I have a bitch hat. I'm sure everybody's experienced someone's bitch hat at some stage. You're talking there, quite fine, and all of a sudden. BHAM!!! Out comes the bitch hat. You get verbally whipped around the ears, and it goes away. Either the moment passes, the bitch hat-ee leaves in a huff.
My bitch hat got a bit worn out on the weekend. I went to see Die Hard with a friend on Friday night. Before I get into what happened - great movie. Bruce is showing his age. I hate when they take a classic bit and use it again in a sequel. Makes it cheesy.
There was a poignant bit in the movie. And The Fray's 'How to Save a Life' began playing. I thought it was a bit odd. But the poignant bit went away and so did the song.
A few minutes later it played again. And I realised that it was some wenches phone. She answered it before I could figure out which dozy broad it was. Obviously it was a text, because there was no talking after it went off.
Right. I thought. She should have learnt her lesson and put it on silent by now. You'd think so anyway.
It went off about half an hour later. And that's when I rammed my bitch hat on.
I turned around and said to her 'Do you have silent on that thing?'. Which pissed me off no end. I wanted to come across as rightfully snarky. Instead it came out politely. Politely. WTF is that?
As I turned back to the screen I noticed the person sitting on my left turn back to face the screen. Seems he wasn't going to say anything to her, and was going to settle for glaring. Um, dude, its a cinema. You can glare all you want. Its dark and she can't fucking see you!
After the movie I went home and got me some serious sleep. Friday night and I was in bed, asleep by about ten. I'm getting so old. But I figure if you're falling asleep in a Die Hard movie you are in need of sleep. So I was dead to the world.
About 11 pm I woke up. Correction. I was woken up. At first I thought the people above me were having an orgy, with all the banging and thumping. Then I thought they were moving furniture. That, or baby elephants.
Then I heard the music and clapping. WTF type of orgy was this?
I waited to fall back to sleep but I couldn't. I dragged my arse out of bed to see if I could figure out where this noise came from, and it was the guys in the apartment next to mine. My room is the only room that doesn't have windows that open out near anything of theirs, and doesn't share a wall. For them to wake me, when I was so tired, they were really loud.
So I dug down into my metaphorical pocket and grabbed my bitch hat again.
When they answered their door I had the right tone. Bliss. I thought my hat had been broken. This time it gave the correct mix of shortness and tiredness, without being outright bitchy. Course it helped that I was wearing my bright purple snoopy pyjamas, complete with bare feet, bed hair and 'I've just been asleep' squint.
They quietened down and I went back to sleep.