Wednesday, April 18, 2007

There were tears

I just did it. I just rang the other girl involved. And I told her that I was having serious difficulty accepting what happened. And as long as he was going to be a part of her life. I couldn't be part of hers.

She doesn't want to accept it. She said thats not a good enough excuse. So I told her how the last few days have been for me. The drinking, lack of sleep and desire to play with razor blades. I've stopped eating. I've lost three kilograms in two days.

I apologised. I told her that I'm not strong enough to do this. Not strong enough to be the bigger person. I wished her luck with everything. And I said goodbye. The tears were on both sides. We have been through so much together.

Deep down I want her to realise her mistake and pick me. But I don't think she will.


Natalia said...

Wowza. Ok, now I get what you were talking about. My take, for all it's worth:

I don't know exactly why your relationship ended with said man. And not knowing that, I can't say whether he is an asshole or whether you guys just grew apart.

I had my heart torn out of my body a few years ago. I didn't think I would get over it. It took a while. But I let go of the anger and the hurt. And then I saw I had a big part in it as well. I think the best you can do is forgive him and forgive yourself and try to heal.

Of course I know it's easier said than done. Sometimes it seems like an exercise in futility. But this too shall pass.

I am so sorry you had to go through the whole baby thing. I wish I could give you a hug. You sound like yo need one.

As far as your friend. I think it's a fairly well-known code that you don't touch your friends' exes. And if he treated you badly, has she not learned from that?

Perhaps she thinks she is special and that won't happen to her. But in my experience people don't change that easily.

I completely understand that you wouldn't want to have her in your life for now. It must be hell to think about them together. It would be cruel to be in social situations and pretend all it well.

But, that said, you really need to give yourself a deadline. Give yourself time to cry and grieve and then pick a day when you will start to let go, willingly and putting as much effort into it as is required.

I wish I could give you more comfort. But you know where I am if you need to talk.



Chuck said...

Hey Babe. Just sending some cyber hugs to you.

Friends that date other friends ex's are not people you want to surround yourself with. That is just asking for bad karma...

Take care.


poody said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Cazzie!!! said...

Shit, you needent apologise, you didnt do anything wrong here love.
Cut yourself loose now, you have identified the truth of what happened, you know what you felt, what you feel now.
Can you afford to see a reiki person at all? I reckon you could so do with this right now. Make peace with youSELF.
Your friend can go on her own journey now...look after yourSELF lovey, huggs.

Professor said...

Oh hunny. I understand this and it sucks, but I think in light of all I can discern from reading here, you did the right thing- for you and that's what matters! ((hugs))