Sunday, April 22, 2007

How many blondes does it take to find a calendar?

Apparently it takes three. Who knew?

We went to Hooters for lunch yesterday. Well, I guess you'd call it more of a 'lunner'. Its a bit late for lunch, and I won't be needing dinner. Its like brunch but in the afternoon.

Anyhoo. It was a real eye opener. Like I'd been submerged into a real life blonde joke. They sure don't pick them for their brains there.

We met our waitress and the boys immediately began to drool. She walked us over to a table then asked if we wanted a table or booth. It appeared that the boys didn't have that much blood running through their brains, so I decided booth. She looked around and spotted one, announcing 'that one's clean', and pointed us over there. No shit that one was clean, the one next to it had dirty plates on it.

I did especially like the roll of paper towel that was sitting on the table for us. Are napkins too upper class?

The table that got seated (and ordered) after us received their drinks and food before us. Is it really that difficult to remember who comes first? The boyfriends of the breast bearers who work there must have fun with them.

"You come first honey."

It seems that Hooters has a policy of informality among its waitresses. Either that or they all have to sit down to take orders. Perhaps its a bit to hard to stand, and breathe, and write all at once. And she took our drink order as she was walking away. We had to literally yell them at her as she left.

Just after we ordered, our breast-bearer came back, and plonked herself next to me again. We broke off our conversation and stared at her. She had a member card, where we could get a free meal when we came back on the tenth time. I told her the boys were from Melbourne. She didn't pick up that it didn't include me. She proceeded to tell us that they were opening up a new restaurant in Queensland.

Sydney. Queensland. WTF!!!

I looked at her and commented 'uhhh... thats not really much better.'

Our meals arrived. And they were... ok. Not fantastic. Very greasy. VERY GREASY. The salad was nice. First time I've ever had curly fries. And the fish tasted nice to begin with, but ended up tasting like dirt. Literally.

The boys wanted to get a picture with the girls before they left. Which is understandable. I mean, those chicks were hot. So pretty, so stoopid. So I took the pics for them. And before Mike was ready I snapped him. And he was clearly staring straight at the chickie's breasts. It couldn't have been more obvious if he was wearing a sign. Mike isn't a sleazy guy, so I must have snapped that one at the perfect time. Just as he was sneaking a peek. Its a shame he has to delete it before his girlfriend sees it. It was a good picture.

But I had a fantastic time. We had a great laugh at some of the people there. Like when Mike got a refill of his coke. We motioned the girl over, and requested a refill. She wandered away with his cup. Returning a few minutes later she slams the glass down on the table, turns, takes two steps and says 'there you go' as she walks away. We stared at his 'coke' for about half a second before we pissed ourselves laughing.

She had bought him a lemon squash. In his old glass.


Cazzie!!! said...

There's service for ya hey!! Oh well, paid to be beautiful, not dumb, I likey that idea.
Hey, where's that picture you took, LMAO.

Chucky said...

ah, glad to hear some things don't change half a world away. Hooters isn't much better here in the States. I can't remember the last time I've been to one.

Oh and hi!

MissE said...

There's a "Hooters" in Sydney?
Oh dear lord. That seals it... we are the 51st State. *sigh*

Well... at least it gives the dumb pretty girls somewhere to work.

Me said...

Oh, I despise that place. And, yes, I think it's because my breasts aren't quite that perky. LOL.

And I believe they sit down in the booths to take the orders so that you can get a better look at their breasts. And they kinda bend over, kneel down, at the tables so that you can look that way too.



itelli said...

Wow... This must be the first map where I see roads ending... nowhere. Was it because of financial difficulties or did the people of Derby think "there's no point reaching Darwin; whoever wants to, they can walk there"

Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

It's been a long time since I've been to a Hooters. After reading of your experience, I have to head for one (as soon as my 1st retirement check arrives).

Josh said...

I think I'm going to take my boyfriend on a date to Hooter's, at least once. That should be blogworthy.

phishez_rule said...

Cazzie - it was on the boys camera. Its a shame. I wanted it

Chucky - Hi there! Seems hooters is maintaining its reputation.

MissE - We're just a very far off suburb as far at they're concerned

Me - Yeah, I noticed the sitting and bending too. I'm not sure the boys did though. They only saw the boobs. So I guess it was effectual.

Itelli - You've clearly not heard what Darwin's like. They don't have seasons like the rest of us. They only have the wet season, where its unbeleivably hot and sticky, and the lead up tot he wet season. They were probably building that road in the wet season and decided to stop. "Fuck it, who want to go to Darwin anyways?" kind of thing.

Nick - treat yourself. I think you deserve it.

Josh - Definitely. All I could think about was how to blog this. My cousin and I are competing to see who can write it up the best.

Professor said...

Too funny... not a real bright experience, but funny none the less.

phishez_rule said...

Prof - yeah. I felt that I had to go home and wash the stupid off!