Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Man Sex vs Woman Sex

Its amazing how people perceive sex. Especially the way they perceive satisfying sex.

Men need an orgasm. Full stop. Roll over and go to sleep. Well, maybe they need a little more. But to be truly satisfied, they HAVE to have the grand conclusion.

Women need soo much more. We need contact, and foreplay. We need someone we connect with, even on the most base level. We need someone who we feel will support us, or give us the illusion of support. We need to know that we are safe to go to sleep tonight in your arms. We need lots of contact and a few deep, passionate kisses throughout. We need you to be unafraid of the perceptions of our own bodies. What we think is ugly, what we try to hide, we need you to touch and taste these, to tell us that we, in ourselves, are ok.

Orgasm isn't the goal. Don't get me wrong. Its good. Its better than good. Its earth shattering and toe curling. But its not the goal. Orgasm is the metaphorial cherry on top. Pun fully intended. And a big fucking cherry it is too. I was going to type a big BLOODY cherry, but that would just be wrong.

With all this in mind, its amazing women are satisfied after sex at all! Guys don't always understand it. If they don't get you there, then its a terrible experience. They might still be satisfied, but they'll have a nagging feeling about it. If they even notice it, that is.

30 comments:

Pie said...

Yeah, us guys often fail pretty hard. I think for me the first times sorta felt like I was chucked into the lion's den and told to get on with it. It was only after talking about things together that it started to improve. Blokes should ask for directions more :-)

phishez_rule said...

Haha. You can still be satisfying, even if you 'fail'. I was with a guy once and I asked him to finish. But it wasn't because I was bored. He was close, I wasn't. It was still fantastic. God, he never out on a bad performance.

Josh said...

I have to disagree with you on this subject.

Maybe I have been around long enough, or just been lucky in the partners I have had but it is not just about the orgasm for the bloke - at least not this bloke.

Most of my relationships have been long term, over two years and as long as six. In that length of time you get creative and you sure have sex that is focused purely on the other persons needs.

Interestingly, most women I know have found it more alarming if the guy doesn't blow or is not fussed if he doesn't! Can't fuckin win eh?

Sometimes Saintly Nick said...

As an old dude with over 40 years of a “satisfying” sex life, I must explain something that perhaps few women understand about males and few if any males explain to women. That “roll over and go to sleep” reaction by many after they cum is not, for the most part, a sign of disinterest in their partners or partners needs. Perhaps it comes from a lack of oxygen to the brain or something similar, but almost immediately after orgasm something like a curtain draws across the male brain and sleep inevitably follows.

I have no idea why men were created in such a way. Perhaps, in prehistorical times this male shutdown after orgasm allowed the cavewoman to escape from the cavern that the caveman dragged her into by her hair.

I will add that, after a certain age, that male reaction of screw, roll over, and sleep is no longer activated by an orgasm. Of course, it also takes the elderly male 3 to 4 times as long to achieve an orgasm as it does the younger male, so I really wonder at the design of male sexuality.

phishez_rule said...

Josh - My first time with a guy, I couldn't make him cum. Now I HAVE to make him get there, hard and fast. I HAVE to know I can do it.

Nick - I know about it being physiological. Its about blood flow moving from one area of the body suddenly to, and then away from, another.

Stacy The Peanut Queen said...

I completely agree with you....it can still be fantastic even if I don't finish (although it's MUCH MUCH better when I do). But just knowing that I got The PK there, that his toes are curling and he's shuddering above me (or below me, for that matter) and he can't hold still and it's because he's inside me and I feel that good to him...well, if it's at all possible, it gives me a little "mental orgasm"...does that make any sense at all? It just pleases me to make him feel that good.

itelli said...

Precisely because it's physiological, it can be handled. All a man has to do is practice.

Lemme put it another way, and see how many men agree: we don't always fall asleep as soon as it's over. "Always" = "not with every woman". It's also a matter of attraction (sorry to be blunt, but I guess the same goes for women). Every partner gives u a different kick. The one that will make ur brains melt, that's the one u will manage to keep ur eyes open for a wee bit more. Maybe even for a second round :)

Personally, after I discovered there's a spot in most of u, I can't miss all the fun and go to sleep... No way!

jali said...

Teach!!!

The T-Dude said...

Maybe it's because I'm no longer in my 20's, but a quick dash to orgasm followed by a nap isn't my idea of fun. I want foreplay, I want kisses and caresses. I don't want everything to center around the final release. It might be because I enjoy watching a woman enjoy herself and because I know if it takes a while, the orgasm is deeper and more satifying. But if it was just about getting to the "O", I'd just rub one out, why even be with a woman?

Jenny! said...

I disagree...as a woman, I don't need all those things to be satisfied...orgasm is the goal! And yes, those things are nice but not alwasy necessary. Satisfaction is what you make of it. If you go in thinking that you are not going to be satisfied then it wont be satisfying for you, but if you start sex and have the mindsed that no matter what...you will have a good time and make your own satisfaction. Does that make sense or was i just talking out my ass?

Fairmaiden327 said...

Excellent post and you are 110% correct.

Betty Boob Hug said...

I think guys have different kinds of orgasms? WHen I was with Nevin - he'd sometimes have your standard "ugh ugh ugh UUGGHHH"...and then he'd kiss me on the nose and fall asleep leaving me to lie there in the wet spot.
But on other times - when we'd build it all up and do different things then he would have a massive orgasm that would surprise me. And he might yell really loudly at the end, like Ugh urgh urgh UUUUURRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHHHHH
and I'd be like, gee, that must of been a good one.

But he still rolled over and went to sleep....

Crushed by Ingsoc said...

I think you may well be on to something.
But for both men and women, it's not so much the sex that you miss after a long time without.
It's the closeness.

Mel said...

Oddly enough, I had a conversation with a friend yesterday where she recounted the details of her first sexual encounter with a particular guy on the weekend and she's pretty sure he didn't come. She said he made no sound the entire time (not even heavy breathing) and after she orgasmed she asked him if there was something she could do to help him out and he said 'no, I already came'. She told him she didn't believe him but he insisted.

I think it's quite strange and she said that if it happens the next time they have sex she won't go back for more. And of course, she's concerned that she's just bad in bed but I think it's more an issue that he has.

Personally, I wouldn't be going back for seconds. I like my sex to be noisy and mutually enjoyed.

Kitty said...

I am with Jenny. I need anything of those things and I thoroughly enjoyed sex with people I don't know, or what to know (NOT ANYMORE! JUST MARRIED SEX FOR THS KITTY NOW).

Orgasm is everything. I scream Goooooooooaaaaaaaal!!! when I hit it, like a crazy Italians when they watch wog football.

I don't give a monkeys if I am fat when I is getting my sexy on. The person is lucky to be having sexy time with me, I don't care about being perfect for them. I wish I could feel that way all time.

Maybe I'm a man trapped in a chicks body and I should have gender reassignment surgeries?

Keshi said...

so true....sex is not just abt an orgy...unfortunately most guys will never get that. talk abt my ex-BFs LOL!

Keshi.

it's the little things... said...

Maybe I'm totally weird, but I really need to be into the guy to enjoy it anymore. And I don't feel satisfied without an orgasm.
Which is why when I find a partner that leaves me feeling good, I stick to him like glue!

unique_stephen said...

Josh is such a snag.

Its all about the O. The nastier the sex the better, but it's all about the O.

Scorpy said...

We think alike as I just posted something similar in that I feel that the heightened pleasure set in foreplay can add to the intimacy and the sex will be so much better...and for reference...guys do not always have to orgasm but it helps :)

Josh said...

Unique you are such a....father. Suppose all that focus on your own O is how you got all them cute kids.

Either that or it is time for a paternity test dude?

phishez_rule said...

Stacy - you said that perfectly. Thats a big kick for me.

Itelli - I know you don't always fall asleep. Sometimes you start looking for your socks too.

Jali - ok.

T - Its never as fun by yourself. Its hollow pleasure.

Jenny - I can give myself an O. Whats the point of having someone else there when I can do it myself? Why is it better when I
m with someone else?

Fairmaiden - lol. Of course I am. I'm always right.

Betty - I know guys can have different orgasms. So can we. Have you ever had one so intense that you couldn't keep your eyes open afterwards?

Ingsoc - yeah. You really have to trust someone to shed your skin when you've been without for so long though.

Mel - how odd. And yes. Noisy and mutually enjoyed all the way. Orgasm or not.

Kitty - so if you had gender reassignment, would you be gay then?

Keshi - Well, the only time you try to explain it is after you haven't gotten there.

Stephen - 'The nastier the sex the better' I couldn't agree more.

Scorpy - I did read it, and I agree. Its always better with lots of foreplay. It increases the connection for women.

Josh - catty!!! What will make you purr?

Ima Wurdibitsch said...

I already know I'm odd but I don't require foreplay. It's nice sometimes but not needed. I also developed what I called a guy's attitude toward sex. While not fair to apply it to all men, it applied to many.

I don't have to have a connection with someone (other than the physical) to enjoy the sex. I'm quite content to feel the attraction, act on it, then go home by myself afterwards. As long as I'm honest with them about where I'm coming from and I feel they're being honest with me, it's all good.

Is an orgasm necessary? I'm not sure. I'm very fortunate that they cum (hee!) quite easily for me.

I do feel bad for the fellow if he doesn't get there but unless he gets upset about it, I try to not make a big deal. Medications, stress, booze, what-have-you can all contribute to an inability to climax.

Lightning Bug's Butt said...

Insightful.

fingers said...

Oh, so it's an oxygen-deprivation issue ?? I don't feel so bad now.
I'd have bet anything it was disinterest...

fingers said...

Saintly Nick: I took your advice. I tried using an oxygen mask after my orgasm but I still fell asleep. Turns out it WAS the disinterest after all.
Who'd a thunk it...

phishez_rule said...

Ima - I once had a guy who couldn't get it up a second time. I didn't make a big deal out of it because it really wasn't. He always managed to satisfy me the first time round. Second time is just gravy.

Bug - Don't tell anyone I told you.

phishez_rule said...

Fingers - You tried it and got a result in two minutes! WOW. :P

Professor said...

You know, I do agree with you on the man v woman sex aspect/ experience. I'm afriad I'm becoming more "man" like in my quest for sex. All the other stuff women need, it hurts when it's not there. So I've become emotionally distant with sex now. That's sad. I revealed too much here. Sorry...

phishez_rule said...

Prof - You're always more than welcome to treat my comments section like its your own blog.

Josh said...

Sex in general is about a lot more than just an orgasm. A good lover (of either sex) understands this. Too bad a large segment of the male population does not.