Wednesday, May 30, 2007

WANTED

Phish


Female, aged 23 years. For the crime of

WASTING A VAGINA
Subject hasn't had sex in at least 7 months.

Height:
164cm (5ft 5in)
Weight: undisclosed
Hair Colour: Red
Eye colour: Hazel
Race:
Anglo Saxon

DISTINGUISHING CHARACTERISTICS
Scars:

One visible on right knee as a result of a bike accident as a 10 year old.


One on left eyelid as a result of trying to take a collapsible pram down the stairs in the dairy.

Piercings: One. In left nostril. Visible in above face shot.

Tattoos: Two
One on right shoulder blade, named 'Altor' (latin for strength).
Altor is a unicorn in rearing position.


One on left shoulder blade, named 'Indi' (short for independance).
Indi is a pegasus with wings extended and kicking with hind legs.

Moles/Freckles:
One 'beauty spot', under right eye
Two on right wrist.
One on neck
One under chin
One beneath right breast. But lets face it. If you're seeing that the crime might not be standing anymore.

Subject should be considered dangerous, as should ALL redheads, even when unarmed.
Authorities recommend approaching with caution, preferably with a ready supply of pina coladas and/or chocolate.

24 comments:

Crushed by Ingsoc said...

Your pictures don't seem to be coming through.

Is the crime you are wanted for considered serious in Australia?

What is the penalty for it?

Do you need a lawyer?

Dan said...

Oi! We redheads aren't DANGEROUS. Unattractive, yes, but dangerous, no.

Lowry said...

Redheads are HOTTTT!

Lowry said...

BTW, I've gone 21 years without it. I'm a guy, so that's hard to handle.

poody said...

I can't see the pictures! I don't know but I been told a redheaded woman ain't got no soul! Sorry that just popped into my head!

itelli said...

a) I CAN see the pics

b) redheads are the wildest in bed - look it up in Biology; no joke

c) 7 months ONLY???? Pfff...

Crushed by Ingsoc said...

I HAVE seen the pictures now on a different PC.

That's absolutely f***ing useless, as I STILL can't get them to show up on mine.

But I can confirm that our Phishez is pretty hot.

And I think my opinions on redheads are well known.

Obesio said...

You seem quite attractive. Should we assume that you have had many offers over the past 7 months but that the men did not meet your tough (but fair) standards?

Spiky Zora Jones said...

Wha-hey...sweetie that is way too long for a vagina to go without sex. Babes...pick out the fella who tickles your fancy and go for it. Be gentle, you don't want to hurt anyone, right. hehehe.

You are refering to "natural" redheads as dangerous, right? Yes, I agree. the redheads I've been out on dates with...gave me a really good time.

Hey Phis...those are awesome tattoos.

Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

I suppose I could past that ad myself--with several changes, of course.

Echo said...

This is an awesome post! I love the tattoo's and what they symbolize. I would have never known. and great pics!

Mister Underhill said...

I'd most definitely hit it.

In fact, I already reserved plane tickets. I'll just get to the airport and then ask from there.

Very true about crazy redheads, but I just can't get enough of them.

Steph said...

Is this a self imposed thing, lime my MFZ? If not, you need to get out more. Girl, you are gorgeous! Redheads are da shiznit, and blokes should be lining up around the block for you.

Malnurtured Snay said...

Hey, send her my way -- I'll totally help her with that problem of hers!!!

;)

RAFFI said...

my penis is wanted for the same reason. wait... seven months!! maybe she should consider joining the convent.

Natalia said...

Wasting a vagina. ROTFL! You just made my night.

-N

Mel said...

As I type this I am organising for the Hot Cops to pay you a visit. They won't bring chocolate or alcohol but they will dance. In uniform or out of uniform. Whichever you prefer.

Sakura said...

Crap, i can't see your photos !! but from other comments i can assume you are pretty dammmmmmmmned hot, so why the lack of vaginal action matey !!

Cazzie!!! said...

Buggerm the pics aint coming thru..bloggerrr arghhh. Well, the whole set up of the post is ver intreaguing

phishez_rule said...

Dan - Maybe its just the females. I definitely have the 'redhead' attitude

Lowry - Hot with 4 t's! wow. I once went 2 years. I think I grew cobwebs

Poody - I think someone stole my soul when I was very little.

Itelli - I know. I don't have to look it up. And for my age, 7 months is a LONG time. Its not like I'm married or anything.

Ingsoc - Hmm. I don't think I have read your opinions on red heads. But I'm getting a pretty good idea.

Obesio - yeah, there's just something so resistible about a guy who wolf whistles me from a car.

SZJ - I'm not a natural, but I DO have the attitude

Nick - I think we all could.

Echo - I got the first just after my parents split up, and the second while I was in college. They are two very important parts of my personality.

Mr Underhill - I'll throw away my underwear now

Steph - my standards are waaay to high, and I'm too shy (believe it or not) to approach the guys who do meet them

Snay - Did you get that email? I don't have to go ANYWHERE

Raffi - but then I couldn't drink or masturbate

Natalia - It a very appropriate line!

Mel - can they start IN uniform and end up OUT of it?

Sakura and Cazzie - yeah, they aren't coming through for me for some reason tonight. Try again later

Lowry said...

Vagina cobwebs? lol It can't be that bad?

Pankaj Gupta said...

oh thats an Incredible Post..what to say...ummm let me think ..cool ah.

Crushed by Ingsoc said...

What can we do to stop you reoffending?

Malnurtured Snay said...

E-mail? I sure didn't.