It is fun to let the inhibitions fall away online, but in the real world where hearts are both broken and mended, being who you truly are is the only path to a true romance that lasts the test of time."

Yeah, I definitely want that.

Adventure Walks!

I've taken up a new sport. You know, because I'm trying to lose weight and all. I call it adventure walking. And its very... adventurous. I'm thinking of marketing this to tourists to the area. And I'd like your ideas on it.

On our patented adventure walk, you can see

• A vast array of wild birds. Crows, galahs, pigeons, corella's to name a few. And I'm sure as the weather warms up you'll also be able to see quite a few of our famed Aussie Snakes. Though be careful. Most of them are highly venomous. Remember how Steve Irwin used to handle these creatures? Well, he's dead isn't he. So don't touch them.

• The occasional possum. Most likely dead from being hit by a train passing outside the reserve. Avoid at all costs, the smell is enough to make a maggot gag.
  

• Some serious hotties playing ball. Yum!
  

• Bike shorts. And those in bike shorts. A 15 minute walk at appropriate times will have you seeing literally hundreds of lycra encased buttocks. Of all shapes and sizes. And when I say all, I mean ALL. Its a visual feast of sub standard food that even the starving in Africa would reject.
  

• The occasional Aussie Bloke, just to mix things up. The Aussie Bloke rarely wears his shirt, and is either lobster red or omo bright white. I have seen some classic examples on this walk. One prime example was so rotund he looked pregnant, boobs and all! You can't help but have your stare attracted to this man. Even though there is a very loud voice in your brain screaming 'Abort! Abort! ABORT!'
  

• You don't have to worry about being accosted by the natives. Indeed, the natives vehemently ignore you. Even if you make eye contact, rip your shirt off and jump up and down screaming your lungs out. Some of the native males will attempt to approach you. Though they are quite often very focused on the area below the female's neck, and above her waist.
  

• Some of the natives run. Running girls = bouncing boobs.
  

• Just outside this reserve, is a nice, quiet residential area. And one morning a week it transforms into the vilest of slums. This happens on bin day. Yes. Everybody takes a weeks worth of smelly garbage and leaves it on the street. Along with mattresses, prams, old TV's. It is best to avoid the area all day if possible. Cripes, I thought our garbage area smelt bad on bin day, but to walk past these bins even 12 hours after they've been emptied, and they still smell worse than ours!
  

• And of course, flies. It is Australia after all.
  

So where can you find this magical place? Why, its not that far from here. I walk it twice a day, every day, weather permitting. To and from work.

Who knew getting to work would be so entertaining.

I am not a filthy, filthy wh0re

Having said that, I do like playing that part. If there's anything the last few days have taught me, its that I LOVE playing that part.

I'm having so much fun on that site. Seriously. And apparently so are the guys. I signed up on Thursday night. And my profile has been going nutso! NUTSO peoples.

I've had almost 1300 people check my profile. And by the time I finish typing this. It will be over that.

I've gotten 75 messages and 76 winks. And I'm having a hell of alot of fun sorting through them all. Let me tell you! Though I don't have the time to respond to all of them.

And I'm on 45 hot lists.

I'm quite surprised. I have had very few offers from older guys, and very few from attached guys. I did state an age bracket that I was interested in, and that I do not do infidelity.

Seems the guys really dig a girl who knows what she wants. And I mean REALLY dig a girl who knows what she wants.

So why can't I find guys like this in real life? I think its hard for me to put myself out there when I'm that way inclined, to people who already know me. Horny minx me is very different to regular, daggy snorts-when-she-laughs me. I guess I'm worried that if the people who knew me, knew that side, they'd run screaming for the hills. Or the bedroom.

Well, I only snort when I laugh if I'm on a sugar high.

I've chatted to a few of the guys so far. Several have been extremely interesting. In fact, if I hadn't had a visit from Aunt Flo, I'd be meeting them in days.

So, bearing in mind I'm not a dirty, dirty tr@mp, I'd like to remind everyone that we have lots of new penis!

Friday Fracas

Yep. Its Friday. I'm working my second weekend in a row. So I'm tired and cranky. Well, not really. I've been slipping on the blogs of late because I've actually been getting off the computer at a decent hour and getting some sleep!

Wonders will never cease.

***

So I found out about Dancing Dad last we all heard. Have you all caught up? Good. Well, straight from that I found out that one of my workmates wives has cancer again. Multiple metastatic bone cancer. Luckily it hasn't spread to the organs yet, so they may get more time with her. I cannot imagine what that family is going through.

***

More depressing news. My apartment smells like shit. And thats not because I have cats. In fact. All of the apartments in my block smell like shit.

Yes, this is Sydney. No, we haven't had a dead granny in our building. At least, not that I know of anyways...

We had a fire. I'm guessing a pretty bad one too. Out entire ground floor entrance is grey with drip marks down the walls. One door is black above it. The apartment (from what I can gather) has been pretty much gutted.

And it happened really early in the day too. I mean, the fireys were standing out the front gossiping to the cops when I left for work at 7:30 on Tuesday. And they were already done by then.

***

I joined an adult dating site. Seriously. And the men there are fucking horny cunts. I keep getting messages like there is no tomorrow. Some rude and crude, which disgust me but I secretly love.

I have had a laugh at this before, but guys will fuck just about anything that moves. There's an 18 year old on there happy to hook up with a 50 year old.

THAT COULD BE YA MUM, YA TWAT!

And I love that guys can use the lamest, most pathetic pick up lines and still fuck up the delivery online. Really. They're just chucking the line out there and seeing how it goes. Some guys get it really well. Comes across really funny and interesting, and they get further attention. But they are few and far between.

And then there's the guy who watches WAY to much porn. And you can tell by his profile/messages. These guys aren't any good. They have no idea what pleases a woman and that some things will work for some girls but not others. They are (as a blogger I can't recall, names them) jackhammers.

On, push, push, push, groan, splat, 'Was it good for you?'


AND THEN there's the guy who's way outside my set age bracket, who's been on that site for FOUR YEARS. Picking up random girls. I guess. Eww. Just. Eww.

They should rename the website... findafuck.com

Ah yes. This will be blogfodder for sure. Even if its just smut posts.

***

And thats about it.

Big News

Dancing Dad is back. Fit and well. He only had a 1% chance of survival. And he beat it.

Warm wishes and good feelings to all right now.

Weekend round up.

I had an Indian cultural dinner dance last night. I was invited by one of my dance partners a few weeks ago and I said yes. I mean, hell, it's a working weekend and I don't usually get up to much on a working weekend. So I went. And I had a ball. I love Indian Sari's. I think they're such a stunning, colourful item of clothing. And they suit all body types. And I love dancing too. So watching the Bollywood style was absolutely fascinating. The band wasn't that great. But they did play as a DJ for a bit. And I hit the floor then. I ended up trying Bollywood dancing. But I am white, so it doesn't come naturally. I'm sure I stood out like nothing else, but I think I did ok. I'm not used to dancing that much with my hands.

My dance partner and I tried to jive, but there were little people running around the floor. So we gave up on that. Later on the floor was a bit emptier, so we did a cha-cha. And we got a few cheers as we walked off the floor. And a bit later on again we had the entire floor to ourselves as we jived. I'm such an attention whore. I loved it. I wasn't in my dancing shoes, so my footwork was a bit shuffled, but it was still excellent. First time I've ever danced outside classes and I nailed it.

Fantastic night overall. Pissed down as we were preparing to leave, so I got dropped off to where my car was parked. By the time I got to the roof, the rain had stopped. And it was just light most of the way home, until I hit my turn off and it started coming down a bit heavier.

****

So I worked as well. Both days. Which is a drag but the weather has been absolutely stunning of late, so getting up isn't so bad. And I got some absolutely stunning pictures of the plants (blueberry ash, and a pale pink bottlebrush) around work. In the last bottlebrush pic you can see the sunlight streaming around the plant. And then there was a random sunflower too.

Later on in the morning we had a tame water dragon which we managed to coax up onto a workmates leg, and it even sat there long enough to worry the workmate a bit. He's got big teeth.

And this afternoon I bake. We're losing a valued work colleague so he's throwing us a morning tea tomorrow. I figure I might help out, bake up a storm and assuage my guilt by feeding it all to other people.

Random thoughts.

What is it with gay guys and my boobs? Seriously!

Gay men aren't supposed to like boobies, but the gay guys I know are just fascinated by my chesticles.

The Biotch takes every opportunity to grope or poke them. Its become a ritual of sorts, where he'll rub them for luck. Or he'll try to get me unawares. Except for the fact that its as obvious what he's about to do, as any straight man. I don't get it. He's supposed to like penis, not boobies.

*******

I'm going to a dinner dance on Saturday night. I'm so excited, and a bit nervous. I'm not going to know anybody there, except the guy who invited me.

*******

I'm catching up on my blogging. I want to masty, but I'm not going to until I get my blogging done, and finish taking up the hems of my jeans.

******

I have a new scent. L by Gwen Sefani. I love it to bits. If you're walking past a perfume store, go in and have a smell. Thats me.

******

I bought Transformers on DVD yesterday, for less than $20. Its a new release. Kudos to me. And I have season three of Greys too.

******


How cheap are pizzas? Seriously. You can buy a pizza for $5.95 if you've got a voucher. You can't even make them for that price. I bought a pizza base tonight. $4.10. And thats just for the base!

******

And I'm playing fetch with the cat.