WANTED

Phish

Female, aged 23 years. For the crime of

WASTING A VAGINA
Subject hasn't had sex in at least 7 months.

Height: 164cm (5ft 5in)

Weight: undisclosed

Hair Colour: Red
Eye colour: Hazel
Race: Anglo Saxon

DISTINGUISHING CHARACTERISTICS
Scars:
One visible on right knee as a result of a bike accident as a 10 year old.


One on left eyelid as a result of trying to take a collapsible pram down the stairs in the dairy.

Piercings: One. In left nostril. Visible in above face shot.

Tattoos: Two
One on right shoulder blade, named 'Altor' (latin for strength).
Altor is a unicorn in rearing position.


One on left shoulder blade, named 'Indi' (short for independance).
Indi is a pegasus with wings extended and kicking with hind legs.

Moles/Freckles:
One 'beauty spot', under right eye
Two on right wrist.
One on neck
One under chin
One beneath right breast. But lets face it. If you're seeing that the crime might not be standing anymore.

Subject should be considered dangerous, as should ALL redheads, even when unarmed.
Authorities recommend approaching with caution, preferably with a ready supply of pina coladas and/or chocolate.

I heart you Karma!

A few weeks ago I was cleaning out my cupboards. I had too many clothes and couldn't fit them all in. So I decided to rid myself of some of my older, pre-Sydney clothes (read too big and waaay too daggy. Oh, how my tastes have changed since Sydney got its claws into me!)

Anyhoo. I had only a few months back bought myself two shirts from K-mart. They were both the same style as a shirt I already had, but in different colours. So I bought them without trying them on, in a size smaller. When I got home I put them on. They were a tad generous in their sizing, but they looked ok. Plus they were cheap. So I ripped the tags off and stowed them in a drawer.

Only to lose more weight.

I found them when I was cleaning the drawers. Most of the clothes I 'sorted' were in pretty bad condition, so I decided to toss them. These two tops were obviously never worn. I attempted to sell them on eBay, but they didn't take. I ended up giving them to a workmate.

Fast forward to late last week.

So I've lost quite a bit of weight recently. This person had a coat at home that they had purchased off eBay, but was quite small for its stated size. And she thought I might be interested in it.


She thought I might be interested in....


A LEOPARD PRINT TRENCHCOAT!















Oh.Holy.Fuck.Yes.

I decided not to post pics of the whole trenchy. But if anybody remembers me telling about my favourite necklace, thats it in the first pic.













And as an aside, how cute is this pic? I was on my compy, and Rai jumped up for a cuddle. Then she snuggled under my scarf and posed. All by herself!

Ouch!

I had today off work. And I decided to do something interesting for once. Well, semi-interesting. I took my car into the mechanic and did some stuff in the city while I waited. Read: I dealt with some insurance issues, had lunch and lurked on the makeup floor at Myer. The girls were really good there. I told them straight out I was pretty much just wasting time, so she had me smell almost everything that was vaguely interesting. Much fun.

Then I went back to the mechanics. My 'simple' service cost me $175. And they picked up that I would need new brakes shortly ($450 and $230 for front and back), and I needed a tune up ($125).

Fucking OUCH!

I have my rego due this week, so I had to skip getting my brakes and tune up. Methinks I'll shop around for that one. I only needed my service done at the dealership to keep my warranty. There's nothing about needing to get all of my work done there.

**************************************
Today is the two year anniversary of my arrival in Sydney.

Adventures in my pants, Part 1

I did my 'kini line the other day. I do it myself. I'm such a tight arse. But I have issues letting people I've just met playing with my girly bits. I'm beginning love when it starts to regrow. I find it fascinating. I always thought the hair would regrow in a random fashion. But it doesn't. It grows in LINES. I never knew this. But sure as hell, when the regrowth starts to push its stubbly little head through, its as neat as corn rows.

They're not completely straight, They all grow in a big curve. Starting at the outside, near the thigh, and curving inwards to the sweet spot. Though, I feel I should point out, there is none on actual sweet spot.

This is a relatively new discovery to me. Since I've never actually examined my own hair regrowth patterns that closely (and boy, was I bored the day that I found that out). This, coupled with the fact that any time I've been that close to another persons hairy zones, I've been too... 'preoccupied' to really take notice of how the hair grows.

So I want to know, does other peoples zones do this too? Am I some kind of super-organized anal-retentive freak?

There are two ways to answer these questions.

1. Accost random people and proposition them to investigate their pubic hair
2. Ask my blog mates

I choose #2. Spill.

Damn You Murphy!

Its always the damn way. You lose something, you search high and low for it. You tear your room apart, and put it all back together again. Still it doesn't show. You're so frustrated. You go out and replace it.

Only to have said item appear first thing the next morning.

Yep. You guessed it. I did find my brush. This morning. Before I even got out of bed. I said I thought it might be in my bed. And I checked there. THREE times! This morning I was wriggling around in bed, enjoying it. Mind out of the gutter everybody. Bed is one of my favorite places to be. And I was rubbing my feet against the foot of my bed. It didn't feel quite right. I thought to myself 'I think I just found my hairbrush'. And I had.

Stuck between the doona and the blanket. AND THEN wedged between the end of the mattress and the end of the bed.



This isn't MY bed. Its a store model. Mine has heaps more pillows, a few stuffed toys, the occasional cat, and is only made when I change the sheets or I think I'm gonna get laid.

Plus that sheet set is fucking hideous.

The Hairbrush saga

I still haven't found my hairbrush. Its been a week or so. And I'm beginning to go insane. I bought myself a new brush tonight. I hate it already, just on principle. Its just not the same. My old brush was rectangular. This one is round. My old brush was slightly squishy. This one is hard. The old brush used to have all of its little pokey bits massaging your head. This one has about two rows only. I want my old brush back.

The damn villain who stole my hairbrush has now also taken my hand cream. I'm beginning to suspect the cat. She's been known to steal stuff (like other peoples clothes and *possibly* dirty underwear) and stash it in unexpected places (like in my bed). There's nothing quite like getting ready for bed one night, pulling back the covers and seeing someones possibly dirty underwear. It really makes you wonder if you got secretly drunk/high the night before. I dread the day when she finds a real mouse.

I've got CRABS!

I haven't rehashed a post ever. So welcome to the great losing of my post rehash virginity. This is from Feb of last year.

************************

I went for a drive to get a coffee today and ended up with crabs. Big, fat, hungry crabs. I’ve had them in the past, for quite a while, and it took me ages to get rid of them. And now I’ve been bitten again. Let me explain…

We went to the shopping center one suburb over to get a coffee (very necessary after last nights drinking efforts). Going in we drove past a pet shop, and we (I) decided to go in and see what they had there. I’d had hermit crabs in the past, for a few years actually, and I’ve always wanted them again. So I decided, before I even got into the store, I’d buy more. I got to having a look a them, and whilst deciding which ones I wanted I had two pretty big guys on my hand, wallet in the other. And one of them decides its hungry and the skin on my hand looks taaasty.

So here I am, with one hand full of crabs (how often do you get to say that in your lifetime), and the other full of wallets and keys, one crab biting me, and my friend too scared to come near me to empty my OTHER hand so I can remove said biter. By the time I managed to get the shop girl to take my possessions he had a more than firm hold. So here I am, tapping on this crab, blowing on him, and trying to pull him off without taking half the skin off my palm. One of the shop girls suggests dunking my hand, with attached crab, into the fish tank next to me. No response from bitey, except to take a firmer grip. Cue the toe curling and wincing. We waited a little longer. Still no response. We tried sliding a card under him to lever him off. Didn’t work. Meanwhile, I have fish all over my hand, leading me to believe that I’ve been bleeding in the water. And it stings enough to back me up too. Five minutes later I’m still waiting for this thing to drop off. But the good news is that the fish tank water is cold enough that I can’t feel my hand. I have quite a few ‘observers’, and have managed to convince a child that she should also get crabs. Though not Bitey.

One of the shop girls comes over. She’s rung a vet to see if there’s anything we can do to get it off. He recommends waiting. Five more minutes pass, with pleasant conversation and the occasional wince as Bitey repositions his grip. Finally he starts to move. I grab him and drag him off. Out shoots the OTHER claw to get a grip. It closes down and I think “No way buster”, still pulling and eventually giving him a small prize of a piece of skin. He gets tossed back into the tank where he curls up exhausted. Bitey must be a guy. Once he’s done its straight to sleep and bugger the world.

I am now missing the top layer of skin, approximately the size of my little finger nail, at the base of my left little finger.

Needless to say I didn’t get Bitey, but I now have three small crabs.

I never said I was sane.

More bits of fluff

I was going to rehash my favourite post today. Except I had to much to blog about. So you can expect to hear about one of my more crazy fetishes another time.

**********************************

I got health insurance today. Hurrah for me. I'm really quite excited. I am in serious need of dental work. The company I joined with is currently running a promotion where you get one month free. When I signed up I found that this is actually a choice. You can have your free month, or you can waive all waiting periods. So I'm gonna have a brand new smile!

This is the only time I'll be excited at the prospect of visiting the dentist.

*********************************

Have you noticed that any female blogger who has a vibrator will blog about it at some point? Its crazy! Why do we do this? Do I share the sordid details of my goodie drawers with my close workmates? No. Hell, it usually takes some months before I'll even let the guy go through and pick the entertainment. But I'm willing to write about it for all the world to see. Go figure.

********************************

Has anybody seen the new Linkin Park clip? I have, and love it. I think its very U2-esque. Very much a commentary on current social issues.

********************************

I ran out of deoderant this morning. And I don't get paid until tomorrow. So I used some antiperspirant perfume that I have but rarely use. It wasn't til I got to work that I realised I rarely use it because I don't like it. Duh! So I tried to cover it up with vanilla body spray and made it worse. Tomorrow I'll forgo the icky smelling perfume and risk body odour. Not that I end up smelling when I forget it anyways.

Still haven't found the hairbrush.

********************************

I did this quiz. TWICE. And I go the same result both times. Ok, I might be a bit crazy in the bedroom, but calling me a liar at the same time! Thats outrageous. Lying is just not my style.

Anyhoo. Its a fantastically fun quiz to do.

I especially love the line 'we really, really want to get in bed with you'. You say that until you feel just how cold my damn feet are. I'd put a penguin to shame.

Although being called a juggernaut of sin - thats gotta be the ultimate compliment.

People, lost hairbrushes and shit

Today was, brilliant! In regards to yesterday, Whatawaste ended up going to see my boss. He indicated that there were complications with yesterdays procedure, and said that I had trouble accepting what I had done. So for my benefit, we autopsied the animal in question.

Textbook procedure. I was fast, so stress was minimal. I didn't hot the wrong spots, and I hadn't damaged or inflammed any of the surrounding tissues. It was, as I have stated, textbook. I'm not saying that there is nothing to learn from this. But I know that I have to restrain the little fuzzies not as hard, and take the risk of being slower, and them wriggling and possibly injuring themselves. Its a very fine line to walk.

**************************************

I haven't even seen my hairbrush for about three days. I think it might be in my bed. I've looked everywhere else. Except for the places I haven't looked. So my bed must be the next logical step. See, I don't use all of my bed. I don't even use half of it! Its queen sized and the cats have their own spots, so it might be under there.

*************************************

Married Man snapped at me yesterday. Not my fault and not his. He was suffering from Mondayitis and frustrated and I picked up a tiny problem. I knew he was upset so I didn't let it get to me. Anyways he comes in today and he's all apologetic. How sexy is that! I love a guy who can apologise. I love anybody who can apologise. Its such a down to earth trait. But if you're hot... phwoar! I just wanted to jump him.

So we were talking about other stuff and he looks away to think about something, and I'm sitting there visually raping him. I can look but not touch, right?

I need to give him a new name.

***********************************

Have you ever had the feeling that you're trying to shit out a brick? Sideways? I hate that feeling. Its damn uncomfortable to say the least. When you're sitting on the toilet, with your knees up around your ears and gripping the toilet roll dispenser for dear life, pushing like there's no tomorrow. Its ready to leave, to take the big swim, but you don't know if it's going to take the plunge. And you feel it move. Its finally over.

Afterwards you look down at it. Its lifelessly sitting there, at the bottom of the water. It doesn't even have the energy to float. It just sits there like a sad, dead baby. You wonder if the flush will move it. If dumping a little bit of water on it will make the whole experience go away.

And there's no satisfaction at the end. I mean, after a good dump you get a glow, an all encompassing feeling of well being. You almost need a cigarette after a good dump. But after this you feel kinda dirty and abused. You just want to go sit in the corner and whimper for a bit. Your arse hurts. You want the glow but it eludes you.

And no. There aren't, and will never be, any pictures. So don't even ask.

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BTW, its my sister's birthday. Go say hello to her, and tell her to get her arse back into blogging!

I'm going away!

Yes, peoples you read right. I packed my bags and am now off on a big fat guilt trip!

I was working with Whatawaste this afternoon. Not even an hour ago. And some of the animals we were working with were being particularly difficult. I jokingly said to Whatawaste "You know if you stress them enough, they stop moving."

My supervisor came around to tell me it was almost time to go. I thought I'd help him a bit more and squeeze in one more procedure before I left. But that particular animal had some serious attitude. I told it I'd stress it into oblivion and it started behaving. So I finished what I had to do (and I did it perfectly) and put her back with her mates.

Only she wasn't moving. All of my jokes bit me on the arse and it hurts.

I feel so terrible now. These things do happen. Whatawaste was kind and understanding. The type of niceness that makes you feel about two inches tall. You're kicking yourself, and you know you should be, but no-one else is. I wish he'd yelled at me.

I'm baking a chocolate cake. Only its not going to be full sized. I think I ate about half of the batter.

Put down the glue!

Ok. So I'm quite the tard. As anybody who's been reading here for more than four minutes will know.

I cannot play with superglue. For that matter, I can't seem to use it when its not play either. I tend to glue parts of myself to other parts of myself.

I used to have a pet rat. And she had herself a really cool little house that she loved to bits. A little house that I dropped and turned into little bits. So I decided to fix it. I borrowed someone's superglue and set to work repairing my fuzzy babies house.

By the time I had the house together again I was in the following predicament:

My left hand had

• the tip of the index finger glued to the first knuckle of my middle finger
• the pad of my ring finger glued to the nail of my little finger
  

My right hand had

• the index and middle finger glued together
• the superglue tube stuck to the pad of my thumb

I may have also had the actual house stuck to my hand. I don't remember.

The look on my dorm mates faces was priceless as I opened someone's door, held both hands in the air and begged 'I need a little help'.

Their laughs as I told them 'don't get that shit on your lips' was equally as priceless. And yes. I did have some on my lips.

If you need further proof of my tardedness, I'll tell you about the time I peed in my shoe.

Oh wait, I already did that!

Hopeless

For all of my independance, intimacy issues, and gruff exterior, I'm such a hopeless romantic. I got the new Michael Buble album last night. On sale at borders. Oh, how much do I love that guys voice. I particularly love one line from his new song (plays on the website).

"And I get to kiss you baby, just because I can"

Cue melting right now.

I'm particularly opposed to public displays of affection (PDA's). Holding hands is kinda corny, seeing two people mauling (kissing) each other in public is just gross, as is groping. Don't put your arm around my waist as we're walking. You're getting in the way. Don't even think about slinging your arm around my shoulder or grabbing the back of my neck. I'm not a fashion accessory, you do not own me, you don't need to prove ownership. I do bite.

But kissing just because you can... thats different. For all of my stand-offishness, I'm quite affectionate. So that concept just really appeals to me.

My ideal first date (which will probably never happen because I really don't date) involves dinner at Darling Harbour. After which we sit on the dock and drink coffee and watch people.

Sounds simple huh? I think if you haven't experienced Darling Harbour at night you won't really get it. It has a really amazing atmosphere. I dunno what it is, but DH is my absolute favourite spot in Sydney. Its definitely one of my top ten spots in Australia.

Edit
I read this in Cleo. Where they randomly ask guys questions on the street.

Q:What makes a woman girlfriend material, not just a one night stand?
A:When she makes you hot but calm, and laugh but think

How sweet is that?

Make my weekend

The Cone


I want one!

More than that... I want to give oral sex to whoever came up with that design. Because they are clearly a very twisted genius, who would be up for all kinds of hijinks in the bedroom!

To RAWLAMIMCBITCSTLAU/ESOCR

(random asshat who left a message in my chatbox but is too chickenshit to leave a url/email so I can respond)

I'm surprised you managed to fire up enough brain cells to even type that message. Because clearly you cannot read. If you could you would realise that the post where you bitched about my 'self centered'ness was poking fun at my attitude. Are you somebody who will only read HALF a post, and already know the conclusion before it is reached at the end? If you had read further you would have understood that I am not as self centered as your tiny brain would have you believe.

Are you so perfect that you don't know what it feels like to have a day when you look amazing? Or are you so ugly that you can't even grasp the concept of what such a day would feel like?

Oh, and here, in the adult world, we can actually swear. Instead of saying '****in' we can use real words. To say exactly what we mean.

Time to go shave your back, Moron.

These boots are made for...

I had a moment today. A moment that makes you stop for half a second and wonder if the monkey controlling your brain has become intoxicated or fled the scene due to overzealous farting.

I looked damn good this morning. Fabulous. Hot even! Wearing jeans (tag says black, I say dark blue), with gold embroidered/sequin/bead butterflies on right hip, butt, and left leg. And a fitted black (I agree with this tag) polo, with a huge gold metallic print butterfly splashed across the chest. And my new boots. They're black. I have a shitty camera phone.

For the guys playing at home - blood red lace boyleg and matching bra.

Hot right?

And I have recently learned how to walk up and down stairs without looking like a drunk yeti and drunk monkey respectively.

So I was walking (read: strutting) into work today. Having managed to get from my car to the front door, walking both up and down stairs, without looking like a drunken anything. And I'm thinking I'm hot schitt. When I reach for the door the woman behind me says something about my shoes. I look down and feel smug pride. I'm so proud of my shoes.

And then the monkey in my skull wakes up and puts what she says together. I still have the stickers on the bottom of my shoes. BOTH of them. Ooops. All I can respond with is 'they're very new.' How lame.

Cue the running away of the smug pride as my ego magically diminishes.

At least she noticed my boots.

******
I got tagged by Ingsoc.

Three things I like about summer

1. I can show off my tats
2. Sunshine, gardening and general lazing about wearing minor clothing
3. cold showers. I never said I was normal.
   

Three things I dislike

1. Shaving legs
2. My inability tan
3. Freaking hotness

Warm much?

Quiz Me

From Me
1. If you were to create a soundtrack for your life, what five songs would be included? Why?
Most soundtracks seem to be a tad more than five songs. I'm not sure what would be included. Definitely some Matchbox 20 songs. Maybe 'Unwell'. Apart from that... I couldn't say. And as to the 'why?'... Its kinda obvious "I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell"

2. With which animal do you most closely relate? Why?
I relate more to mythical creatures than real ones. Probably because they seem to embody the more mystical and mysterious aspects of us and our lives. I especially relate to Pegasus and Unicorns. The Pegasus is the embodiment of grace and independence. Only the most honoured and knowledgeable are able to tame him. And only for a small time.
The unicorn to me signifies strength, and to a lesser degree, solitude. One day I'll post a pic of my tats and maybe you'll understand a bit better.

3. If you could only have one of your senses (sight, smell, touch, taste, hearing) for the rest of your life, which one would you chose?
Sight. Definitely sight. Though hearing runs a very close second. I am short sighted. So I know how valuable sight is. Though I think I would go nuts without music. For without music, I can't hear what I'm supposed to be dancing to. Can I flip a coin on that one? Or, better yet, can I alternate them, and have sight one day and hearing the next?

4. What is more meaningful and memorable to you--your first kiss or your first time having sex? Explain.
I don't remember my first real kiss. So I'm gonna go ahead and say it was the time I lost my virginity. Which I wish I could forget. This is the guy that reminds me of why I have my standards. I feel dumber every time I'm around him. And he's butt ugly too! He looks like he's been hit with a fryingpan, and when when he's confused that look is compounded by the appearance that he's been slapped across the face with a half filleted fish. He was small, there was alcohol involved. He could barely get it up, he couldn't get it in, and neither of us came. I would like to erase that part of my brain now.

5. Why do you blog?
I write generic emails. When I moved interstate for the first time, that was how I stayed in touch everybody. Unfortunately nobody ever read the damn things because they were so long. When I found out about blogging I was about to move interstate again. Rather than do the whole 'email people who won't read' I began to blog. I figured that if anybody wanted to know what was going on in my life, that way they could.
Now I blog for my own entertainment, to get things out of my head, and to vent. It fills in where I don't have a social life.

From Mel
You wanted questions, thus I shall treat you as my 'agony aunt' and ask - how did you summon the balls to move interstate, not once, but twice? I'm kind of stuck in a rut at the moment and considering an interstate move (to Sydney in fact) at the end of the year when I finish my degree but I'm terrified of being so far away from my support network. How did you manage to cope with this?
Yeah. Escaping the rut was a big factor for me too!
The first time I moved interstate was to go to uni. Where I lived on campus with a bunch of people who were in the exact same social situation as me. I made friends really fast and had a complete ball.
My second move was based on the sheer arrogance of youth. "I've done it once, I can do it again" type of thing. If I made mistakes I'd call it one, but I don't so I call this a challenge. The second move was significantly harder than the first. But its been excellent for me. I've always been one to push boundaries and I pushed, and I found out more about myself and how I deal in tight situations. Even when things get really hard, you will always find someone to depend on. Even if its just a few individuals and not a whole network.

I wouldn't do the move without a job first. I initially moved and stayed in temporary accommodation while I looked for a place. But if you can afford it, travel up here for a weekend first and look through rental properties etc. Share housing is an excellent way to meet people (and its cheaper). But there are some serious creeps out there. So be careful.

I personally feel that I have become a more capable, confidant person since the move.

BTW, if you do move to Syd I have dibs on buying you your first beer!

One track minded Steph

Can we pash now??
Always

MissE
1. What is one piece of advice you would give to a teenager today?
Whatever you, do it safely.

2. What's the worst meal you've ever eaten... or eaten recently?
I ordered pizza last night. Dominos Fetta Veg. I wanted chicken. Instead they gave me BBQ sauce. So instead of having beautiful savory pizza with chicken, it was grossly sweet. With no chicken.

3. A moment you would love to be able to box up and go back to any time you could?
This one

4. Stupidest thing you've said lately?
The whole 'WTF is wrong with my underpants' thing. Sorry I can't think of anything more recent. I've been sick and spent most of my time in bed.

5. Favourite movie and line of dialogue?
Do I have to answer that one? Because I don't think I could. I don't think I have an all time favourite movie. But most of my favourite lines of dialogue are really random. And can be applied to almost anything. I can't think of anything off the top of my head.

Ingsoc

Hi Phishez,

Just thought I'd take up your offer and e-mail you personally.

It's not something I tend to do- I like to preserve my anonymity, but you seem a little down at the moment. Life doesn't seem to be giving you what you deserve.

Hope the sun is starting to appear through the clouds. Myself, Crushed by Ingsoc will be back to normal tonight, fingers crossed, and my own private battle against the global tyranny that is the lives we all lead will recommence.

I get the impression from your posts that you are a deeply caring person with a lot to give. You seem at a crossroads, searching for something to do with your life energy, which I think you probably have a lot of.

Whatever you do, don't end up as hardened, bitter and cynical as me!!!!

All the best,

So its not really a question. But how sweet is that!

And a meme from Itelli

1) What would be the absolute happiness for u?
I don't think that absolute happiness exists. Its the human condition to always want more.

2) What makes u get up in the morning?
Work usually. When I don't have to work I don't get out of bed til afternoon.

3) Last time u broke out in laughter was...:
Today most likely. Maybe watching a movie or watching the cats play. I tend to laugh alot.

4) Your principal characteristic is:
Vivaciousness. I guess. I can be described as bubbly, though, if you do and I'm within earshot I'm likely to try to remove your testicles and/or face. There is a fuckload of intelligence to go with that. I have load of personality, a fairly dark history and, quite often, a fairly optimistic outlook on life. Though when I get down, its quite a long way.

5) Your main defect:
Arrogance. I am all that. And when you're considering my hips, quite a bit more.

6) Any mistakes u'd be lenient with?
I'm generally quite lenient when it comes to others. I try to see things from their point of view. All mistakes have repercussions, and I think the person who made the mistake needs to know that. But I try to help out where I can.

7) Any characters in history with whom u identify?
Me.

8) Your heroes?
Me. See. Theres that arrogant thing again. I don't idolise or idealise anybody in particular. But there are everyday heroes, who are sorely underappreciated. I always try to thank these people as I see them.

The diggers.

9) Your favourite trip?
Going to Queensland. I just love it. Its like going home, mostly because it is.

10) Your favourite writer?
Matthew Reilly and JK Rowling.

11) The quality you most admire in a man?
Honesty and intelligence.

12) The quality you most admire in a woman?
Honesty and intelligence.

13) Your favourite musician/composer?
Rob Thomas

14) Your favourtie tune while in the shower?
I don't sing in the shower. I use the shower as wind-down time before bed.

15) Title of the book that most affected u?
Probably a book called The Naked Island (about an Aussie Soldier in a Japanese POW camp) or Elli (about a Jewish girl in the concentration camps)

16) Title of the movie that most affected u?
The Grudge. That was as scary as shit for me. I watched that from under a blanket, and every time the shadows began to move I'd hide and yell at my housemate to tell me when it was done. And I slept with the light on.

17) Your favourite painter?
I'll say Picasso. I love how his mind works!

18) Your favourite colour?
It used to be blue, but I wear blue at work and its boring now. I love red. Always have.

19) What has been your greatest success?
This one

20) Your favourite drink?
Bourbon

21) Your biggest regrets concern...
Regrets are a waste of time.

22) What do u hate most?
Ignorance. Especially when people think they know it all.
Crying babies.
People who can't be bothered to type 'you' and type 'u' instead. WTF! Its TWO extra letters!

23) What do u do when u r not writing something?
Work. Read. Sleep. Dream

24) Your greatest fear?
Ebola. That shit is terrifying.

25) When do u lie?
I don't lie. Its not my style. I will choose to omit something that I want to keep private. But outright lies are very rare from me. And if it does happen there is something seriously wrong, and anybody who knows me is thrown for a complete and utter tailspin.

26) What is your motto?
Live life. You only get one. Don't waste it.

27) How would u like to die?
Quickly.

28) If u were to meet God, what would u like to hear from him?
Nothing. I'm happy.

29) Describe ur current mental state.
Tired but alert. I feel puffy around the eyes (if that makes any sense).

Oh. My. Fucking. Jeebus.

I'd like to start out by stating that I wish my lack of post last night was because I was out enjoying my rollicking social life.

Wish being the operative word.

I was soooo sick.

I ended up going to bed at about 8:30. And I only surfaced at about 12:00 today. Everything above my pelvis hurts. I feel like I've eaten a bowling ball and its somehow lodged in my gut. Only there is nothing in my entire digestive system except for a medium lemon smoothie.

Feeling slightly better now. Bought me those ankle boots, and the only Matthew Reilly book missing from my collection. Will stay away from solid food for the next day methinks.

I'm getting to the questions (and the meme I got tagged for). Will hopefully have them all done and posted sometime this weekend.

I need mental post its

Since I was feelin so damn fantastic when I went to bed last night, I decided to put on a pair of 'special' undies.

When I roused myself this morning and finally managed to get out of bed, something felt... different. This actual though crossed my mind.

*What the fuck is wrong with my underwear?!? Oh, thats right, I'm wearing a thong*

See, I'm more of a bikini/boyshorts kinda gal. So waking up with my underwear nine ways to my sphincter was a little, uh, disconcerting to say the least.

Must dash. I have loads of housework to do and the cats litter tray stinks like old pee. Ick!

So I'm going shopping for new boots. I love ankle boots. Always have. And they're back in fashion so I'm going to pick me up a pair!

And I'm Feelin Fine

My God! how much did the last three weeks suck? Anybody? Yep. Extreme suckfulness! You know what, SR, you're a complete ass, but just because you're bang on to fuck up your life, doesn't mean you can drag me down too!

Kylie - you can go fuck yourself. You betrayed me in a way I'd never expect, and in a way that I'd never do to you. Seriously chickie. Go suck someone's arse for all I care! Whore.

Yes peoples, this is the return. No more depression for me! This isn't a 'not-a-low'. This isn't me trying to make believe that everything is normal. This is a real high, where I know there is an end, and I'm about to burst back out into the fucking sunshine. I feel like all the broken pieces inside of me have suddenly clicked back together again. Stick it up your clacker moll!

Its all I could think about for the last three weeks. I couldn't figure out why the fuck I was so torn up. And today I realised. I don't give a shit about the guy. I've already dealt with the baby and him being an asshat. I was so cut up by being betrayed. And now I know whats going on, I can deal with that.

This revelation had nothing to do with the two of the main guys in my life at the moment (Whatawaste and Married Man), though I did see them both today. So that immediately equals a great day.

I knew today would be a big day. Parked at work, listening to the radio, about to get out of the car, I felt so apathetic. I knew today would be fantastic or it would be absolutely shiteful.

Someone emailed me this a week or so ago, but slow connection meant I only just picked it up.

Life is short,
Break the rules,
Forgive quickly,
Kiss slowly,
Love truly,
Laugh uncontrollably,
And never regret anything that made you smile.

I'm having my very first drink since the night she told me.
Except for the night out with my cuz. So I'm having my first drink except for the
other time I drank. Go figure.

How to put things in perspective.

a.k.a How injured nipples make you forget stuff

Yes people. You read right! I have injured myself. I was putting a heavy package on a shelf that was chest height. As I dropped said package on said shelf, I gave it a shove with my shoulder to simultaneously put it into place. And somehow managed to pinch a teensy bit of skin between said package and galvanised steel shelf.

I now have sympathy for guys who get tiny snatches of skin stuck in their flies.

Fucker bled and all! Now I'm worried. What if it gets infected and my nipple falls off? I'll be a freak with huge knockers but only one nipple! Thats worse than a freak with three nipples. I could use that as a pick up line. "I've only got one nipple, wanna see?" Time to join the circus me thinks.

I need someone to kiss it better.

Today

I have good days and bad days. Generally more of the good ones. But the last couple of days have been pretty rough. I'm so tired of work. I'm feeling underappreciated and idiotic. Like I can't do the most basic of duties. My supervisor has absolutely no idea what kind of education I have. And I resent being told things that I used to tutor at uni. My supervisor has had a go at me because of my recent attitude shift. He has no idea why, and there is no-one at work who might have the slightest inkling of whats going on inside of me.

I know there is light at the end of it all. But I'm sick of the darkness. It equates to hopelessness and blindness to me. I can't see anything thats really going on. Utter loss and utter betrayal aren't easy to deal with at the best of times, let alone together, by yourself.

One of the dogs at work had a dead pup last week. Just one, and it was dead. She's gone right off her food. She's been off her food for ages. She must have known deep inside that something was wrong. I know how she feels. Today I let her run around, and she nicked off. I found her standing at the door to the room where she had it. Looking back at me, tail wagging. There was no baby waiting in there for her. I know how that feels too. I had to lead her away. She went with me, but very slowly. She stopped and rolled over at one point so I could rub her belly.

Right now I feel empty. I'm so tired. I just want to curl into a little ball and cry and sleep. Life is difficult sometimes.

**************************
On A Good Day

Head held high,
She strides onwards,
Outwardly calm.
She's confidant and collected,
She's going somewhere,
Everybody knows it,
Everybody but her,

Eyes turned inwards,
She the shards;
Pieces that were her soul.
Hurt writhes through the pieces,
Anger and shame,
Crawl the dark walls,
That are her shell.

But she's strong.
She will come through this.
One day,
One step at a time.
She will move on,
And go the places she will.
But every time she hears his name,
Her scars will ache,
Deep inside.

**************************
Two more days to go

How good is it...

When you fit into a pair of jeans that have never really fitted, without ANY muffin-top?

I went shopping today. And I looked fucking hot. Hot pronounced HAWT. I put on that pair of jeans, a sexy black top, hair out, and make up.

I've had endless troubles finding something to buy Mum for mothers day. I had absolutely no idea what to get her. I browsed pretty much every jewellery and shoe store I could find. The former for her and the latter for me.

Then I found Ezydvd. I seriously heart that store. ANY DVD you want, its either there or they can get it. Except maybe the adult ones. I've never browsed that section. And they're cheap. Fuck me, if you wait a few weeks, you can pick up the dvd you're hanging out for on sale!

Anyhoo, I remembered one of Mums (and mine) favourite movies was The Long Kiss Goodnight. I'd been looking to buy it for myself for a few months now, but I haven't seen it anywhere. I thought I'd try to get it. At the store they have a computer where you can browse their library. I headed in its general direction, but there were some kids using it. So I turned around to browse the shelves. And there it was. Staring me in the face. On Sale!

Huzzah!

So I bought two copies. I mean, I could have bought it for Mum and copied it for me, but I think thats kinda wrong. I also picked her up the Sister Act duo. Which I'm pretty sure she'll like. I can make a copy of those because they're not her main gift.

Funny how your mind works sometimes.

A few dot points

• Ok. I'm sticking to a few select blogs at the moment. My internet connection is a bit slow and its a pain in the arse. Sorry. To everybody who has dropped by recently, I have checked out your pages and bookmarked them for future reference. But I won't be reading regularly until next week.
• How funny is angry teen pop? Anything that has the line 'do do-do do do do' in it isn't going to justify my anger. But it will tickle my funny bone.
• Me has done the interview game. I asked her to hit me up with some blog fodder. So she's going to ask me five questions. Anything she wants, she can ask. Then I answer them and interview anybody else who puts their hand up. I choose to be a bit different. Anybody who wants to ask me something... can. I will answer ANYTHING asked by some of the older readers, and ALMOST ANYTHING asked by anybody else. Deadline is next Tuesday. Questions can be left in the comments section of this post OR emailed to me at phishezrule(@)gmail.com
  

Fucking Stupid Government Jobs!!!

I submitted my resume to a government organisation a few weeks ago. I kept meaning to chase up my application but I kept forgetting pretty much immediately after.

I got myself a phone call on Monday Afternoon. They wanted to interview me for a position as a quarantine inspector. To be honest. They wanted to PREinterview me for interviews on Wednesday. On Monday afternoon. I said I was very interested, but didn't have the time at the immediate... time. I requested that she send me a copy of the position description so I could be completely clear about the reason for the interview. She promised to email me the PD, and I'd get back to her about a suitable time for the interview.

I never got the PD. And I didn't get called for the interview.

The whole situation sucks. I sent them my resume just after applications closed. The person in charge of that position was on holidays. I asked in the email, that if my application was going to progress, could she email or call. I indicated that I wasn't sure what the job would entail.

Then I get a random call for a preinterview, NOT EVEN TWO DAYS before scheduled interviews. I HATE shit like that. If I had gotten through to the interview I would have had to arrange time off work THE DAY BEFORE. And my Wednesday (today) was cuh-razy busy.

And then she didn't follow through with the PD!

Arseholes, the lot of them! And the thing that sucks - Governement jobs pay REALLY well. And I know I would have been damn good at my job too. GRR.

***********************
I think I might have inadvertently flashed the twins at Married Man today. Oh dear!

You DO learn something new every day.

My cats are indoor babies. And as such I have to clip their nails to (attempt) to prevent them from destroying the furniture. Every time I cut my nails, I cut theirs too. That time was last weekend.

Boots so does NOT like to be restrained. Actually, she handles being restrained rather well. She does not like being cuddled. When I clip her nails I hold her like I would for a cuddle, but a bit lower down, with my arm wrapped around the outside of her shoulders, presenting the paw and unsheathing the nail.

Neither does she like the sensation of having her nails clipped. Most of the time she's ok. Sometimes she whines, which she does when I give her a cuddle. Very rarely will she hiss and only once has she attempted to bite the clippers. I think it depends on her mood on the day.

I know she won't scratch me. But I don't tolerate this behaviour.

On Saturday (or Sunday, whenever I was doing it) I was almost done when she hissed at me. I was more offended by her breath than the actual hiss. I think she reached into the stale air in her cheeks to gently waft that 'catbreath' smell at me. Seriously, I need kitty mints for her.

But that's not the point. When she threatens me like that I respond in a way that she would relate to. When a mother cat chastises a kitten she will grab it by the scruff of the neck and gently shake it. Which is what I did. And when I was a-shakin' I saw she had a really dirty chin.

I immediately whisked her off to the bathroom to examine it better. It appeared to be flea dirt but when I wet it, it didn't turn red. Not even close. It just looked like dirt stuck to the shaft of the hair. And she had a small amount of associated hair loss. I thought it might be some other form of parasite but I couldn't see any signs. I had noticed something similar a few weeks earlier but it was a very small patch and came off when scratched.

I asked my boss about it today. He's a vet and he suggested ringworm. Except my cats live indoors in a fifth floor apartment. Its not impossible, but its also not likely.

He thought about it a bit more and then said it was feline acne. Probably caused by poor grooming habits. She's about halfway between the second and third pictures. Bearing in mind the third picture looks worse than it is because that cat has black skin.

It is contagious but the other cat doesn't have it. She not only grooms her own chin, but Boot's chin as well! "Oi bitch, you missed a spot!"

I really have to say Boots was really good to treat. I held her on her back on the cold sink while I wiped smelly stuff on her chin, and she only squirmed when I got some on her lips. Then I sat her on the sink (because she doesn't like being on her back) and wiped iodine on her chin with a cotton bud. All I had to do to get her to stay was put one finger under her chin and tilt it slightly upwards.

My cats are a dream to handle. Imagine trying to do that with any cat that doesn't want to be there!