ohmygodOhMyGodOHMYGOD!!!

Matchbox twenty has released a new song! I am aware that it happened last week. I did hear it on the radio and I thought to myself 'that sounds like Rob Thomas.' I heard it on the radio three times today. I normally hate that, but seriously, its MB20! I can (literally) listen to them all day.

Matchbox 20 were my very first album. It was love at first listen. I've never not loved one of their songs. There are some that I love more than others. But none that I just plain like. So when I heard that they were going to be playing the new song I dropped what I was doing and went and stared at the radio.

It was so much to take in. Trying to listen to the lyrics and the melody at the same time. Trying to memorise them, the feel of how the music washed over my soul. I could feel faint vibrations through my fingertips as they rested on the bench near the radio.

This new song has an older feel to it. Its new. But when I listen to it, it feels like I'm listening to their first album. But its new as well. Its calming but energizing too. Quite the pleasurable paradox.

Bring on October 2nd.

Lyrics and video below.

*****************

I'm waking up at the start of the end of the world,
But its feeling just like every morning before,
Now I wonder what my life is going to mean if it's gone,
The cars are moving like a half a mile an hour and I
Started staring at the passengers who're waving goodbye
Can you tell me what was ever really special about me all this time?


But I believe the world is burning to the ground
Oh well I guess we're gonna find out
Let's see how far we've come
Let's see how far we've come
Well I, believe, it all, is coming to an end
Oh well, I guess, we're gonna pretend,
Let's see how far we've come
Let's see how far we've come

I think it turned ten o'clock but I don't really know
Then I can't remember caring for an hour or so
Started crying and I couldn't stop myself
I started running but there's no where to run to
I sat down on the street and took a look at myself
Said where you going man you know the world is headed for hell
Say your goodbyes if you've got someone you can say goodbye to

I believe the world is burning to the ground
Oh well i guess we're gonna find out
Let's see how far we've come
Let's see how far we've come
Well I, believe, it all, is coming to an end
Oh well, I guess, we're gonna pretend,
Let's see how far we've come
Let's see how far we've come

Its gone gone baby its all gone
There is no one on the corner and there's no one at home
It was cool cool, it was just all cool
Now it's over for me and it's over for you
Well its gone gone baby its all gone
There is no one on the corner and there's no one at home
Well it was cool cool, it was just all cool
Now it's over for me and it's over for you

But I believe the world is burning to the ground
Oh well I guess we're gonna find out
Let's see how far we've come
Let's see how far we've come
Well I, believe, it all, is coming to an end
Oh well, I guess, we're gonna pretend,
Let's see how far we've come
Let's see how far we've come
Let's see how far we've come
Let's see how far we've come
Let's see how far we've come
Let's see how far we've come
Let's see how far we've come
Let's see how far we've come
Let's see how far we've come

An observation

The moon was brilliant tonight. Hanging low in the sky, like a gigantic, radioactive, pockmarked grape.

Why I'm a blog whore.

I feel like a pig. I ate cake when I got home. Eww. Fatty, full of carb cakes. So to compensate for this I decided to eat green leafy stuff. I figure if it doesn't actively fight the calories I've ingested, then maybe it'll hustle the bastards through my gut before they can be absorbed. So I decided to get me some tabbouleh.

One of the benefits of living across from westfield is that if I decide I want something, I can just go over and get it. Of course, this also makes sticking to a budget a bit difficult.

So I popped over to get some tabbouleh, when I saw this guy looking at me very strangely. VERY strangely. I looked down to check that one of my boobs hadn't suddenly jumped up and attached itself to my ear (as you do) and I realised. I was wearing a singlet top under my big jacket. The jacket that used to be my 'I'm nekkid under here' jacket. Literally. And seeing as it was quite cold, I had it zipped up so it formed a low v-neck. Only you couldn't see the top beneath it.

So I had gone out in my oversized 'nekkid under here jacket', actually looking 'nekkid under here'. I feel sorry for the poor bastard who noticed. If he runs into a wall any time soon it won't be his nose he breaks.

*******************
My blog bookmarks contain 98 blog links. NINETY EIGHT BLOG LINKS! I'm such a blog whore. No wonder I'm not getting any action.

A ramble where I post pictures of my breasts

I'm not on the pill. There's no real significance (or danger) of that, except for the fact that I usually have no idea where I am in my hormone cycle. Apart from when I'm in the obvious stages. But I have concluded that, right now, I am somewhere near the end. Thank god I thought to buy tampons this week. I almost didn't.

I know this because this morning I intended to do a load of washing. That was all. I had to do ONE load of washing so that I could wear my hot new bras next week. One of my new bras I have named the 'super ultra mega date-night push-up wonder bra'. For obvious reasons. My necklace (who I have named Harry) usually sits comfortably between my breasts. Observe:


Yes boys, go get the tissues. Anyhoo, as I was saying he normally sits quite happily there. When I wear a push up bra he touches both of the girls. Just. When I wear the super ultra mega date-night push-up wonder bra he can't do that. For him to sit in his rightful place, he has to turn himself on his side and wedge himself in between them. SIDEWAYS. I quite like that bra. Its a balconette and when I bend over I don't fall out. Its quite special.

Anyways, I had to do one load of washing today but I ended up doing four, cleaning the toilet and handbasin, vacuuming and mopping the floors, washing the cat bowls, washing the vacuum cleaner bag, changing my bedsheets, cleaning the shower, taking out the garbage, gave myself a facial, shaved, organised my makeup bag, put my jewelry away, organised my bookself, did the dishes and scrubbed the kitchen. OK, so I haven't scrubbed the kitchen yet, but thats only because the floor was still wet and God help you if you walk across my clean, still wet floor and leave footprints. I may also clean out the fridge. Actually I most likely will. The vegie crisper is pretty grotty. But not as bad as this.

So I cleaned. I nested. This place has had the clean that only a woman can do if she's not doing anything else on a certain one day in 28. I still have to clean my desk, but I'm not sure my hormones could handle that.

I just went out to get lunch. I put on make up. I have recently been introduced to liquid eye liner. Which I love to bits. But I figured out why its so damn good. Because when you put it on your eyelid, it runs into your eye and sits at the juncture of your eyeball and eyelid. Thus giving the impression of darkening the eyelid without actually sitting on your skin. Genius! Maybe I should pay more than $3.95 for my eyeliner.

And when I went out to lunch I bought some of the Tomorrow, When the War Began series with a voucher Dad got me for my b'day. Collins has the books in both covers, but I want the original covers, with the barbed wire. So I managed to find one place (of the seven that sell books) in Westfield with the covers I want. And trust me, I looked in all of the other six. So I picked up three of the books today, and I'm going to use the voucher Mum got me to get the rest by mail.

See. I told you I'd ramble.

Reclaim my day?

Reclaim my day. Thats what I was told. And that was what I had planned to do. A nice quiet day with friends. Shopping, lunch and catching the Simpsons in gold class. Sounds like fun huh? Well its not the greatest celebration but I was really looking forward to it.

Until the lunch date didn't get back to me. That left me, the Gay Biotch, and his boyfriend (the singer). I got a call from the biotch early on. I told him I'd be at westfield and I'd let him know just as I was leaving. Which I did. I didn't hear back from him but I assumed he was getting ready and I wasn't really worried. I go up to the cinema after about an hour to pick up tickets. I call him. His phone is switched off.

I leave the cinema without tickets. And wander round the shopping centre for another hour or so. I try calling again. Phone still off. At this point the message is crystal fucking clear. They're not coming. I head down to the food court and grab something to eat. I head home and turn on Greys Anatomy. My phone rings. Its the biotch. He had fallen asleep waiting for me to call... with his phone turned off. He can't make it to the screening tonight because he's heading of to karaoke. Do I want to catch it with him tomorrow? I'm most likely spending tomorrow afternoon with Green Eyes.

So here I am. 4:55 on my birthday. The one that was supposed to be better than the last four. I feel sick and tired. I'm alone and lonely. I want to go home but I'm already there and so I'm confused. I want to do something special but there's nothing thats really special that you can do by yourself. I will catch the Simpsons tonight. By myself. I will start the next year of my life being as sad, pathetic and lonely as I've always been. Nothing will change.

So here it is. Happy fucking birthday to me. Its been a fucking fantabulous day. NOT. The world is full of arseholes and you can all go fuck yourselves. I'm going to get pissed.

"Wild" Birds

These are the cockatoos that frequent my balcony. I went to the outside fridge to get some bread and when I turned around lo and behold, there they were. Two of them sitting on the railing looking at me. With the door open and a cat looking at them. I hurriedly shoo'd the furry wench inside and proceeded to hand feed the 'wild' birds. Cockatoos are such amazing birds because they're so damn big. I know they're big. I've always known they're big, but each time I see them up close I'm struck anew. And they have this gangly grace that the tame crow at work doesn't have.

They were very calm and accepted the bread I offered them. And when I ran out of bread I offered them some celery and carrot. Something a tad healthier. One of them flat out threw it away. Clearly disinterested. The other took what was offered, leapt of the balcony, flew about a foot out, dropped the celery and came back. Just so I wouldn't offer it to him again.

They're damn smart those ones.

Please excuse the poor quality of my camera phone, these are best viewed in a smaller frame.

The Whys of Men

1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?
because they are plugged into a genius
2. WHY DON'T MEN BLINK DURING SEX?
they don't have enough time
3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?
they don't stop to ask directions
4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?
because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapour lock
5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?
so they won't hump women's legs at cocktails parties
6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?
you need a rough draft before you make a final copy
7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?
don't know....it never happened
8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?
because a vibrator can't mow the lawn

I could have cut that short and just put the last question in. Of course, thats my fave. I've been baking. I'm off to ice cakes and do dishes. I'd rather be having sex.

I dread my birthday. I know. It sounds stupid. I've spent the last few days dreading my birthday. I'm still young enough for it to be a time of anticipation. But its not.

This year my birthday marks the fifth anniversary of my parents divorce. For the last five years I have avoided my birthday because its so strongly associated with the divorce. I still do.

The day that they split up they took me to the airport so I could catch my flight back to uni. They were fighting in the car on the way down. I hated it. I always felt so small when they fought, even when I was an adult. Which, to be honest, wasn't as often as it sounds. My dad used to pick on us kids more than anything else.

I remember them dropping me off. I sat at the gate with a parent on either side. They refused to speak to each other. When the flight was called to board I left. I think I might have hugged my Mum. I said goodbye to them and walked through to my flight. I had a squirmy feeling in the pit of my gut that I should look back. It was one of those 'what if its the last time I see them together?' moments. But I knew if I did look back they'd be standing apart from each other. Mum with her arms crossed and scowling at the floor. Dad being the unemotive rock he was raised to be.

The next day was my birthday. I got the call at about 9 am. One from Mum. Then a text from Dad. Then a call from my sister. When my brother texted me to ask if I had spoken to Mum I knew something was up. She rang back about 5 minutes later to tell me they'd decided to get a divorce. My first reaction was to go tell my best friend. I knocked on her door and when she opened it I just announced 'Happy Birthday Phish, we're getting a divorce'. The look on her face was clear. She hadn't remembered. Neither had anybody else.

I don't celebrate my birthday. Right now I feel like I never have. I can't be bothered reminding people and it hurts too much when they don't remember. So I don't expect anything. Its easier that way.

Today I asked some people who work with us occasionally if they'd like to come to morning tea on Friday. I know some of the people I work with will bitch and moan and complain about people who aren't in our birthday fund being there. So I have decided to make two batches of cupcakes (of which I'll eat about three worth in raw batter alone) and a batch of coffee biscuits.

My apologies

Sorry for the lack of blogging over the last few days. I had a book which called my name. It is done. All over. WOW. Definitely NOT my favourite book. But I loved the way it all came together. I am in the process of reading it again, to get all the detail, and then I'll start from book one.

I have heaps of blogs to catch up on, and comments to comment on. And I have to go a-dancing tonight. Cute Dancer Boy is coming back. He has really suckful timing.

I'll leave you with this while I get my flabby butt into motivation mode.

What color is your soul painted? Red Your soul is painted the color red, which embodies the characteristics of love, strength, physical energy, sex, passion, courage, protection, excitement, speed, leadership, power, danger, and respect. Red is the color of the element Fire, and is associated with blood, life and death, birth, volcanoes, and intense emotions. Click Here to Take This Quiz

Quizzes and Personality Tests

Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away...

I have had the best weekend in a long, long time. I worked (Bleurgh) but on Saturday arvo, afterwards, I went home, showered, got dolled up and went shopping with Agi. I left home at about 1. Picked up the new Harry Potter book (is anybody surprised?) and caught the train to Blacktown. We met up and had coffee. I had lunch (faark me I was hungry). Then we went shopping.

We ended up browsing shoes, underwear and bags, while bitching about men and work. A typical girl date. I blew half of my grocery money on new underwear. Typical of me. But on the plus side groceries were only 2/3 of their budgeted cost!

After my afternoon with Agi (and the time flew) I caught the train back home, reading. Picked up dinner and read whilst I waited for it to be cooked. Then I went home and read a bit more.

I ended up going out to a dance social last night too. Which was an excellent night. Nice even spread of boys and girls, so I could dance to pretty much any dance I wanted. I got told heaps that I'd lost weight too. Which was good. Then headed home at about 11:30, straight to bed (it was so freaking cold) and read until I began to fall asleep.

A good day in all.

****
Green Eyes has been in contact, to tell me he'd see me tomorrow.

The Curse of the Broken Gina continues

Oh yeah. You all think this is going to be a funny post. How fucking wrong you all are. If you want funny come back another time.

Harry Potter books are always released just before my birthday. It has become tradition for my mum to buy them and post them up to me. I get them within a few days, but this time I wanted the book on the day. On Tuesday night I rang mum to see what was going on. She hadn't ordered the book yet. She was going to buy a voucher, have it delivered directly to me, and I could pick up the book. Which sounds like a great plan. Except that she lives in Victoria and I live in Sydney. So we had to co-ordinate which book store we could do it through. We ended up selecting Angus & Robertson, because it is located in her home town and its at the Westfield across the road from me. Plus its a good $5 cheaper than some of the other stores.

The next day I get an email from her. She bought with Collins. Strange. I didn't think there was a Collins close by. I was right. The nearest Collins is in NORTH SYDNEY! Holy Freaking Cow woman! I ended up having to go and order and pay for the book myself. I can just see this is going to be the best birthday ever. NOT!

Regarding Green Eyes. Here's the breakdown;

Day 0: Ask him out. He says yes. Excitement and elation.
Day 1: Reeling in shock. Smiling like an idiot. Face hurts.
Day 2: Haven't heard. Still not worried.
Day 3: Should hear back toady. Will see him at work. He doesn't show but I'm cool, calm and collected.
Day 4: Freak out mode hits. I still haven't heard. Kez calms me down. He comes into work but I don't see him.
Day 5:I have to call him about work related things. I ask him if he's thought it over. He says to call him after work on his mobile. I call. Its turned off and goes through to message bank. I leave a message.
Day 6: Try calling him at a different time. Rings for a short period of time then goes to message bank. I suspect it was a rejected call.
Day 7: See him in passing at work. He blows out of there when I go to talk to someone else. Rung him just now. Went through to message bank. No surprise there. I asked him to call if he's still interested. Told him its ok if he's not and to have a good weekend, I'll see him on Monday. I can't put myself out there anymore.

The Curse of the Broken Gina has struck again.

Harry Potter Book released tomorrow. I'll be back on Monday.

Just because I have nothing else

A meme from Ingsoc

What were you doing 10 years ago (5 Things)
1. Year 8 of high school
2. Adolescence
3. Fighting with everybody - family, friends, dad especially
4. Coming to terms with sexual abuse
5. Schizophrenia (from the stress of trying to repress #4.)

What were you doing 1 year ago (5 Things):
1. Just been assaulted and homeless
2. Unpacking in my new diggs
3. Miscarriage
4. Dead friends
5. General hurting

(this is depressing)

Five Snacks You Enjoy:
1. Chocolate
2. Dark chocolate
3. Mint chocolate
4. White chocolate
5. Carrots

Five Songs That You Know The Lyrics To:
1. Everything by Matchbox 20/Rob Thomas
2. Pretty much everything Limp Bizkit
3. Album songs of Linkin Park
4. Album songs of Snow Partol
5. Album songs of Robbie Williams

Five Things You Would Do If You Were A Millionaire
1. Travel
2. Quit my job
3. Study
4. Own my own house
5. Buy lots of animals

Five Bad Habits:
1. Procrastination
2. Arrogance
3. Stubbornness
4. Indecisiveness
5. Getting hurt

Five Things You Like To Do:
1. Have sex
2. Talk to people
3. Watch people while drinking coffee
4. Listen to music
5. Play with animals

Five Things You Would Never Wear Again:
1. Swimsuit. Until they bring back the neck to knee, I ain't wearin' it.
2. A corset. I like to breathe
3. Size 20 clothes
4. Granny Bra
5. Lycra pants

Five Favorite Toys:
1. Lego and transformers.
2. My computer
3. Things that vibrate
4. My stuffed toys on my bed - Neuja and Fluffy
5. My phone


Five things you hate to do:
1. Cry
2. Babble
3. Put myself out there and get nothing in return
4. Let nerves get the better of me
5. Lose my temper

If its moves...

I was onCraigslist a few days ago. Just for the hell of browsing. Its like going to the local pick-up-point. I go for a look, with every intention of taking home a sample. But every time I get there and see the produce, I chicken out. And for good reason. That guy has halitosis, that guy is too hairy, that guys is drinking beer (I don't pick up beer drinkers, they taste funny), that guy is too short, that guy is probably too drunk to get it up and that guy... I'm gonna away now.

I always remember my mothers wise words. "Don't pick that up, you don't know where its been." Ok, so my mother never said that herself but it doesn't make that statement any less funny.

Considering that was one of SR's haunts its no wonder. All of the guys are uber sleazy and if you're there, its just for one reason. Its a place the diseased go to congregate and build upon their germ infested collections.

I had to marvel at what some of the guys there wanted. One guy wanted cyber. He was married and bored and wanting to spice things up with someone else. Though he didn't want to cheat. Uh, ok. Lots of logic there.

Another guy wanted a girl aged between 18 and 45. Holy fuck! This dude was 22. And more than happy to stick it to someone old enough to be his MOTHER. I just wonder why the fuck he started the age bracket at 18. Why not go for 16? Thats legal here.

It never ceases to amaze me what guys will fuck. Seriously. Is there a point where the little hamster in your brain decides its unethical, immoral or just plain wrong? Do you ever listen to it and go home and knock it out yourself?

What happened there?

I have nothing to blog about.

Its been three days and he hasn't rung. And I'm strangely not freaking out about it. I think the hard part is done.

I made apple pie yesterday.

Boots (black kitty) has feline acne again.

It was so cold at work today someone borrowed my 'big jacket'. I swear that thing is so warm you could wear it in the snow and not get a chill.

Have you heard the new song that rips off Lenny Kravitz? I can't stand it because its the backing track to one of his classic songs (it ain't over 'til its over) and someone just put new lyrics to it. ITS FUCKING WITH MY MIND. Every time it comes on the radio I'm so excited to hear The Great Lenny, and its some flash-in-the-pan singer. I always change the station.

There was one time one of the guys at uni was hanging for a rollie* but he didn't have any papers, so he took a page out of my little pocket bible and rolled it in that. I'm going to hell.

Nobody curses like the Aussies. Except maybe the Irish.

And to finish it all off - some eyecandy for y'all

I'm in a weird mood.

*hand rolled cigarette

What a ride.

I'm still reeling from yesterday. I've been grinning like a fool for the last 23 hours and my face hurts. Its fecking crazy.

About two weeks ago I had to talk to Green Eyes and a co-worker of his, R. What I had to talk to them about concerned them both. And there was another guy (J) there at the same time. Green Eyes and R were on opposite sides of me, so I could only look at one of them at any given time, whilst J was sitting opposite me. Now, I am well aware that R likes me. But I don't reciprocate that feeling, so I've always kept it professional between us. The sticky bit is that Green Eyes and R are both aware that the other also likes me. And there is a bit of rivalry between them.

So I was talking to Green Eyes and R about their thing. They're working on the same thing, but separately. I would talk to Green Eyes for a bit, then refer to something to do with R, point to him and start talking to him. Then I'd need to refer to Green Eyes and switch back to talking about him. At one point it got too confusing so I was looking at J (who was middle ground) and just talking to everybody. Green Eyes and R were obviously eyeing off each other. J looked at R, looked at Green Eyes, looked back at R, and then looked at me. And the look on his face was classic. It was realisation and recognition of exactly what was going on. By this stage both Green Eyes and R were staring at me. And I felt naked. It was very weird having three guys in a row looking at you like you're naked, but in different ways.

I blushed. I hate blushing. I find the act of blushing itself quite embarrassing.

This is (hopefully) the last I'll blog about Green Eyes. I really like him and if it doesn't work out its going to be really hard. So until it ends, or it gets serious, this should be the last you'll hear of him for a while.

Married Man vs. Green Eyes

I have spent the last half hour in a state of absolute shock. The words "God! Oh. My." have been running through my head like crazy, but not in that order and with a different inflection every time.

I had a really good day at work today. Got all of my work done early. There were no bitches (which was fantasmic) and we got to leave early. I stuck my mp3 player on and got to dance in the empty halls like a complete tard. It was so relaxed.

Some of my more astute readers will have known Married Man. Who I suspected wasn't married but didn't know for absolutely sure. Pretty much everyone will know Green Eyes. What you don't know (but you may suspect) is that because I suspected Married Man wasn't actually married, I renamed him.

But I wasn't quite sure. So on top of todays high I decided that today was the day. The day I stopped waiting for a chance and found out for sure. He came down just as we were about to leave. I picked his brain about something and he wandered off to his area to do his thing. I went and got changed. Then I went around to ask him where it would be more private. He was absorbed in his work and wouldn't be able to talk to me. Dammit. I went back to the tearoom to talk to my supervisor (we're working tomorrow morning). And he asked me to turn off some lights back where I had been already. Naturally I jumped at the chance. As I walked past his work area I saw that he was finished doing his thang.

I asked him straight out. No beating around the bush, because I know if I do that I will invariably chicken out.
Me: Are you single?
Him: Am I single?
Me: Yeah.
Him: Yeah.
Me: Do you wanna go out sometime?
Him: Do I wanna go out sometime?
Me: Yeah.
(I just realised he repeated what I said an awful lot)
Him: *Moves closer*
Me: *His body language says 'let her down gently', craaap*
Him: Sure.
Me: Cool...
Him: What did you have in mind?
Me: I dunno, I hadn't thought beyond the asking bit. Do you still have my number?
Him: You texted me about *subject* yesterday?
Me: Yeah, that was me.
Him: Then yes.
Me: Ok. Come up with something and give me a call.
Him: I will.

Hooray for me!

Men Are Cunts

This was written yesterday. As is evident from the first line. I am choosing to publish it anyway, exactly as it was written. Can you put tomato sauce on a hat?

*****
I'm writing this yesterday. Sorry to all the English teachers who just had a small anneurism. I mean as I'm writing this I know it will not be posted tonight. Hence, writing is a current tense, but as you read it, it is past tense.

Ladies you have to agree with this. And guys, you can't really argue. I do not believe that there is any guy out there who will not, at some stage of his life, lie, cheat and steal to get into another persons pants. And I do not believe that there are guys who have screwed somebody over for no good reason.

I believe that guys need a reason to be a decent person. Normally that arises from the fact there might be someone watching who they might one day want to impress and/or fuck. I do think that there are guys out there who are decent, but it is because they have been involved with someone who makes them want to behave that way. I also believe that this was not always the case. Even decent guys have a history of being an arsehole.

I have been compared to Bridget Jones. Except that Bridget Jones had her Mark Darcy after her Daniel Cleaver. Please god, I've had my Daniel Cleaver. Its time for my Mark Darcy. God? Are you there? Aaany time you're ready.

There is no *new* reason for me to feel this way. I have always been jaded where guys are concerned. Normally I'm quite a trusting person, but lately I have no faith in guys. I have no faith in anyone.

Its times like this that I want to get blind drunk. But I don't do that now. Every time I feel hurt or angry I exercise until I can't feel anything. Its more constructive.

Its not helping that I think SR was just at my blog. No. This post wasn't written because of that. I have literally found out about three minutes ago.

Conversations with my cats

Me: *rushing to get clean, dry socks so that I can get to work*
Cat: *walking in front of me, fast enough not to get a foot in the arse, but slow enough to be in my way and hindering my run to where my shoes are*
Me: Hurry the fuck up
Cat: *hears* I want to pat you
Cat: Oh-kaayy. *lies down right in front of me*
Me: fucker *applies foot to arse*
Cat: Maybe later then

*************************************

Cat: I like this toy. See this toy. This toy right here at your feet that I've been chasing all night?
Me: *picks up toy and throws it away*
Cat: *runs after the toy, belts it around and brings it back* I like this toy. See this toy. This toy right here at your feet that I've been chasing all night?
Me: *picks up toy and throws it away*
Cat: *runs after the toy, belts it around and brings it back* I like this toy. See this toy. This toy right here at your feet that I've been chasing all night?
Me: *picks up toy and throws it away*
Cat: *runs after the toy, belts it around and brings it back* I like this toy. See this toy. This toy right here at your feet that I've been chasing all night?

Do you see a pattern here?

*************************************

Me: *accidentally throws a freaking huge sweet potato out of the vege tray whilst grabbing some onions*
Cat: A NEW TOY *pounce*

Pink bits

I don't know what it is, but every female blogger who has a vibrator will mention it in at least one post. Or feature it, as I'm about to do (and have done, lots of times).

I have a theory. And I've worked long and hard researching this theory. See I theorise that pink 'adult novelties' are better than other colours. Pink and pink type shades (verging on purple and red). I don't know what it is, but they always seem to hit the right spot, rub the right way, and generally make you scream and wriggle harder than you would do otherwise.

The blue ones - they don't quite hit the spot. They have good texture and shape, but they don't apply pressure where and when you need it.

The green ones are impressive looking, but thats all they have going for them.

The flesh coloured ones don't really move the right ways. They're generally 'life like' but its kinda difficult to get the leverage or 'thrust' going that will imitate a good hard fuck.

The yellow ones are just plain uncomfortable. Even if they do light up.

Black ones are ugly.

Brown ones are just plain wrong.

Glass ones are cold.

But the pink ones - they're perfect. I guess, as a girl, there's something that tells me that only pink things should go in there. They move the right way, rub the right bits, stimulate here, vibrate there. And before you know it I've got my knees up around my ears, struggling to breathe.

My favourite 'novelty*' at the moment is pink. Its simple and sleek and elegant. And makes me scream like a two dollar whore. Its been such a good friend. But lately its beginning to show the strain.

See, when I first got it, it was quiet. Oh so quiet. But really powerful. Its still got the same effect. But its getting kinda noisy. See, the bullet in the middle has a crack in it. And I may have overused it to the point where I've worn a notch for my thumb and forefinger. It still works just as well, but instead of being able to use it whenever I want, I now can only use it under the blanket and doona, with cover music on. And let me tell you, it gets damn hot (temperature wise) under there pretty darn quick.

So I have to replace faithful pink. Its heartbreaking. Its like losing your best friend.

*Stupid term. Its not a novelty. I take it very seriously.

Sushi is evil

Pure, unadulterated, healthy evil. Its more evil than my snuggly happy cats.

See it gets you like this. Its served in small portions. Mouthfuls. So if you go out to get lunch and happen to decide at the same time to get lunch for tomorrow as well, you have two average meals right there. So you go home, and you have your lunch. You enjoy it immensely. You're sated, but not terribly full. You look over and see tomorrows lunch. You figure that it was so tasty, and there's room for another mouthful.

One thing leads to another. And before you know it, you've got two empty sushi boxes in front of you and you're reclining back, unbuttoning the top button of your jeans and letting out a soft belch.

Pure, unadulterated, healthy evil.

Note to self:

Wet shoes + tiled floor + being a dick = falling

*******************

It rained today. I was in the city when it began pissing down. I don't mind the wet jeans hem. Not normally a good look, but today it was especially trendy with everybody on the street sporting it.

I don't mind the damp socks and wet shoes. Wet hair is ok with me, so long as its not plastered to my scalp and I don't feel water running down my forehead or neck.

But when I step in a 3mm deep dirty street puddle and splash water UP MY JEANS LEG I draw the fucking line. Its time to go home.

*******************

I found my new 'it' bag today. I've been looking since my sister was here (all of about 4 days) but since its sales and I live in Australia's fashion capital I should be able to find something pretty quickly. Anyhoo. I haven't seen anything that really grabbed my attention. Until today. After having some guy with a really bad accent and teeth offer to 'show me' something or other, I decided to take my wet self home. I walked past a bag store. Then I thought I may as well nip in to see what they had. And she called me.


My new 'IT' bag. Matches my hair.

***********************

I rearranged my pantry yesterday. Now my chocolate isn't where it used to be. It freaks me out at least once a day. Then I remember its somewhere else.

Growing Up = Overrated

I'm sure we've all said it at some stage. But being an adult sucks. Driving is really cool, but cars are expensive. Sex is fantastic, but when you're not getting any its irritating and frustrating. I love me some money, but I hate to work. I wish I was a kid again.

I try to live my life as a big kid. I love dress ups. Seriously. Since I was 18 I have collected ears. Sounds strange? Well it kinda is. It began with a pair of teddy bear ears that I bought at the local show. And it grew from there. I now have nine pairs of ears and several added paraphernalia-

1. teddy bear (taken at uni)
2. tiger
3. tiger, with bow tie and tail
4. cat
5. bunny
6. those tinsel ones that Bridget Jones is wearing while she sings karaoke at the start of the first movie
7. Purple fuzzies on springs
8. Cow
9. butterfly with wings
10. lion tail
11. devil tail
12. I did have a really awesome pair of devil horns but they got nicked at my roomies 21st.
13. This is a cauldron
14. This is from uni - barracking for my hall in swimming. Back in the 'fat' days.

I've never used them for sex. Never ever. I know people who have borrowed them for parties and utilised them that night. But not me.

I don't buy ears just because I see them. They have to be really unique. And I don't really like tacky. Attention grabbing, yes. But tacky, no. I admit, some of them are a bit tacky, but I figure it balances with the attentions grabbing so it works.

But my childishness isn't limited to ears. I love jumping in puddles. Why, you ask? Why not? Don't you remember how much fun it was to do something just for the hell of it? Do you remember how much fun it was rolling down hills. Without a bellyfull of piss? What about flying a kite? I have bought myself a kite, over 18 months ago. And not flown it. How pathetic is that? Have you ever flown a model plane? So much fun.

Hell, sometimes its fun to just run around screaming for no good reason. And when you make eye contact with someone, you stop and stare at them with a bashful half smile on your face. Whether you choose to bolt or simply turn and meander like nothing happened is up to you.

I miss kicking the footy around. I miss all the fun activities where you didn't need a shower afterwards. And mud wrestling. That's always a classic.

What simple activity do you miss from your childhood?

A new meme.

So I got tagged by Ingsoc. There's this completely new and unheard of meme going around where you list eight random things about you. What? You've already heard of it. Damn. Here they are

1. I have size 10 feet. 9 and 1/2 in dancing shoes.
2. I always put my left shoe on first.
3. I once thought I could be a professional writer. This is not as close as I'll get.
4. I like old cemeteries. They feel so peaceful. I live across the road from one, and yet I haven't been.
   
5. I like to think that, even though it hasn't been hit in over 8 months, I'm a damn good shag. I give fantastic head (because I like giving it) and I'm quite enthusiastic when it comes to new things. I like to mix things up a bit too. So it doesn't get mundane. And I LOVE taking the guy by surprise, even if its just to initiate.
   
6. I first dyed my hair red as a warning to a roomie that was pissing me off. Whore ended up moving out and owes me personally over $400. Though I didn't realise it at the time. I keep my hair red now partially because I can pull it off, but also because I do have the redhead feisty personality.
   
7. I am a leo. Though I don't celebrate my birthday. I am actually dreading the next birthday because there is a very real chance that I will be in the early stages of a relationship by then, and I don't want to tell my partner.
   
8. I have had my nose pierced since October 2001. I did it myself first, and it hurt like a mother. It has a slight emotional link to a guy who died shortly after my 18th birthday. I got it done professionally a few days later. The guy said to leave the huge stud in for FIVE days. I changed it about 12 minutes later for a small stud. 99.99% of the time I wear small studs. Larger studs and sleepers are only for when I lose smaller ones.
   

Since this one is so old, I'm going to stop it right here. I tag NOBODY. Rules were meant to be broken.

Speaking of the rules

1. Each player must post these rules first. Shit
2. Each player starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves. Which do we start with, the rules or the habits?
3. People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules. I tagged nobody, so does that mean nobody ever has to do this again?
4. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names. I don't like rules
5. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog. Am I supposed to comment on nobody's blog from now on?

My poor toes.

I borrowed my sister shoes today. Wore new shoes yesterday and my toes were a bit raw. So I covered them with bandaids and went out. By the time I got home the bandaids were soaked with burst blister blood. Ouch.

The interview went well though.

Home

This was written early last November. I was going to finish it up. Maybe I will sometime.

Putting the key in the lock, you have to jiggle it up and ever so slightly to the right for it to turn. Its dark in here, cavernous. The light will flickers on automatically. You're standing in front on a wire door and a soft breeze swirls gently across the back of your neck. The basement stretches away from you. Cars parked on either side, all facing out. The parks are too narrow to go in frontways. Its grey and dim, you can't really make out the end. It might be the dark grey of a dirty concrete wall, or it might be as far as you can see in this light.

The entrance is about halfway through the basement. Walking towards it you notice the cars. They are all in good condition. Wave to Clancy, he's halfway to your destination, on your right. The park next to him is empty at the moment. The neighbours aren't home yet. Walking up six steps to another door. This one is glass. Same trick with the lock. The floor in here is the same as the tiles on the stairs. Durable dirty. They may have once been grey. Who knows now? Press the button and wait for the elevator.

Looking around the foyer you notice its pretty clean. Just an empty coke bottle in the corner. The elvator dings and the scratched doors open. The elevator is thankfully unscented. You enter from the back and press the button marked 5.

During the trip you have time to examine the elevator. Its small. Apparently has the cpacity to hold 12 people. The engineers must have had the mental picture of starving ethiopians. Because people who use elevators are ALWAYS uber fit and thin. A mirror takes up half of the wall to your right. The elvator stops, and dings again. Its time to get out.

The floor lobby is small and dingy. There is no natural light. It smells of curry tonight. Yesterday it was popcorn. To your immediate right is a door marked '16'. Next to that is a door with no markings. You don't look, but you know its firefighting equipment. Directly across from you is an exit sign. That sits above the door to the stairs. On your left are two doors, side by side. One is marked '17', and is further from the open door.

You enter. And immediately you see light. For the first time since coming onto the premesis. And colour. We haven't taken down our halloween decorations yet. A handful of black and orange streamers dangle from the ceiling, between the entry door and the storage closet. Its covered in humorous postcards that my roomie has collected from uni. Stepping between the screening closest, you look into the lounge.

Immediately you see two clothes horses, sitting in front of a cheap laminated wood filing cabinet and bookcase. An ironing board leans against the file. The book case is about 6 feet high, and packed with all sorts fo books, kids, fantasy, action, thriller, sci-fi, and drama. As well as test books and a colourful row of DVDS. Two pictures sit on the middle shelf. One, a puppy sitting amoingst a heap of stuffed toys. The other, a group of girls laughing on a bed. Looking up, you can see outside, through the vertical blinds, to the balcony. Stepping through the sliding glass door you can see.

See mostly other blocks of apartments. The best view is facing north. Off to your right is the mall. Straight ahead, through the buildings, you can see glimpses of the Parramatta cemetary. I've always wanted to explore there but have never found the time. It looks peaceful, restive. And in the distance you can see trees. Thats suburbia there. Where people aren't packed in like sardines, one on top of the other.

Random compliments.

So I was sitting at Starbucks today, drinking my hot chocolate. My sister had just gone outside to answer her phone and I was sitting there playing sudoku on my phone. And older gent walked by, kinda doubled back and was looking at me. Since I was sitting in the middle of three seats I thought maybe he was going to ask if one of the seats next to me was free. Instead he told me that it was nice to see so many beautiful women around. I thanked him and gave him a smile. Then he told me this:

"A smile costs nothing but gives much. It enriches those who receive without making poorer those who give. It takes but a moment, but the memory of it sometimes lasts forever. None is so rich or mighty that he cannot get along without it and none is so poor that he cannot be made rich by it. Yet a smile cannot be bought, begged, borrowed, or stolen, for it is something that is of no value to anyone until it is given away."

He told me to keep on smiling and wandered off to have his coffee.

How sweet is that?

Greatest Day EVER

And then I gave him a thankyou kiss.

The END.

Flop 'em out bitches!

Penis secret is on. It is so on. Here are the 'guidelines'

#1 - Write secret on penis
#2 - Take picture
#3 - Email to phishez_rule@hotmail.com
#4 - Check back

Simple!

This is supposed to be a fun site, not a porn site. So NO CUMSHOTS. They will not be posted. I will name and shame anyone who sends me a cumshot.

All entries will be posted anonymously.

I love holidays. Purely because the calories don't count.

But that first apple when you're back is a bitch.

It was chilly. The wind whistled outside, rattling the screen on the window. She could hear branches clinking together further out. She had no idea where she was. The darkness was complete. She blinked to clear her vision. There was something in her eyes. She moved her hand to her head. She hurt all over. Touching her fingertips lightly to her temple she felt blood, sticky and fresh, but not flowing. She didn't think it was hers. She reached out a hand and felt something. Soft and smooth like skin, but too cold to be another person. They were sticky too.

Somewhere in the distance a scream was let out. It was thin but bloodcurdling. Someone was in immense pain or terror. Maybe both. Suddenly she understood the other that she felt. It was a body. Someone long dead and sticky with blood. Blood that was fresher than the body itself, but wasn't hers.

The scream ended abruptly. Her own breathing quickened. She breathed in shallowly. Trying to be calm but verging on terror. She desperately looked around, vainly trying to see anything. She was too terrified to move, to think, to act. A small part of her brain told her that if she was to survive, she must move. The other knew where she was. She needed to find a way to defend herself. But the voice of terror was much greater, and drowned out the logic the way that a forest will drown the grass.

Slowly the door creaked open. She could feel rather than see it was moving. Maybe it was the breeze caressing the hair on the back of her neck. She held her breath. A rancid smell emenated into the room. A smell that threatened to unleash the terror inside. She couldn't hear anything.

Suddenly she felt a gentle shove in the small of her back. Silently she fell, eyes closed, mind screaming

I opened my eyes and stared wildly around, heart beating wildly. It was just a dream. The cat wasn't happy to be moved on. She had just settled herself down to sleep.

Phish and the Video Nazi

I am completely incapable of watching a movie all the way through. Its ridiculous. I have about 6 half watched movies sitting on top of my DVD player. I'll put a movie on, watch a bit, then wander off to cook dinner, or email, or compose a blog.

The thing is, I am a compulsive DVD buyer. Last month I bought about 8 or 9 DVDs. Guess how many I watched all the way through in one sitting. Thats right. None. Nil, zip, zilch, nada. A big, fat zero. I'll end up putting one on for a bit, getting distracted and turning it off. When I go to watch the next DVD I'll choose a different one and put that on instead. It can take me up to about 3 weeks to watch one damn movie. Thats why I like TV series. On DVD. I don't have the patience to watch TV.

Its not that I don't have the attention span. But a movie for me is filler. So unless I'm doing something, like sewing (yes, I sew), or exercising, I get distracted. I watched a movie all the way through last night. Equilibrium. Such an awesome movie that one. I must have seen it in excess of 10 times. It makes you think, and is filled with ass kicking and serious hotness. Christian Bale and Taye Diggs. Enough to make any sane person go all gooey.

***

A few years ago, when I was on break from uni, I was staying with my sister. We hired some movies. The wench who runs the video store was quite possessive of her stock. Why she chose to run a product rental business when she was that way inclined is absolutely beyond me. My sisters roomie (and best mate) refused to even walk past the store because she returned a video two days late and hadn't yet paid the late fee.


We had some movies that were due back. And by the time we had located them and made to go, it was at the cut off time for returning them. No-one else was game to return the movie, even though it was literally 10 minutes late. So they decided to send naive young me in to do it, like a lamb to the slaughter.

I walked in and deposited the case in the slot. Immediately the old crone appeared, waving her wrinkled jowls in an imaginary breeze. I gave her a polite greeting and turned to go. As I nearly hit the door she shreiked across the store, 'This is llLLAAATTTE!!!'

I just turned to her, shrugged and said 'I know,' and walked out the door. Seriously what the fuck else did she expect? I knew before I dropped off the video that she'd hit us with a late fee, what else could she do?

I'm not allowed in that store anymore. By my sisters order.