Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Coping

Thanks for your support everybody. The last couple of days have been hell. I got maggoty drunk on Saturday night. So drunk I forgot to have a shower before I went to bed. Ick. And I had to work the next day. Faark me it was hard to get out of bed. Thusly I didn't have time to shower before work.

Work wasn't so bad. It was only 4 hours and very slow. And when its slow we can do whatever we like. And we have a bed in one of our departments (don't ask). So I got to nap for a bit. I guess I looked quite funny wandering around work, obviously still drunk, with pink sunnies on. I must have smelt about as appealing as a hobo's nutsack by the time the day was over.

I got myself a hair cut on Sunday too. Not just a cut, but a whole new style. I desperately needed a change and something to do. I went from past shoulderblades to neck length, layered. So most of it sits somewhere around my ears. I also dyed it.

I'm angry. Beyond words. Snarky and tired. I can tell some people but not others. I'm so hurt right now. I wanted to keep friends with the girl. That was my primary concern. But now I realise that I can't do that. I have to make ME my primary concern right now. There will be lots of tears. We shared a lot in the past.

I'm listening to angry music now. Early limp bizkit. It helps. There was a stage in my life where that was all I could go to sleep to. I hold to the anger now. It keeps me from sinking.

10 comments:

Webmiztris said...

wow, I just got caught up...sorry to hear about all of this!!

mutleythedog said...

I realise I am catching up late - but maybe you should have a "me day" -dial in sick, and spend the day making yourself better. It might help, I have had to do it a couple of times in the past few years.

zen wizard said...

I too am coming upon this situation late in the game, but whatever it is, it sounds like you are a survivor and will land on your feet.

MissE said...

There's nothing wrong with putting your own emotional health ahead of someone else's, phishez. Sometimes you have to put yourself first - don't beat yourself up about it. Leave her to make her mistakes - maybe one day she'll show up your doorstep with a decent bottle of wine and say "Let's talk about how that was a bad idea I had" or something like that.

Sending you some more cyber-hugs.

Cazzie!!! said...

Good for you for making the change, make yourSELF the important one. YourSELF deserves it :)

Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

Sorry to hear all of this. Glad to hear you are coping, if just a bit.

phishez_rule said...

Thanks for the support everybody.

poody said...

NIN always works for me talk about being pissed off !

Professor said...

Music is healthy as an outlet. The new hair sounds wonderful- what color did you dye it? It's important to put yourself first, especially in this situation- AND there is nothing wrong with doing that. And even in the middle of the anger, you have your sense of humor: hobo's nutsack? (One of the most hilarious things I've read in months on a any blog!)

Josh said...

Sometimes a good cathartic purge, either through a personal change (like the new haircut) or through other means (angry music, for instance) is the best way to be rid of negative feelings.

Sorry I'm behind, I sometimes fall behind in my reading through the week and play catch-up on the weekends... hope you're feeling better.