Soo Tired

Since my last post I've been thinking. Alot. Which is normal for me. Thank God everybody who knows me, knows that over thinking is as natural as flirting, and, to a lesser extent, breathing, for me. I sent one last text out to the other person involved. She now has my blog address so if she wants to know exactly what the last few days have been like for me she can see. Kyles, the posts you'll want to read are four out of the five below this one.

I'd really appreciate it if people refrained from name calling. I know that you're only taking my hurt into account here and you don't know anything about her. Its actually making it harder for me. Affirming my choice is ok. Name calling is very inventive, but juvenile.

Read: stop fucking doing it.

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I feel better today. Much better. Making that cut was difficult. I hate losing friends. I can go without talking to certain family members for ages, no worries. But saying goodbye to someone who cares because they want to...

But I had to do it. Else I'd probably end up necking myself in a matter of days. "Cruel to be kind" and all that shit.

This whole stress dieting thing is working really well. I've lost more wieght in the last 24 hours. Part of it is dehydration, and part of it is an empty digestive system. I have managed to score myself a mild case of ketosis. Which is "a pathological state associated with chronic starvation." No wonder I'm so fucking hungry right now.

I also appear to be the recipient of some amazing cheekbones. It looks like I've had the cheekbones of an anorexic Russian supermodel transplanted into my face. Fact.

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Whatawaste winks at me. Nearly every time he sees me. I have a perfect comeback for him next time - "Winking is for SINGLES!!!". I was talking to him on Monday. He would have listened if I'd told him, and maybe not even judged me for it. He's such an amazing person.

But I didn't want to talk to him about it. So we ended up talking about his girlfriend. Turns out he WAS single. GAAAH!!! I fucking KNEW IT. They had broken up and he recently got back together with her. *beats head against wall*. Its not the first time something like this has happened. And it won't be the last.

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I have reason to believe Married Man isn't actually married. Apart from the fact that he doesn't wear a wedding ring, which isn't that uncommon. Nobody wears wedding rings at work. We wear gloves alot and they irritate the skin.

But there are other factors. He went away for a week. And he specifically told me it was by himself. He rides a motorbike. And its only a very recent thing because he's still on his learners license. Its a bit of a stretch, but I'd say he doesn't have a whole lot of passengers on said bike.

He's never mentioned anything about a partner. But to be honest neither of us has been doing any fishing.

And when I gave my number to one of his colleagues (I live close to work and we now lock his work area, and the lock can be tricky) in case I was needed to unlock said door, he came down a little while later, asking what would he do if he was in the same situation. He was sooo bejiggity. I can't believe I missed the fact that he wanted my number.

*repeatedly slaps forehead*

...

*with both hands*

Maybe I should rename him "Man".

I gave him my number last night. You know, just in case something happened at work and he needed my keys.

Oh. And HE winked at me today. Holy Fuck! What is this?!?

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While I'm on the topic - what the fuck does a wink mean to a guy? One guy who repeatedly winks at me is sooo not available. The other...

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I wanted to get stoned last night. God, I just wanted all of the pain to go away, and to be able to laugh again. There are times where I feel that I'll never laugh again. Even if its pointless laughing at the wind, its still good for you. But I had nothing. So in the absence of a joint I sat out on the (very cold and windy) balcony and played with sparklers.

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Fucking stupid cunting mp3 player won't play half of my Snow Patrol songs.

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That fucking car that was beeping last night is STILL doing it. Only now its got a two second cycle, with three fecking beeps. Beep-beep on second one, and beep at the start of second two. And then it goes AGAIN.

Fucking wish that battery would DIE already.