Tuesday, April 10, 2007

"No more yellow palms"

Horseshit! Haha. I just spelt that as horeshit. Maybe its both.

Horeshit I tells ya!

I did say a few posts ago that I love my skin. Which I do. Part of the reason is because it tans so well. Or it used to before I started working in a fluorescent hellhole. Not the dark tan of someone who spends the day trying to turn themselves into a lobster. But a nice light tan, an even spread of honey colour.

But, as I said, I work in a hellhole with no natural light. So I am very pale. Reflectively pale. So I decided to get some gradual tanning moisturiser. I've been using it for two days and all I have so far is a perpetually dirty look and what appears to be severe jaundice of the palms and fingertips! I look like I've suddenly taken up smoking, and have decided to make up for every smoke I've never had in my life. I have 'nicotine stains' all the way down to the KNUCKLES.

I tried this a while ago and I had the same problem. I also had some other... concerns.

  1. I have no-one to moisturise my back. So I have to overlap heaps, or have a tiny little spot in the middle of my back that is white as white.
  2. If I overlap an area will it be darker?
  3. I have to wait for it to dry. Usually I do so by standing in front of a fan/heater in 'scarecrow' position for about 10 minutes.
  4. It smells. My other moisturiser smells like vanilla. It smells so nice I had to taste it. And for the whole of the next day I smell like vanilla. With this one... I smell like old body.
  5. I've also heard it rubs off. Which is a shit.


mist1 said...

Spray on, honey. Spray on.

poody said...

don't ya'll have the tanning beds or better yet the places you can go and have them apply the fake tan for you they spray it on!

Crushed by Ingsoc said...

You have NO ONE to moisturise your back?
That don't seem right to me.

Try a sunbed. Bottle Tan is never as convincing.

Cazzie!!! said...

So..you smell like grandma's home made cupcakes for a day...lovely :)

SaM-GiRL said...

hahahahaha! shame, i can just imagine you standing infront of the fan/heater waiting for the shit to dry up.... trying not to breathe in the stench! lol. id also recommend the sunbed, but not the old fashioned ones where you lay down, go in the one that you stand in, gets all the spots, even under the arms.... and im SURE it smells much better. lol. =)

smacko said...

i know exactly what you mean. manufacturers can bottle up every scent known to man when it comes to regular moisturizer. however sun tan moisturizer always seems to smell like 10 days unwashed ass.

Steph said...

I have the same problem with fake tan. Hence, I now go to a salon and get it done.

Mel said...

Don't go the solarium route. Skin cancer is never attractive. I agree with getting a pro to do it for you. It costs more but it saves you from all the drama.

phishez_rule said...

Mist - $ honey, $. Hey, that rhymes!

Poody - tanning beds give you cancer. I'd rather have yellow palms.

Ingsoc - tanning beds give you cancer. I'd rather have yellow palms.

Cazzie - When I wear the vanilla stuff yeah. Otherwise I smell like '10 days of unwashed ass'

Sam-girl - tanning beds give you cancer. I'd rather have yellow palms.

Smacko - unwashed ass. I love that!

Steph - the problem with the salon is that to get the tan I want someone has to see my white jiggly bits.

Mel - so far you're the only one to mention that solariums give you cancer. I dunno if you recognised, but I'm getting kinda tired of telling everybody

Professor said...

Okay I'm a whiter shade of pale and always wil be and I was gonna try the tan stuff too and now...nope, Im not going too!